NOTHING IS FAKE ABOUT THIS anymore … not one thing.
I’m still laughing at Nate’s parting shot when Shane takes my face in his hands. The warmth of his palms press against my neck while his thumbs sweep a soothing touch against my cheeks. The look in his eyes, though—that’s something I hadn’t seen before. Not from him. He’s a man who holds his feelings back from others behind his mask of control. I swallow the thickness from my throat and wait, wait for him to lead. I’m terrified this might be the end of fake us, but at the same time, I’m oddly hopeful it’s ending for a different reason than us not being together.
“What’s going through your mind?” he questions softly.
How do I answer that? If I go with the truth, he might be gone quicker than he came, but… he also might not.
“Nikki, say it.”
I know, at that moment, nothing gets past this man. I started this between us five weeks ago. I jumped in, never thinking about what would happen when we fed the attraction flaring brighter than fireworks when we were together. Even during the weeks I avoided him, I fed it. The past two weeks have only brought us closer. Who am I kidding; we’re both fools if we believe it’s even a little fake. There’s no going back now.
“You.”
“What about me, chèrie?”
I hold his eyes, the rich brown swirling with both golds and greens, something I hadn’t added to my mood index of Shane Kingston yet.
“You’re acting like a real boyfriend,” I finally say, my voice the barest of whispers.
Bracing myself for the end I’m so sure is about to come to this, he shocks the crap out of me by laughing.
“No, mon colibri, that I am not.”
“What does that mean? The mon colibri you always call me.”
His eyes roam my face and a tiny smile forms on his full lips. His hold adjusts slightly, allowing him to step closer and tip my head back slightly before he bends down and looks me directly in the eyes. “You mean you didn’t look it up yet?” he challenges, looking so freaking delicious with this playful side.
I shake my head.
“It means”—he starts, eyes dancing and minty breath warming my lips—“my hummingbird.” He presses a kiss to my lips, quick and delicious, before continuing, his lips moving against mine while he speaks. “When you’re in my arms, my touch driving you mad, and you start that hum deep in your throat, I’ll never stop trying to make that hummingbird I swear is trapped inside your chest go off. I’ve never heard anything like it.”
Holy crap. What am I supposed to say to that? Nothing. There’s absolutely nothing I can say, but tons that I need to.
“The first time I felt that hummingbird vibrate against my naked skin, you became mine, and there wasn’t a fucking thing fake about it, Nicole.”
My eyes widen. “What … what are we … Shane?”
“Speechless?”
“You told me you don’t do relationships,” I finally wheeze out.
One corner of his mouth tips, giving him a wolfish grin that makes my heart pound even quicker.
“Apparently, I can be wrong from time to time.”
I pull myself from his hold and pace my tiny living room area. I look up, see him waiting patiently with that damn seductive grin, and narrow my eyes before looking down and quickening my steps. What the heck does that mean? He can be wrong? Does that mean that we are … real? Just like that? After all his warnings that I shouldn’t want more from him, he is giving it to me now?
“What changed?” I ask, stopping and shaking my head at him, unable to do anything else.
He grunts, raking his fingers through his hair. I study him, the disheveled appearance that I’ve never once seen, and another piece of the puzzle slides into place. He really was concerned—for me.
“Everything,” he finally answers, closing the distance between us and taking my mouth in a deep kiss.
Everything we aren’t saying out loud is screamed with this kiss. My hands push between us and hold him close, giving just as good as he is. Our movements are fueled by desperation. Every worry I had before he got here falls from my body, his touch filling the painful holes that had been drilled into my mind earlier. The only thing that matters right now is the two of us.
“Mien,” he says against my lips, panting just as hard as I am.
“What’s that mean?”
“Mine,” he answers without pause.
“Shane, I don’t understand. What does this mean?”
His forehead presses against mine, eyes searching, while we continue to hold each other close.
“Earlier, when Nate called, I felt myself splinter, Nikki.” He sighs. “There I was, not even sure what the fuck was happening, but knowing that you were upset, I was done for. All it took was two phone calls, and everything I thought I could keep in some neat little pretend box was blown to hell, and instead of the panic I normally would have felt jumping into a tornado of the unknown, I needed you in my arms more than any of that. There I was, the reins of control ripped from my hands, and for once in over thirty years, I didn’t give a shit. I cared more about fixing whatever had hurt you than I did about myself.”
“Shane,” I utter, his words slamming into my heart irrefutably.
“Do you want me?” he questions, eyes searching. Exposed fully to me.
“You know I do, Shane.”
“Then that’s all that matters.”
“Shane! How can you, Mr. I Don’t Do Relationships, sit there and say us wanting each other is all that matters? Our chemistry, our want, has never been in question. This whole thing was built on us wanting each other.”
His chest moves against mine as he takes a deep breath then lets it out slowly. “I’m not saying we have it all figured out, but until we do, there isn’t any more fake discussing what we have. That, chèrie, is all that matters.”
“This is insane.”
“No, it’s just what was meant to be.”
“Just like that?”
“No,” he answers, earning a frown. He tips his head up and presses his lips softly against the skin between my brows. “Not just like that. I’m not saying we just pretend the reasons that we came together are fixed and gone—we both know it isn’t that easy—but from this moment on, we explore us without the bullshit attached to it. When we go out, it’s for us and not anyone else. I think we can both admit it’s been like that from the get-go. We figure out the very real us without any rules.”
“Real. No rules?” I muse, my heart racing. Is this for real?
“None.”
