Chapter Eight

Jake

It felt strange not going to a meeting or going into my office on a Tuesday morning. I rarely took vacations. It was odd: I had all the money I could want, and I never really did anything with it. I was always working, always trying to make more money. I was a slave to my wealth, and I couldn’t remember when that had happened.

I called Drew, not looking forward to telling him I was going to be away longer than I had anticipated.

“Hey. I was wondering if I would hear from you,” he said when he answered.

“Jason was supposed to pass along that I wouldn’t be in yesterday,” I grumbled.

“He did. Don’t fire him,” Drew teased, knowing my low tolerance for ineptitude.

“Well, it looks like this could all take a bit longer. I’m not sure when I’ll be in. Jason cleared most of my schedule. I’m counting on you to take care of the few meetings we had for the week. Tell everyone I have business out of town,” I told him.

“Jake, why not tell them you have a family emergency? It’s the truth, and people tend to be more sympathetic to stuff like that.”

“No. I don’t need anyone knowing my business,” I said, thinking Drew was too soft.

I hated people prying into my private life. As far as the world was concerned, I had hatched from an egg as the full-grown Jake Colter, and that was the way I liked to keep it. There was already enough gossip about me, and I never confirmed or denied anything. I didn’t give the bullshit stories a second thought. People could think what they wanted. I was still rich and powerful, no matter what the rumors claimed.

“It isn’t like we’re going to tell them what size of shoe you wear or what you ate for dinner last night,” Drew rationalized. “We could tell them you had a family emergency. That would go a long way to quieting any rumors that you’re in rehab or off on some private island with a woman.”

I rolled my eyes. “No. Not yet. If this looks like it’s going to drag on, I’ll figure out what to do then. For now, I’m out of the office. That’s all anyone needs to know. Do what you do best and keep things running smoothly. I know I can count on you to do that, right?”

“Of course. So, how are things going?” he asked in a softer tone.

I sighed. “I don’t know. It’s all kinds of fucked up right now. My sister had a daughter. I’m trying to get custody of her, but the state is putting up a fight.”

He scoffed. “Don’t they know who you are?”

I laughed. “That’s exactly the problem. The caseworker keeps up with the tabloids. She’s convinced I run a brothel and my niece would be exposed to all kinds of depravity.”

“Get George on it. He’ll make sure you win this.”

I nodded even though he couldn’t see me. “I did. I hope to have it all tied up soon. I have to go to my sister’s apartment today and clean it out.”

I heard Drew’s sharp hiss. “Maybe you should hire someone to do that.”

“I need to get the personal items first, and then I will have a cleaning crew pack everything up. I plan on putting it all in storage for Iris to have when she’s older.”

“Why not donate everything?” he suggested.

I considered it but couldn’t bring myself to give her things away. Maybe one day I would. For now it would go into a storage unit. It was more for my sake than Iris’s. It was probably weird and a little macabre. I didn’t care. I wasn’t ready yet.

“For now it goes into storage,” I said, leaving no room for argument.

“Okay. Take care, and if you need me for anything, call. Anything at all, even if it’s just to talk, call me,” he said before ending the call.

I pulled on a pair of cargo shorts and a T-shirt. I liked when I could dress down and be a regular guy. Too often I found myself wearing stuffy suits. It was claustrophobic at times. I slid on my tennis shoes and grabbed my room key and wallet before heading to the elevator.

I had a stop to make before I went to Tracy’s house. It was long overdue.

***

“I’ll be a few,” I told the driver I had hired for my time in Phoenix.

I climbed out and took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of freshly cut grass. I glanced around the rows of tombstones and headed across the perfectly trimmed grass toward the plot where my parents were buried. I had never been to visit them. It was time.

I dropped to my knees in front of the long, rectangular headstone with my parents’ names etched into the stone. Seeing their names followed by their birth and death dates hit me harder than I had anticipated.

“Hi, guys,” I muttered, looking around to make sure no one could hear me talking to a slab of stone.

“I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to get here. I’m an asshole. You both knew that. You tried to tell me, but I was too stubborn to listen. I should have gone to your funeral. I owed you that. You were only trying to help me out. I guess you probably know I managed to be successful.”

I wiped off a few blades of grass clinging to the upright stone. My eyes caught on the dead flowers sitting in the cup engraved in the stone base. Tracy had probably put them there. Tracy wouldn’t be visiting them and bringing fresh flowers to their final resting place anymore. That duty fell to me.

“I fucked up.” I breathed out. “Holy shit did I make some bad mistakes. I don’t know what I believe about where you are, but I hope you know how sorry I am. I ran away from home and never looked back. You told me money wasn’t all it was cracked up to be, and I didn’t listen. I let it change me. I’ve done some pretty shitty things. I want to make up for it all. I’m going to try. I’m going to get your granddaughter and raise her.”

I reached out and put a hand on the headstone, feeling as if I were somehow closer to them in some strange way. I stood, brushed off my knees, and walked to where Tracy’s grave was still fresh. The little plastic marker seemed insufficient. I had put a rush order on a beautiful headstone. It would hopefully be installed within the next two weeks. I hated the thought of her not being properly memorialized.

