I silenced my phone, shoving it under the pillow—as if it could protect me from giving in and running home, just as he had demanded.

What the hell had I done?

I told myself I was done taking orders, but when I heard his voice and shared his release, I wanted nothing more than to obey.

I rolled onto my stomach and groaned into the pillow. The only thing keeping me sane was to know he was in no better shape than I was.

The sound of movement traveling from the front of the apartment had me shooting upright. Had Keiran found me after all?

Just as quickly, I shook my head, realizing how silly that idea was.

When I heard stumbling, I figured Di must have just come in from another night of drinking. A male groan followed by a giggle and I knew she must have brought someone home with her. My head stopped mid shake when I remembered I wasn’t going to judge. I knew Di was screwed up, and the extent became clearer with each encounter. Keiran had told me a summarized account of what had happened to her starting as a young girl thanks to her father.

Actually, it was all because of her father.

I still couldn’t believe Mario prostituted his own daughter.

And then to have never met her mother… Although, from what Willow and Keiran had told me about Esmerelda, I considered her fortunate. She disappeared after her attempt to kill Keiran had failed, but knowing she was still out there didn’t make me feel any safer.

She’d try again.

It was only a matter of when.

Being with Keiran didn’t eliminate the constant fight for survival. I’d learned how to survive him and now I was learning how to survive with him.

The unmistakable sound of sex began to drift underneath the door and my eyes widened when I realized they were doing it right in the hall!

I stormed from the bed and yanked open the door. I didn’t stop to think about it. I should have stopped to think.

The sight of a tall, muscular man with dark hair—who still wore all his clothes while Di was naked from the waist down—greeted me. His dark jeans were lowered, showing off his muscular ass that flexed with each hard, upward thrust. Di whimpered while her head rested against the wall. A tortured expression marred her features even as her nails dug into his shoulders.

“Harder. Please harder.”

Her fingers dropped from his shoulders to grip his powerful ass, encouraging him to take her the way she pleaded. He obliged and powered forward with impossible force. I watched as his head turned ever so slightly to take her lips.

And that’s when recognition hit me hard.

I was stuck. Stumped. Stupefied.

Say something!

“Q?”

What followed was like watching a fifty-car pile-up on the freeway—except they froze. Di’s eyes popped open and stared back at me. She didn’t look surprised or sorry. Her eyes were empty of emotion.

“Oh, shit,” the guy, who I quickly realized was not Q but looked a lot like him, swore. He dropped Di’s legs from around his waist and quickly yanked up his jeans. Di took her time lowering her dress, unbothered by her nakedness. Her thong lay at their feet, forgotten.

“Sorry, girly. Forgot you were here.” She giggled but forgot to add humor. Her guest finally turned, giving me a full picture. He had the short, dark hair and matching eyes, and even the stature that screamed Q. The only thing he lacked was the quiet reserve.

“She’s fucking hot. Can she join?” he asked with a lustful stare that would have unnerved me much like Keiran’s did. The only flaw was, he wasn’t Keiran so it did nothing for me.

“If you want to keep your balls and your life and in that order, I suggest you never think that thought again,” Di answered dryly.

“That’s too bad.” He took one last pass at me with his eyes and then retreated for the bathroom indicating he’d been here before.

“Boyfriend of yours?” I questioned.

“I like to think of him as a fuck buddy. He’s reliable, available, and has a big cock.”

“He looks like Q.” Shit, I didn’t mean to say that. Her emotionless gaze now burned with disdain and a mocking acknowledgment of my observation. Her expression read, ‘Yeah so?’

“Sorry. I like the taste of my feet.”

She chuckled and rolled her eyes before pushing away from the wall. “I’ll try not to keep you awake,” she promised as she disappeared into the bathroom with her Q lookalike.

I didn’t realize I was still standing there staring after her until the bathroom door reopened. I dove back into the safety of her guest bedroom to prevent another awkward situation with the reminder that her sex life was none of my business.

Later, I found that early afternoon pancakes could momentarily cure any awkward situation. Di had trouble getting up due to a hangover—and hard sex, if the sounds coming from her bedroom were anything to go by—and I just needed the escape sleep promised, so I slept in.

