Chapter 25
The ride back to Oxford felt like it was twice as long as the initial ride to Milton Keynes. The atmosphere around them was extremely tense and he found it difficult to keep his speed around the proper limit. He still wondered how he managed to pry himself away from her long enough to agree to go back to his flat before they went any further.
“Talk to me,” he said, desperate to change the mood.
“Um, what are you… how long do you think you’ll be teaching here in Oxford?” She sat, her legs closed tightly, hands clasped together in her lap while struggling with the conversation but she knew he needed the change in direction.
“I’m not really sure. It’s open ended right now.”
“I still can’t believe you wound up here, of all places you could have gone.”
“Do you believe in fate, Eva?” He turned his head and looked at her and her heart skipped a beat. She took a deep breath trying to find something else to talk about.
“How are you feeling? Your ribs,” she quickly added.
“Still very sore. I didn’t stick around the hospital long enough to get an evaluation, but I’m sure a few of them are broken. He got a few good kicks in.
“I can’t believe someone could do this to another human being. What is wrong with this world?”
“It’s too bad it wasn’t filled with more people like you.”
“You are so genuine. I can feel your words. Every time you tell me something, it’s like you are speaking directly from your heart.”
“That’s because I am. Eva, I have made some bad decisions in my life that I thought were good decisions at the time, but since I’ve met you I have to say, I have been more true to myself than I have ever been in my entire life.”
“Wow, Eddie. That is probably the best compliment I have ever gotten.”
“Why do I not believe that?”
“I’m serious. What is it about you?”
“I don’t know. You tell me.”
“I wish I could. I am usually a good reader of people even when they are trying to be someone they aren’t.”
His stomach tightened. I need to tell her the truth.
“Eddie, I’m so drawn to you.” She kept her hands clasped together in her lap.
I can’t tell her right now. If she takes it badly, she has no way to get away from me. This is pretty big. The old Edward would not have cared, but now… I really do care.
They pulled up to the curb close to his flat and he looked around the area before shutting off the car. Awkward silence filled the car.
“Would you like to come in?”
She sat still, not moving in her seat. He could hear her breathing.
“I’ll make some coffee or something.”
Her breathing became heavier as she struggled with what her body wanted to do and what her mind told her she needed to do.
“Or I could take you home and we can get together another time.” He put it out there but he prayed she didn’t choose that alternative.
She breathed very heavily, almost hyperventilating as she stared at the dashboard. “Okay,” she managed to say.
“Okay?” He had given her more than one option and he was confused on which one she chose until she grabbed the handle of the door and opened it. She quickly got out, still staring straight ahead and walked toward the building they parked in front of. She walked up the stairs and stood next to the front door, fidgeting worse than a kindergartner having to go to the toilet.
He stayed on the sidewalk and crossed his arms, chuckling to himself.
“What?” she asked, still breathing heavily. “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t live there.”
She stopped breathing and looked at the door. “Oh, you don’t? You….” She pointed at the door and then looked down the road at a few other similar flats.
He shook his head, amused at her reaction and pointed to his flat down the street.
She scurried down the stairs, looking back to be sure no one saw her.
“How silly of me.”
He held his arm out, inhaling deeply when he felt her hand slide around it and he walked slowly down the street until they reached his place. He stopped at the foot of the stairs and looked at her.
“Are you okay?”
She nodded very quickly, her hands tightening on his arm.
“Are you sure you want to come in? You don’t have to.”
“No, I want to. I do. It’s okay. Really.” She smiled a shaky smile and glanced up at him.
“Okay. There are no expectations. I just like your company.”
“Yep,” she nodded. “I know. I’m just nervous.”
He watched her fidget and he smiled at her innocence. “We’ll just have some coffee and talk.” He walked up a couple of stairs and stopped to turn and look at her.
She nodded again and looked around before following him.
He unlocked the door and opened it, allowing her access before he walked inside. He watched, amused at the way she slowly, and with a slight trepidation, crept inside.
He snapped on the light.
She clutched herself with her arms tightly wound around her sides.
“It’s okay. No one else is here.”
She smiled nervously and sat down on the edge of the couch while Edward went to the kitchen and put on some coffee. Within moments, the aroma of fresh coffee beans filled the small area. He pulled two cups out of the cupboard and clinked them together as he leaned back to peer into the living room.
Walking back to her with two cups of freshly brewed coffee, he snickered as she fiddled with her fingers and bounced her feet up and down on the carpet.
“Maybe I should have made decaf,” he teased.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what is wrong with me. I’m so nervous.”
He set the cups on the table in front of them and sat next to her. “Are you expecting more than you are ready for? Because you don’t have to. I don’t want to push you into anything you aren’t ready for.”
