Chapter Eleven

Avery

Sally had put me to work. I knew she was doing it for my own good, and I didn’t mind it a bit. I needed to keep busy. I had wallowed in misery long enough. I had spent most of yesterday in my pajamas, bawling. I knew it was ineffective. Sally had tried like crazy to cheer me up. Nothing worked. She told me it was the grief of losing Tracy that was finally kicking me. I had been so focused on Iris, I hadn’t had the time to really think about what I had lost.

Yesterday, I had given myself the day to be sad with the promise I would pick myself up, dust off, and move forward. The time for action was now. Sally clearly believed that as well. When I got out of bed and stumbled into the kitchen for coffee, she had been waiting for me. After pouring me a cup of coffee and giving me a couple Advil for my head, she got right to business. She had given me a huge flat of flowers to plant in the backyard. I happily accepted the task, wanting to be outside in the sun.

I jabbed the small shovel into the dark soil and made a small hole. It felt good to do something other than cry or stress over what I was going to do. I put one of the plants in the soil and gently patted the dirt around it, being careful not to break the stem. It was a tedious yet cathartic process. The brilliant colors helped lift my mood as well. I thought about when I would buy my own home. I would plant irises and tulips and all of Tracy’s favorite flowers. Every spring and summer, the blooms would remind me of her—and what I had lost.

“Those look beautiful!” Sally exclaimed, stepping onto the back patio.

“Thank you. Really, thank you for giving me something to do.”

She smiled and nodded. “Of course. Thank you for doing it. My body isn’t as agile as it used to be, and kneeling and bending are no longer quite so easy. I love the way petunias spread out. The contrasting purple and yellow are going to look gorgeous in a few weeks.”

I pulled my gloves off and checked the time. “I better get cleaned up. I have a short shift at the library today and then I’m going to be pounding the pavement. I have to get a job.”

“You will. I know you will,” she said confidently. “All you have to do is get one person to give you a chance. Then you’ll wow their socks off.”

I wasn’t so convinced, and after the meeting with the lawyer yesterday, I was still struggling to find my self-confidence. I felt broken. Sally promised me that was a good thing. It meant I could be put back together stronger than ever before.

I scoffed. “I can’t even get them to give me an interview. I can’t wow them without actually doing something. Accounting is more of a do and see kind of thing. If they won’t give me a chance, I can’t prove my skills. If I don’t get any leads today, I’m going to look for any job. I don’t care if I’m flipping burgers. I need a full-time job.”

“You put all that out of your mind,” Sally said.

“I’m not trying to be a downer, Sally. Really, I’m not. I’m being realistic. I’ll keep looking for an accounting job, but I will take any full-time job I can get at this point,” I said, looking her in the eye.

She sighed. “As long as you keep your chin up. You keep looking. Never settle.”

“I promise I won’t. I’m not going to let my degree get dusty. I will find a way to put it to use at some point. Right now I need to find a job, any job.”

“I know you’re still thinking about what that horrible lawyer said. She didn’t know what she was talking about. I’m only sorry I wasted your time. I’m going to talk with one of my old friends who practiced law for fifty years before retiring. He’ll know what to do or who to direct us to. That woman had no idea what she was talking about,” she fumed. “I can’t believe she has the audacity to claim she’s the best in the state.”

I shrugged. “She is one of the top lawyers in the area. I don’t think she was trying to be mean. The woman could use a lesson in manners. I guess she’s probably good because she doesn’t pull any punches. I mean, if she talked like that to me, I can only imagine how she treats the opposing side.”

Sally didn’t look impressed. “Well, I’m still not happy with her. I expected better.”

I had been pissed yesterday, but the lawyer did know what she was talking about. I had tried my way and it hadn’t worked. I had to listen to someone who knew better than me.

“It’s okay, Sally. I don’t think she was that far off base. I think we’re both trying to stay positive and not facing reality. She doesn’t think I have a leg to stand on when it comes to gaining custody. I’m not going to play tug-of-war with that little girl. I can’t do that to her. I’m going to try to get things organized and then try again,” I told her.

“You’re not playing anything. You’re fighting to keep her with you so you can shower her with the love she deserves,” she shot back. “Don’t sit back and wait.”

I sighed. I had been struggling to come to terms with what the lawyer had said since I left the building. The woman wasn’t being mean. She was being honest, which was a good thing. I needed to hear the truth, and the truth was harsh.

“I’m going to focus on getting a job. That is my priority.”

Sally nodded, and I headed inside to get ready for work. I couldn’t get Jake’s proposal off my mind. It was sounding better and better. I wasn’t sure if he had been serious, but it was worth considering now that I had found out I didn’t stand a chance of winning custody on my own.

“Don’t even think about it,” I said to my reflection in the mirror, pointing an accusing finger at myself.

