Chapter 12
Ensley
Even though I knew that Thorn was on his way to my apartment, I didn’t have the energy to change out of my pajamas. Being in something sexy for him was the last thing on my mind right now.
I was nervous as I waited for him. All the windows were shut, the curtains were pulled, and there was just one dim floor lamp switched on in the living room. The letter from Ryan still sat on my desk, and I couldn’t bring myself to go near it. I was sitting on the couch, my feet constantly tapping the floor as I waited for the moment when I would hear the knock on my door.
I had no idea why I’d called him. Other than the fact that I was crazily attracted to the guy, he didn’t owe me any reason to show up in the middle of the night. The very fact that he had rescued me from Murray was a gesture of pure politeness. He didn’t have to do it. Just like he didn’t have to come to my place right now.
I knew I was asking a big favor. From someone who I barely knew. But at that moment, when I was terrified and scared that Ryan was somewhere close by, that he was watching me constantly; my mind had immediately gone to Thorn and the fact that he had given me his phone number.
Even as his phone rang, I thought I was making a mistake. What if he was busy? What if he was sleeping? I was calling him within hours of meeting him. I was breaking every social code by calling him, but then he answered and just hearing his voice was enough. I felt safe.
He offered to come to my place, it wasn’t me who suggested it. Just the mere suggestion of it made me calmer. Knowing that Thorn was on his way to my apartment now, made me feel a whole lot better.
I didn’t know where Ryan was if he was watching me right now but all I needed to know was that Thorn would be here soon and I felt safe. Thorn would take care of it. He would be able to protect me from Ryan. I knew nothing about this man other than his ability to make me feel safe.
My throat had run dry. The hot cocoa was still spilled on the carpet beside the writing desk, and I felt cold and alone. Just a few more minutes, I told myself. I had complete faith in Thorn and that he was rushing to get here. I pictured him on his bike, racing against the wind. I would have given anything to look into his green eyes, to be held by him.
There was a knock on the door.
“Ensley, it’s me!” I heard Thorn’s voice, and I ran to the door. I undid all the latches and bolts, and I swung the door open to see him standing on the other side.
He was a big hulking mass of muscle and strength. His helmet dangled from his hand, his shoulders were heaving, his green eyes full of concern were focused on me. Thorn was looking me up and down.
“Tell me what happened,” were his first words and I stepped aside so that he could walk into my apartment. I shut the door behind him and locked it. Seeing him in my apartment, made my home feel much smaller. He was too tall, it seemed like the top of his head would graze the ceiling. Nothing. Nobody could touch me as long as Thorn was with me.
“Was it that asshole? The douchebag from the bar?” Thorn was looking around the room, and now he turned to me. With his eyes intensely staring into mine again, suddenly I was very self-conscious of being in my pajamas.
“No, it wasn’t him. I don’t know him. He doesn’t know where I live,” I said, and Thorn took a few steps towards me. His brows were crossed with concern now.
“What is it, Ensley? Why are you scared?” he asked and I stared up at him, craning my neck so I could look into his eyes.
Without a word, I walked around him and towards my writing desk in the corner. Ryan’s note was lying there, and my fingers shook as I lifted it up again. I didn’t want to touch it. Just holding the page made me feel like I was burnt, but with Thorn in the room with me, I had some courage.
I brought the letter over to him, and he put his helmet down on the floor. With his eyes still on me, he took the paper from my hand and read it.
I watched as his face darkened. His brows furrowed and his green eyes became small and filled with rage. I licked my lips furiously with nervousness.
“Is this a threat?” he asked, jerking his face up to look at me again. I took in a deep breath and then nodded my head.
Thorn clenched his jaw with anger and then scrunching the paper up, he tossed it to the waste paper basket at his side. He took a few steps towards me, closing the gap between us.
My breath was locked in my throat as he reached his hands out to hold me by my arms. His fingers curled around my body, and they were warm and long, and it was like someone had covered me with a warm protective blanket. All I needed was for him to touch me. I hadn’t even realized how badly I had needed that.
“Ensley, I need you to sit down and tell me who Ryan is and what is going on. I need to know everything so that I can help you,” Thorn said.
I gulped and then nodded my head. At this point, I was ready to tell him anything.
***
“Take your time,” Thorn was crouched in front of me, while I sat cross-legged on the couch in my pajamas. This was not how I had pictured us being alone together the first time. However, this was what I needed at that moment. A strong but firm voice guiding me on. Just Thorn’s presence alone was reassuring enough, and he seemed to know exactly what to do to make me feel better.
