Chapter Thirty-nine

 

 

 

The funeral was scheduled for nine days later. My mother was handling it hard, spending hours in their bedroom, crying and going through photo albums. Even though they’d only known each other for four years, she’d said it had seemed like a lifetime.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do without him, Jessica,” she kept repeating.

Tank was also taking it hard, but handling it differently. He became distant and moody, not wanting to talk to anyone about how he really felt. Then there were the times that he’d flip out over the smallest of things, and I began to wonder if he was self-medicating with drugs.

“He’ll be fine,” said Raptor, when I talked to him about it right before the funeral. “He was like this when Krystal died.”

“He was not like this when Krystal died,” whispered Adriana, when Raptor stepped away from us. “If you want to know the truth, I think he might be using. He used to snort cocaine with Krystal, sometimes.”

We both looked over at Tank, who was with some of the other club members, talking quietly.

“Well, he’s definitely hung over right now,” I said. “He stayed at Mom’s last night, drinking a bottle of Jack. Drank himself into a stupor while watching television. Never said anything to us, either.”

“You’d better watch him,” said Adriana. “He might need some kind of intervention.”

I grunted. “Right. Like he’d listen or even allow it.”

She smirked. “Yeah. I know. He’s been voted in as the club president now. He needs to get his shit together or they’ll vote him out. Raptor is even concerned about Tank.”

“Maybe he just needs time,” I said, my heart going out to him. No matter what happened, Tank was still like an older brother and I desperately wanted him to be okay.

“Yeah. Maybe.”

Tank looked over at us and I could tell he knew that we were talking about him.

I smiled at him.

He turned away.

 

***

 

 

I sat in the front row of the church with my mother and Tank. The place was packed with other Gold Vipers from different chapters, coming to pay their respects. Even Bastard and April showed up.

During the sermon, Raptor and a couple other club members went up to the podium and spoke of their love for Slammer. I held my mother as she cried, while Tank stood next to us quietly. I noticed that his eyes misted over once, but other than that, his face was like stone. 

When it was over, I turned around to walk my mother out of the church, when I noticed him in the back row.

Jordan.

My heart skipped a beat as our eyes met and I immediately felt my insides turn to mush. I’d missed him so much, even as angry as I’d been. I knew at once that if he asked me to jump on another plane with him for anywhere in the country, I’d do it in a heartbeat.

As I raised my hand to wave, people everywhere began to get up and move and I lost sight of him.

“Jordan is here,” I whispered to Adriana, who was in the row behind us.

“Who?” asked my mother.

“The Judge,” said Tank, speaking for the first time.

“Did you know that he was coming?” I asked.

Tank nodded.

I sighed. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because he’s not here to see you,” he replied bluntly.

“I realize that,” I said, his words stinging me.

Raptor tapped me on the shoulder. “He’s not staying, so if you want to go talk to him, now’s your chance.”

I looked at my mother.

“Go ahead,” she said, dabbing the tears on her face. “You two obviously have some unfinished business. We’ll meet you back home.”

“Are you sure?” I asked.

Frannie smiled sadly and then leaned over, to whisper in my ear. “I lost my man. Don’t let that one slip away. Not if he’s worth it.”

“The problem is, he doesn’t think he is,” I whispered back.

“The good ones never do,” she said, squeezing my shoulder. “Do what you need to do.”

I looked at Adriana.

“We’ll take care of your mother,” she said, smiling at me. “Don’t worry.”

I gave her a hug and walked ahead of them,  in search of Jordan. When I made it out of the church, I scanned the parking lot until I saw him, getting on a motorcycle. He started the engine and I watched in disappointment, as he began to drive away.

“Coward,” I mumbled, walking down the steps of the church. When I reached the sidewalk, I decided to go and wait for Mom and Tank, in the parking lot. I didn’t feel like talking to anyone and didn’t know many of Slammer’s friends. Being alone sounded like the best thing to do.

As I began walking toward Tank’s truck, I heard the rumble of a Harley behind me. I turned around and there he was.

“Get on,” said Jordan, nodding to the back of the bike.

“Why should I?” I asked, raising my chin. As much as I wanted to jump on, I wanted an apology even more. He owed me one.

His lip twitched. “Fine. Don’t, then.”

Grinding my teeth together, I got on behind him, thankful that I’d worn black dress pants instead of the dress, I’d originally picked out.

Jordan handed me a helmet.

I slipped it on and we took off.