She started to protest, but I shut her up by nipping the corner of her mouth. I felt her pussy clench hard around my fingers and somehow, I felt the same sensation around my dick.

“When you’re ready,” I assured. She nodded looking far too relieved, so I hooked my fingers inside her to catch her attention and felt her gasp against the skin of my throat. “But you will be ready.”

It was a warning and a threat. Two things she didn’t deserve from me. She should have pushed me away and ordered me out, but fuck me, why did her pussy flood my fingers instead?

Even under the worst of circumstances, I could never get enough of how she still managed to come apart at my command.

“Hey, man. I need to you stop whatever freakiness is going on in there. Q just pulled up.”

I listened as Keenan’s footsteps retreated at the same time Lake stiffened. I watched her for a beat, but she didn’t move. It looked as if she had stopped breathing altogether so I pulled her up and fixed her clothes, but she continued to look spooked.

“Lake,” I repeated her name, but it wasn’t until I snapped my fingers that she became aware of me again. “What’s up with you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Q shows up and you go catatonic on me.”

She avoided my gaze and talked to the floor. “Let’s just see what he wants.”

“What makes you think he wants something?”

“Seriously?”

This back and forth was getting us nowhere so I took her hand and led her downstairs. Dash, Keenan, and Q were in a corner talking too low to hear. “What’s up?”

“Hey, man. I heard they bagged Lake. I came to see what I can do.”

“It was a bogus arrest. Those pigs must have gotten desperate because they were fishing.”

“Are you sure they were only fishing?”

I felt a nervous twitch at the threat of doom. Or maybe I was just being dramatic. Either way, it didn’t stop me from being suspicious. I’d never seen Q nervous, but he looked ready to buckle now.

“Why? Do you know something I don’t?” Rather than answer, he turned to address my girlfriend. “Tell him, Lake. I’m giving you one chance or I will.”

“Quentin, don’t do this.”

“Tell me what?” My voice had risen to an ear-shattering level, but Q continued to stare down Lake, who stood with her feet braced and her fists clenched. She looked ready to do battle. I was used to her running.

Q finally met my stare and steeled his jaw. “Lake didn’t kill Mitch. I did.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Dash inch closer to me. Keenan pushed Lake and Sheldon behind him and braced, but I hadn’t moved.

“The fuck did you just say?”

“Kennedy is upstairs,” Keenan cautioned. I ignored him and grilled Q with only my gaze. It didn’t take him long to start talking when it became apparent Lake wouldn’t.

“The day you left with Fitzgerald to secure a deal, the hold on my leave was pushed through. I figured it was too late to call so I just dropped by. You were already gone, but I caught Lake leaving. She looked…off.” He cast a quick glance her way and rubbed a hand across his nape. “I followed her to campus and waited. She didn’t stay long, but she headed out of town right after so I followed her to Summit. I hung back at first and called you to give you a report, but I couldn’t get through to you.”

Fuck, I remembered the missed call that day. When I called him back later, he said nothing about Summit. He’d fucking lied to me.

“She snuck in the back. I followed. It took me a while to track her, but I got there just in time. She—she was going to kill him, man. I stopped her. Whatever he’d been feeding her had pissed her off enough to kill him.”

He was wrong. She had gone there to kill him. Whatever she learned while there was just an added bonus.

I focused on Lake now who stared back at me with unapologetic eyes. She knew I knew, and she didn’t seem to care. I counted the lies and promised to pay her back for every one of them.

“He’s who you were protecting all this time? He’s why you keep lying to me?” I hadn’t realized I was closing in on her until Keenan stepped in my path, completely blocking her from me. “Move.”

“You’re out of line.”

“I won’t ask you again.”

“Then I’ll put you down.”

I struggled over my next move because I could tell he was serious. The last thing Keenan and I needed was another reason to fight, but I wouldn’t let anyone keep me from her.

“No one’s fighting,” Dash ordered. He came to stand in front of me, blocking Keenan and Lake from my direct line of vision. “You need to talk this out, but only if Lake is willing.” He held my gaze until I nodded and then he turned. “Lake, do you want to go with him?”

“Yes.” Her voice was small and hesitant. I could tell she was grasping for strength, but her true nature was to submit and she would. I’d see to it if only to keep her safe.

Dash nodded and Keenan moved, also hesitantly. Lake was acting on her own, and my brother was taking orders from Dash now. I began to realize none of them trusted me to do the right thing—to stay rational and act in everyone’s best interest.

Did I even trust me?

Five years had passed, but my past was still very much a part of my present. Maybe it always would be. Maybe I was fighting a losing battle, I thought as Lake came to stand by my side.

She looked up at me with wary eyes, and I stared back down at her wondering what I would do to her before taking her hand and leading her to the stairs.

Before I disappeared with my secretive girlfriend, I met Q’s watchful gaze. I managed to refrain from killing him, but I wasn’t through with him. I knew when I was outnumbered, and Kennedy didn’t deserve another traumatic experience. She loved the lying motherfucker.

