CHAPTER 40
MACKENNA
Taco Tuesday at Buck’s was insane. Apparently fifty-cent tacos drew a big crowd. I’d been warned about how popular it was, but I wasn’t prepared for half the town to be packed into the narrow tavern.
The roar of laughter and voices made me flinch.
I was definitely out of my comfort zone, but I reminded myself that this was for Jimmy.
Just for this occasion, I’d traded out my leggings for skinny jeans, and my usual T-shirt for a white summery top with a lace trim around the low-cut neckline. And of course, my starfish necklace was right where it belonged—over my heart.
Lacing my fingers with Jimmy’s, I led him to the back for his surprise. Three tables were pushed together, and the whole gang was there. The social anxiety I was suffering was totally worth it when I saw Jimmy’s face.
Grinning from ear to ear, he looked to me. “What’s going on?”
I made a sweeping motion to everyone. “Well, with the help of Angel, I sort of put together a send-off party.”
Angel and I had been texting back and forth over the past few weeks since she got back from her honeymoon. We hadn’t hung out yet, but I had a feeling I would need her friendship in the coming months as I coped with Jimmy’s absence. I couldn’t even imagine what life was going to be like without him.
Hank spread his arms. “Surprise!”
Jimmy’s smile fell, and his eyes moved from Beverly and Ernie at one end of the table to his coworkers and friends at the other. He glanced back at me. “You didn’t have to do this.”
I gave his hand a squeeze. “I wanted to. We’re all so happy for you.”
Forcing out those words was difficult. Keeping the smile on my face was even harder as I told the bold-faced lie. The last thing I wanted to do was celebrate Jimmy leaving, but he deserved to have this last gathering with people who were important to him.
We took our seats and Colton told us he already put in an order for one hundred tacos. Leaning forward, he flipped the lid on a rectangular box in front of us.
It was a cake. A hilarious cake. The white icing had black lettering that said ‘We wish you the best… Just kidding. You’re dead to us now.’ Then there was a drawing of a guy in auto shop coveralls getting hit by a car.
Jimmy laughed. “Wow. That’s pretty morbid.”
“It was a custom order,” Angel supplied with a giggle. “We got it from the same place we got our wedding cake.” She nudged Travis, and he handed Jimmy a blue envelope.
Jimmy ripped it open and took out the card. The front said ‘Good luck!’ and he guffawed at the inside. Scrawled with a blue pen, someone had written ‘Seriously, though. You’re dead to us now.’
“Ah, shit guys.” Snickering, he held up the satirical card. “Very funny.”
Our dinner arrived on three different trays full of tacos, various toppings, and dips. Plates were passed around and we dug in.
In between scarfing down tacos, I silently observed the conversations happening around me.
Jimmy was exchanging playful jabs with Colton about his terrible boxing skills. Everyone laughed when Travis relayed the latest auto shop story about when they found a cat hiding in Loretta Davey’s car—and the best part was, the animal wasn’t even hers. Angel chattered on about Brielle’s upcoming wedding in the fall, while Beverly and Ernie seemed lost in their own world, canoodling in the corner.
Everything was fine until questions about Jimmy’s school year came up.
“Where are you going to live?” Brielle asked. “The dorms?”
Jimmy nodded slowly. “That’s the plan.”
“What class are you looking forward to the most?”
“Well.” He paused to take a sip of his Pepsi. “I thought speech 101 sounded pretty cool when I signed up for it.”
As Brielle started talking about her nursing classes, I felt an unwelcome pressure behind my eyes, a tightness in my throat, and a burning in my chest.
This was supposed to be a happy occasion, so it was a bad time for me to get emotional.
Needing a break from thoughts of Jimmy’s departure, I excused myself to the bathroom. The heavy door swung shut, blocking out some of the noise.
Blowing out a breath, I gripped the edge of the sink and stared at my reflection. I didn’t recognize the desperate, lonely look in my eyes. I wasn’t this girl, dependent and needy. I was Mackenna Connelly, reclusive songwriter extraordinaire.
Jimmy didn’t need to see me like this. We had a deal. I’d offered him a summer of no-strings-attached fun in exchange for intimacy, and we both got what we wanted.
A second later, the door opened and Angel slipped inside.
“Hey, are you okay?” Her blue eyes held so much empathy, it made me want to spill everything. Instead, I went with the short answer.
“Honestly, no.”
“I know what you’re going through right now. Travis and I almost had to do the long-distance thing. I’m glad it didn’t come to that, but it wouldn’t have been the end of the world. When you’re in love with someone, you stick it out,” she said optimistically.
I didn’t know what to say, so I just nodded. When her arms wrapped around me, I had no choice but to hug her back. Even if I didn’t know Angel that well yet, it was nice to get comfort from someone who understood my pain.
But what she didn’t realize was that Jimmy and I weren’t supposed to last forever.
Angel pulled back to give me a kind smile.
“Take as long as you need in here. If anyone asks where you are, I’ll just tell them you’re having taco-induced diarrhea,” she said brightly.
I laughed, unsure of whether she was joking or serious, and she walked out, leaving me alone with my turmoil once again.
After allowing myself a minute to wallow, I went back out to the table with a smile plastered on my face. I ate tacos, contributed to some conversations, and I laughed at the appropriate times.
But all the while, I thought about what Angel said. She wasn’t wrong about sticking it out for someone you love.
The problem was, I didn’t know how Jimmy felt about me.
And I hadn’t exactly been open about my feelings either.
Later that night, I tried to show him. As soon as we got home, I led Jimmy up to bed and made love to him like it was the last time.
No words were spoken, but I used my body to communicate all the things I was too afraid to say.
Thank you.
I wish you didn’t have to go.
I love you.
Goodbye.