CHAPTER 3
JIMMY
As I pulled up in front of Grandma’s house, a feeling of nostalgia washed over me. This place held some of my greatest childhood memories.
My parents weren’t kidding about it needing a face-lift, though.
The white brick exterior was a little worse for wear, and the metal porch overhang was rusted and sagging on one side. The landscaping was beyond neglected. Overgrown bushes and weeds lined the perimeter of the small one-story home.
There would be no shortage of tasks to keep me busy. And out of trouble.
I walked across the dandelion-covered lawn, and Grandma’s screen door opened with a loud creak. Her head of short dark curls popped out.
“James Peabody Johnson!” she greeted with a huge smile.
Slipping off my sunglasses, I laughed on the way up the porch steps. “Let’s go easy on the full-name stuff, huh? Maybe save that for reprimands only.”
“Well, then I’ll get to say it at least once a day,” she quipped. “Come on in. It’s hot as hell outside.”
When I walked through the door, the distinct smell of her arthritis cream hung in the air, reminding me that she was getting older. The same yellow and brown floral couch sat in front of the old box TV. Pictures of family and friends sat on the built-in shelves above the rocking chair in the corner. And I knew when I went into the kitchen, I’d see wallpaper with bright orange flowers, old veneer cabinets, and avocado-colored appliances.
The whole house seemed to be stuck in the 1970s.
No matter how many times my dad tried to convince her to upgrade, Grandma wouldn’t budge. She swore if she bought new stuff, it’d just end up breaking six months later. Said they didn’t make things like they used to.
It was fine with me. I loved everything about this place. Besides, she was probably right anyway, and I wasn’t foolish enough to get into an argument with Grandma—I would lose every time.
“You been knitting again?” I asked, running my hand over the new bright pink afghan on the arm of her couch.
“Heavens, no.” She chuckled. “I had to put away my knitting needles for good. These old hands just won’t let me do it anymore. The little girl next door made it for me. She just moved in a month ago.”
“That’s nice of her.” I smiled.
Grandma looked the same as always, a firecracker in a tiny package. Her thick-rimmed glasses were a little too big for her face, and she was wrapped in a fuzzy pink housecoat that was way too warm for summertime.
I dropped my duffle bag to the floor. Running my foot over the old shaggy brown carpet, I noticed it needed to be vacuumed.
“So, what’s up first on my list of duties?” I spread my arms. “I’m at your service.”
“There are no duties,” she said. “All you have to do is hang out with me.”
Confused, my eyebrows furrowed. “Mom and Dad said you needed help. Isn’t that why I’m here?”
She lovingly patted my cheek. “Jimmy, dear. I just said that so you wouldn’t have to put up with their belly-aching all summer.” She smiled, and a smirk spread over my face.
“You’re shitting me.”
“Nope. I might have a couple projects to keep you busy, but I really just want your company.”
Grandma was one sneaky devil.
“Well, here I am.” I went in for a hug, wrapping my arms around her petite frame.
After pulling back, she placed her hand in mine and passed something into my palm. I didn’t have to look down to know it was a twenty-dollar bill. The ‘shake ‘n slip’ had been her signature move for as long as I could remember. Mom and Dad frowned on her spoiling us, so she’d gotten sly about it. What appeared to be a simple handshake was really a way for her to give out $20, undetected.
“You know I love you, right?” I put the money in my pocket. “I’ll do whatever you need. Mow your lawn, paint the house, anything.”
Standing back, she smiled. “Can you do something for me right now?”
“You name it.”
“Take a shower. You smell like you’ve been sitting in a sauna all day.” Her nose wrinkled and I laughed. “Don’t you have air conditioning in that old car?” She gestured out the front window at the beat-up station wagon I bought off Craigslist a few years ago.
I shook my head. “It broke.”
The five-hour drive from Heyworth, Ohio to Tolson, Illinois wasn’t that bad, but with temps near 90 and no A/C, I spent most of it sweating my ass off.
“Take it down to Hank’s Auto Shop soon. Those boys can fix anything. Now—” She placed her hands on her hips. “—if you’re gonna be staying here, I have to lay down a couple rules.”
Raising my eyebrows, I wondered what kind of crazy shit she was about to say. Grandma didn’t have many rules.
“I know what you’re thinking. I’ve always been lenient with you boys,” she said, reading my mind. “But you’ve grown up. The kind of trouble you can get into now is different. When you get older, mistakes are harder to fix. I gather you learned that lesson recently?”
“Yeah.” I nodded. “I learned the hard way.”
“Good. You won’t forget it then.” She smiled. “Back to my rules. Number one—you know where the liquor is in this house and you’re welcome to it, as long as you use it moderately. And don’t ever get behind the wheel of a car when you’re drunk.”
I held up my hands. “I don’t drink and drive. Besides, where am I gonna go? I’m stuck here in middle-of-nowhere Illinois.”
“Rule number two,” she continued. “No hanky panky in the hot tub. I’ve never broken that rule and neither will you.”
I made a face. “Grandma. No offense, but gross.”
She shrugged. “Those are the rules.”
“You don’t have to worry about either of them. Like I said before, I don’t think there’s much trouble I could get into here, and I highly doubt this town is crawling with eligible ladies.”
“You never know.” She headed toward the kitchen and turned back with a smile. “It’s good to have you, Jimmy. I’ll get some snacks ready while you clean up.”
Grandma and her fucking snack cakes. She didn’t discriminate between Little Debbie, Hostess, Twinkies, or Ding-dongs. If it was covered in sugar or filled with frosting, she bought it. I was probably going to gain ten pounds over the summer.
I dumped my luggage in the guest room and gave the small bed a skeptical look. The twin-size mattress used to be perfect when I was younger. Now, at 6’3”, I was pretty sure my feet would be hanging off the end.
