Chapter Four

Savannah

It’s hard to explain how nervous I was walking up to Axel’s shop. Up until the moment I pressed the doorbell, I thought about running away. How would I explain it all to him? I knew that I should’ve done something a long time ago. I should’ve told him from the very beginning. I knew that. If anyone else had been in the same position as me, and if I had been on the outside of it all, I would’ve told that person the same thing. But, I wasn’t on the outside looking in. I was that person. I had let six years go by without telling him, and with each passing year, it had only gotten harder.

That morning, I had thought a lot about my father. His passing away had had a huge effect on me. It wasn’t as if we were even close. We were, but not in a regular father and daughter sort of way. He loved me. I loved him. But I had never fully agreed with his lifestyle. He’d been head of XMC, a notorious motorcycle club that had been running for way too many years.

It had all started out as a joke. My father, and a few of his friends, had splintered off from the one of the big motorcycle clubs in the area to form their own. They’d only done it because they’d been stubborn and had endured far too many arguments with the president of the club. My father was not someone that took kindly to people telling him what to do, and he had always hated all the rules and regulations of the club. What he wanted, more than anything, was to run his own club and to make his own rules. The two clubs had been at war for a very long time. The one was fighting to prove themselves to the public, desperate to make a good name for themselves, while the other wanted to do the exact opposite. I’d always wished that I was a part of my father’s original club, but I had always known that would be impossible. All family members of XMC were part of the club by default, and there was no way to escape it. For years I’ve walked around with a heavy heart and a fake smile, pretending as if I didn’t mind at all.

And then, my father died. My father, the one man that I had both looked up to and looked down on my whole life, had suddenly vanished from my life. It was an unsettling feeling. I loved him, and in many ways, I had admired his resolve when going after what he wanted, but it didn’t mean I agreed with him. I’d always wanted to get away from XMC, and having a child had only fueled that desire. My father had wanted me to get out too. But he knew that as long as he was a part of the club, I was stuck there too. And no matter how much he loved me, he was not ever going to leave that club. When he’d died of an unexpected heart attack, it had left me feeling bewildered and confused. I knew that I had to get out of the club while I had my chance. I also knew that I had to find Axel.

I was nervous to leave the club. As much as I didn’t agree with their ways, I had grown very accustomed to the place. I knew that they would protect me at all costs, and that was something that was very hard to get away from. But I wanted a new life and a fresh start, and I wanted my son to grow up in a different environment. At six years old, he had already seen and heard too much. There was only so much that I could shelter him from.

A week before my father had passed away, he had taken me out for lunch. He seemed different that day. Looking back, I think he must’ve known that he was ill. But at the time, I hadn’t known anything, and I’d wondered why he was acting so strange with me. He kept talking about my future and talking about Bobby, my son.

“How old is he now?” he asked.

I had laughed because my father was so terrible with ages. He even got my own age wrong all the time, and I was constantly correcting him.

“He’s six, dad. Can you believe it?”

“Six? Wow, time flies. Time flies,” he said. There was a sadness in his voice when he said this, and I had frowned at him.

“What’s wrong?” I asked. He was not a very emotional man, and I wasn’t used to hearing him talk this way. It made me feel very uncomfortable.

“He’s a good boy,” he said.

“He’s the best. Most definitely the best thing that has ever happened to me. I wouldn’t have said that when I found out I was pregnant, but now I couldn’t imagine my life without him.”

“That’s how I felt about you. When your mom passed away, oh it was the hardest thing I have ever been through. But you were the one that kept me going. I stayed alive because of you.”

“I miss mom,” I said. She’d died a long time ago, so we could now talk about her without me bursting into tears.

“So do I. You know, Savannah, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about little Bobby. When are you going to tell him about his father?”

I’d lifted up my coffee cup at that moment and froze before the cup ever touched my lips. I put it down and stared at him. This was a conversation we had not had in a very long time, and I had no idea why he was suddenly bringing it up again.

“I don’t know. I haven’t thought about it,” I lied. The truth was that I thought about it almost every single day of my life. And the older Bobby got, the more he was starting to look like his father. It was hard not to think about it when I looked into those big green eyes.