“And what happens when the reasons that brought us together in the first place are finally gone?”
“Then there are two fewer people we have to waste our time thinking about.”
I snort. “I don’t know what to say, Shane. An hour ago, I was faced with the possibility of losing everything I had worked hard to achieve in my career. Now you’re asking me to place the very raw feelings I’m left with into a real us without anything more than that? You made it clear from the beginning that this,” I stress, pointing between us, “would never be more. How can you be so sure you want to change your mind now when you were just as sure five weeks ago that we would just be a ruse?”
“Because, Nikki, five weeks ago, I didn’t know what I do now.”
“And what’s that?”
“What having you feels like.”
“Now who’s playing a dangerous game?” I breathe.
His face gets soft, not hiding the admiration in his gaze. “The best rewards come to those who are brave enough to pick up the dice and roll without knowing what they’ll land on, mon colibri,” he croons.
Knowing what that endearment means now brings a whole new level of hot damn to the things he says. He was hot when he whispered the French words only he knew the meaning of before, but now, he’s downright lethal for my system after explaining them to me.
“Is this when you tell me not to fall in love with you?” I finally ask, trying to lighten the heaviness.
His eyes dance as his hands reach out to pull me closer, and then he throws my heart into overdrive. “No. This is when I tell you I’m going to make you do just that.”
Well, holy heck batman.
It wasn’t even eleven o’clock in the morning, and here I was answering the door for takeout and preparing to spend the day with my now very real boyfriend. My school clothes from earlier had long since been pulled with care from my body, joining the sweats and faded tee shirt that Shane had on when he got here earlier. My mind still swirling from his revelations about us and what that meant for the future. After basically telling me he would make me fall in love with him, he spent the next two hours showing me a tender side to his lovemaking—no doubt, he was still very much in control of every minute that made up those two hours, but something was different this time—something real.
“Your phone’s going off again.”
I jump, swirl around, and hold the Chinese food bag to my chest. “You need a bell!”
He chuckles, the deep tones not rusty like they had been the first time he was here all those weeks ago.
“Why do you look like that?” I question, squeezing between him and the wall to walk into the kitchen to get the plates.
“Like what?”
“Like a man who didn’t just get lucky and wants some.”
He steps into the room, and I feel him move behind me, the sweats he had pulled back on the only thing keeping his erection contained as he presses himself against my back. He moves my hair until it hangs over one shoulder and starts trailing kisses up my neck. One hand comes around me until his large palm is pressed against my stomach, pulling me against him. Plates forgotten, I brace against the counter with both hands. He just gave me four delicious orgasms, and already, I want more.
I open my mouth to beg for just that when he holds my phone up in front of me. “He’s called five times.”
“Huh?”
Shane’s chest moves against my back. Even though I heard the hardness in his voice, he laughs at me and my reaction to his touch. He knows what kind of power he holds, but he doesn’t get cocky about it.
“Your ex,” he clarifies.
“So? What about him?”
This time, Shane doesn’t laugh. He moves, setting the phone on the counter, and uses both hands to turn me to face him. I don’t look away, letting him see the truth in my eyes.
“It doesn’t matter, Shane. You can’t act surprised that he’s stalkerish in his persistence when I never hid it from you.”
“Fuck, Nik, I didn’t say you did. I just don’t get the nonchalant attitude about his calls.”
“Well, I’ve tried for months to tell him to leave me alone. I’ve tried telling him that he and I wouldn’t ever be a thing again. I’ve tried telling him I had a new boyfriend. Nothing works, so no, I’m not surprised he’s still calling.”
“This is normal?”
I nod. “Has been for the past six or so months, yes.”
“You don’t return his calls?”
“Yeah right, big boy.” I snort.
“Why?”
“Why, what?”
“Why don’t you call him back?”
“I think you need to sit down. Maybe eat something. Clearly, you’re lacking sustenance if you’re asking me that question.”
“Let me rephrase,” he says, lips twitching. “Why don’t you call him back now?”
“Okay, handsome, I’ll play. Why should I call him back now?” I ask, mimicking his stress on the last word.
His lips stop twitching and his smile forms. Devilish. Yeah, no doubt about it.
“Humor me.”
I shrug. The last thing I want to do is have Seth encroach on my mood when it was finally turning around. However, I know Shane wouldn’t ask me to do so if he didn’t have a reason.
Picking up my phone from the counter, I bring up my missed calls and press ‘Douche Lord.’ Before I can bring it up to my ear, Shane’s hand shoots out, and I watch as one long finger taps the speakerphone button.
“Nik Nac! About time!”
“What do you want, Seth?”
“You weren’t at school.”
I look up, my confused gaze clashing with Shane’s angry one.
“I’m taking some time off,” I tell him, not convinced that I’m lying, but I can worry about my job’s future after this junk.
“I see. Well, want me to come over?”
“Why would—” I start to argue, but when Shane’s devilish grin turns into a cold, calculating, evil smirk, the words trail off.
Then he shocks the crap out of me and mouths, “Do it,” to me.
“We can talk, babe. You’ve got time today without work and all. Didn’t you always say that’s why you couldn’t talk? Always too busy.”
Again, Shane’s mouth moves. “Do it.” I shake my head. “Trust me,” he continues.
I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and welcome the pig into the wolf’s den. “Sure, Seth. Come on over. We can talk.”
The phone is out of my hand, call disconnected, and Shane’s mouth is plundering mine. Straight up owning me. I’m honestly not sure at this moment who is the predator and who is the prey, either.