PRESENT

 

Keiran had disappeared inside his office after our fight, leaving me to deal with the newly cracked pieces of our relationship. After pouting and worrying for an hour, I decided to get started on the reading for the start of my summer classes, which were to begin in a couple of days. I tried not to think about how much of my life could have crashed and burned if my arrest had been real.

Even now, it was still a likely possibility. It was only a matter of time before they found the evidence to make a warranted arrest.

I ran my sweaty palms down my bare legs and tried to concentrate on the black and white print. After reading the same sentence fifteen times, I tossed the textbook away and began to pace. I never even noticed when Keiran entered the room until his deep voice broke my trance.

“What are you doing?”

“Pacing.”

“I can see that. Why are you pacing?”

“Because I’m thinking?”

“The investigation,” he guessed correctly. “Don’t worry about it.”

“How can you say that?” My pacing quickened. “That woman saw me and she’s testifying. I don’t understand why they haven’t even made a real arrest yet.”

“Because she’s not testifying. I took care of it.”

I came to a screeching halt and rushed to get to the side of the room where he stood. “You didn’t.” I searched his eyes for signs of someone who could kill someone innocent but only saw pain reflected down at me.

“I didn’t kill her. I offered her money and a safe place to stay for her and her two daughters.”

“A safe place to stay?”

“Her husband was beating her.”

I nodded and processed the thought of Keiran playing the knight in shining armor to strangers. Somehow, it wasn’t as difficult to picture as I had imagined. “How much money did you offer her?”

“Fifty.”

“Grand?” I asked, incredulous.

“Is that a problem?”

I ignored the bite in his tone and continued to stare. It was at this moment that I began to wonder how well I knew his heart. Apparently, I underestimated the depth it was capable of meeting.

Was I so skeptical of him all the time?

“That’s very generous,” I admitted, concealing my surprise. He shrugged and continued to watch me closely.

“Actually, I wanted to talk to you about them.”

“What about?”

“Laurie’s oldest is being bullied in school.”

“Yeah?”

“I was thinking you could talk to her.”

“Mean girls aren’t really my forte.”

“It’s a little boy whose mother is having an affair with her father.”

“Are you sure we should be getting involved in this?”

“Are you serious?” I didn’t miss the raging storm in his eyes and failed at concealing my surprise. “I thought if anyone might understand, you would.”

“You do realize that being in contact with this family is illegal? We could be charged with intimidating a witness.”

“They haven’t brought charges against you yet, and do you know why? Because the mother of the daughter I’m asking you to talk to will not testify against you. Without her, they have no chance of indicting you.”

“What makes you think I can help this girl? I spent most of my life giving in to fear.”

“Like you’re doing right now?”

“What?”

“A ten-year-old girl needs your help and you’re bitching out.”

“Did you just call me a bitch?”

“No, but I should have. You’re acting like one.”

“Since when did you care? You had no qualms about making my life a living hell, and suddenly, you want to fix this little girl’s life? Why?”

His nostrils flared, but he remained silent. Two sure signs that I had gone too far. In truth, I had no idea why I was resisting. I wanted to help this girl, but the petty part of me was standing in the way.

Why this girl and not me?

I suffered emotional—and sometimes physical—pain at his hands for ten years. The only time I didn’t suffer was the year he went to juvie, and even then, I walked on eggs shells, anticipating the day he returned.

The aftermath had been more dangerous than I gave him credit for.

His eyes slowly shifted around the room, and I knew he was trying to regain his composure, but I could only think of it as the countdown of a bomb.

When his eyes finally settled on me again, what followed wasn’t an explosion. His smooth voice washed over me instead.

“I’ll never get the chance to make right what I did to you. It haunts me. I—”

“You think helping this little girl will make it right with me?”

“I think helping Cassie will make it right for both of us.”

Maybe it was the idea of him wanting to make it up to ten-year-old me, or hearing him say her name as if she were already someone special to him, melted me. “Cassie… Her name is Cassie?” I cooed.

“Should I have started with that?” he grinned, picking up on my sudden acquiesce.

“I shouldn’t have freaked out on you. Of course, I want to help her, it’s just that a part of me still hurts for the little girl who was afraid of her own shadow because of the possibility that it was actually you standing behind me.”

“I’ll apologize to you every day for the rest of my life if that’s what it will take.”

“Or you can just love me.”

He stepped up until his chest was pressed against mine as he stared down at me with growing intensity—”I thought that’s what I’ve been doing”—and sarcasm.

I wrapped my arms around his neck with a coquettish smile. “A girl needs to be reminded every now and then.”

“I seem to remember reminding you very thoroughly last night. I even have it on video.”

I felt my body grow hot at the reminder of all that occurred last night and decided to change the subject. “So when do I get to meet this Cassie?”

“How about this weekend?”

I nodded. “I still can’t believe you corrupted a witness.” And was that pride I heard in my voice?

