RIPP. Life offers us changes as time passes and we grow older. Sometimes these changes are what we see in the lives of others. Not always are the changes that we witness in the lives of those around us what we may expect, hope for, or are prepared for. I think living life with an open mind and a heart filled with love allows us to understand and accept changes for what they truly are.

Opportunities.

Opportunities to grow.

“I’m going to eat the Italian salad with grilled chicken,” Bug said as she handed her menu to me.

“I always just have them bring me the chicken. They bake it and it’s fuckin’ good. That’s what I’m having,” I placed my menu on top of hers and laid them on the edge of the table.

“So how’s everything going?” I asked as I leaned forward and rested my forearms onto the table.

Bug sat back in her chair and crossed her arms, “Good.”

“Bug, I know this is a tough time. I know that there’s a lot that you probably don’t want to talk about, and maybe a lot you do, but just not with me. I want you to know you’re my sister and beyond that…well, you’re just a great girl. Always have been. So, anything at all, I’ll talk to you about it. Now what did you want to talk about?” I said softly as I smiled.

“Your tooth!” she giggled.

“Huh?” I shrugged.

“You got rid of Goldie!” she covered her face with one hand and pointed at my mouth with the other.

“Oh, yeah. I did. The other day,” I grinned.

“That’s crazy. Wow. You look good, Ripp. So how’s Vee?” she asked.

“Thanks, Bug. And Vee’s great. She ain’t going anywhere. Hell, I love her. Can you believe that?” I leaned back into my chair and smiled.

“I can tell. It makes me happy. I like her a lot. And I like the fact that you’re uhhm. Well, settling down,” her voice changed to one of uncertainty as she spoke of settling down.

“I’d say that’s partially true,” I laughed.

“So, you didn’t text me and have me meet you so you could talk to me about Vee. What’s up, Bug?” I asked as I leaned onto the table again.

Her eyes shifted to below the table as she crossed her legs and took a shallow breath. She was obviously nervous. I needed to give her time, let her get comfortable, and say whatever she had to say in her terms, not mine. I leaned back in my chair and took a drink from my glass of water as I looked into the parking area by the edge of the patio.

“Have you decided?” the waitress asked.

“I didn’t see you walk up. Yeah,” I said as I handed her the menus.

“She’ll have the Italian salad. Add grilled chicken. I’ll have that chicken plate I always get,” I smiled.

“Six pieces?” she asked.

“Yep,” I nodded.

“And an Ultra?” she asked.

“No, I’ll just have water today,” I responded.

“Okay, let me know if there’s anything else,” she smiled.

As she walked off, Bug looked up and started speaking.

“You know. It’s weird. I don’t really think about it the way you think I probably do. I always think about it. I always wonder what I did wrong. I mean, I know I didn’t do anything wrong, but it’s all I can think about. What should I have done differently?” she raised her hands and shrugged.

“Probably nothing. I mean, he was going to do it anyway. But I think about it. Like all day. I imagine one day it’ll go away, or fade, or whatever. Maybe it won’t, Ripp. I don’t know. Having him gone helps. I hate to say it, but it’s true. I hate him. Even now that he’s dead, I still fucking hate him, Ripp,” she shook her head lightly and stared at the top of the table.

“It’s okay to have that hatred, I think,” I said softly.

It hurt to listen to her say these things. I hated to think of my sister going through this, and especially going through it on a daily basis. Thinking of what he did to her every day. For me, after his death, it was over. I had the trial to think of, but I really didn’t focus on Bug and what her thoughts or feelings would be. Tucker being gone made the problem go away for me. I guess, in hindsight, the problem never goes away for the victim. They just find a way to live with it, and she needed to find her way.

“Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. I don’t want to have it, Ripp. I don’t want to hate him. Hating him is allowing me to acknowledge what he did. To remember it. I don’t want to remember it. I want to forget it. I know that will never happen, but I sure want to get as close as I can,” she twisted her mouth, looked past me, and raised her eyebrows slowly.

“Okay. Let me say what I have to say, okay?” she asked as her focus shifted to me.

“Okay,” I agreed.

“No getting mad, and no screaming and taking off on your bike, Ripp. Okay?” she asked.

“Okay,” I said hesitantly, wondering what she was going to say.

“I mean it,” she waited, her eyebrows still raised.

“Okay, Bug. I’ll just listen,” I leaned back in the chair, crossed my legs, and rubbed my hands on my shorts.

“Well, if I was going to, you know, like make up my perfect boyfriend? He’d be a lot of things. He’d be tall. I like tall guys. They make me feel like they’re real men. Short guys are creepy,” she paused and wrinkled her nose.

“So, a tall guy. And he’d be sweet. Really nice and polite. And he’d think before he acted. He’d always be thinking. Not a hot-head, like you,” she held her index finger in the air.

“You’re a hot-head, Ripp. I love you, but you’re a hot-head. He wouldn’t be like that. And. He’d be romantic. He’d say all kinds of nice loving things. Sweet things. But he’d be tough. Like, uhhm, when he had to be. You know, like when it was necessary. He’d never be mean. Like never. But when he had to, he’d be tough. He’d make me feel safe because he could take care of me,” she nodded her head and grinned.

“And he wouldn’t ever pressure me, Ripp. Never pressure me. You know, about…well, he’d never pressure me. Just never. It’d always be my decision. The sex. I’d decide when. And that would be that. He’d wait for years if that’s what I said. Years, Ripp. And he’d be okay with that. Oh. Last thing,” she paused and smiled a huge smile.

