“IF YOU KEEP SAYING … WELL, whatever it is that you’re saying, I’m pretty sure I’m going to make things crazy awkward and lock you in my bedroom for the rest of eternity.”
He laughs again, clearly not understanding the state of my hormones as he shakes his head and bends to kiss my cheek. “Talk first, eat first, or let me eat you while you talk?”
My skin burns where his lips had touched briefly. Hot Hunnam on a stick, I’m going to combust. “Actually, I take that back. I’m not even sure I care if it makes things awkward, to be honest, because if those are the kind of options I get … I might just keep you.” I continue even though his words make my whole body go into overdrive.
“Eat first, talk second, and I’ll eat you last,” he decides, ignoring me completely. His eyes study my face for a small second before his smirk grows, and he silently walks around the cut-out bar top area and into my galley kitchen. Without even touching me as he struts past me, the jerk.
He makes himself at home. Opening the fridge, he rummages through the contents, not saying anything else while I stand there shocked and horny. I’m not capable of doing much else besides just gawking without even budging. I’m too close to melting into a puddle to be bothered with something as mundane, let alone asking the guest currently helping himself, if I can be of assistance. I’ll tell you what I would rather be assisting him with.
“Not sure that’s going to work,” I finally say breathlessly.
All sounds from his raiding of the fridge stop and I wait, watching his grip on the fridge door tighten before he lifts his head and looks over the open door with a brow raised in my direction, silently questioning me.
“Even if I were hungry, I can’t eat like this,” I continue, waving my hands wildly in a sweeping movement from head to toe before waving them some more—and maybe a little more enthusiastically toward him.
He shuts the fridge, standing to his full height—again, silent. I should have worn shoes. At least, had I done so, I wouldn’t be craning my neck to look up at him when he is so close. I would also be able to use that little height I gained to pretend he doesn’t intimidate the crap out of me. But I didn’t, and the second he moves from the fridge, taking the few steps needed to be back in front of me, I’m a ball of nerves two seconds away from going out of my mind. I keep my eyes level with his chest, watching the hard muscles flex under the black cotton T-shirt he’s got molded to his skin. It’s stretched tight against his muscular build, his pecs flexing with every single movement he makes.
I just resist fidgeting with my own shirt, knowing there is a massive difference in his hard and my soft. I take pride in keeping my body in shape, but nothing like he does.
His body is a work of art. Every inch of him, I bet.
Oh, shit. I’m doing it again. I mentally berate myself for ogling him for the hundredth time, shameless in my desire for him.
“I make you nervous,” he mumbles, reaching one hand up to trace a slow trail from my temple to my chin. “Why?”
The silence ticks around us as he moves his fingers down my neck and over my shoulder before reversing his path. My heart pounding with each whisper touch of his. A finger. That’s all it takes to make my core start to ripple with needy anticipation—and it’s a finger that isn’t anywhere near where I would love it to be.
He steps closer; my vision fills with the blackness of his shirt and my nose with the scent of his cologne when I take a quick—albeit nervous—breath. I need to get a hold of myself. I’m the one who started this craziness, and now, here he is, ready to take what I’m offering, and I’m freaking out instead of taking what my body so clearly wants.
His fingers pass behind my neck, tickling the soft wispy hairs that had fallen loose at the base of my skull. I never thought the annoyingly small strands could be such a turn-on, but when he trails back, brushing over them again, I shiver.
“Si timide. On va s’amuser,” he whispers huskily.
I shiver, wishing to everything holy that I would have paid better attention in French class. Two years in high school and I’ve got nothing.
“What happened to the fearless little vixen who sent me a picture with her fingers deep inside her pussy? Hmm?”
“Oh, my.”
“I won’t bite,” he continues, his low and husky voice tinted with humor. His tongue snakes out, the tip trailing up the shell of my ear before pulling away and pressing his stubbled cheek against mine; his mouth is so close to my ear his breath chills the wet trail he just created. “Unless you want me to, that is.”
Good God, what about this man makes me mute and docile? I have never been that type of woman. Until this moment, I never would have guessed I had a docile bone in my body, but there is no doubt Shane dominates every single part of me.