“Hey, sis,” I said, plopping down next to the tiny marker. “I promise, the new headstone is going to be a lot better. I’m sorry. I know that doesn’t make up for the past, but I am going to do everything I can to make it right. I only wish you could be here to see it. Actually, if you were here, I wouldn’t have to fight to raise your daughter. I know you loved your friend, and I know you thought she was the best one to raise Iris, but I’m here. I’m going to spoil her rotten. Wait, strike that. I’m going to make sure she has everything she needs and a lot of what she wants. Does that sound better? More parent-like?”

I laughed, thinking about her scowling at me for threatening to spoil her daughter. I wouldn’t turn her into a brat. I would be firm but loving.

“I’ll do right by her, Tracy. I promise you that. I will do everything in my power to take care of her. She will want for nothing.”

I started laughing, feeling like a fool for laughing at the ground. “Get this: I asked Avery to marry me. She loves your little girl. I don’t want to worry you with the details, but it’s the best shot at Iris getting a happy home with two people who will love her and protect her. I wish there was a way you could convince her to take me up on the offer. I think it would be good for all of us. I wouldn’t mind settling down. Of course, Avery hates me, and I know we wouldn’t have a real marriage, but it would be cool to have a little family.”

The thought brought a smile to my face. “I know, crazy, huh? Me talking about a family. Even crazier is a family that includes Avery. I’m surprised you two remained friends after what I did. I really screwed up back then. I know you knew. You never said a word, but I know you knew what I did. I was ashamed and couldn’t bring it up. I have to tell you, she is part of the reason I avoided coming back here. It’s why I always wanted you to visit me in the valley. I was a real asshole, Tracy. You were right. All those times you called me an asshole or a dick, turns out you were smarter than I was. I’m only sorry it took you dying for me to realize it,” I said softly.

I shook my head and placed my palm on the ground, willing my love to my sister, who was buried six feet below. If only I could have seen her one more time and made things right. I would have to live with that guilt for the rest of my life.

I stood and headed for the waiting car and gave the driver the address of Tracy’s apartment. I had been dreading the moment for too long. It was time.

With the key I had obtained from the landlord, I headed up to the second-floor apartment where she had lived with Iris. I took a deep breath before opening the door. The blinds in the living room were drawn, making the room dark and gloomy.

I slowly wandered through the apartment, noticing it was neat and tidy. It was obvious she didn’t have a lot of money. The furnishings were worn and outdated, but they looked remarkably comfortable. I made my way into Iris’s room and stopped in the doorway. The room was decorated with artwork I knew Tracy had painted. I paused to look at each painting. I would keep them all and put them in Iris’s room when I gained custody of her. I would get her.

I opened the door to Tracey’s room and stayed put. I couldn’t go inside. I couldn’t open any of her drawers. It felt like an invasion of privacy. I would ask Avery to do it. She knew her best. We had a couple weeks before we had to clear out the apartment. I wasn’t going to rush anything.

I walked into the tiny living room, took in the various toys and baby gear scattered about, and suddenly felt as if I had been hit by a two-thousand-pound wrecking ball. The wind whooshed out of my lungs, and I collapsed onto the couch. My chest felt as if the wrecking ball had landed on top of it. I couldn’t breathe.

Then I lost control. The grief I had been carrying around since my parents’ death hit me, made stronger by the loss of my sister. I couldn’t remember the last time I had cried. I had probably been five years old or younger. Tears poured down my face as I heaved out a sigh, dragging in a breath only to end up choking on it.

I leaned forward, propping my elbows on my knees, and buried my face in my hands as the sobs wracked my body. Every ounce of energy was zapped as I struggled to breathe through the sobs. I wasn’t sure how long I stayed like that, but when the tears slowed and I could breathe again, I felt as if the burden had been lifted. I stood and went to the bathroom to splash cold water on my face.

“Fuck,” I groaned, looking at my red, puffy eyes.

I looked terrible. I was embarrassed by my breakdown and very glad no one had been there to see what had happened. I knew it was my own fault. I had been carrying around guilt and grief for too long without acknowledging it. Tracy had warned me it would sneak up on me one day. I had even seen a therapist once; she told me the same thing. I never went back to the therapist. I couldn’t admit weakness. Loving someone made me feel weak. Crying over the loss of anyone made me feel weaker. Men didn’t cry.

I had been dead wrong. I had lost out on precious time with my sister because I had been a stubborn ass. I grabbed a garbage bag from under the sink and shoved a few of Iris’s toys and clothes into the bag. I’d buy her a new bed and new toys. I wasn’t sure I could have Tracy’s things in my house. It would be too weird.

By the time I walked out of the apartment and got into the waiting car, I felt remarkably better and like a different person than I had been when I walked in there. I had a clear mission. I had to get Avery to marry me. I wasn’t going to stop until she said yes. I was willing to pay her a healthy wage if she agreed to do it. I was going to win custody of Iris, one way or another. It was the only way I could ever repent for my sins against my family. I wasn’t sure I could ever be happy if I didn’t do something to make up for my horrible behavior in the past.