We spent the rest of the morning cuddling and talking until it was time to start packing up to head back to the city. We arrived back at my place late in the afternoon and I had never been more bummed out over a weekend ending. As we pulled up to my house, I noticed Emma’s car parked in the driveway. I hurried up toward the porch while Samuel grabbed the bags. She was sitting on the couch and she looked as if she’d been crying so I immediately ran to her side and embraced her.

“What’s wrong, Emma?” I asked. In all my years knowing her, I don’t know that I’d ever seen her this upset over anything. I could tell something was really wrong as I searched her face for answers.

“David left. Like he just walked out the door and I haven’t heard from him since. That was four hours ago,” she said, sniffling.

“What do you mean? He didn’t say where he was going?” I asked, confused as to what would have led to him just walking out like that.

“Oh, god, Delilah. I think he’s upset. I think I freaked him out,” she said.

As she said it, I caught Samuel out of the corner of my eye. He walked past us and down the hallway.

“Okay, let’s just start from the beginning so I can understand,” I said.

Samuel reappeared and sat down in the chair. We both leaned in toward her, waiting for more of an explanation.

“I’m pregnant,” she said.

I’m not even sure what I felt in that moment, but I instinctively wrapped my hand around my waist. This wasn’t about me; this was about her. I couldn’t imagine what she was feeling.

“He left because you’re pregnant?” I asked, confused. David was not that sort of guy. I just couldn’t see him doing that to Emma.

“I think so. I was so excited to tell him, even though we had agreed to wait another year to try. I figured it was close enough, it wouldn’t make that much of a difference. I mean, we didn’t mean to but it happened and so I just thought we would both make the best of it. It’s something we wanted, you know? So I sat him down and told him. He looked surprised at first. He didn’t smile or laugh or ask anything. He just sat there quietly for a few minutes. I asked him if he was okay, but he didn’t even respond. He just sat there staring off into nothing and then got up and left. He just walked out without a word.” She started sobbing even harder.

I was perplexed. Bewildered. Never in my life would I have pegged David for that kind of guy. Where did he go? Was he freaked out? None of this made any sense. As I sat here sorting the details through my mind, I couldn’t help but wonder if all men just lost their minds when it came to babies and pregnancy. Some got violent, obsessed, and others just disappeared and bounced before they ever had to worry about any of it. I leaned over and pulled my friend into my chest and hugged her as tightly as I could. I didn’t know what to do or say but I had to try for her sake. I had to give her whatever comfort I could.

“It’s okay, Emma, it’s okay. I’m here. I know that doesn’t solve anything but I’m here for you. You can stay here tonight if you want,” I whispered to her.

“I just don’t understand,” she said.

I looked back at Samuel who had a look on his face that was equal parts sadness for her and anger toward David. It was probably the same look I had. How could he do this to her?!

“I’m going to make some tea and food for everyone,” Samuel said as he got up and walked toward the kitchen.

I stayed where I was, holding my friend in my arms. Her erratic breathing began to soften and steady. She pulled her face from my shirt sleeve and started wiping under her eyes. I grabbed some tissues for her and sat here patiently waiting as she pulled herself a bit more together. Her poor face was all pink and puffy. She wiped her face and blew her nose.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I know this is rough but we will figure this out. We will figure out what happened.” I tucked her hair behind her ear and gave her a reassuring smile.

“God, I must look like a complete and total mess,” she said. Emma wasn’t the type to be so unraveled in the presence of others. She kept things pretty locked up. She’d always preferred to be alone in emotional times.

“You’re the prettiest crier I’ve ever seen,” I said with a smile.

She chuckled a bit which was a relief.

Samuel came back with some tea and sandwiches. “I got you decaf,” he said, handing Emma her cup with a smile.

“Thank you,” she said, managing to return one.

“You should eat something, too,” I said. “I want a chubby little niece or nephew to spoil.” Granted, I wasn’t her sister, but that didn’t matter to us. Emma laughed a little louder now, nodding her head and grabbing a sandwich from the plate. I was glad to see her starting to pull out of her previous state.

“I was actually hoping you’d be the godmother,” Emma said, looking at me and smiling big.

Tears flooded my eyes. I felt a thickness in my throat. “You know I will,” I said, smiling at my friend. This was supposed to be a joyous time for her. Not this. Not this bit of joy surrounded by this large pile of shit. I grabbed my stomach again and ached for her. Samuel rubbed his hand over mine. As we made eye contact, he smiled.

“Well, I’d better be going. I need to get home to check on Mason and relieve my sister of her auntly duties,” Samuel said as he stood. He looked over at Emma and gave her a smile then leaned over and kissed me on the cheek.

“Okay, text me later?” I asked, hugging him around his neck.

“Of course,” he said, raking his fingers through my hair.

As we pulled away from each other, he kissed me again. I wonder if everything is going to tingle every time he kisses me or if that will fade. I hope it doesn’t fade.

He closed the door behind him as he left and I returned my full attention to my friend, who despite her crying was smiling at me.

“What?” I said, knowing very well what was coming.

“You like him,” she teased.

“Um, yes,” I said.

“I’m glad you finally gave in to what you’re feeling. I thought I had my work cut out for me. And believe me, I was very prepared to put in the work,” she said, giggling as if she’d just caught me doodling his name on the back of my Trapper Keeper.

“Shut up,” I said, blushing.