Body and mind.
And even more confusing, I want him to. I need to get my head out of the books I love to get lost in.
“Why do I make you nervous, chèrie? Is it because you’re not used to the type of man I am, or because you aren’t used to the way the type of man I am makes you feel?”
“May-” I clear my throat. “Maybe I’m just nervous about that giant cock you’re working with.”
“Now isn’t the time to use your humor to shield yourself, Nicole. I asked you a question; now, answer it.”
“I’ve never felt anything like this,” I tell him softly and honestly with no hesitation. I couldn’t have kept the words in if I had tried. He just has this sort of power over me that I can’t explain.
He makes a noise of agreement but doesn’t vocalize it; he just continues the light brushing of his fingertips over my skin.
“My brain just stops working when you’re near,” I continue, the words still flowing without pause. My eyes widen, unable to stop them. Now that I’ve opened the gates, it seems the mute button is finally clicked off. Too bad the nerves won’t vanish as well.
“That’s because your body knows who is in control here.”
I snort. “My body hardly knows you.”
His fingers fall from the glide they had been making up my neck. Before I even have a second to miss his touch, he’s fisting my bound hair tightly, and with a gentle yet firm twist of his wrist, he’s forcing me to look at him. His touch isn’t painful or menacing, but it isn’t forgiving either. I have no doubt I’ll be in this position until he wants me to be free. Huge jolts of awareness start to shoot off inside my already overwhelmed body, and I find myself melting even more. My legs wobbling as I sway toward him, I reach out to brace my hands on either side of his torso with wide eyes.
“Your body burns for me, Nikki, and all I’ve done is tasted your mouth. You think it matters if we know each other past that to fuck? I barely touch you, and you come alive.”
Wetness dampens my panties, and I swallow a lump of arousal before speaking, fighting the intoxicating allure of his dominance. “I’m not a slut,” I hiss, hoping to hide the edginess I feel if I were to attempt anything other than that. “Just because my body is reacting to you doesn’t mean that.”
His eyes narrow, and his hold on my hair jerks, tipping my neck back a little more. He takes a step forward and presses our bodies together. My head remains in his control, tipped perfectly to look up at his handsome face. His head bends as he moves, our fronts rubbing together and enticing a moan-like whine from my lips. His eyes brighten, looking more golden brown now. I wonder, briefly, if his eyes are like some sort of mood ring to his soul.
“Don’t insinuate that I would think you are, Nicole.”
I gulp, the sound loud in the silence around us. “We both know you’re only here because of that text I sent, Shane. You also know from that text that I’m a sure thing. You don’t have to play games to get me there when I’ve already been there for a while now.”
His eyes flash, darkening until the gold is all but gone and only brown remains. I’m thinking, if they were a mood ring, brown definitely isn’t a good sign. Not with the hard set of his jaw accompanying it.
“I don’t play games like that, Nicole. It might have been that text that got me here today, but that’s because it was an opening I had been waiting for, not because I want to get my cock wet. You might not know everything about me, but you know enough. We’re not strangers.”
“You don’t seem like the kind of man to sit around and just wait for an opening if you want something.” If my arms could move, I would pump my fist in the air for being able to form a complete sentence without sounding like I’m burning alive on the inside from his nearness.
“Until last night, I thought you were still with that asshole. I’m not the kind of man who’s going to move in on another man’s woman—no matter what I think of that man or how badly I want that woman. I might be a lot of things, but a cheater isn’t one of them.”
“I haven’t been with Seth in over a year.”
“He’s been around, so you see where one might assume differently.” His voice is cold, and his eyes are narrowed.
“Yeah, that’s true, but that isn’t because I want him to be, jeez!”
He studies me, and I take the time to calm myself down. Or, at least, attempt to.
“You’ll explain that,” he demands.
“Not now, but yes.”
“Good girl.”
For whatever reason, those two words turn me on more than they should. My body zings with an odd mixture of excitement and anticipation. I know instantly that I’ll do whatever it takes to hear those two words again and feel that again.
