I closed my eyes and concentrated on the beating of my heart as I drifted on top of the cool water. I’d had another restless night with very little sleep and it was all the fault of one man. A man who seemed to insist on invading my every thought, no matter how hard I tried to fight it.
Jeremy had only been working at the lake for a couple of weeks, but we’d spent nearly every day working side by side. He was nice, a hard worker and he made me laugh, which was rare in and of itself. I couldn’t remember a time in my life when I’d laughed as much as I did with Jeremy. Even before I was all alone, when I’d had a few friends and someone that loved me, there had never been that much to laugh about.
Lately though, I’d found myself laughing all the time at the funny things Jeremy would say or do. I felt relaxed and almost normal when I was around him, and in those moments, I was almost able to shed the burdens of my past.
The more I got to know Jeremy, the more attracted to him I became. Everything about him, from his gorgeous smile to the way his green eyes crinkled at the corners when he laughed, drew me in like a moth to a flame. And that was what scared me the most.
I’d been in high school when I’d first started to realize that I liked boys more than girls. My eyes had begun straying to my teammates, noticing the way their chests heaved after running several laps or the way their uniforms stretched across their firm bodies. I’d never acted on any of it though. My home life hadn’t allowed for any of the things my friends were doing, such as going out on dates and to school dances. Instead, I’d been too busy trying to figure out how to survive each day.
I’d been a complete mess after leaving home and my only concern was finding a warm place to stay and having enough food to eat. I’d been fortunate enough to find work right away at a diner, but I was constantly plagued with nightmares and the fear that the demons of my past would find me. So, I ended up traveling from town to town, never making any friends or staying in one place too long.
I was lonely though. Bone-deep, heartbreakingly lonely. Even though I had never known the love between myself and another man, I had still known love. I also knew what it was like to lose that love and it had been that loneliness that had sent me out searching the clubs one night until I’d found someone.
I hadn’t known his name and I wasn’t about to take him back to my apartment, into my own personal space, but that wasn’t what either of us were looking for. So, I’d lost my virginity in the back room of a seedy strip club somewhere in Indiana. In fact, all of my experiences had been just like that first night; hard and fast, nameless encounters. It had helped fill the lonely void, even if for brief periods of time, and had fulfilled the needs I had.
However, I’d recently begun to wonder what it would be like to have sex with Jeremy. To make love to him and to fall asleep with his strong arms around me. He was an amazing guy and there was no doubt that we were attracted to each other. The problem was that Jeremy wasn’t a nameless person, and I would certainly have to face him again the next day. That alone was enough to send me running, but the thing that terrified me the most, was knowing that one time with him would never be enough.
I let out a frustrated sigh. I’d been in the water a half hour and I still hadn’t been able to find the peace I normally did. Just like the night before, every time I closed my eyes, Jeremy’s face was all I could see. Maybe I just need to get laid. Perhaps I should head up to one of the strip clubs in Columbus. For some reason that thought didn’t help settle my mind the way I’d thought it would. And that realization left me feeling even more frustrated than I was before.
With a groan, I rolled over in the water and began swimming my usual thirty laps. By the time I had finished, my muscles were limber, I was out of breath, and my head felt much clearer. That was, until I walked out of my front door an hour later and found the reason for my sleepless nights leaning against the railing of my porch.
“Morning,” Jeremy said, and I felt my temperature spike at the way his eyes quickly raked over my body.
“Uh…hey!” I said, then rolled my eyes at my lame response. “What are you doing here?”
“I was up early so I went over to the bait shop to see what Edith had on the agenda for us,” he explained. “She needs us to fix part of the fence behind her cabin. I figured since your place was on the way, I’d stop and pick you up.”
My breath caught as a smile broke out over his face, crinkling the corners of his emerald eyes. The morning sunlight caught the gold highlights streaked throughout his auburn hair. Fuck me, he’s gorgeous!
“Oh, okay. Thanks,” I mumbled. I shoved my own keys back in my pocket and followed Jeremy out to his Jeep.
“Here,” he said as we climbed inside. I looked at the bag he held up in his hands then up at him.
“What’s this?” I asked as I took it from him.
“I brought you a couple blueberry muffins and some coffee,” he replied with a smile.
“Why?” I asked. I could hear the bewilderment in my own voice and I was sure he’d heard it too because his mouth turned down in a frown as he stared at me.
