CHAPTER SIXTEEN

“Where have you been?” Kim’s words were quiet, barely audible. She was sitting on our bed, with the soft glow of the night-light touching her face. Even from a distance, I could see that her eyes were puffed from crying. Maybe her mother was right after all and I was the scum of the earth, because making two women suffer because of me, at the same time, was too much.

“We need to talk,” I said. I came over to the bed and sat down next to Kim.

“You didn’t answer my question,” she retorted.

“It doesn’t matter. What does matter though, is that we can’t keep pretending this relationship is working.”

“What are you saying?”

“I hate myself for not telling you this earlier, but…”

“You don’t love me. I know that. So what?”

I stared at her, not sure what she expected to hear from me in response.

She proceeded, “Many couples live without love.”

“But I don’t want us to be one of many.”

“Then what do you want, Liam?” Her voice became louder. “Because it feels like I’m the only person in this room who’s missing something very important. What has changed since the day you proposed?”

It was an easy one.

“Nothing actually.” It was true – nothing had changed since that day; I was still in love with Crystal.

“Then what’s your problem?” Kim asked. Her lips quivered, as if she was about to start crying again.

“I want you to be happy. But I can’t be the man who makes you happy.”

“What about our baby? Do you really think the baby will be happy without you?”

For weeks, I’d been thinking about what to do with my future. And tonight I made a decision. It was time to say it aloud.

“I will take care of everything that our baby and you might need. And I will love him or her, no matter what. But I think we have rushed with the engagement. No child can be happy in a family where parents don’t love each other.”

Kim stayed quiet.

So I continued, “You may stay here until the baby is born. Meanwhile, I will find a new place for you two. Until then, I will stay in a hotel. I think it will be better for both of us.”

“Are you seeing someone else?”

The question was predictable. I knew she would ask it.

“No.” It wasn’t a lie. I wasn’t breaking up with Kim because I couldn’t wait to start dating Crystal. To be honest, I didn’t know if there could be anything between us again. All I wanted, was to be honest with the mother of my baby, and myself. Neither she nor I were ready for what our future was to about to throw our way. She thought she could be a perfect wife. But I didn’t need perfection. It had always felt somehow unreal, no matter how much I liked the result of my every operation to be perfect.

I was tired of empty promises and pretense; I just wanted to be myself again.

“Mom’s gonna be furious.”

I smiled. “She will have one more reason to hate me.”

Kim let out a long breath and leaned against the back of the bed. “Can we wait with telling my parents the news? At least until I’m ready to tell them that I’m going to be a single mother.”

“As you wish.”

“Thanks. And you don’t need to move to the hotel. The house is big enough for two people to live in it and never see each other at all.”

“I know. But I want to stay alone for a while. My life has been hectic these days.”

“I understand.”

“I’m glad you do. I appreciate it.” I stood up from the bed and headed for the bathroom. A hot shower was all I needed at the moment.

“Liam?”

“Yes?”

“I knew this day would come, sooner or later, as well as this conversation. Wanna hear the truth? I was shocked when you proposed. I didn’t know what to say. A part of me wanted to reject it, when the other part thought it wouldn’t be better for the baby growing inside me. I accepted the ring, foolishly thinking it wouldn’t change my life as much as it has. I was wrong. I thought that putting ourselves into a marriage that both you and I knew wouldn’t be easy, was worth a try. But now, that we have talked, I feel so relieved. I hated lying to myself, trying to make myself believe that what was going on was okay, that it was working. And one more thing…” She stood up and walked over to me. “I wanted to thank you for trying to fix what we have done without thinking about the consequences.” She smiled and put her palm on my cheek, saying, “You are a good man, Liam Henderson. But not mine.”

I smiled back and gave her a hug. “I’m sure one day, you will find your man, Kim. And I will be there for you and the baby, no matter what.”

“I know.”

I let her go and went to the bathroom. I took off my clothes, turned on the water and stepped into the shower. Steam started to fill the room, swallowing the surroundings in its clouds. The drops of water dripped down my back and sides. With my palms resting on the shower wall, I closed my eyes and let the water take my mind off my troubled thoughts.