I dragged Lake back upstairs because I didn’t know what else to do. Once we were safely inside, I slammed the door and trapped her against it.

“What—”

I gripped her lips a little too roughly. Her skin would bruise, and I relished the idea of seeing her soft skin affected by me. “No more lies. I’m losing control.” It sounded like a plea because only she could keep me together, but if I broke… I wasn’t sure I could be pieced back together.

“You know it all.”

“Do I?”

She nodded and squealed when I slammed my forearms on the door on either side of her head. “You led me—you led everyone—to believe Mitch was still out there, all to feed your lie. I don’t even know who the fuck you are!” I breathed her in and stole her ragged breath. Her chest heaved against my own. I needed to get closer. I wanted to intimidate her. To make her yield so I wouldn’t feel as if I was losing her.

“I had to. What else could I do?”

I ignored her question and turned away to pace. I felt caged. I needed to release, but that would destroy us. “What else did he tell you, huh?”

“He told me who killed John.”

The blood in my veins hardened to ice. My skin prickled and the hair on the back of neck rose. “Who?”

“Greg.”

The face of the private investigator I had hospitalized the day I found out Kennedy was kidnapped formed, and I gritted my teeth to keep from spewing as much venom and hate as I could muster. I should have killed him. If I had, John would be alive. It was the first time I expressed regret over his death. It was still hard for me to admit love for the man who saved me.

“There’s more.” I didn’t bother to respond, but I didn’t have to. “He was hired by your father to kidnap Kennedy.”

“Mitch didn’t have any money.” Any money he did have couldn’t have been enough to hire three men to kidnap someone.

“He said someone owed him.”

“Who?”

“He didn’t say.”

The room descended into silence, but I was too in tune with her not to notice she had more to say. I could sense her inner struggle.

“Talk, Lake.”

“I won’t apologize for protecting you. You don’t want to lose me, but I refuse to lose you.” That wasn’t what I was expecting her to say. I inched closer despite the voice in my head telling me to stay away. “Tell me you can forgive me.”

“Do you think now is the time to ask for forgiveness? You’re still lying to me.”

“Protecting you!”

“I don’t need your fucking protection.”

“I don’t think you’re in the right place to hear what else I have to say.”

“So help me—”

“Uncle Keke?” We both froze at the tiny voice infiltrating the door.

Lake flung open the door and found Ken standing on the other side clutching a one-armed doll.

“Ken, baby, what’s wrong?”

“I broke my doll.” She lifted the doll up for Lake to inspect with fat tears in her eyes. Lake took the doll while I scooped her up. I met Lake’s eyes over her head, and we silently called a truce.

“Where’s the arm, sweetie?” Ken dug the arm from the pocket of what Sheldon called her day pajamas. I traded Ken for the doll, and she immediately hid her face on my baby’s shoulder while I inspected the doll. It looked like a simple fix. I popped the arm back in the doll and tested it out. Chances were it would break again, but to a four-year-old, it would be a miracle.

“What’s her name, Ken?”

“Lulu,” she answered without lifting her head.

“Well, I think Lulu is all better and ready for you to play with her.” Her head lifted then, and when she noticed her doll looking good as new, her eyes grew as wide as saucers. Her girlish squeal threatened to blow my eardrums as she scrambled from Lake’s arms and snatched the doll from my lap.

“Thank you, Uncle Keke. She scrambled up my lap and choked me with a hug for which she made up for with the sweetest kiss to my cheek. Lake watched with tears in her eyes, and I restrained from rolling my eyes.

Women.

I pulled her to my lap when Ken jumped down to run screaming for her dad.

“That was real sweet of you, Uncle Keke.” She smiled, but I could only stare back at her. Her smile fell, and worry replaced the temporary escape Kennedy had brought with her broken doll. “What is it?” Her voice shook, and I felt it in my chest.

“I don’t think I can forgive you.”

 

* * *

 

shouldn’t have said it. For the rest of the night, I had to pretend not to notice her fight not to cry and then to finally give in and cry all night. Like a bastard, I ignored her turmoil and offered her no comfort. I knew what went through her head as she cried.

Did I still love her?

Would I leave her?

I knew, and I didn’t do shit about it.

Every night she spent in my bed, I always held her in my arms, safe from the monsters that threatened to break us apart. She counted on that connection just as I did, but we were both denied it tonight because of her lies and my pride.

When I couldn’t trust myself anymore not to give in, I left her alone for the solitude the couch provided.

In five years, Lake had taught me how to love, but she hadn’t taught me how to forgive. Until now, I had no idea it was something that still eluded me. Effortlessly, she had become my reason, so while I knew I could never let her go, a part of me feared we would never be the same. I couldn’t bring myself to trust her. I only felt the need to control her for purely selfish reasons. I couldn’t be without her. I refused.

“Hey, man.” Q’s greeting broke the silence I had settled into and already, I could feel my jaw harden and set. He appeared from the kitchen, holding a beer and dropped into the recliner adjacent to the couch I took over. “We need to talk.”