“I know you don’t always have time for breakfast in the morning and I made more than enough muffins so…” His words trailed off suddenly and he shrugged his shoulders as if he were embarrassed.
“Thank you,” I whispered thickly as emotions clogged my throat.
It had been so long since anyone had done something nice for me and I wasn’t quite sure how to respond. Not that Edith wasn’t nice to me, but our relationship had always been more business than personal. Of course, that probably had more to do with my tendency to keep everyone at arm’s length than her not wanting to be my friend.
I grabbed a muffin from the bag as Jeremy backed out of the driveway and began peeling the wrapper off. It was still warm, and my mouth watered at the delicious smell emanating from it. I took a big bite and then groaned as the flavor of blueberries burst across my tongue.
“Oh my God! This is so good,” I moaned, not caring that my mouth was still full. “You actually made these?”
It was quiet while I swallowed my bite and took another. I was enjoying my breakfast so much that it took me a while to realize that Jeremy still hadn’t answered my question. I looked over at him and was surprised to see him staring back at me with his mouth hanging slightly open.
“You okay?” I asked him, wondering if I had blueberry in my teeth or something.
He shook his head slightly and then turned his attention back to the road. “Uh, yeah. I’m fine,” he said. His voice came out rougher than usual and the sound of it sent a delicious chill up my spine. The air in the car suddenly felt thick and I was relieved when we pulled into Edith’s driveway.
Jeremy barely had the Jeep turned off before he was opening his door and climbing out. I popped the last of the muffin into my mouth then grabbed the other one along with my coffee before getting out. I could tell his shoulders were still tense as he stood at the front of the Jeep with his back to me and I wondered what in the hell had gotten into him. I walked up beside him, intent on asking, when Bear, one of Edith’s dogs, came around the corner of the house and took off in a dead run, heading straight in our direction.
Bear was appropriately named, given the massive size of his body and the thickness of his fur. Jeremy’s eyes widened as the dog came barreling towards us and he stuck his arm out in front of me as if to protect me. Bear ran right past him though and jumped up, putting his huge paws on my chest.
I laughed as I bent down and hugged Bear around the neck. He licked my cheek excitedly and I fed him a bite of my muffin. I looked up at Jeremy who was watching us like he still wasn’t sure if he should laugh or try to pull the beast away from me.
“Relax, he’s a big old softy,” I assured him, still running my fingers through Bear’s thick mane. Jeremy knelt down beside me and reached his hand out, palm up so Bear could sniff his hand. Bear had never met a stranger he didn’t like though and he didn’t hesitate to begin licking the side of Jeremy’s face.
“Aww! You are a nice boy, aren’t you?” Jeremy cooed as Bear rolled over. I smiled as Jeremy scratched the dog’s belly. Bear was obviously in heaven as his tongue lolled out to the side.
Jeremy darted a glance my way. “Is there something wrong with his jaw?”
“Yeah,” I said, watching Bear enjoy the attention. “He was born with it like that. The vet told his family that his lower jaw would never grow with the rest of him and that he should be put down or else he’d starve. They couldn’t stand to do it, so they brought him to Edith who hand-fed him until he did, in fact, learn to eat on his own.”
“Wow! You’re a lucky guy then, Bear,” he said gently. “How did they know to call Edith?”
I shrugged my shoulders at him. “Everyone around here knows that Edith can’t turn away any animal who needs her. She takes in all kinds of strays and animals like Bear who no one else knows what to do with. She nurses them back to health and either finds good homes for them or keeps the ones no one wants,” I explained.
“Edith is a pretty amazing woman, isn’t she?” he said warmly.
“Yeah, she’s amazing,” I agreed.
We watched as Bear got up and took off after a butterfly, then we turned to each other. The earlier tension I’d felt from him seemed to have disappeared and warmth spread through my belly as he smiled at me.
“So, you never answered my question,” I said as we walked around the side of the cabin and stopped at the little shed Edith had so I could grab a couple of hammers and nails.
“What question was that?” Jeremy asked.
“If you really made those muffins,” I reminded him.
“Yeah, I did. My mom loved to bake, said it relaxed her when she was stressed.” He shook his head with a chuckle. “Come to think of it, we always had something freshly baked lying around the house. I wonder if raising me stressed her out?”
“I bet you got into plenty of trouble growing up,” I laughed, picturing a young, red-headed Jeremy in my mind.