“Ryan is an ex-boyfriend,” I told him finally when I could find my voice, and he said nothing. He was staring at me, demanding further explanation. It was hard for me to talk about Ryan because I hadn’t said his name aloud in the last five years. Ever since I came to LA, I hadn’t spoken about him to anybody. I was ashamed and afraid of my past, and I always thought that talking about Ryan would make everything that I went through actually real.
Besides, I hadn’t made any real friends here anyway. None of the people I knew in LA were close or trustworthy enough to me for me to spill my heart out to them. Half of these girls would probably try to use it against me somehow. What was so different about Thorn then?
I looked deep into his eyes, and for some reason, I couldn’t explain, I felt comfortable under his stare.
“He was abusive towards me,” I finally said, and it felt like a weight was slowly being lifted from my shoulders. I had refused to say those words out loud for so long, that it felt good to finally get them off my chest. Thorn reached a hand out to stroke my knee. His touch was warm and comforting, and nothing about the way he held my knee was sexual and yet it was the sexiest thing anyone had ever done. I couldn’t explain it, but I was ready to throw myself right into his arms.
“In what way was he abusive? Verbally?” he asked, and I gulped. Thorn seemed like he was growing angrier by the second.
“Yes, he was verbally abusive…and…and,” I tried to get the word out, but it was stuck in my throat. I couldn’t say it, not even to the man I trusted most right now.
“Physically?” he asked, and I couldn’t do more than just nod. I couldn’t hold his gaze anymore. I looked away from him in shame and Thorn stroked my knee again.
I never told anyone about my relationship with Ryan. When my friends or family asked, I would always just say that things ended badly. None of them really needed to know the whole truth.
I gulped and looked back into Thorn’s eyes as I felt tears threaten to fall down my face. I had hidden my bruises and scars from Ryan for years, and this letter was now resurfacing all of that pain that I had carefully hidden away in my mind.
“You shouldn’t be ashamed of it, Ensley. If there is anyone who should be ashamed, it’s that fucking jerk of an ex-boyfriend of yours. No woman has ever done anything, in the history of time, to deserve to be verbally or physically abused by a man. I need you to understand that and stop blaming yourself,” Thorn said. I stared at him as he spoke. I had never imagined those words coming from his mouth. He created such a different persona around him, and yet I was right about him having a strong moral sense.
I nodded my head in agreement. Thorn was right.
It took years, but I had finally started to realize that everything that Ryan had made me feel was wrong. Ryan had a way of manipulating me to believe in what he thought. He would always tell me how stupid I was and that my dreams of acting were a waste of time.
When I finally started to think for myself, it took me six months to get up the courage to leave him. And with me moving to Los Angeles, I thought he was finally out of my life. But now, with this letter, I felt like my whole world was crashing down on me again.
“I know that, which is why I got away but sometimes, all of the pain I felt rushes back, and I get scared,” I said, in a low whisper and Thorn clenched his jaw.
“Of course, you’re scared, you have every right to be. He’s threatening you!” he exclaimed, and with that, he straightened himself up and shook a hand through his hair.
“How did you manage to get away from him? Men like him don’t usually let their victims go so easily,” he continued, and I licked my lips nervously.
I looked down at my lap as the memories I tried to forget came flooding back into my mind.
Ryan and I had gotten angry with me. He was upset that I had gone to another audition. Ryan thought that my dreams of being an actress were stupid and childish and he always liked to remind me that I would amount to nothing. He blamed me for us struggled to pay rent, even though I was working two jobs while still going to auditions. He, on the other hand, was stuck at a dead-end job, that he refused to leave.
That night when I walked back into our apartment, he was drunk. I should have known he would have been, but I was tired after my early morning audition and then late night shift. I didn’t know it when I walked in, but my publicist had left me a voicemail on our answering machine saying that the casting director loved my audition and wanted to see me for callbacks. Ryan heard the voicemail, and he was stewing in anger by the time I got back home.
The second I walked in the door, he started yelling. I tried to yell back but that only made it worse. That is when he started hitting me.
He smacked me across the face, and I will never forget the intense pain his hand left behind. Once he hit me, it was like something snapped in him, and he was only left with drunken rage. He continued to hit me. In my ribs. In my stomach. Then he finally punched me in the face making my eye swell shut.
Once I was a crying mess on the floor, he finally stopped. He said nothing and staggered back to the living room, grabbing another beer on his way. I stayed on that kitchen floor for hours. I was too terrified to move.