Di’s friend was gone so it was just the two of us, but I couldn’t get the sight of her being fucked out of my head. I kept seeing her face contorted with torture rather than pleasure. The way she clung to him and begged for more said it wasn’t physical pain that caused her torment.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I looked up to see her take a sip of her coffee and to stare at me over the rim of her cup. I could tell she found it amusing. Even though I couldn’t see her lips, I knew she was smirking.

“I didn’t take you for a coffee person,” I commented, ignoring her question.

She shrugged and took another sip. “It keeps me from crawling back into bed and staying there. It was either this or alcohol.” My mouth suddenly felt dry, so I took a sip of orange juice. Or maybe I just needed a distraction.

“So do you?” she repeated.

“No. I think I saw enough. More than enough,” I added.

“Did you touch yourself?”

I regrettably spit out the second sip of orange juice I had just taken. She looked down in disgust at the mess I had made and then handed me a napkin.

“What?” I coughed.

“I’m just wondering if you were shocked by more than just catching the act. Maybe you were turned on?”

“Oh God, no,” I groaned in horror. She burst into laughter, and I knew it was at my expense. “You’re fucking with me,” I guessed with narrowed eyes.

“Yeah, just a little. Have you never been caught in the act before?”

“Yeah, actually, I have.” I could tell my admission surprised her.

“Really?”

“Keenan.”

An involuntary shiver wracked my body at the memory of Keiran fucking me without mercy over his father’s kitchen table. Keenan had walked in and taunted me about how much I shamefully enjoyed the harsh pounding fuck. Something in his voice told me he may have even known I liked being watched, too.

It was something I’d never admit to Keiran. He was too possessive, so it was a good thing I didn’t have a burning desire or fetish for voyeurism. The possibility of being caught only served as something to tip the edge.

“That doesn’t surprise me. He’s a little shit. He probably walked in on purpose.”

“Yeah, probably,” I agreed absentmindedly. My mind wasn’t on Keenan. I was craving the feel of his older brother taking me.

Maybe I should go home.

“I walked in on Dash and Willow, too,” I offered just to dim the heat.

“Now that I’d love to see. Dash is yummy.”

“Sorry. Willow’s got that locked down with no plans to free him, ever.”

“I don’t want to claim him. I just want to ride his face and maybe anything else he has to offer.”

If I had juice in my mouth that time, I definitely would have made an even bigger mess. “Too much,” I protested with a laugh.

“Sorry. I’ll keep it in my pants,” she sighed.

“Q might get jealous.” I was instigating. I needed to know if something was or could be between them, but her eyes only darkened with anger, and maybe shame.

“I’m nothing but a dirty memory to Q. A dirty memory he’s already forgotten.”

The regret in her voice was heartbreaking, and I wondered once again at the past Q and Di shared. I realized the silence that fell between had stretched too long. Her eyes were downcast, and she was no longer eating. I searched for a way to unfuck this situation and rescue my foot, yet again.

“I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Maybe I should have had a drink,” she murmured. A knock at the door saved me from answering that. The last thing Di needed to do was ignore her problems, but I doubt she’d listen anyway. She disappeared to answer the door, and I put our dishes in the sink.

“What are you doing here and who are you?” I heard her say.

Shit.

“Is she here?” I heard Q question.

Fuck!

“Is who here?”

“Don’t fuck with me, Diana.”

“Oooh, Diana. So formal considering our history. You do remember you used to fuck my brains out when we were little more than tots, don’t you?”

I hurried to the door and turned the corner in time to see Keiran’s face twist with disgust. Beside him was an equally pissed off Q and a disturbed Jesse, whose astonishment mirrored my own. I was still sore with him so I couldn’t muster any sympathy for him.

Keiran noticed me almost immediately. He pushed past Di and into the apartment. He was crazy mad. It was all there in his storm-gray eyes.

“Are you fucking crazy?”

“Keiran, I told you last night I can’t do this with you right now.”

“You come here of all places?”

“What’s wrong with here?”

“Yeah,” Di cosigned. “What’s wrong with here?”

Keiran didn’t bother to acknowledge her. It was Q who spoke up. “Your mother is looking for you, Diana.”