It didn’t really matter. I’d slept in less comfortable places. Back at school, I’d passed out on someone’s front lawn more than a handful of times and woken up to find inappropriate pictures drawn on my face with permanent marker. At least I wasn’t in danger of that happening here.
Then again…
Maybe I was. I wouldn’t put it past Grandma to play a prank like that. Amused by thoughts of Grandma wielding a Sharpie, I went to the bathroom to peel off my sweaty clothes.
After the shower, I dried off with a pink towel before tying it around my waist. With matching walls, curtains, and carpet, the entire room looked like it’d been coated with Pepto-Bismol.
Whistling a random tune, I went to my bedroom to get dressed and unpack. Just as I was about to stick my hand into the duffle bag, something inside started moving.
“Oh shit!” I jumped back three feet as I heard a loud squawk. “What the fuck?”
Grandma came running into the room like the house was on fire.
“What’s going on?” she asked, sounding panicked. “Where is he?”
“Where is who? And what is that?” I pointed to the little orange head popping out of the place where the zipper was open.
“That’s Sweet Pea. My parrot.” She made clucking noises as she bent down to pick up the intruder, and I swore he muttered “motherfucker” while glaring in my direction.
“Did he just cuss at me?”
She grinned, stroking his brightly-colored body. “Isn’t he smart? He has a very colorful vocabulary.”
Scoffing, I couldn’t keep the sarcastic remark to myself. “I wonder where he got that from.”
She shot me a look and Sweet Pea gave me the side-eye. He climbed up Grandma’s arm and found a spot on her shoulder. He let out another squawk, then uttered a very clear “fuck you.”
I pointed at him. “He did! He did cuss at me.”
I was a little confused. I’d never known Grandma to be an animal-lover. She said cats were assholes and dogs were too much work, so I had no idea what possessed her to get a rainbow-feathered devil.
“When did you get a bird?”
“Sweet Pea is a Sun Conure.” She beamed with pride before her face got serious. “Bernice from my knitting club passed away a couple months ago. No one in her family would take him, so I volunteered.”
“No one would take him? That’s so hard to believe,” I deadpanned.
With a smile, Grandma went back to petting his feathers. He nibbled at her fingertip before taking flight, disappearing into the dining room. He came right back with some kind of dangly toy in his beak, landing on her shoulder once again.
“You just let him fly around here like he owns the place?” I waved my hand through the air.
“Of course,” she replied, as if it was ridiculous to suggest otherwise. “He lives here, too.”
Shaking my head, I huffed out a laugh. This was definitely going to be an interesting couple of months.
Keeping a firm hold on the towel—because the last thing I needed was for my grandma to see me in my birthday suit—I bent down to grab some jeans out of my bag.
But when I looked inside there was bird shit. Every-fucking-where.
Making a sound of disgust, I glared at the bird. “Tweety Poo took a dump all over my clothes.”
“Well, you know where the washing machine is,” Grandma said, as if having all my things get crapped on was completely normal.
Letting out a growl, I snagged a pair of underwear from one of the outer pockets that was unaffected by Sweet Pea’s literal shit storm.
“I don’t have anything to wear,” I said, holding out the scrap of material that wasn’t going to cut it. There was no way I wanted to walk around here in only my briefs.
“Oh, don’t get your panties in a twist. I’m leaving anyway. I’ve got a date, so I won’t be around to see you in your skivvies.”
“A date?” I asked, my eyebrows going up. Then I remembered meeting her boyfriend last Christmas. “Oh, yeah. Your neighbor. Ernie, right?”
Smiling, she nodded.
I couldn’t help feeling grateful for the old man who’d made her so happy. Grandpa passed away more than fifteen years ago, and my memories of him were fuzzy but pleasant. I remembered coloring books, Matchbox cars, and the smell of cigars. He had a way of making me feel like I was ‘one of the guys’, even though I was just a little kid.
The watch I always wore on my left wrist had been a gift from him the Christmas before he suffered the massive heart attack that took his life. It stopped working years ago, but I never broke the habit of wearing it. When he gave it to me he’d told me his dad had gotten it for him, and I was glad to have something passed on to me, even if it was an old watch.
Over the years, I’d wondered how Grandma coped with her husband being gone and all her relatives living in different states. That was what sucked about living so far away—I always hated to think of her all alone.
But, thanks to Ernie, I didn’t have to worry about that anymore.
“Well, tell him I said hey.”
“Will do. By the way…” She pointed at my chest. “What the hell are those?”
Glancing down, I looked at the recent changes on my body. “Ah, are you referring to the tattoos or the nipple piercings?”
“All of it.” Her eyes landed on my upper arm, then her voice got quiet. “Are those peonies?”
Nodding, I turned a little so she could see the full picture. “Because they’re your favorite.”
“Well I’ll be damned, Jimmy,” she said, looking misty-eyed. Then she motioned toward my chest again. “What about the piercings? Did that hurt?” Looking down at her housecoat, she added, “Maybe I should get some.”
A rude sound escaped at the awful suggestion. “Grandma…no. God, no.”
“Seriously. I think Ernie might like it.”
Mortified, I ran a hand over my face. “Please stop talking.”
I loved my grandma, and there wasn’t much we couldn’t talk about. But the subject of nipple piercings was going too far.
She laughed and pointed at my horrified expression.
“Boy, I really had you going. You’re white as a sheet!” Bending over to slap her knee, she let out a cackle. Sweet Pea made a sound of protest when he almost fell from her shoulder, and I cracked a grin.
“Funny. Really funny.”
Grandma straightened back up and adjusted the glasses on her nose. “This is going to be the best summer ever!”