The next morning, I unpackaged all the baby clothes and bedding and threw them in the wash. I held a onesie up that read “Mommy’s Girl” printed on the front. I smiled. Emma was going to be so good at this.

Sometimes I couldn’t help but let my mind wander back to when I was pregnant. I daydream about what could have been if I hadn’t lost her. I think about all the things we might have done together, all the things we might have experienced. The birthdays and the Christmas mornings. The first step taken and the first day of school and the first lost tooth. Sometimes, somehow, the sadness subsides just a little so I can see all the beauty that might have been. The beauty that, for whatever reason, was not meant to be.

A knock at the door interrupted my thoughts and I looked over to see Samuel sliding in, breakfast in hand. He handed me a coffee and a brown paper bag.

“Good morning,” he said, smiling down at me.

I both admired and hated his cheerful morning disposition. “Your enthusiasm is to be envied,” I responded. I unfolded the top of the bag and smelled the loveliest breakfast scent.

“Bacon, egg, and cheese on a croissant,” Samuel said.

He was good at feeding me, I would give him that. I took a sip of my coffee, savoring the caramel flavor.

“So what’s the plan for today?” he asked.

“Well, I started to wash the clothes and bedding this morning. I thought we could go ahead and get all the paint supplies put away and get the dresser back in place. Then we could tackle the crib? I think it’s the only other thing that would definitely need to be assembled inside the room,” I said.

“Sounds like a plan,” he said, biting into his sausage sandwich.

Emma and David had gone to a check-up appointment and wouldn’t be back for a couple of hours. I finished my sandwich and removed the tags from some more baby clothes. I held up a little pink dress.

“So have they picked a name?” Samuel asked.

I laughed. “Not yet. It would seem that they’re having trouble. I think Emma wants to hold her first,” I said.

“Did you have a name picked out?” he asked, nervousness in his voice with the realization that the question would take us from small talk to something more.

“Yeah, I did,” I said, barely audible. I hadn’t spoken her name since I lost her. I wasn’t sure if I could. Or maybe I wasn’t sure if I wanted to. He sat there, looking at me in silence, waiting. I took a deep breath.

“Lily,” I said, eyes fixed on the floor, “after my favorite flower.”

Samuel reached over and squeezed my hand. He didn’t say anything. He had a way of somehow knowing when to say something and when to keep quiet in a situation. You can give a lot to another person with your silence at just the right moment. I might never speak her name again for as long as I live but I was glad I did it this one time, for just this one moment. I met his gaze with my own.

“We’d better move that dresser in,” I said, changing the subject and making an excuse to get up.

Emma hadn’t given us any direction on how and where she wanted things so we were on our own. I tried to invoke her spirit for the task but I didn’t think it was helping. Samuel and I moved the dresser to three different places around the room before we settled on the official spot. God, I hope everything doesn’t take this long. I went to change over the laundry and put more in while he pulled the crib box into the room and started opening it up. When I returned, he had successfully managed to take everything out of the box and cover the entire floor with wood pieces and screws and some other things I definitely didn’t recognize. He was down on his knees with the assembly directions in one hand and an L-shaped doohickey in the other. His brow was furrowed and serious. He seemed to really be concentrating.

“Well, it’s official. This is clearly the manual for how to build an atomic bomb, not a crib,” he said, flipping it over to show me the diagrams.

I might have fainted had I looked at that by myself. This suddenly didn’t feel quite as simple as I thought it was going to be. “It’s okay. It will be fine. We are two intelligent adults. I’m sure we can figure this out,” I said. I plopped down on the floor and peeked over his shoulder to read along with him. God, he smells good.

Two hours later, we had three quarters of a crib. This was one of those converting types, and needless to say, it had a lot of mechanics to it that we didn’t expect. I went out to the kitchen to pour us something to drink and my phone started ringing. It was Emma.

“Hello?” I said.

“Delilah, hey, listen. They’re making me go over to the hospital. Apparently, I’m dilated a little more than they expected and they want to keep an eye on me,” she said.

“Oh my gosh! Emma! Is this it? Are you going to have the baby?” I asked.

“It is very possible! Oh my god, I’m freaking out. David is driving me over to the hospital and I’m going to get settled into the room and then he’s going to run home for my hospital bag. But they said he could spend the night with me, so you’ll have the house to yourself. Will you be okay?” she asked.

“Of course, of course. Don’t worry about me! Keep me posted, okay? If they say it’s getting close, I want to be there!” I said.

“Definitely. Thanks, D,” she said.

We hung up and I ran into the nursery to fill Samuel in. This was even sooner than expected which meant we really needed to kick it into gear. This room had to be done by tomorrow and Samuel agreed.