 

 

* * *

Keiran threatened to handcuff me to the steering wheel if I wouldn’t come willingly, and he was mad—and crazy—enough for me to believe him, so I thanked Di for her hospitality, ignored Jesse, who pleaded with his eyes for forgiveness, and said goodbye.

Keiran actually scolded me when we drove away. Q had driven his own car but stayed behind to deal with the aftermath. Jesse sat in the back seat fidgeting, and I secretly enjoyed his discomfort. His loyalty had clearly shifted so as long as Keiran and I were at odds, he was the enemy.

“Lake, I’m sorry—”

“Shut it,” Keiran and I ordered simultaneously. I watched Keiran’s jaw tighten as he kept his gaze fixed on the road. I managed to keep my expression neutral when he sensed my stare and glanced toward me. In my peripheral, I caught Jesse looking between us as if we’d grown two heads.

“Why did you bring him anyway?”

“He wanted to make sure you and he didn’t do anything stupid,” Jesse answered sarcastically. I ignored him and faced forward again. Only five more hours of uncomfortable tension to go.

At some point, I’d fallen asleep and slept through Keiran dropping off Jesse and driving us home. It wasn’t until I felt his arms around me and he lifted me that I woke up.

“Welcome home,” he taunted. I looked up and was blinded by his shit-eating grin and wondered how bad things could get if I slapped it off his face.

“Don’t be so smug. I could always handcuff you to the bed again and this time, throw away the key.”

The anger in his eyes should have scared me, but it tickled me with delight instead. “Don’t ever do that again,” he warned.

“You handcuff me all the time. Is there some kind of double standard to foreplay now?”

“Have I ever handcuffed you and ran away?”

“I thought I’d shake things up a bit so our sex life doesn’t go stale.”

I didn’t expect him to drop me on the couch and step back. I expected him to try and overpower me with his male ego. He only stared down at me as if trying to piece together a tough equation. It was then I realized how exhausted he appeared. Stress lines decorated his forehead and the bags underneath his eyes took away from the striking irises.

“I was really okay,” I said, giving in. “I just needed to think and… I was scared.” I sucked in as much air as I could to hide the alarm that blared within. 

When had admitting fear become so hard? Once upon a time, I lived in fear until it was as natural as breathing.

“I’m scaring myself.”

He hesitated and then sat down next to me. “You’re scaring me, too.” I couldn’t recall a time when I’d heard him speak so softly. It turns out Mitch’s death and my lies were leading to a lot of firsts for us.

Keiran had admitted he was afraid and it was because of me.

“So what do we do about it?”

He shook his head and stared deep into my eyes. “Just answer one question first. Did I do this?”

“I don’t understand.”

“Did loving me do this to you?”

“I don’t know,” I answered reluctantly. “I only know I wanted to do anything I could to keep you around even it if meant corrupting myself along the way.”

He blew out a harsh breath. “I don’t know if I can accept that. I don’t want you corrupted. I never wanted that for you.”

My heart rate accelerated and my chest grew too tight. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t—

“Ar—are you breaking up with me?” He looked as surprised by his words as I was.

“I probably should…”

No.

He leaned his head back against the sofa and closed his eyes tight. I wanted to scream and demand he open them again. I needed to see his eyes. I needed to know if this was real.

“…but there isn’t a muscle in my body strong enough to do what’s right when it comes to you.”

I stared at him in disbelief. When he opened his eyes a tiny fraction to gaze at me, I launched myself into his lap and buried close.

“Don’t,” I found myself pleading.

“I won’t.”

“Don’t think about it anymore either.”

“I’m not.”

“Good.” My hand followed its own command and slapped him with all the strength I had left—the only strength he didn’t take from me with his brief surrender to his conscience.

He grunted in pain, and I realized I wanted more so I tried again only to be stopped by his hand on my wrist. “You’re pushing it.”

“Do you have any idea what you just did to me?”

“You had my father killed. I think we’re even.”

“So breaking up with me was your way of getting back at me?”

He shot me an impatient look. “Not in the least, but it’s good to know where you stand with us.”

“I’ll always stand by us.”

“Even if my hairline recedes and I grow a beer gut?”

“You don’t drink beer.”