“Regardless of what happened to get me here, Nikki, don’t doubt that I very much want to be here.” He presses his hips tighter against my body, his erection pressing into my stomach with heavy undeniable awareness. “As I said, I’m not a cheater, but you’ve tested my control at every turn. Since the day I met you, it feels like it. Even before I became unattached, you had me thinking thoughts that no man in a relationship should have for a woman who wasn’t the one he was with. I didn’t even know you, and I craved you when she was sleeping in my bed, and for that, Nicole, I’m going to punish you now that I’m finally free to do something about this attraction between us.”
“Punish?” I question, gasping while I sway slightly. My legs wobble, and for the first time since he fisted my hair to control me, his other hand touches me. His arm wraps around my back, hand clasping me tightly at the hip to support me in a way that makes me a prisoner to him. I love it.
“I tried to warn you, but I’m thinking I was wrong about you, Nicole. I didn’t think you could handle me, and that was a big part of why I denied allowing myself to act on this attraction. But I was wrong, wasn’t I? All I have to do is look at you, and you’re ready to drop to your knees and do what I command, aren’t you?”
My mouth flounders, but words don’t come, my mind not knowing how to handle his words combined with the way I’m feeling. I’ve never felt anything like this. My sex life hasn’t ever been anything special. I always felt like something was missing.
Desperation.
I’ve never felt that overwhelming need before. I’ve never had someone make me feel intoxicated, drunk, and craving the only thing that can keep this high buzzing through my system.
Desperation, for him.
Any way I can get him.
Shit, he’s right. I really would do anything he demanded of me. I can’t even understand it myself. I have never reacted to a man the way that I am, right now, to Shane.
He drops his hand, releasing my hair and me so swiftly I almost lose my footing as I try to clean the cobwebs from my head. I reach out, grabbing the breakfast bar corner to steady myself at the same time he reaches out to steady me, but otherwise, I don’t move. And neither does he. I’m not sure if he was trying to steady me or keep me in place. I’m struck immobile by the truth of his words. My body at his complete control without conscious choice. His eyes trail over every inch of my face. Waiting for what, I’m not sure, but it only amps up that damn desperation.
I hear a door slam in the distance, and my senses heighten while I wait to see what he’ll say or do next. Footsteps on the landing outside my front door break the silence. People talking. A car starting down in the parking lot. All of that sounds in stereo as if he’s unlocked my body and I can sense everything that much stronger.
I open my mouth to tell him so, only to gasp—sucking in a hard, frantic pull of oxygen out of reflex alone. He’s right, and there’s no doubt about it. If this is a hint of what he can give me, I know I’ll do anything he wants if it means I can continue on this euphoric high. My eyes wide in shock, I search his face for a clue to where his thoughts have gone while I’ve been lost in my mind, but he just studies me with a stoic, almost bored expression.
That free hand, that same devilish hand that had been forcing me to stay still minutes ago with a grasp on my hair, moves until it’s wrapped tightly around my throat. Not firm enough to cut off my air, but constricting enough that I know he could do just that if he wanted to. His fingers flex, biting a little more forcefully into my skin but only long enough to show me who is in control—as if I could forget—before he relaxes them. The movement not enough to leave a mark, which I’m sure is his intention. I’m not sure if I’m happy about that, though.
As the images of his handprints on my body invade my brain, I feel as if I could pass out. I’m dizzy, my head spinning with something I’ve never even thought about experiencing. Not fear, as one would expect, but pure excitement. I shouldn’t want that. I’ve never had a man put his hands on me like this, but it just makes me want more—badly.
“Who’s in charge here?” It comes out as a question, but he must not actually want an answer. When I try to open my mouth—fully intending to give him some attitude—he gives a sharp shake of his head “Think real hard before you answer that, or I’ll be punishing you for lying to me on top of teasing me with what I couldn’t have for years.”
Years? Holy moly. I swallow, testing the hold he has on my neck before speaking. “You are, Shane,” I offer meekly, feeling an odd need to look away from him to prove my words are true. To submit to the hold he has on me.
“Dominer,” he says under his breath.
I try to shake my head, to let him know I don’t understand, but then his hand tightens again, just briefly.
“All in good time. First, I think we need to get a few things clear before this goes any further. I don’t share, Nicole. Ever. While we’re taking some time to get to know each other, whenever and wherever I want, there will be no other men in your life.”