Relief rolled over me. For the first time in what felt like forever, I felt finally free. It was such a great feeling, forgotten, but great.

There were two very important things that I needed to do. Both of them involved Crystal.

 

When the morning came, I packed my things and called the hotel to make a reservation. Kim said she would keep me updated about the baby’s state and even asked if I wanted to go to the next ultrasound with her. A part of me wished things were different between us. But apparently, we were not made for each other.

On my way to work, I stopped by my favorite cafe to have breakfast. I took one of the tables near the window and called Kameron.

“What’s up man?” He said into the handset.

“I need your help.”

“What happened?”

“Do you still have friends in the police?”

“I do. Why?”

“I want to make the pig who tried to hurt Crys, six years ago, pay for what he did.” I doubted we would be able to find the other two bastards, but at least one of them had to pay.

“Does she know about it?”

“She doesn’t need to know.”

“Then how are you going to find him? Do you have the name?”

“This is exactly what I need your friends from the police to help me with. The man was on the same flight from the Bahamas as Crystal.”

“You’ve got to be kidding… Do you know if he recognized her?”

“She said he didn’t, but I wouldn’t be so sure about it. The son of a bitch could have pretended he didn’t remember her. Anyways, are you with me on this?”

“Of course, I am. Do you think we should also tell Stanley about it?”

“If we call him, we will need to tell him the whole truth about what happened that night. And I don’t think Crystal will like it.”

“Okay, then give me time to make a few calls. I’ll get back to you as soon as I find someone willing to help us.”

“Thanks man.” I ended the call and dialed my secretary’s number to know if there were any appointments scheduled for the early morning. She said my first patient would come in about an hour, so I had enough time to finish my breakfast with no rush.

***

Crystal

A headache was killing me and nothing seemed to be able to stop it.

“I think I need another painkiller,” I rubbed my temples and looked at Liz, who was sitting on my bed, sketching. It was Saturday and we didn’t need to go to work, but when she had a light bulb moment, she didn’t really care about what day of the week or what time of the day it was. She needed to put the idea on paper. Period.

“What you really need is a man able to kiss your pain away,” she mumbled with her eyes still glued to the notebook in her hands.

I rolled my eyes and kicked off the blanket, intending to get the so-much-needed painkiller. “Thanks for the reminder. But I’m fine.”

“If you were fine, you wouldn’t be wearing this…” She pointed at my timeworn pj’s. “On a Saturday afternoon.”

“This was your Christmas present, remember?”

“Yeah, like a lifetime or so ago.”

“I love it, so I’m keeping it, no matter how old it is.”

After my late-night talk with Liam a few days ago, I felt like something had changed inside me. He was so tender, so caring; I almost forgot I blamed him for ruining my life. Nothing seemed to be able to break the unspoken peace agreement between us. It was as if we had finally seen each other from a different point of view. We were no longer obsessed with making up for the lost time; we simply let time and life decide everything for us. Maybe we were not supposed to be together after all, but I wanted him to be free from any traces of guilt that he might still feel because of me.

I returned to the room with a glass of water in my hand, put it on my bedside table and got back under the blanket. Liz watched me questioningly.

“How long exactly are you going to stay in bed?”

“Don’t know. Why?”

“I hoped you would go to the baby store with me to choose new clothes for Olivia. She’s growing up way too fast.” She sighed. “Sometimes I wish I could stop the time to enjoy her current age at least a little longer.”

“Why don’t you and Kameron think about another baby?”

She laughed. “It’s too early. I’m not sure I’m ready for baby number two. After what Liv and I had to go through during labor, I’m kind of scared to get pregnant again.”

“You know what? I’ve been thinking about going to the doctor.”

She stopped drawing and closed the notebook. “Are you having health problems?”

“Hope not. But…I have always been afraid to know that I can’t have kids.”

“Oh, Sweetie, why would you be afraid of it?” She moved closer to me and took my hands in hers.

