Chapter 18
Samara
He isn’t back yet, what’s taking him so long? I sit on the sofa with my legs folded under me as I wait, looking to the clock. I’ve been waiting for five hours, and not heard a peep from him. I can’t leave, Kazier asked that I stay until he returns. Asked may be putting it mildly, more like demanded that I stay until Anton returns. Elina has kept me company, though. Freya and Viktor left earlier, so now it’s just me with them.
The door opens, and I spring from the sofa to see who it is. But it isn’t who I wanted it to be. Actually it’s someone I don’t even know.
“This is Maso. Maso, this is Sam.”
The man is broody and he has dark eyes with dark hair.
“My brother.”
Kazier walks out and sees Maso here and his stance changes. Kazier stands taller, and I can tell straight away he doesn’t like him. His body language tells me so. Maso looks Kazier over then to me. I wrap my arms around my body as he stares at me. Elina’s hands go around her brother’s neck for a cuddle then she pulls away.
“Your boys were heard on the police radio today, did you know?”
Kazier’s eyebrows raise. “Why do you care?”
Maso scratches his chin. “Because it comes back to you, which in turn comes back to her.” He nods his head toward Elina. “Be more fucking careful.” Maso turns and walks out with Elina following him.
“I could snap his fucking neck as easy as a cucumber.”
I laugh. I laugh hard. It bubbles up and comes out of nowhere. Cucumber! The words remind me of him, Anton.
“What the fuck did you do to her?” His voice seeps in over my tears and laughter. Looking up through glassy eyes, I see Anton is standing in front of me looking back to Kazier.
“Fucked if I know. She just started laughing and crying.”
“Crafting,” I say on a giggle. “Laughing and crying equals crafting.”
“All I said was I would snap Maso’s neck as easily as a fucking cucumber. Fucked if I know why she thought that was funny. Maybe she’s having a psychotic break or some shit.”
“She’s laughing at the cucumber reference.”
He gets me. My tears dry up, and I stand so I’m level with him. My dark hair is down now and around my shoulders. He brushes it back so he can see me. “I missed you.”
I nod my head and fall into his chest. When did he become someone who’s now my protector? The man that only thinks about sex is now the only one I feel safe with. Life’s funny sometimes. Then it hits me where he was and why I’ve been waiting—Jamie. The thought of his name makes my skin break out in goosebumps. Pulling back from his embrace, I look over to see Kazier watching us.
“A minute, Anton.”
He pulls away from me now, his hands lingering as he walks off with Kazier. I stay where I am, waiting for him to come back so we can go. I don’t want to be in this house anymore, I don’t want to be on my own, I want to be with Anton or my sister. A door opens, it’s Elina, and she’s smiling. She notices me and looks around then closes the front door.
“It’s hard to understand,” she says, walking closer. She’s wearing heels on her feet. Why? I have no idea, but it’s the first thought that came to me as I take in her perfection.
“What is?” I ask her, confused.
“Them. They would all die for each other, kill for each other. A lover isn’t privy to their life, they are only the passengers, never the driver. The boys are always the driver. Their lives are more valuable than ours. It’s how they’ve been raised. It’s how their fathers were. Their mothers were there to fuck and breed them sons. This…” she waves her hand around at us, “… it’s all new to them.” She looks me up and down. “Don’t get me wrong, the times are changing, and now we play a much bigger role. We’re not just a bed partner. No, we’re the partner. We may not be privileged to all dealings, but it’s us they come home to and lay their head on at night, whispering their undying love to. Kazier would even kill for me… he has before. Just get used to it. Kazier will come first to him, same with the others. It has nothing to do with his love for you, it’s just that they’re taught to love each other first, children second, their woman last.”
“You believe he loves you last?” She smirks.
“As I said, the game’s changing. We aren’t last anymore. I would say we’re mostly first now. Or at least a strong contender for second.” She laughs, and I stand where I am until they come out. Elina walks to the kitchen and starts cooking as Anton wraps his arms around me.
“Let’s go.”
And we do. He takes me back to my place where Raven is waiting, her fingers are in her mouth, nails chewed all the way down with worry. She does that a lot when she’s stressed or concerned about something. Her arms go around me automatically, she’s whimpering, and it breaks my heart.
“It’s okay Rave, everything will be fine.”
She pushes up on me. “It’s not. Your heart, now this? Is God just punishing you?” She shakes her head.
“Your heart?” Anton asks, stepping closer. He looks to Raven and then to me.
“Sorry, Sam.”