“Believe it, baby. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”

And I now knew that included giving up his chance at killing the father who sold him and secretly killed his mother.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.” His answer was slowed down by wariness.

“What if you didn’t kill your mother?”

It was obvious by the way his body jerked that it hadn’t been the question he expected.

“Where is this coming from?”

“You want to right so many wrongs about your past, and I know this must haunt you… What if you didn’t do it?”

“You’re right,” he agreed but pulled away. His face twisted with disgust, and I knew this wasn’t going to end well. “There are many things about my past I want to undo but killing my mother can never be one of them.”

“But—”

“Fuck.” He shoved his hands through his hair. His eyes shifting wildly. “I’m not doing this.”

He moved for the door, but I couldn’t let him leave like this.

“But you didn’t do it!” I shouted too late.

He had already stormed out. 

 

* * *

The next couple of days, I struggled with telling Keiran the truth about Sophia’s death. Mitch had led him to believe he killed his own mother, and while Keiran refused to talk about it, I knew it haunted him.

Would there ever be a right time to tell him? After his episode two days ago, I had begun to think it was better never to tell him.

What would the truth do to him? Would he accept it as the truth or would he believe Mitch was fucking with him even in death?

Keiran hadn’t spoken a word to me in the two days since I tested the waters. Though it didn’t stop him from turning to me at night or in the morning when we would wake or even in the middle of the day.

And since the first time he took me, I wasn’t strong enough to deny him so I let him use my body as an escape. It was the only way to help him while he struggled with his demons.

“Hey,” I heard from the doorway as I pulled on jeans. Today was my first day of summer class, and I was reluctant to go. The tension between us only made me want to latch myself to him, afraid he might bolt.

“Hey.”

He didn’t move from the door. He continued to stare as I pulled on a t-shirt and slid my feet into flip-flops. I grabbed my messenger bag and pulled it over my head and held onto the strap to keep it from latching.

“Class?” he asked stating the obvious. Maybe he was feeling as insecure as I was.

A girl could only hope.

“Yup. First day. I have two—”

“Come here,” he interrupted. I blew my growing bangs out my eyes so I could see how serious he was. The intensity of his stare told me he was very serious. My feet moved before my brain could give the command. When my brain finally did catch up, I stopped and decided to make him meet me the rest of the way.

I should have known better.

He gripped the strap of my bag and tugged me the rest of the way.

In a way, the move defined the scope of our relationship. I challenged him, and he pushed back, obliterating all my defenses.

“Are you talking to me yet?” he pouted.

“Wha— I thought you weren’t talking to me?”

“I fucked up,” he sighed. “I shouldn’t have walked out on you like that.”

I mentally tallied in our head the fights we’ve had in a short amount of time. “Do you realize we’ve fought more since I was arrested than we have in the five years we’ve been together?”

“I realize I do a lot of things wrong when it comes to you.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself. I did get your father killed.”

His eyes darkened, and I prepared myself for another argument when he kissed me instead.

“After you’re done with classes there’s somewhere I want to take you.”

“Where?”

“After class,” he said and let me go. He walked past me and disappeared into our master bath. I stared at the closed bathroom door, willing myself to shake off the effect he had on me. I was finally able to move and left for class wondering about his mysterious request.

When I got home a few hours later, I was greeted by the sight of him zipping up a small backpack. He took my bag from me, dropped it by the door, and led me back out. I got the sense he was in a hurry, so I didn’t ask questions until he pulled up to a building with a sign that read ‘Shooting Sports.’

“What are we doing here?”

He put the car in park and turned in his seat to face me. “I’m not always going to be around. If you’re going to protect yourself, you need to know how.”

My eyebrows rose to my forehead. “That’s very big of you, Keiran Masters.”

“My generosity isn’t the only thing big about me,” he flirted.

I rolled my eyes and grinned back at him. “Yes. Your ego is much bigger.”

“If you’re good, I’ll let you feel how big my ego is all night.”

“So, is this going to be like when you taught me to bowl? Because I don’t think I have as much constraint. You don’t scare me as much, and you’re much hotter now than you were then.”

It was his turn to look surprised. “Really? How so?”

“Well, for one, you aren’t finding ways to make me cry every day. Your muscles are bigger—more defined. Your voice is deeper—smoother.” My own lowered seductively as I ticked off reasons why he was so irresistible to me. “I think you might have even grown an inch.”

“Inch and a half,” he corrected.

“Oh, wow,” I gushed, stroking his ego and watching his chest puff. He smirked, seeing past my response.

“What else do you think is sexy about me?”

I leaned over until my lips were touching his. “I also think you have finessed the fine art of fucking.” I wanted him to kiss me, but he leaned away and quirked an eyebrow.

“You think?”

“It’s been hours,” I answered, referring to this morning’s session in the shower. “A girl forgets.”

“I think you might have hit your head against the tile too many times while we were fucking if you forgot that.”