“All I’m saying is that it’s nice to see you happy. I worry about you, you know,” she said.

“I know, E. I know,” I sighed. “But don’t get all excited and get your hopes up. This is the beginning. The beginning is always nice. It’s later that worries me,” I finished.

She tilted her head at me and gave me the half-puzzled, half-disappointed look. And I knew why. She was silently telling me that not everyone is a Jeff, and not everyone will hurt me, and Samuel shouldn’t have to pay for his mistakes. And she was right. Except it’s much easier to say those things than live them. It’s easy to romanticize a life when you have never lived it. That was the problem with society. They wanted to declare so matter-of-factly what the woman should have done, what she could have done, and were satisfied in stating she must not have hated it so much if she didn’t do something about it. It was always her fault for not leaving. No one understood the strange sort of quiet bravery it took to stay and hope. She was right; no one should have to pay for the things Jeff did but sometimes there was nothing you could do about it. Sometimes it was up to everyone else to prove to you they weren’t more of the same. And there was nothing I could do about it.

* * *

The next thing I knew, I was being startled awake by the buzzing from my pocket. I rubbed my eyes, looking around to wake myself up. Emma and I had fallen asleep on the couch. I reached for my phone, fumbling a few times before bringing it up to see the screen.

I yawned. Poor guy was probably worried when I didn’t respond.

I checked the clock. I had slept for two hours and it was dinner time now.

Just as I was receiving Samuel’s last text, I was startled by a knock at the door, causing me to drop my phone. Who on earth? The last time I got a surprise knock, it was Jeff. And I knew it wasn’t Samuel. I stood slowly and cautiously walked toward the door. I opened it just a bit to form a thin crack. Fucking David. You have got to be kidding me.

I swung the door wide open and peered at him. If looks could kill, he’d have been dead on my front porch. “Well, well, well, look who decided to show up,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest. I started tapping my foot wildly and waited for a response.

“Please, it’s not what you think. Let me explain,” David said.

“Oh, trust me, an explanation is all I want from you,” I said.

“Is she here?” he asked.

“Of course she’s here, but why should I let you see her?” I snapped.

“Please,” he begged.

I rolled my eyes and stepped back to let him inside. He looked over at Emma curled up on my couch. She was already holding her stomach. Her face was still very pink and puffy and there was dried mascara all down her cheeks. I hope he loathed himself for this.

I sat down in the chair and watched, ready to stab him with the closest object I could get my hands on if I didn’t like what he was doing or saying. He sat down beside her on the couch and gently rubbed her cheek. Her eyes fluttered a bit and finally opened. The look on her face went from half asleep to confused in a second and I could see the tears in her eyes starting to well up again. I curled my fingers into the upholstery of the chair arm.

“You left,” she said.

“I know,” he said.

“Why?” she asked, choking back tears.

“I’ll admit I didn’t handle the news well. I completely freaked out. I needed some air,” he said, hanging his head.

“When people want air, they go outside. They don’t get in their car and leave,” she snapped.

“I know, I know. I didn’t mean it. I have no idea what I was thinking. I didn’t even know where I was going until I got there,” David said. He pulled a small box from his jacket pocket.

“What is it?” she asked as he handed it to her.

“Open it,” he said.

Emma pulled the ribbon strings off and opened the lid. She gasped and covered her mouth. Inside was a charm bracelet with a single charm dangling from it. It was a heart that said “Mom”.

“I know I shouldn’t have just left. I know that. I got in my car and started driving and didn’t even know why I was doing it. I just freaked out. I started wondering if I was going to be a good father, if I was going to do everything right. All these things started flying through my head and I just…I don’t know.” He dropped his chin and I could hear him start to cry a little, the way men do when they have genuinely messed something up.

Emma sat there for a moment, staring at the gift, staring at her crying husband. She pulled his chin up and looked him in the eyes. “Promise me you’ll never do that again,” she whispered.

“I promise,” he said, wiping under his eyes.

“It’s not just you and me anymore. We are going to be a family. A whole family,” she said, starting to smile. He reached over to hold her and I heard them both crying for a moment.

“David?” she said.

“Yes?” he said.

“You’re going to be an amazing father. I don’t want you to ever worry about that.” She smiled.

He smiled back and hugged her again. “Let’s go home,” he said.

I sat here, watching the whole thing. I started crying when they cried. I smiled when they smiled. Now I sat here, holding my stomach and not understanding what that kind of love felt like. I envied what they had in the best way possible.

I stood to hug them goodbye and threatened David’s life one last time for good measure. I was glad it worked out, that their story had a happier ending than I had feared. I was excited for them. And at the same time, a tiny bit jealous of my friend. I don’t find jealousy to be as negative of an emotion as people claim. It wasn’t so much that it went unchecked. It wasn’t so much that it would cause any issues. But in the back of my mind, I remained slightly jealous of all she was about to experience. But Emma deserved this happiness. And I would be there for her every step of the way. I had sort of gotten lost in my thoughts when I heard my phone ding again. Oh, right, I dropped it on the floor. I started looking around where I thought it had landed and heard it ding again. Probably Samuel worried again, I laughed.

I got down on my hands and knees and reached under the edge of the couch. I felt it under my fingertips and sat back on the heels of my feet to read his messages. Only they weren’t from him.

Your friend looked much happier leaving than when she arrived.