“Wherever?” I squeak.
He ignores me, powering on with his speech. “I won’t give you hearts and flowers or any of that other bullshit. Don’t start dreaming of white picket fences and two point five kids because I’m not that man for you. Bottom line, if you’re hoping for a relationship here, you won’t find one with me.”
“Sex only?” I whisper.
“That’s what you want, isn’t it?”
I don’t speak as I weigh his words. It is what I want, but can I really keep myself detached from this kind of attraction? Already, I crave his touch, and he hasn’t even gotten my clothes off. I’ve never had sex with someone who I wasn’t in a relationship with, so I’m honestly not sure, but after Seth, I would like to think I’m capable of taking what I want and nothing more. The last thing I want is to get hung up on someone else who will never want a future with me.
“Don’t fall for me, Nikki—it will only end badly,” he continues, driving home his warning.
His words give me a flash of defiance. How can he be so sure I would be the one to get attached? “Maybe you should be worried about falling for me, Shane.”
Molten. That’s the only way to describe the heat boring into me—his eyes even darker now with his pupils dilated and a hint of brown just peeking around the darkness of them.
“You either respect that I demand exclusivity from you, or we stop this now, Nicole. I’ve warned you not to look for anything more than what I’m willing to give because I respect you too much to give you false promises. If you choose not to listen to me, that’s on you. I won’t be responsible for breaking your heart because you didn’t heed my warning.”
“If you’re going to demand exclusivity from me, then I’d better get the same respect from you,” I stress.
His forehead drops to mine, and his fingers flex again at my neck. “You’re fucking lucky I’m feeling forgiving of that attitude, or you wouldn’t be able to sit for a week.”
“I wouldn’t bet on that.” Did he just say I wouldn’t be able to sit? And more importantly, why does that turn me on so much?
“You won’t have to.”
“I mean it,” I whisper, his confidence in answering without wavering not what I expected. “In order for me to get what I need and want out of this, exclusive is the only way this will work. I meant what I said last night—about us receiving mutual benefit from this attraction, but that means you give me just as much as I give you. I’m not asking for a relationship, Shane, but just for it to look like one from the outside.”
He mulls over my words before giving me a small nod. “You have my word that I won’t touch another woman.”
“And you have mine that I won’t touch another man.”
“Or woman, Nicole. Man or woman,” he adds oddly.
I wrinkle my nose. Weird, but whatever. “Do I need to worry about you slipping the tip in another man too?”
“Humor me,” he says, his tone losing some of that alpha male he’s been rocking and taking on one that seems … worried. Something I never would expect from a man like Shane.
I shake the thought from my mind. “Or woman,” I agree. “I’m exclusively yours for however long this goes on, and my heart will not be broken by your inability to have a relationship. We give the world a fake one that I won’t twist around in my head to believe is real. How’s that?”
He doesn’t look away. Nor does he call me on my attitude. Joe Jonas on a stick, whoever put that in his head really did a number on him.
“You’ll tell me everything later, Nicole. I want to know what made you need to have a fake anything when you could have any man you want. Damn sure you could have someone who could give you what I won’t, but right now, I can’t think straight with the way my cock is begging for your pussy. Tell me again, who is in charge here?” He repeats his earlier question and waits with a stoic mask of pure power-driven domination across his handsome face.
“You are.” I gasp softly with strength in my tone even at just a whisper.
With his hold around my back, he lifts me, dragging me up his body with little effort. At the same time, he releases my throat. When he has me high enough to look into my eyes without bending his neck, his free hand grabs my hair again and turns my head. His tongue licking a path up my neck. I clench the cotton of his shirt on both sides of his torso, panting shamelessly as my eyes close.
“Then, Nicole,” he whispers with heat, “get on your knees and suck my cock.”
I look from his face down to his crotch. Oh, my God, this is really happening. Blocking out the nagging feeling of doubt from my mind, I suck in a deep breath and do what he wants, dropping to my knees and praying I’m able to keep this strictly physical. And if I can’t, that I’ll be able to recover after the dust settles around us.
So shy. We will have fun
Control