Jake wasn’t good for anything but breaking hearts. He was not a good person, and I certainly didn’t need the headache of being married to him, even if it was only on paper. That was bad enough. Jake had left a string of broken hearts on his climb to the top. He’d hurt his parents when he disowned them. Tracy had tried to keep in touch with him. Then he proved, once again, to be a world-class douchebag when she got pregnant with Iris.

What he did to me paled in comparison to what he had done to his family. It was best if Iris wasn’t subjected to that kind of pain and suffering. As much as I hated to admit it, Iris would be better off without her uncle in her life. That was a sad, terrible reality. I wanted to take him up on his offer only because I was being selfish. I wanted Iris, but I didn’t want him to have anything to do with her. I couldn’t have one without the other.

“Dammit!” I cursed at the situation, slamming my brush against the bathroom counter. It was all so unfair.

I dressed in the outfit I had put together late last night when I couldn’t sleep. It was a black pencil skirt with a simple white blouse. I had a few accounting firms on my list of targets to hit after work and wanted to make sure I looked the part of a serious accountant ready to save clients lots of money. In the back of my mind, I was holding on to the tiniest sliver of hope that I could land a great job and prove I was worthy of taking care of Iris. I knew there was a very slim chance of that happening, but it was a chance.

“I’m headed out, Sally,” I said, finding her in the kitchen. “I’ll call and let you know what time I’ll be back. Maybe I can pick up takeout for us?”

She smiled. “You don’t need to do that. I’ll make something.”

“I’m not sure what time I’ll be home. I plan on stopping by at least three firms. I’m determined to make them at least interview me.”

“Good. You don’t give up. You’re going to make a great accountant. Just flash that thousand-watt smile and someone will pay attention,” she said with a grin. “Maybe you should consider hiking up that skirt a little.”

“Sally!”

“In my day, a pretty girl who dressed to kill always had a shot at getting a foot in the door.”

I shook my head. “That’s not the case these days. That’s risky business.”

She grumbled something under her breath as I walked out the door. My phone rang as I was getting into the car. I looked at the screen but didn’t recognize the number. I remembered the last time I had answered a call with an unfamiliar number.

I took a deep breath and steeled myself for more bad news.

“Hello?”

“Avery, it’s Jake.” His smooth voice came through the phone.

“Jake?” I asked, not believing it was him on the other end of the phone.

He had made it very clear he didn’t have time for me and brushed me off when I was at my lowest. He should have taken advantage of my weakness. He didn’t, and it was his loss.

“Avery, I want to talk. Can you meet?”

I scoffed. “Seriously?”

“Yes. I think we need to try to figure all this out,” he said as if he were inviting me over for a cup of coffee.

“Uh, no. Hell no. I called you yesterday and you were too busy to waste ten minutes of your day with me. Now you dare to call me? You’re a special kind of jerk, Jake Colter.”

“Relax. You’re being a complete drama queen,” he said in a dry tone that rubbed me wrong.

“You’re such an ass,” I said.

“Avery, I had business. I couldn’t meet right then. I’m sorry about what happened. I’m free now. Can we please meet?”

“No.”

“Avery, don’t be like that. Come on now. Put aside the past. Just an FYI, I wasn’t the only person there that night. You need to take a minute and get over it. We have bigger problems,” he said firmly.

“No shit!” I yelled, thankful the windows of my car were up.

“Nice,” he cajoled. “Real ladylike.”

I closed my eyes, trying to calm my nerves. “Jake, I’m not interested.”

“Don’t you want Iris back? Don’t you want to be her mother?”

“I’m not her mother. I will never be her mother. That isn’t what I want. I want to love her and hold her and tell her stories about her mother,” I said, fighting back the urge to cry.

He sighed. “I understand. I’m sorry. I truly am. Please, meet with me,” he said in a voice I couldn’t resist.

“Fine. I’ll think about it. I’m the busy one now. I have to go to work, and then I have to go beat on doors and beg for a job.”

“Uh, good luck,” he said, and that was all I could take.

I ended the call without saying another word. I could not believe I had ever thought that man was what I wanted. He was so full of himself. I wanted to kick him at least three times in the shin. He deserved every bit of pain my kick would bring him. It wouldn’t even come close to the pain he had caused me.

I shrugged off the discomfort he always managed to bring and drove to work. Jake kept dangling that little carrot in front of me. I hated it. I hated that I was actually interested in taking him up on his offer, especially after he had blown me off yesterday.

I couldn’t let him get under my skin. I had to stay focused. I wanted to do this without him. I wanted to prove to myself, Tracy, and, most of all, Janice that I was the best person for the job. That was my sole focus. His games and the ability to yank my heart around were not going to get me off track. No way. Iris was too important.