Finally, he passed out, and that is when I got enough courage to pick myself up off the floor. Without a second thought, I went to the bedroom, shoved as many clothes as I could in a backpack and then snuck out. I headed straight to the police station and filed a restraining order and then went to stay with my cousins in Long Island.
Thorn’s hand caressed my knee again, and I looked back up at him.
“I took out a restraining order against him. He’d given me a black eye, and I was afraid for my life,” I said, and Thorn nodded his head. I couldn’t bring myself to tell him the whole story, not yet anyway.
“Good, that’s very good,” he said, and I could feel the tops of my cheeks turning red.
“But that was in New York, I don’t know if the police can help me here,” I said and Thorn’s brows crossed. Within the span of just a few minutes, I had told this stranger nearly everything important there was to know about me.
“You were in New York?” he asked, and I drew in a deep breath.
“That’s where I lived all my life. I moved to LA five years ago. I don’t have any family here, barely any friends,” I explained and Thorn continued staring at me.
“Did you move to LA to get away from him?” he asked, and I looked away from him. It was time that he knew who I really was. There was no use in hiding it from him anymore.
“In a way, yes, but I always wanted to move to LA. I wanted to pursue a career in acting,” I admitted shyly and Thorn came towards me again. His face had lightened up a little, he looked a little less enraged now.
“The big dream, huh?” he said, and I gathered the courage to finally smile.
“Well, it’s not just a dream anymore. I recently landed a big role on a show. It’s called Failing at Love, but something tells me that you’ve never heard of it,” I said, still smiling faintly and Thorn rubbed a hand through his hair again. Almost apologetically.
“No, I haven’t, but it gives me a good idea of why and how this guy found you again,” he said, and I bit down on my lip nervously.
“Yeah, I’d never thought of it like that. I had thankfully not heard from him in five years. I was hoping that he just moved on and forgot about me. Now that I have this role and there is some publicity around me, I guess he noticed,” I said, and Thorn started pacing the room, while I followed him with my eyes.
“Guys like him don’t ever just give up. To him, you were his property, and you slipped through his fingers. It doesn’t matter how much time goes by, he’s going to keep trying to retrieve his property. That’s just the way these guys are wired,” Thorn explained.
I felt another cry rise up in me, and he sensed it too because he came rushing towards me again. He moved up to the couch and placed his arms on shoulders, and I leaned into him.
“I came to LA to get away from him and to pursue my passion. Ryan was always dead against me getting into acting. When I was free from him, I finally felt like I could do what I wanted. That I was finally independent,” I cried and covered my face with my hands.
I didn’t expect Thorn to bend down and wrap his arms tighter around me. He held me close to himself, and I breathed in his natural masculine scent. Our bodies grazed, and even though he was hugging me, he was holding me at a distance. It was clear to me that he wanted me to know he wasn’t making any sort of advances.
I cried on his shoulder for a few minutes, while he gently stroked my back. I couldn’t have imagined that a big muscular man like him could be capable of this kind of tenderness.
After a few minutes, I was embarrassed by crying again, and I gently pulled myself away. Thorn straightened himself up and stared down at me, concern filling his eyes.
It was then that the idea struck me. It was probably because I noticed the helmet on the floor and the leather cut he was wearing. I remembered that he belonged to a motorcycle club.
“Can I pay you to protect me?” the words came blurting out of me, and Thorn’s brows crossed again in confusion.
“Say that again,” he said, and I could feel the excitement mounting up in me. Suddenly, all my fears were gone. Like they had never existed in the first place.
“You belong to a biker gang. A club. I’m sure you guys do this sort of thing all the time, don’t you?” I asked him, and Thorn stared at me without any response.
“What if I pay your club money to act as my bodyguards until I start feeling safe again? I don’t think the police would be able to make me feel as safe as having protection twenty-four-seven would,” I said, and Thorn still looked as confused as when I first suggested it.
I jumped off the couch and stepped towards him with excitement. I couldn’t believe that I hadn’t thought of this before. It was the perfect plan. I had never felt as safe with anybody else, as I felt in the presence of Thorn. I was sure that his biker friends would make me feel the same. When I was scared an hour ago, the first thing I had done was call him.
“You want to pay me to protect you?” he asked, the realization finally hitting home. I nodded my head excitedly.
“You and your Club. I know it’s not a one-man job. You can quote me a price. You can decide how much you want to charge me and I’ll be willing to pay it,” I said, and a smile was forming on my face.
The only thing was that I wasn’t sure what he thought of the idea.