“You should. It’s not right that this boy doesn’t know his father.”

“Dad, you know exactly why I haven’t told him. Even you agreed with me that it was better that we didn’t get Axel involved. The rivalry between the clubs is too much. I didn’t want to get him involved. I didn’t want to cause any troubles. I thought it was better that Bobby and I just lived our own lives.” Even then the words had seemed hollow on my lips. I remember wondering if I really believed them.

“Yeah, well, sometimes it’s good to do something that’s against the rules and against what everyone is telling you to do. I know you’re trying to think of Bobby, but maybe you’re denying him of something that he deserves to know.”

“You think I should tell Axel? After all this time?”

He sighed, and then looked at me in the eye. His gaze was so serious that it shocked me. I had never seen that look from him before. He nodded. “Yeah, I think you should, Savannah. I know it’s going to be hard, but sometimes the most important things in the world are the hardest.”

And then, a week later, he passed away. And just like that, I knew that he had finally realized how important family was, and how unimportant the club was. Unfortunately, he’d realized it too late, but I knew that he didn’t want the same fate to fall upon me or Bobby. I had to do what was right. If not for me, then at least for Bobby. My father had made many mistakes in his life, but he’d never asked me for much. This was the only time I could remember him asking something of me. How could I ignore his wishes? I had to do it. I had to tell Axel.

I’d seen Axel’s shop before. I’d gone past it once when I was driving with Duke, one of the members of the club, and he’d spat out the window in disdain. At the time I hadn’t known it was run by the same Axel that I had slept with all those years ago. The name had sparked something in me, as it always did, but I hadn’t known that the two were related.

“What did you do that for?” I had asked.

“Don’t you know? The guy that runs that shop is part of that old motorcycle club that your dad used to belong to. I hate those guys. In fact, hate is a very kind word for what I’m really feeling.”

I hadn’t said anything back. First, I knew that it was never good to talk back to Duke. He had a temper that I wished I hadn’t seen. I had unfortunately learned the hard way that it was best to never disagree with him. Second, I was too shocked to speak. That was Axel’s shop. Bobby’s father. My Axel. I tried not to think about him, but it was impossible. I’d gone away for a few years, but when I’d gotten back, I’d often wondered if he and I would cross paths again. And there he was. Axel. With his own shop. I’d felt a tear falling down my face. I was grateful that Duke hadn’t noticed. I had no idea how I would’ve explained that Axel was the father of my child. Only my father and I were privy to that bit of information, and I definitely did not intend for Duke to ever find out. I was sure then, more than ever, that Bobby would never get to know his father. Not after I saw the look that crossed Duke’s face.

Now, all these years later, I was back. The shop was still there. I had no idea if Axel would even be there. If he wasn’t, what would I tell the person that opened the door? That his one-night stand was back to see him? That the son he hadn’t known about was standing right beside her? I felt sick as I pressed the doorbell and waited. I heard footsteps and almost ran, but I seemed glued to the spot. The door opened, and there he stood. Axel. Six years had passed, and he was still the best-looking man I’d ever seen. In fact, the six years had been kind to him. He looked a little bit more put together now. He looked like the type of guy that had finally gotten his life together. Suddenly, I felt desperate to know everything about him. Suddenly, I felt guilty that I knew absolutely nothing.

“Hi,” I said because I didn’t know what else to say. Neither did he. He just stood there, staring at me as if I were a figment of his imagination.

Six years melted away, and I felt transported back to the first time we had kissed. How could I remember it so well after all this time? I was just about to pick Bobby up and walk away. But Bobby, in all his six-year-old confidence, had other plans. While Axel had been staring in shock at Bobby, Bobby had been staring back at Axel. But he’d had his eye on Axel’s arm, which sported a very colorful tattoo. Bobby gasped, walked up to him and touched his arm.

“Cool!” Bobby exclaimed as he trailed his little fingers around the outline of the tattoo. Axel looked like he was going to faint. He still hadn’t said a word to either one of us.

I gulped. I shut my eyes and opened them again and took a deep breath.

“Can I come in?”