“But you see, that’s just the thing. I have been ready to be with you since the day I met you and….” She looked down at her fingers and picked at them. “I’ve played this moment in my head over and over. What I would say, what I would do. It certainly didn’t include my silly anxiety.”
“We can wait.”
He started to stand up and she grabbed the side of his shirt pulling him back down next to her. She turned toward him and cupped his face, looking deep into his eyes. Her anxiety and unease seemed to dissipate immediately.
“I don’t want to wait,” she said, shaking her head.
That made something deep within him let loose. He fed his hands around her neck and pulled her to him, covering her lips with his. A moan escaped her, fueling his fire and he felt like he should have asked her one last time to be sure, but he didn’t. He didn’t want her to change her mind. He had a taste of her and he wanted more, and he didn’t want to wait. He wanted to be greedy and take her for himself. She was so warm and innocent, pure and seemingly untouched.
“Eva,” he whispered.
She leaned into him her lips still locked onto his, letting go only long enough to push at his chest laying him back on the couch and crawling up toward him to get closer.
“Stay with me tonight,” he mumbled through the kiss.
She hesitated her kiss then deepened it even further. Her hands groped at his shirt, her fingers trying to work the buttons, her aggression mixing with her arousal when they wouldn’t cooperate. She huffed as she sat up and looked down at his shirt.
When she reached down to concentrate on the first of many black buttons, he gently moved her hands away, grabbing each side of his shirt and pulling. He watched her face when the fabric ripped the buttons off, and he smiled when she gasped a full breath into her lungs. He grabbed her and flipped her underneath him, his body imprisoning her beneath him. He watched her chest as it rose and fell with each heavy breath she took. He watched her eyes as they darted from his mouth to his eyes and back to his chin. He felt her body as it trembled beneath him.
He slowly peeled the straps of her dress down off her shoulders, watching her every reaction as he did. It seemed that each time he touched her body with his fingertips, she would shudder. He loved the feeling it gave him and he wanted nothing more than to please her. He pulled the straps down further causing the bodice of the dress to slide down her chest, exposing her breasts.
“Come here,” he whispered. He pulled at her hands and helped her sit up. He pulled her dress back up and caressed her face with his fingertips.
“What, what are you doing?” she asked, looking down at her dress. “Damn, I’m so stupid.”
“What? No. Don’t say that.”
“I’m acting like such a child,” she said, upset at the way she thought things were going. “I don’t want to stop, Eddie.” She tried to lean into him to show him how badly she wanted him but he gently pushed her back.
“Shhh, Eva. It’s okay. We have all night. We don’t need to rush this.”
She regulated her breathing, allowing his touch to calm her. She felt each stroke of his thumb against her skin.
“How are you so wonderful? Where have you been all my life?” she asked. “Why couldn’t I have found you sooner?”
“I’m here now,” he said, lightly kissing her cheek. “Can I ask you something?” His voice was quiet, gentle and low.
She opened her eyes and nodded. “Of course. Anything,” she whispered.
“Have you ever done this?”
“Done what? This?” She scoffed, leaning back away from him. “Of course. Lots of times. I mean, not lots of times. I’m not a whore or anything but I have had a few boyfriends. I’m quite choosey but I do have to say….”
He shut her up with a kiss and didn’t let go until she relaxed into it.
“I’m sorry,” she said, putting her head down and smiling. “I babble when I am nervous. I’m trying.”
“It’s okay. It’s kind of cute.”
“Yeah, real adorable. I don’t know what it is about you, why I act the way I do when I’m around you.”
“Maybe, don’t try so hard.”
“I’ve always been comfortable being around guys. That day in Paris, I was instantly smitten with you. I knew you were different.”
“Why didn’t you give me a chance to see you again then? Why the game?”
“It’s not a game,” she said, looking directly at him. “I have had a few relationships in my life. I’ve had my heart broken, severely. It’s difficult to get over thinking that the man you are dating is the one, thinking I was the happiest I could ever be, planning out my life with him in it, only to find out that it was never the case in his mind. I want something real. When I met you, I didn’t want that same bad relationship. There was something special about you. I needed to have that.”
“So you leave without a chance?”
“I figured if I left and never saw you again, that what we had between us, that magical few moments would stay with me forever. I could believe in love again without the possibility of being hurt.”
“I don’t agree with that. If it was such a special connection I would have wanted to grab hold of it and not let it go.”
“Do you believe in fate, Eddie?”
“I believe your life is what you make it. If you leave your life in fate’s hands you could be cheating yourself out of something truly amazing.”
She shook her head. “See, I don’t believe that. Fate is everything. It brought you back to me, didn’t it?”
He hated that she gave fate that credit, but he merely cupped his hands around her neck and pulled her to him, locking her lips with his and allowing fate to play the night out.