Chapter 14
Samara
Love equals crash? I don’t even know what that means. It has my head in spins trying to understand him. He’s so high, so naturally high all the time. His energy is one people crave to have around them, but for me, it’s too much sometimes. Then there’s Jamie. What do I do about him? I’m completely hesitant and unsure whether to call the police, which I know won’t work because, he is, after all, one of them.
Grabbing my bag, I head out the door to go to work. Raven’s gone and already at work thankfully. She sees too much now as it is. Her grilling me and telling me what I should be doing in my love life, if that’s even the name for it, isn’t what I want right now.
My boss greets me when I arrive, and then I tell him my news. He’s disappointed, but wishes me good luck and lets me know my job is always there if I need it. Even though it’s a lovely offer, I plan to never step back inside these doors again. Ever.
The night goes fast, quicker than I thought it would considering it’s my last night. I figured it would drag on, taking forever to finish. That is, until a familiar face walks in, shocking me to the pole that I’m currently upside down on.
He’s back when he shouldn’t be anywhere near me. I’ve asked. I’ve told him. Yet, here he stands directly in front of me with a smirk on his face and hand on his belt. Sliding down and finishing my solo, I walk off once the lights go dark, trying to disappear from his sights. He’s everywhere though, everywhere I don’t want him to be. This stupid one-night stand I had with Jamie has led me to a painful year.
Why do I always choose wrong?
Shantra knocks on my door then pokes her head in with a smile. She’s young, just turned twenty-one, and I wonder what made her choose this life. “An officer is asking to see you.”
Before I can tell her no, the door is pushed open. She smiles then walks away, leaving me in this small confined space with him. His smell is the first thing that assaults me, it invades my system, taking me over and sets off all the built-in alarm bells. Then it's him, all of him, as he steps through the door and closer to me. Jamie’s hand comes up to touch me, but I back away and plaster my hands against the wall.
“Samara,” my name rolls off his lips. His hand drops away, but he doesn’t move back. Instead he shuts the door, locking us in here together. His eyes look me up and down. I’m not dressed. Damn it, I should have gotten dressed, but now I can hardly move.
“You need to leave, you shouldn’t be in here.” It didn’t come out as strong as I wanted it to sound coming from my lips. It sounded weak and almost pathetic.
He shakes his head. “You didn’t listen to me. He’s bad news, you know.”
“Who?”
“You know who, Samara, the one you’re fucking.”
The way he said ‘fucking’ sends shivers all up and down my spine. I need to get dressed and he has to leave. “Leave now, Jamie, before I call security.”
He shakes his head, his eyebrows pinch together, and his eyes roam me up and down again. “That isn’t going to happen, Samara. You need to tell me, did you enjoy fucking him? Was he better than me?”
My head starts shaking. “What are you talking about?”
Jamie cracks his neck, the vein in it pops out making him look disturbingly unstable.
“That low-life covered in ink. He wasn’t a better fuck than me, was he? Tell me, was he?” he yells the last part.
Hoping someone can hear him is unlikely. The music is so loud out there that if you aren’t locked in a room away from it like we are, it’s hard to hear at the best of times.
“Anton,” I whisper.
Jealousy is what this is all about. But my nerves are shot, and his proximity is way too close.
Jamie reaches out and places a hand on either side of my head, effectively trapping me. He steps closer, bringing his breath to my face.
“Leave,” I try again, but my words are so weak, and he doesn’t heed my words anyway.
He doesn’t listen.
Instead, he touches me.
His hands shouldn’t be on me. I didn’t ask for those hands on me.
“Don’t!” It leaves my mouth, but he doesn’t seem to listen. “Don’t,” I whisper louder as his hand slides from my bare stomach to under my breast. His damn eyes are glazed over now, and he isn’t even hearing me anymore.
Then he cups my breasts.
His two hands now on me without my permission.
Then he is on me.
My hands push at him, but it does no good. No good at all.