You don’t fucking say.

I sat up abruptly and caught that his body was tense and ready for battle.

“What the fuck were you doing there with her?” I whispered as loud as I could without breaking the quiet peace in the house.

“Protecting her like you told me to,” he answered just as harshly. “I couldn’t get in contact with you to tell you my leave had been approved and she had fled town, so what the fuck was I supposed to do, huh?”

“And after you killed my father? What then?”

“We both know you don’t give a shit about him, and we both know what would have happened if I’d told you what she’d done.”

“I don’t give a shit. She’s mine.”

“She won’t stay that way if you keep being a dick. She’s yours yet you keep finding the need to enforce it. The only thing threatening your hold on her is you.”

He might have been right. Fuck… I knew he was right. It didn’t stop me from destroying everything that was good for me.

“Look, it’s done. Mitch is dead. I know you wanted to get to him first, but…” He took a swig of his beer and then picked at the label as his frown deepened.

“Why?” I had to know how Lake convinced him to kill Mitch so recklessly. 

“John.”

“Come again?”

“Your uncle. He didn’t deserve to die the way he did and I owed him.

“How the fuck so?”

“He saved my life, and he didn’t even know it.”

“That’s because he didn’t care.”

He shook his head and regarded me with pity. “The saddest part about this is you really believe your uncle didn’t care about you.”

“Ten years of absence will make a person think so.”

“He saved your life! He saved my life.” His voice echoed around us but neither of us seemed to notice.

“Do you really believe that?”

“You really don’t?” When I didn’t respond, he huffed in frustration and shook his head. “You cannot be that blind.”

“John was a coward.”

“And you? Are you any better?”

“What the hell are you getting at?”

“You’re going to lose that girl because you’re afraid she’ll break you, but maybe it’s what you need, man. You can’t be invincible forever.”

“Isn’t that why one would be invincible?”

“Fuck, man. You might be right.” He cracked a smile, and I found myself grinning back at him. Why was my relationship with my childhood friend unbendable when my relationship with Lake had cracked right down the middle? Could it have been because she affected me more than anyone else did? I trusted her with a part of me that no one had been able to touch before her.

I groaned and leaned back, covering my eyes with my hands. How the fuck would I get us past this? Ensuring Lake never had the chance to deceive me again was high on my list of priorities.

“How did they bag her?”

I released a humorless laugh. “She signed in. They have her signature on file the day of the murder.”

He was already shaking his head before I finished speaking. “That’s impossible. She snuck in the back. I saw her.”

My chest threatened to break open from the harsh pounding of my heart. She was still lying to me. “Did you see her leave?”

“She left before I did a sweep of the room.”

“What about her car?”

“I was a little preoccupied with not getting caught with blood on my hands. Besides, why would she stick around?.”

“She told me her grandmother is living at the facility. It’s the only reason they aren’t able to pin the murder on her yet. She has a valid excuse for being there. The father of her boyfriend also residing there was just a coincidence.” It was the story Thompson was able to spin. It was a rocky defense but the best we had. He was also planning to exploit the illegal arrest in court and obliterate their credibility. Whatever idiot made that call would regret it for the rest of his life. I’d make sure of it.

“It sounds like you need to talk to her.” He must have anticipated my intent because he added, “But not tonight. It’s been a long day. Sleep it off. You need a clear head because your girl’s got it in her head that you need to be protected. She won’t give in if you push her.”

I wanted to argue the point that Lake had been my toy for years, and I knew exactly how to break her when I realized that breaking her was the last thing I wanted. I wanted Lake strong, but I didn’t want her fighting my battles. Hell, I didn’t even want her fighting her own.

While I struggled, Q stood and announced he was crashing in the basement. I laid my head back against the couch cushions and stared at the ceiling as if the answer to how to deal with my girlfriend was in the paint.

The next morning, after I’d showered, I found her sitting on the side of the bed staring down at her phone. “What’s up?” It was meant to sound casual. The way she’d jumped and her eyes widened, I knew I sounded anything but.

“Do you think we can reschedule our court appointment? I’m due for my birth control shot.” She looked down at my morning wood tenting my jeans. “It’s not something I should miss,” she admitted with flushed cheeks.

“We can’t reschedule. It’s too late. It was also a condition of your release, warrant or not.” I didn’t add that I was eager to get this handled so I could get her home alone where there would be nowhere for her to run and no one to interfere.

I expected her to argue but she simply nodded, grabbed her toiletry bag, and walked past me to leave the bedroom. She stopped in the threshold and said, “You can’t touch me.” She slammed the door, leaving me alone to stare after her. I could tell by her demeanor that I had fucked up royally last night, and if we ever got past this, I’d be paying for it for a long time.

I took her spot on the edge of the bed and waited until she finished her shower. When she returned, her eyes avoided me as she moved about the room, clutching the towel closely around her. She was hiding herself from me and it pissed me off more than her silence.

“Lake.”

She stiffened before giving me her full attention. “Yes?”

“Why did you go back?”