SHANE. “Well, I’m just glad you aren’t dead, kid. Hell, nobody heard a damned word for a couple of months. I checked with Kace every day for a few weeks – maybe a month or so. I finally gave up hope.”

In many respects, Kelsey had become somewhat of an uncle to me. I looked at Ripp’s father as my father, and Kelsey as more of an uncle. I had grown to admire and respect him, and as I sat on his couch I began to realize just what it was I had put everyone through with my insensitive behavior.

“I’m sorry boss,” I sighed as I raised my hands to my face.

“I suspect you are – and rightfully so. Based on what you said, I can’t tell ya how I would have reacted. I don’t suppose I know for sure, that’s a tough pill to swallow. I’d like to think I wouldn’t have up and left Kace, though. She’s a damn fine woman, kid,” he said as he patted my knee with his hand and stood from the couch.

“You know you’re always welcome here. You need to shower though, you stink to high heaven. Have you got clean clothes on that bike of yours?” he asked.

I stood from the couch and lifted the neck of my tee shirt to my nose, “Sure don’t boss. I have a bag strapped to it, but everything’s dirty.”

“Well, I have sweats and a tee shirt might fit you. Shirt will be a little tight, but it’s clean. Let me get ‘em,” he said as he turned toward the hallway.

He had not yet asked about the fight. Although I imagine it was on the top of the list of things he wished to discuss, he didn’t bring it up. Standing in the house with him now, I felt as if I let him down. Kelsey’s life had been devoted to training boxers. The dream of every trainer is no different than the dream of every boxer – to make it to some form of championship fight. To make it to the Heavyweight Championship of the World is the equivalent of winning the World Series or the Super Bowl. To have something so deeply desired within his reach, and take it from his grasp was inconsiderate of me as well.

I suppose we never truly know how we’ll react to a given situation until it presents itself. In this particular circumstance, I sure seemed to make an absolute ass of myself. From an outsider’s view looking in, I would be perceived as an insensitive, self-centered, selfish, inconsiderate asshole. In recalling where I’d been for the last six weeks and what I’d gone through – without any form of contact with my friends and family – I’d have to say I agree. To describe myself as selfish would be an understatement.

Kelsey walked out into the living room with his arms full of bedding and clothes.

“Making a place to stay in here will be much easier than cleaning out one of the rooms. You can sleep on the couch,” he said as he dumped the contents onto the cushion beside me.

“Here’s pillows, sheets, sweats, a tee shirt, and a pair of boxers. Don’t bitch,” he paused.

“The skivvies are new, not used,” he chuckled as he dropped them beside me.

“Thanks boss,” I said as I looked down at the pile he had dropped.

“And there’s a clean razor in the bathroom on the sink. Shaving cream is under the sink. You need to shave, kid. You look like hell,” he grinned as he rubbed his face with his fingertips.

I tilted my head his direction and attempted to smile. Feeling rather embarrassed regarding everything, I grabbed the sweats and boxer shorts and slowly walked toward the bathroom. A shower should relax me and allow me to think for the rest of the night with a clear mind. The eight hour ride from Anthony to Austin was far from relaxing, and I needed to wash the road tar, bugs, and six weeks of sorrow from my skin.

After shaving and taking a long hot shower, I felt revived and full of guilt. As if the soap and water washed the feelings of sorrow and misery away, I was left standing cleansed and filled with shame. In walking into the living room, I noticed Kelsey had taken the time to convert the couch into his best representation of a bed.

Tired and regretful for everything I had done, I lowered myself to the couch, pressed my head into the pillow, and immediately fell asleep.

The referee held our hands at our sides as the sound from the overhead speaker wailed noise I wasn’t able to comprehend.

I could feel the crowd chanting, but wasn’t able to understand the meaning behind their repeated screams.

The echo from the overhead speaker caused the hair on the back of my neck to rise.

The crowd went silent.

And the winner…by knockout…and still the Heavyweight Champion of the World - Tyson Tick-Tock Brock. Sharply, I felt the referee tug the hand of the man standing beside me into the air. Embarrassed, I turned to face the crowd. One side of the arena was filled with unfamiliar faces – the friends and family of my opponent. I turned to the other side of the arena and blinked my eyes.

Empty.

Completely empty.

I sat up on the couch and wiped the sweat from my face. The dream seemed very vivid and realistic. Still confused and uncertain of what had just happened, I walked down the hallway toward Kelsey’s bedroom.

“Hey boss,” I said as I knocked on the half-open door.

“Hey boss,” I said as I knocked again.

“Shit, what is it kid?” he said as he sat up in bed.

“Call Brock’s manager. Or whoever. I want that fight. As soon as we can get it organized,” I said in a matter-of-fact tone.

“Well, hell. I knew you’d come around, kid. We’ll call them first thing in the morning,” he responded groggily.

“First thing?” I asked.

“Yep. I’ll call them right after breakfast,” he responded.

I nodded my head and smiled without speaking. As I walked back to the couch I considered the fight and what it meant to me. It wasn’t a gold championship belt hanging on my bed post, or the framed cover of a Sports Illustrated magazine on the wall over the fireplace that drove me toward wanting to fight for the championship. Not any longer.

It was meeting the expectation of those who loved me.

As I sat on the edge of the couch, I reached up and clenched my dog tags in my hand as I prayed.

It’s me again. I know I come to you often, but I imagine that’s much better than not coming at all.

I need some help.

I’ve abandoned my friends and family and everyone who cares about me because I was scared, selfish, and I had lost faith in everything and everyone; including you.

Help me make decisions based on what’s best for those around me. The rest, I’m sure, will take care of itself.

And as far as our little boy goes, I’m okay with whatever happens. As long as he’s born alive, I’ll be just fine with whoever he is or becomes.

You see, I know now, and I never quite looked at it this way before, but whatever happens, I can live with. I can make sense of it all. You give me a son, and I’ll give him the best father the world has ever known.

Ultimately I know everything will be fine, because…

I paused, sniffed, and tilted my head toward the sky.

You got this.