“Yeah, I saw my fair share of the principal’s office,” he admitted with a laugh. “Anyway, I liked hanging out with my mom and since she was always baking, I’d help her out. She was one of those cool moms who really listened instead of nagging all the time, you know?”
“She sounds great,” I said wistfully. I could barely remember my mother at all, and the memories I did have of her were clouded by the pain and grief and fear that had consumed my childhood.
“She was,” Jeremy said wistfully. I turned my head to look at him and I could see the pain in his eyes. “I lost her about three years ago.”
“I’m so sorry,” I said. I started to reach for him, but then let my hand drop back to my side as I thought better of it.
We slowed down as we reached the fence line and began making our way around the perimeter, looking for any gaps or broken areas. It was hot out, but the trees along the fence line made it feel much cooler. We took our time, talking as we made repairs. Our conversation moved to lighter topics and I was relieved to see Jeremy’s smile return.
As usual, I enjoyed my time with him. He was a great guy with an intelligent view of the world and a sharp wit. I’d always done well in school and had wanted to go to college, but then life got in the way. It felt good to use my mind as the two of us debated political and religious views. I hadn’t had anyone that challenged me the way Jeremy did, and I looked forward to it each day.
“Look! There’s deer out there,” Jeremy said, pointing to the woods in front of us.
“Yeah. They’re the reason the fence is here,” I told him.
“You mean they stay here all the time? Like pets?” he asked, his forehead scrunching up adorably.
“Sort of,” I chuckled. “See how they’re all limping?”
Jeremy tilted his head as he observed the deer moving around then looked back at me, his eyes wide. “They only have three legs!”
I folded my arms and leaned them on the top rail of the fence, resting my chin on them. “Yeah, it’s sad really. The deer like to bed down in the tall grass along the highway and sometimes they can’t get out of the way of the state mowers in time,” I explained. “That’s what happened to these little guys, so the local vet called Edith and asked if she could keep them here. She set up this fenced-in area where they could grow until they were fully healed and could be released back into the wild.”
“That’s so sad, but it’s also really awesome of Edith to take care of them like that,” Jeremy said.
“Some people think she’s crazy for taking in all these animals when she already has so many other things to do. But Edith is one of those rare and wonderful people that never turns away anything that needs her. It makes no difference to her whether it’s the two-legged, four-legged or in this case, three-legged variety. I’m grateful too, because when I needed a job and a place to stay, she took me in, no questions asked. I guess in some respects, I’m no different from her other strays,” I said quietly.
Jeremy remained silent and I looked over my shoulder at him. I figured he was still watching the deer, but he was staring at me instead. The look in his eyes was thoughtful, as if he were trying to work something out in his mind, but there was also a tenderness there that had me wishing I could turn around and bury my face in his chest.
“I’m glad you found her, then,” he said sincerely. “But don’t sell yourself short; you’re no stray.” My heart hammered in my chest as Jeremy’s gaze dropped to my lips and held there.
“We ugh…we better finish fixing the fence,” I stammered.
I turned away, but not before I saw the sexy smirk that lifted the corner of Jeremy’s lips. The man had a way of scrambling my brain. I spent the rest of the morning forcing myself to focus on my work, so I wouldn’t do something stupid like hammer my thumb…or grab him and slam my lips on his.
When we were finished with the fence, we ate lunch together at a picnic table down by the edge of the lake, which had become our routine. As usual, the banter between me and Jeremy kept us laughing all throughout our meal. Occasionally, I would catch him looking at me with that same, almost hungry look in his eyes as before, and I’d try to pretend I hadn’t noticed. But then, my eyes would wander to him when he wasn’t looking, and I’d notice the way his skin had turned a warm golden color from working outdoors, or the way the muscles in his arms bunched beneath the sleeve of his T-shirt as he moved.
He really was gorgeous, but even more than that, he was a good and kind man. It was exhilarating and scary all at the same time to finally have someone who I considered a friend. My life hadn’t exactly allowed for much in the way of friendships. I’d always carried too many secrets, had too many skeletons in my closet to be able to let anyone get too close, but somehow, Jeremy had wormed his way in.
He had told me a lot about himself already and I was starting to feel guilty for not sharing anything personal with him. Luckily, it didn’t seem to have bothered Jeremy—yet. He seemed to understand that I wasn’t fully comfortable with talking about myself. Eventually though, I knew I’d have to start opening up, or risk losing the only friend I’d ever had.