“You’re welcome,” he smugly stated causing me to slap him in the six slabs of concrete under discussion. “I told you about that.” 

The warning in his eyes was clear. I shrieked and scrambled to escape his lap, but he was much too fast. He locked his arms around my waist and sunk his teeth into my shoulder. “I told you,” he growled and pushed his hips up until they met mine.

He may have been too much for most women, but his forcefulness was exactly what drove me wild and kept me crazy about him.

It took a special kind of girl to bring Keiran Masters to his knees.

We made out as if we were teens again when he would drag me out from my house in the middle of the night during the summer and into the backseat of his car.

It didn’t take long for his jeans to be around his ankles with me also naked from the waist down and riding him as if my life depended on it.

“Oh, my… Fuck,” I cried when I finally came and shook around him. He grunted from the force of his own release as he came inside me and nibbled on my jaw before kissing his way down my neck. My hips moved slowly against him, and with his cock lodged deep inside me, I could have easily come a second time.

“I love you,” he whispered.

“Love you,” I gasped when he sucked my breast into his mouth, “more.”

“I doubt that.” He released my nipple and grinned up at me with all his boyish goodness.

My eyebrow lifted at his response. “We could always beat the crap out of each other to settle the score like you do with Dash and Keenan.”

“I thought we could go upstairs and make another home video.”

For Keiran’s birthday this year, I finally gave in to his desire to tape us when we made love so we could capture moments that passed between that were fleeting but powerful.

We made a few dirty ones, too.

I captured his lips. It was my turn to kiss him senseless, so when he closed his eyes and gave in, loosening his grip in the process, I made my move.

“You have to catch me first.” His eyes popped open, but it was too late. I was already heading for the stairs. I knew without looking back that he chased.

He always would.

 

* * *

I pushed the cart through the produce aisle heading for the tomatoes. I decided to get an early start on repairing our relationship and left Keiran at home in bed. I read in some girl magazine while waiting for a dentist appointment that the key to a man’s heart was through his stomach or his mother, and since I couldn’t exactly call his mother from the other side for advice, an omelet would have to do.

Keiran’s lovemaking last night surprised me. In all the years we’d been together, he’d never taken me so tenderly. To be honest, it wasn’t something I thought him capable of doing. I was definitely grateful to have gotten it on video. The only thing we couldn’t capture was the love in his eyes when he brought us release—that I’d have to rely on only my memory to keep close.

I reluctantly pushed back memories of last night and made quick work of my grocery list. After ringing up with the cashier, I carried my purchases out into the California heat, ready to get back to my temperamental boyfriend.

“Lake Monroe?”

I turned at the sound of my name and immediately took in the badges and holstered pistols as two men approached. Instinct recognized them as the new detectives assigned to replace the two who tried to send me to jail for the rest of my life for a man who deserved so much worse than he got.

“What are you doing here? This is California.”

“We’re aware of the jurisdiction, Ms. Monroe. I’m Detective Grayson and this is Detective Roberts.”

“Boy, you guys are really going for the record books, aren’t you? Let me guess… You’re here to arrest me without a warrant again. Or maybe you’ve been following me to see if I’ve been stalking health centers—”

“We just want to ask you a few questions.”

“And you thought I’d answer them without my lawyer present?”

“Why not? Do you have something to hide?”

“If you think I’m answering that, you’re just as dumb as the last two.”

“You do know that if you aren’t guilty, then our investigation will clear your name? You’d have no reason not to answer our questions. We could help you.”

“Funny. I don’t remember asking for your help. Has it ever occurred to you that I’m glad Mitch is dead? Kudos to whoever did it. Now, if you’ll excuse me.” I attempted to walk away, giving them my ass to kiss.

“We did some more digging, Miss Monroe. Did you know your boyfriend visited his father the day before he was murdered?”

Wait. What?

I turned back around and approached them with quick steps. Maybe I was falling into another trap but something about their smug looks told me maybe not.

“That’s impossible. Keiran had no idea where his father was.”

The detective eyed me with mock sympathy. “Is that what he told you?”

I hated his condescending smugness. “It’s what I know.”