“Yeah?” I chuckled, wondering where she was going to find this perfect specimen on a man.

“He’d ride, Ripp. He’d ride a motorcycle. Oh my God, riding on a motorcycle makes everything better. You know, nothing matters when you’re on the back of a bike, Ripp. It all goes away,” she nodded her head slowly.

“What do you know about motorcycles?” I asked.

“Well. Okay. Don’t get mad, Ripp. I mean it,” she pointed her finger at my chest and shook her hand.

“I found him, Ripp. That guy. The one I just described. I found him. I’m so excited. He’s perfect. And I know right now is probably weird, and I’m like way full of emotion, and all of that stuff but I know that he’s perfect and I want to like spend forever with this guy. I never want to let him go and I never want him to leave. It’s just crazy but when he’s around I feel things I’ve never felt. And he can take care of me when you’re gone, Ripp. You’re not always going to be here for me, you know?” she paused and inhaled a shallow breath and turned her palms up.

I leaned forward onto the table and released the grip my teeth had on my bottom lip, “I want to meet him. No exception. I’m going to interview this prick, Bug. I’m sorry, but this asshole is going to have to answer to me.”

“Ripp…” she said softly.

I stood from my chair and pushed my hands into my pockets. The thought of someone seeing my sister, especially after what she’d been through, wasn’t going to settle well with me. He’d have to be considerate and understanding. He’d have to be kind and soft and slow. Guys aren’t slow. They want one thing and one thing only. Guys are after pussy.

“Where does he stay?” I asked.

“Ripp…” she shook her head.

“Where’s he fucking stay, Bug?” I clenched my jaw and stared.

“Ripp, you promised…”

“Where does he stay, Bug? Simple question. Now answer it,” I demanded.

“Ripp, seriously, you promised,” she sighed.

“Where?” I demanded.

“Okay, don’t get mad, but,” she paused.

“He’s perfect, Ripp. And he wants to talk to you. That’s why I’m here. I’m talking to you before he does. Because I want you to know he’s perfect for me. Perfect, Ripp,” she said as she stood from her chair and crossed her arms.

“Bug, answer me,” I crossed my arms and slowly shook my head.

“It’s Alec, Ripp. Alec,” she sighed.

I stared at her, confused.

“A-Train,” she raised her eyebrows and waited for my reaction.

“A-Train?”

“Yeah, A-Train,” her mouth slowly formed a smile.

If there was one person on this earth that I felt like I could trust with my sister, it’d be A-Train. Not only would he never harm her, he’d make damn sure no one else did, either. I uncrossed my arms and shoved my hands into the pockets of my shorts and smiled.

“You’re not mad?” she asked.

“Nope. In fact, I guess you’d probably have to say I’m a little surprised. But, you know, the happy kind,” I chuckled as I sat in my chair.

She pulled her chair from the table and sat down, “Thank God.”

“You tell Pop?” I asked as I reached for my water.

“No. He uhhm. He wanted to take me on a date. Like an official date. He wanted to ask you and Dad for permission first. He said he wouldn’t do it any other way,” she grinned and shook her head from side-to-side.

“That’s one of the reasons I like him so much,” I smiled.

“What do you mean?” she asked as she slowly shrugged her shoulders.

“Well, A-Train’s made up of a whole bunch of little fibers, little moral fibers. Not everyone is going to understand him, and not everyone is going to agree with him, but in his world there are only two things - right and wrong. To him, life is black and white. There’s no grey. And he’ll never do anything, ever, that he sees as being wrong,” I leaned back into my chair, crossed my legs, and smiled.

“Here you go,” the waitress said as she placed our plates on the table, “there’s silverware wrapped in the napkins.”

“Thank you,” Bug smiled.

“Anything else?” the waitress asked.

“No, everything looks good,” I smiled.

As the waitress slowly walked away, I picked up a piece of chicken from my plate and pulled the skin from the meat. As I held the skin over my mouth, Bug shook her head and grinned.

“Well, get to eatin’. I need to get to the gym,” I said as I dropped the skin into my mouth.

“You and that gym. Take your time, we have all day,” Bug rolled her eyes.

“Well,” I said as I chewed the skin.

“We need to eat so I can get out of here. You see, A-Train’s at the gym. I need to get there so he can talk to me. Then, he can go talk to Pop. And then, he can ask you on that date. The sooner we get out of here, the sooner you go on that date,” I smiled and bit into the chicken.

Bug dropped her fork onto her plate, leaned her chair back onto the rear legs, looked to her right, and raised her hand in the air.

“Check please!” she screamed.

“Damn, Bug. You in a hurry?” I laughed.

“Uhhm. Yeah. Shove that shit in your pockets and get out of here. Eat it at the gym. I’ll pay the tab,” she nodded.

“Shove this chicken in my pockets?” I chuckled, pointing to my plate.

“Yep,” she grinned.

“Ripp, now that you have Vee. Now that you two have whatever you have. You know, the love? Can you imagine being without her?” she asked.

As I gnawed the meat from the breast bone, I shook my head, “Nope, she’s the best thing that ever happened to me. My life is like, I don’t know. Perfect.”

“All started with a date, right?” she asked.

I nodded my head and swallowed.

“Yeah, I’m in a hurry. I’m ready, Ripp,” she paused and crossed her arms.

“For that date,” she batted her eyes and waited.

And with that statement, I stood up, pulled my pocket open with my left hand, and carefully started stuffing the remaining five pieces of chicken onto my shorts.