“I don’t know, I just have this feeling, here,” I said, pointing to my heart.

“Or maybe you are simply being paranoid. Stop saying nonsense. You are a healthy, young woman, and you can have as many kids as you want. You don’t need a doctor to repeat my words. Now, get up, take a shower and let’s go shopping. Liv’s waiting for her new wardrobe.” She gave my clothes another look and added, “And I think you need new pajamas. Because wearing this, you won’t make any man get you pregnant, my friend. That’s for sure.”

We laughed and I made myself go to the shower. I didn’t have any desire to leave the house today, but what option did I have? With someone like Liz for a best friend, you never belong to yourself, neither at work, nor on your day off.

I didn’t tell her about what happened during my flight back to Pittsburg. Liam was the only person who knew everything, and I preferred things to stay that way. Thank God, Stanley didn’t bombard me with a million questions when Liam brought me home the other night. Though something was telling me, he did have questions he wanted me to answer.

***

Liz and I were in a shoe store when I got a call from Trevor.

“Do you know what sleep and sex have in common?” He asked instead of greeting me.

Smiling, I said, “Enlighten me, Professor.”

“You never get enough of it and sometimes it feels like it never happened at all.”

“Are you having trouble with sleep or sex? Or both?”

“Actually, I was going to ask you the same question.”

“I appreciate your concern about my sleep and my sex life, but sex is the last thing I need at the moment.” A woman in the store gave me a head-to-toe look and smirked. Even after taking a shower and changing my pajamas to a pair of jeans and a show-white sweater, I still looked no better than when wearing Liz’s present.

I turned away from the smart-ass observer and said into the handset, “I haven’t changed my mind about sleeping with you, if this is what you actually want to know.”

A quiet laughter rang on the other end of the line. “Too bad. I was hoping to hear you are on your way to my bed.”

“Sorry to disappoint you.”

A flash of a giant TV screen from one of the walls of the shopping mall caught my attention. Trevor was saying something about how comfortable his bed was, but I wasn’t listening. My eyes were glued to the image of the man from the plane.

“Pittsburgh police have arrested Marko Suarez, a well-known drug dealer in the community also known for the murder of twenty-year-old Dana Berry, whose body was found last summer in one of the cars that belonged to Suarez. Changing names and places, he has been hiding from the police and only now did they manage to arrest him, when he was about to leave the country again.”

My mouth dropped to the floor, I was shocked to hear the news, unable to believe my eyes and ears.

“Crys, are you listening to me?” Trevor asked.

“Sorry, what were you saying?”

“What’s going on? Are you okay?”

“Better than ever. Sorry again, I gotta go. I’ll call you later.” I hung up the phone before he could protest and rushed over to Liz who was choosing new bed clothing for Olivia.

“You will never believe what I just heard!” I said, breathless. I was shocked to hear that the guy who never got any punishment for bringing me to the back street of the damn club finally got what he deserved. I hoped he wouldn’t be able to avoid punishment.

“What is it?”

“Justice has finally been served! Look,” I pointed at one of the TV screens in the store.

“Who’s that?” Liz asked, puzzled.

“It’s him – the guy from the club. The one who asked me for a dance, six years ago.”

Turned out seeing him in the club that night was no surprise; his brother owned the place. And the girl whose body was found in the douchebag’s car used to be his girlfriend. I wondered if she was one of those he once wanted to dance with.

Liz’s eyes went wide. “You have got to be kidding me… He’s a drug dealer. Did you know that?”

“How would I know that?”

“Son of a bitch. Serves him right.”

“Indeed.” I looked at the picture of the bastard I cordially hated and felt like hugging whoever placed him in handcuffs.

“Never thought I would say it, but God, bless the police!”

Liz wrapped one arm around my shoulders and said in a mischievous voice, “Now that evil is conquered, nothing should stop you from finding a real boyfriend. Or paying your sexy-ass ex a hot visit.”