I shake my head. “Thanks for bringing me home,” I tell him, hoping to avoid this situation.
He shakes his head at me. “Doesn’t work like that, sweetheart. Get a bag, you’re coming with me.”
My hands start shaking, my head follows. “I can’t… I won’t—”
“Fuck woman, I don’t want sex. Just get your shit and hurry up. I need to wash up.”
It’s then that I look down to his boots and see that blood covers them. Blood that I tried to ignore and forget about. What did he end up doing to him? Do I even want to know?
“I should stay here,” I say to him but he clucks his tongue at me.
“Jamie’s partner is looking for you. Where do you think you want to be when he catches up with you?” I look back to Raven, ready to apologize.
“Go, I’m actually going to stay with a friend anyway. So go, and call me tomorrow.” Raven leans in for a cuddle. I nod, relieved that she isn’t staying by herself, especially at our apartment. Even if I don’t know what happened to Jamie exactly, his partner is looking for me and I don’t want Raven involved.
I look back at Anton who’s smirking. He notices and winks at me, then turns to walk to the door. “I’ll be in the car.”
I pull back from Raven, her smile is wide. “I know what happened, I know it’s not something you’re probably thinking about. But I like him. He’s good for you.” She kisses my cheek then walks to our bedroom with me following her, and I pack a bag.
He may be right for me, but I’m tarnished, hurt, branded as he liked to put it. How could a man love someone like me? All that’s left of me is pieces, and I’m not sure if I can put them back together, let alone for someone else.
***
Raven left the same time I did, and now I sit out front of Anton’s house and debate if I should go in while he stands at my car door waiting for me.
“It’s not that bad,” he says, looking up the stairs. His mother and sister have just walked out and are both watching us as well. “Okay, maybe I lied, maybe it is that bad.”
I laugh despite myself and climb out while he helps me down.
He shuts the door and turns back to me. “You went to the doctor’s, right?”
I shake my head. That was a place I didn’t want to go to, my bed was the only place I felt safe after what had happened, and every time I left it, I could see him. Plus, it didn’t help that he was parked outside my apartment most of the time—watching and waiting.
“Right! Well, you should have, though. I don’t know what to do here, so help me out.”
I shake my head at him. “I probably should have, but I didn’t. Can we please leave it for now, I just want to rest… forever.” I’m so tired, no, I’m beyond tired right now. I feel like my life has been sucked out of me, and the only place that can fix me is a bed, a very comfortable bed.
“No stripping in the doorway this time okay? My mama is awake.”
I smack him with my hand as we walk up. His mother wraps her arms around me to welcome me, then smacks Anton on the back of the head and that’s followed up with a kiss on his cheek. She starts talking fast, mostly in Russian which I don’t understand, but Anton answers her back all the same.
“She wants you to eat. Apparently, you’re too skinny Mama says.” I gasp, and he shrugs. “You could probably put on some weight.” He smirks then his sister grabs my arm to pull me up and through the house while he talks to his mother.
“So, tell me. What did you do? Are you pregnant?”
I look at her confused and answer with, “Nothing and no.”
“So you’re here to tell me, my playboy of a brother is freely letting you stay over, even letting you play with Mama… because why? He likes the way you spread your legs.”
“Alyona,” Anton’s voice yells through the house. “Do you want to live on the street?” His hand goes to the small of my back, and she looks at me with her eyebrows scrunched as she tries to work out what’s happening.
“You like her, possibly love her.” But before Anton can reply, his mother walks in taking Alyona away by the hand, so it’s just us left standing awkwardly together.
“Friends,” I say to him.
“For now,” is all he replies as he pushes my back slightly to get me moving. We walk up the stairs and into his room. He lays all my stuff down then looks toward the door. “Mama has cooked… you plan to eat?”
I shake my head. “I want to sleep, Anton.”
He nods his head in understanding. “Shower, change, I’ll be back. I need to eat.”
I do as he says after he leaves, and by the time I’m clean and lying in bed, with the lights on, he walks back in. He starts undressing, so he’s naked in front of me. It doesn’t bother him, not in the slightest, as he turns to look at me.
“You sure you aren’t hungry?” I just nod. His body is attractive, he is attractive. But my heart hurts, followed by my head, so I turn away pulling the blanket up to my neck.
I’m almost asleep when he crawls in next to me, wrapping me into him, while he strokes my hair and one hand holds me still.
“What if—” I don’t get to say anything, he stops me before I can continue.
“Don’t do that with me… not me. I’m not a what-if kind of guy, Sam.”