We ate some lunch and got back to it. We worked into the evening, pretty much skipping dinner, and checked our progress. The crib was assembled and in place. I had started to put the clothes away into the dresser and the bedding was in the dryer now. We put the mattress in the crib, assembled the swing and bassinet, and hung some of the pictures on the walls. We had made a lot of progress. When David came for the bag, we got the car seat installed. The only things left to do were to put the bedding on the crib and assemble Emma’s glider.

“I think we should take a break. Maybe even just get up early in the morning and finish?” Samuel suggested.

“Yeah, you’re right. Besides, I’m starved,” I said.

“I’ll order a pizza. Sound good?” he asked.

“Sure. I’m going to take a quick shower. I need to rinse the sweat off me,” I said. I looked at Samuel who was visibly affected by this comment. “What?” I said.

“Nothing. Nothing. I’m just…I’m a guy,” he said, smiling as if that explained everything.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked.

“Nothing. Seriously, nothing. I’m being a bonehead,” he said, shaking his head.

Men could certainly be very difficult. “Seriously, tell me,” I urged.

“Seriously?” he said.

I nodded and crossed my arms, waiting for a more reasonable explanation.

“Let’s just say the fortune cookies aren’t the only thing I remember, Delilah,” he said, looking me up and down.

I felt heat in my cheeks. Oh, god. I cleared my throat. “Oh,” I said, suddenly regretting my persistence. I could feel his eyes on me. My heart had begun to thud against my ribs. A grin swept across my face.

“I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m sorry,” he said, chuckling to lighten the sudden thickness in the space between us.

I stepped down the hallway toward the bathroom before turning. “Hey, Samuel?” I called back to him.

He popped his head out from inside the nursery. “Yeah?” he asked.

“I remember, too,” I said. I turned back toward the bathroom before he could respond. I left the bathroom door cracked to let some light in and undressed. I stepped into the shower and instantly melted. The steam rolled off my skin as I wiped my face with my hands. I started to lather shampoo in and let my thoughts go.

Seeing Samuel here wasn’t expected. But it hadn’t been bad. It was really nice, actually. Samuel was so comfortable. Had I forgiven him? I had almost forgotten how completely gorgeous he was. It was unfair. And he did something to me. He made me hot. White hot. It was hard to resist that smile and even harder to resist those black eyes he had.

A rustling from the other side of the shower curtain pulled me from my daydreaming. I looked at the curtain, waiting for more. Samuel pulled back the curtain part way and gazed at me. To my surprise, I didn’t try to cover up. I wasn’t even startled. I just stared right back at him, tempting him, tempting myself. After a few silent moments, he spoke.

“Do you mind if I join you?” he asked.

I nodded in return and watched as he slowly pulled his t-shirt over his head in one fluid motion. He was magnificent. My breath hitched in my chest as I watched him slowly unbutton his pants and push them down to the floor. He stepped out of them and into the shower. He didn’t touch me. He just stood there looking at me for the longest time. It was a pure moment. It was heat, but it was intimacy, too.

“Delilah, I just have to say something before…” He was interrupted by my cell phone ringing on the bathroom sink.

I stood here for a moment ignoring it. But then it hit me. Emma! I tore open the shower curtain and saw her name on the front screen. I reached for my towel and phone. “Emma! What’s going on? Is everything okay?” I asked.

“The baby is coming!” she said.

“I’m on my way!” I exclaimed and hung up with her. I looked back at Samuel who was already climbing out and getting his clothes back on.

“I’ll drive,” he said.

Of all the moments to be ruined. Of all the times for a baby to be born, it had to be now. Why now?!

We drove to the hospital in silence making our way to Emma as fast as we could. I desperately wanted to know what he was about to say back there but it would have to wait. She needed me now.

Samuel dropped me off at the door and went to park the car. I found the directory and we took the elevator up to the third floor where the maternity wing was. I looked up and down the hall for a nurse. Then I heard it. As clear as ever, Emma’s voice echoing down the hallway.

“Not yet. I’m not ready yet!” she yelled.

I ran into her room as she was pleading with the doctor. “I’m here!” I said.

“Delilah! Thank god!” she said.

David was at her side and she ushered for me to hold her hand on the other side of her.

“Are we ready now?” the doctor asked.

Emma shook her head. This was it. This was the moment that was going to change her entire life. I held her hand, I held my breath, and I pushed with her.

She was pushing new life into this world. Somewhere in my head, I was pushing out all the pain, all the hurt I’d experienced over the years. She was giving birth to this tiny person who would be the rest of her life. I was allowing myself to be reborn. She welcomed into existence her new reason for living. I said goodbye to all the reasons I’d made up for why I didn’t deserve anything more than this. That night in the hospital, there were two miracles.