“Shut up. I have other plans for the near future.” At the mention of paying someone a hot visit, I suddenly wanted to share the news with one more person. “I need to make a call,” I said to Liz.

“Sure, go. I need to buy a few more things before we go to eat.”

I left the store and dialed Liam’s number. Only he was out of the coverage area and I felt a little down for not being able to talk to him.

I waited for Liz to finish shopping and then we went to the café opposite from the store she just left. I tried to call Liam again. And again, no one but the voice mail answered my call.

“That’s it,” Liz said, slamming her fork against the plate. I didn’t even look at my food, still dying to talk to Liam. “Who on earth are you calling?”

I looked apologetically at her and smiled. “Sorry. But it’s important.”

“Since when has Liam become more important than dinner with your best friend? Am I missing something?”

I looked around, afraid someone would hear her pronounce this name in my presence. As if I were a criminal hiding a dead body in my trunk and Liam was my partner in crime.

“Something happened a few days ago…” And then I told her about my crazy flight from the Bahamas and everything that followed it.

“Why the hell am I the last person to hear about this?”

“I knew you would be worried about me and I didn’t want to bother you with my problems.”

“Bother me with your problems? Are you being serious now?” She sounded offended.

“It’s not what I enjoy talking about.”

“But you told Liam.”

“It’s different.”

“Right.” She took a napkin and dried the corners of her mouth.

I looked at the phone in my hands. If Liam’s phone was off, maybe I could find him at home? I was about a twenty-minute ride away from where he lived. What if he was busy? Or having a date? Or didn’t want to see me at all?

Liz growled, watching my mental struggles. “Go. I’ll take care of the check.”

I smiled. “Thank you!” The decision to go to Liam’s place was made in an instance. I kissed her on the cheek and rushed out of the café.

Getting into the car, I turned on the radio, found my favorite station and started the engine.

 

The way to Liam’s took a little longer than expected. The traffic jam was crazy and I cursed every time another streetlight turned red. It was as if someone didn’t want me to get where I was heading. And maybe if I listened to my sixth sense, I wouldn’t feel like punching someone in the face an hour and a half later.

I parked my car near the house, and ran up the porch stairs. I rang the doorbell and waited impatiently for Liam to open the door.

But it was not him whom I saw in the doorway.

“Can I help you?” A girl from the fashion show I saw sitting in the front row next to Liam, a few weeks back, smiled at me. Kimberly, that was her name as far as I remembered.

A part of me already knew it was a bad idea to pay Liam an unexpected visit.

I cleared my throat and said, “I’m looking for Liam. Is he at home?”

Recognition crossed the girl’s face. “Oh, you must be Crystal, from The Riot Design Studio, right? I saw you at the fashion show.”

“That’s me.”

She spoke before I could explain the reason for my arrival. “Did Liam forget to pay for the dresses I ordered after the show? I would need to wait about six more months to wear them, but I couldn’t help myself. I’ve always been crazy about Elizabeth’s designs.” She rubbed her round belly and smiled brightly. “It’s the beginning of my second trimester. I can’t wait to feel the baby kicking.”

My eyes followed hers and as if in a slow-motion movie, the pieces of a puzzle that I couldn’t put together for a long time, started to take their place, one by one.

“I don’t know anything about your dresses.”

She stared at me, puzzled. “Oh… I thought…”

“I needed to talk to Liam about something else actually.”

The longer I talked to her, the faster my desire to see him died. Ever again.

“Congratulations,” I finally said, pointing at the reason for my sudden desire to run away as far as possible.

“Thanks. Liam and I are so excited to become parents.”

A lump formed in my throat. “I bet.” I turned to leave.

“Wait! Do you want to leave a message for Liam? I will pass it on to him.”

“No. Thanks. It wasn’t important anyway.” Not as important as the fact that the love of my life was about to have a baby with a different woman and I was the last person in the world to find out about it.

Something inside me crushed, making the colors of the surroundings blend into one black spot. I wondered if the crushed thing was my heart. I was sure it was broken a long time ago. Turns out I just now realized it had never been more broken than now…