“Well, unfortunately for you and your boyfriend, when we flashed his mug shot around, one of the nurses recognized him. It seems he was smart enough not to log his visit, and I couldn’t help but wonder why. Apparently, one of the young, prettier nurses took a liking to him. She recognized him as one of the only visitors he’s had since John Masters died.”

Truth or not, thanks to years of Keiran’s tormenting, I knew when I was being led into a trap. I needed to get out of there and fast.

“Excuse me, detectives. The Nevada state line is calling you back.”

This time, when I turned away, I didn’t stop. I threw my grocery bags in the car and let them fall wherever and burned rubber from the parking lot. They stood by watching my display with smug grins until I could no longer see them in my rearview mirror.

It couldn’t be true, could it?

Why would he lie about knowing where his father was?

If he had gone to see him, why was he left alive?

I couldn’t get home fast enough. I considered leaving the groceries in the car but instead, used it as a chance to get my thoughts together.

It was a trick.

It had to be a trick.

I lugged the groceries inside and found Keiran leaning against the counter, eating an apple, shirtless and dressed in gray basketball shorts. His erection was evident, and I felt my tongue swell in my mouth.

I closed my eyes briefly, fighting the temptation, and when I opened them again, he was grinning at me. The cocky fucker knew the effect he had on me.

“Let me help you with those,” he smoothly greeted but frowned when I stepped back and dropped the sacks at my feet. “What the fuck?”

“Did you know where your father was the whole time?”

“Come again?

“Did you know your fucking father was at Summit this entire goddamn time?”

“Watch your mouth,” he growled. He didn’t even have the decency to look surprised or worried that he’d been found out.

“Answer me!”

“Lower. Your. Damn. Voice,” he roared. His voice was as loud as if a bomb had detonated. He was standing toe to toe with me by the time he finished, his chest heaving.

Well, I wasn’t about to back down. “You knew he was there, didn’t you? All this time?”

He exhaled and took a step back. “Keenan told me a couple of weeks before I went to see him.”

“Why?” It was no secret Keenan knew where Mitch was, but we all agreed it was better if it were kept a secret from Keiran. I hadn’t even known up until my grandmother was admitted to the facility.

“He said he’d been fucking up a lot and wanted to ‘knock some shit off his list.’” He shrugged, appearing as clueless as I felt.

“I don’t understand—”

“Why I didn’t kill him?” I nodded slowly, still trying to piece together the growing puzzle. “Because of you.”

“M—Me?”

“Mitch was already dying, and while it would have given me greater pleasure to end him, I made you a promise that I’d already broken once for my brother. I wasn’t willing to lose you.”

I couldn’t see past the tears clouding my vision. He had given up his right to revenge. I had betrayed him, and I then took the right from him. 

Even worse, I hadn’t trusted him.

I knew you would come back for me. It’s what Mitch had said when he saw me. I hadn’t understood then and assumed it was the ramblings of a dying, evil man. He’d thought I was Keiran.

“You lied to me.”

“Yes.”

There was no remorse in his tone or eyes. He ensured I felt guilt, and all the while, he’d been lying to me, too. “I spoke with the new detectives on the case.”

His eyes narrowed with suspicion. “When?”

“Don’t look at me like I’m the guilty one. They cornered me at the store this morning.”

“Did they follow you?”

“Does it matter? I’m sure they know where we live.”

“It matters. If they followed you, it means they’ll keep following you.”

I wanted to take the focus off me—and quick. His stare was beginning to make me sweat. “They told me you went to see him the day before I did, but you were on a business trip.”

He shook his head and tossed his leftover apple stem in the trash. “I didn’t need to meet Jesse until the next day.”

“Why did you go if not to kill him?”

“Because I did go to kill him. I wanted him to die in the worst way. That would never change. The only thing that did was the decision not to. He wasn’t worth it. Or so I thought.”

“You did the right thing.”

“Did I? You didn’t seem to think so when you went to kill him, instead.”

“Yes, I went, but I’m not even sure I could have.”

“Q said you were ready to stab him when he stopped you.”

“I guess we’ll never know.”

He didn’t answer. He bent to pick up the sacks of food I had carelessly dropped and started putting them away, effectively ignoring me. I felt like we were back at square one, and just like that, our night and our truce was broken.