I RUN MY FINGERS OVER Shane’s smooth chest, admiring the contrast of his tan to my paleness. We’ve been lying here in silence as both of us calm down. He lets my hands roam now. I should want a shower, the stickiness between my legs of our combined releases not exactly the most pleasant feeling, but I’m not ready to leave his arms. Heck, I’m not really sure I’ll ever be ready. Pleasant or not, it only reminds me of what we just shared and the monumental shift I felt between us.
Lifting up, I prop my chin against my hand resting on his chest and study his relaxed face. He doesn’t move, his fingers continuing their light strokes against my hip. He looks so much younger like this, no hardness in his features, completely relaxed. I did this to him. I imagine he doesn’t often look this … stripped down. Knowing it’s something I get that others might not experience fills me with butterflies.
One golden brown eye pops open, and he smirks. “What is it?”
“Where did you learn French?” I ask, feeling like it’s the safer path of questioning than asking if he felt the same shift as I did when we came together.
He shifts, making me do the same. He turns us both on our sides, both eyes appraising me now. “My mother was fluent.”
“And you? Are you fluent?”
“Oui, belle,” he says thickly.
I blush. I might not remember much of anything from my high school classes, but a fool would know what he just said without help. Yes, beautiful.
“If I would have known you liked it that much, chèrie, I would have made it a point to speak it more often.”
“Why don’t you?”
A flash of pain crosses his face, and I instantly wish I could pull the words back.
“It was such a big part of her. She wanted me and Libs to know her language, to learn about her life before moving to America. Half of the time, I don’t even realize I’ve slipped into that old habit unless someone calls me on it. I guess I don’t give that to many people because it’s special to me. It’s not something I do consciously.”
“You should try, honey,” I tell him softly. “Let that be part of her legacy and something you pass on to those in your life and one day, your own family, instead of keeping it locked away. She wanted you to take that part of her for a reason, Shane.”
He doesn’t say anything, but his eyes darken, and I know my words affected him deeper than he wants me to know. Not because he wants to keep something from me; no, I think it’s more because he can tell I understand.
“Does your sister still speak it as well?”
He shakes his head. “No. She stopped the day we lost our mom. I doubt she’ll ever pick it back up. That part of her died with Mom.”
My heart breaks for him, and the pain in his voice is raw. “I would love to learn,” I whisper, my cheeks burning.
Some of his pain leaves his eyes, and he smiles at me. “I’d like that.”
We settle into silence again, both of us holding our eye contact. I can feel something building, solidifying between us. The same thing I had felt shift while he took what he needed from me becoming even stronger. My body remembering each touch of his while he took me to a place I had never known existed, using my body to channel his emotions from earlier. Not once did it feel wrong but just the opposite. It was as if my body had been awoken, coming to life for the touch that had been made for me and me alone.
“Shane?”
“Yes, Nikki.”
“Will you ever let me …?” I trail off, not sure how to put it into words.
He frowns slightly. “Let you what?”
I sigh, holding his gaze and figuring I should just spit it out. “Will you ever let me … take you?”
“Why?”
“I’m just trying to understand you. All of you. I want to know every facet that makes you the incredible man you are. I’m not complaining, just not sure I understand why you need that.”
“Would it matter? If I answered a certain way, would that change your mind about us being together?”
I mull his words over. Would it? Probably not, but do I know that? I’ve never been with a man like him. “I don’t know, Shane.”
He sighs. “It’s who I am, Nikki. I don’t like feeling I can’t control the way something plays out. I spent the better part of my life growing up with no way to change the things happening around me. I never knew my dad, that choice stripped from me. It wasn’t until my mom got sick that I felt a shift in me. I couldn’t make her life easier while she did her best to raise us. I couldn’t take her sickness away. I was helpless. When she died, something in me did too, and I’ve needed to let the beast inside me control my life and the situations I found myself in ever since so I never felt any of that helplessness again. Am I telling you no? Not exactly, but you need to understand that I might always need this.”
I nod, my heart breaking for him and the pain he’s faced in his life, but understanding the whys a whole lot clearer now. “Thank you for telling me.”
“One day at a time, chèrie. I can’t make those promises right now, but who knows what will happen. Just give me some time.”
“Yeah, I think I like that plan.”
“Come on. Let’s rest and then you’ve got a call to make.”
My eyes widen. “You were serious?” I gasp.
“Belle, I’m always serious.”
“But Shane! I can’t just quit. I need a job.”
“Are you happy there?” he questions.
“Well, no.”
“Can you leave the job where you’re unhappy at, the one that treats you unfairly, and be okay until you find something else?”
“Probably. As long as I don’t have to wait until the end of the school year, I could get by.”
“And if you can’t get another teaching job right away? Would you be open to something else until you could?”