A tear leaves my eye as I become stock-still. Fear has me frozen to the spot. His other hand slides into my panties, and with nothing but a loose skirt covering me, he does so easily.
“You’re it, Samara. You’re it.” His mouth leans toward mine, and there isn’t anything I can do to stop him right now. My body is not obeying my flight-or-fight response. I can’t move. I can’t breathe. And even if I wanted to, I can’t do anything.
Fear, horror, alarm bells ring loudly then everything goes silent in my mind.
Blink.
The music is loud.
Blink.
His hand is hard.
Blink.
My eyes are sore.
Blink.
The tears drip slowly down my face.
Blink.
I’m on the floor.
Blink.
How did that happen?
Blink.
I’m lifted.
Blink.
His words of apology are screaming at me.
I can still feel his hands all over me.
Everywhere.
Then I reach down.
I’m bare, and he did it.
Blink.
The door opens.
Blink.
Jamie’s trying to help me off the floor, his hands are still on me.
Blink.
Security comes in, and Jamie says something then he rushes out.
Blink.
He touched me, in places he had no right exploring.
I didn’t give him permission.
Blink.
Dirty….
I feel dirty.
“Sam,” my boss says my name, but I can’t answer him.
My mind is lost, as a battle rages inside me.
Blink.
“Sam.”
I’m moved now, and a dressing gown is placed on me.
“Your sister is out back waiting for you. Do you need her? What happened, Sam?”
I shake my head and stand, reaching for my bag which my boss has placed at my feet. I start walking, stopping as I reach the door.
“Is my lipstick smeared?”
He looks at me oddly, then shakes his head. I turn and continue my path outside, spotting her straight away parked in her usual spot, and she’s playing on her phone. My hands aren’t steady, my feet want to stay in one spot and not move. But I know better, I know that I need to keep moving. My earbuds go into my ears, while a fake smile etches on my face when I see her then turn around. Raven notices the earbuds, so she doesn’t speak. She always comes to pick me up once she finishes work. ‘Safety in numbers’ is what she always says. I’ve never said no to her doing so, if it makes her happy.
Pity it was the devil we’re meant to trust that’s hurt me.
Before long, she stops at our apartment. I can hear her talking to me, trying to gain my attention but I ignore her as if I’m listening to music as I get out and walk up the stairs to the front door. She tears one of the earbuds out, making me jump as I unlock our door. Her hands are up in defense when I turn to look at her.
“Sam, what’s wrong?”
I shake my head and drop my bag, walking straight to the shower, then shutting the door locking myself inside. Her fists bang, but I don’t answer.
“Sam, don’t make me break this door down.”
Raven knows how to unlock it, but I don’t care. Stepping under the scorching hot water, I can feel it as it hits my skin. The tiny water droplets searing my skin, burning some feeling back into me. Caring about Raven being there though is not a factor I have right now.
“Sam…” Raven’s voice is closer. She turns off the water and looks at me with a sad face, and it breaks me to see her like that. Except right now I just want the water to do its job and wash away the last few hours and not have to worry about how someone else could be affected.
“Should I call the police?”
My nails bite into my legs, I can feel the blood as it starts to break the surface and drip down my leg. Raven notices and pulls my hand free, stopping me from doing more damage.
“Sam, please tell me.”
I shake my head. Talking is not something I want to do right now, or ever for that matter.
Raven stands, there’s water all over her clothes from turning off the taps. She reaches for a towel and wraps it firmly around my body pulling me up. We walk to our room and lay on my bed. She curls up in a protective ball behind me, and that’s how we fall asleep.
In the arms of someone who won’t hurt me.
I close my eyes. The nightmares begin about the man that did.
What a fucked-up world we live in.
What a cruel and sadistic world.
The only saving grace is Raven.
She’s the one person who I do everything for. Otherwise, I don’t think I would have fought to live.
The things we do for the people we love.