“Like what?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know, Nikki. Anything that didn’t sound like you’re being paid to get abused by some bitch.”
I roll to my back and look up at my ceiling. I could work anywhere and be happier than where I am, sure. I love my students, but he’s right; I’m getting a paycheck to basically be abused by those in power at Rosefield. I turn my head and find him studying me.
“Yes, Shane. I could be okay with that.”
“Then do it. Jump off the cliff, pull the parachute, and see where you land. Don’t let that woman dictate your life. You did nothing wrong and shouldn’t be made to feel like you did. Defending yourself is a sign of a strong character and nothing to be ashamed of.”
“What about my students?”
His face gets soft, and he pulls me into his body, his arms wrapping around me tight. He places a kiss on my temple, and I curl into his body more, taking comfort in his arms.
“Just the fact you asked that says everything, Nikki. They’ll be fine. They’ll miss you, I have no doubt, but the beauty of a child is they bounce back quickly. You can’t stay somewhere toxic just for them.”
He’s right. I know he is. Heck, I’ve been thinking about leaving for months, but I haven’t given it serious thought until now. “Ember asked me to help her with the baby so she could get more painting done. I turned her down at the time, but I can ask her if the offer is still there. It wouldn’t be a hardship to get to spend time with my two favorite girls and still pay my bills.”
“Good, chèrie. That’s good.”
“I could always apply at Dirty,” I joke. He gets stiff under me, and I lift my head to look at him. “What?”
“You’ve been there, Nikki. You say you aren’t jealous, but I don’t know any woman who could handle seeing that night after night without it doing damage to a relationship. Let’s not rock the boat before we can set sail.”
I laugh, and he scowls, only making me laugh harder. “Oh, Shane Kingston, when will you realize I’m not like any other woman around?”
He just tightens his hold on me, and we settle into a comfortable silence. I start thinking about ways to prove to this stubborn man that I’m not the jealous type. He’s in for a rude awakening if he thinks his job will push me away from wanting to be with him. No way. Seeing him move has always been the biggest turn-on, and that was before he was mine. For years, I craved him just like everyone else. I never felt jealous of the other women who wanted him. Not once. Now, though, seeing him move and knowing I’m the one who has what the other women crave is a power trip, and I haven’t even been back to Dirty since that night. He has no idea what challenge he just threw down.
Oh, this will be fun.
Shane left shortly after we woke up from our two-hour nap. I could tell he wanted to stay, but he had to work later tonight, and I had, apparently, a job to quit. I didn’t give myself time to back out either; I called and left my resignation on Mrs. Worthington’s voicemail, thankful I didn’t have to hear her voice again. I followed that up by emailing my formal letter of resignation to not only her but also her secretary and the whole board. I left out my opinions on their hate-filled ruling of that school and wished them the best with finding a replacement. I also stressed that I expected all my paid vacation hours to be on my final check. They know they pushed me out, and I have a feeling they would rather pay me than keep me on staff. If they didn’t, oh well, at least I tried. There wasn’t anything of value that I cared to keep from there, and if I was being honest, there wasn’t anything in the world worth having to face her again to go back and claim it.
Then I put part two of my plan in action and called Ember.
“Hey,” she answered, out of breath.
“Did I catch you at a bad time?”
“No, Nate just left.”
“Ah, say no more.”
She giggles. “So Shane must be gone too.”
“Yes, nosy nelly. He left an hour ago to get ready to go in tonight.”
“I’m surprised he left at all,” she jokes.
“Yeah, yeah. Are you going to stop trying to get me to tell you about our sex life long enough to hear why I called?”
“I’m all ears, girlfriend.”
“How about a night out? I feel like Dirty is calling our names,” I tell her, smiling at my reflection in the mirror.
“What are you up to?” Ember laughs.
“Oh, nothing,” I say in a sugary sweet voice. “Just looking to enjoy some eye candy.”
“I’m so sure.” She snickers. “Let me see if my parents are up for a Quinnie style sleepover, and I’ll call you back. If they say no, I’ll call Izzy, and we know she won’t say no. Actually, it’s not Izzy who will demand baby time, it’s Axel.”
“Sounds good, Em. I’m going to jump in the shower and take catalogue of all my deliciously sore bits and handprints.”
I hang up as her gasp and demand that I explain echo through the line. That girl, you never would have thought she was such a little pervert just by looking at her.
The steam from my shower fills my small bathroom. I pull up Spotify on my phone and put on one of my favorite shower time playlists, but before I step in, I look down at my deliciously used body. I can see the faint bruising on my hips from where Shane held me tight. I know my backside is still sore, but when I turn and look in the mirror, I’m disappointed that his handprints aren’t there. That man, the things he does in bed should be lethal, hands down.
And … he’s all mine, no fake to it. How lucky am I?