CHAPTER TEN

Crystal

Something was wrong with my day. Or maybe it was just me and my inability to stop thinking about Liam’s apology from last night. What was he apologizing for? And why now? If it was about what happened between us six years ago, it was a little too late for apologies. But still, his words caught me off guard. There was something about the way they were said… I couldn’t define it.

My phone buzzed on my desk, indicating a new message delivered.

“Thank you for ordering from our sex shop. The item you ordered from our wall is not a Big Red Toy, it’s a fire extinguisher. Can we offer you something else instead?”

I burst out laughing. The text was from Trevor.

I quickly typed back, “Unfortunately, I need only that Big Red Toy. The rest of your items are already under my bed.”

“Oh, okay then… Do you also need a fireman to help you play whatever game you have in that dirty mind of yours?”

“Yes, please. Dressed in a Big Red Ribbon.”

“Noted!”

I laughed even harder and was just about to send another message, when I saw Trevor’s name flashing on the screen.

“Just don’t tell me you ran out of firemen,” I said, answering the call.

“On the contrary – we had a new group of horny firemen delivered this morning and waiting for their new owners.”

“Sounds good. Pick one that is the best in your opinion and send him my way.”

“If you mean the horniest of them, then you are talking to him right now. Do you still want me to come wrapped in a ribbon?”

It was kind of hard to not imagine the picture.

“It would definitely make my day.”

“And bring more clients to your studio as well.”

“I think I need to discuss this new promo strategy with my boss. Liz might want to preview the firemen first.”

Laughing, Trevor said, “How about a personal meeting with our representative first?”

“The horniest one?”

“That’s right.”

“Tell him to pick me up after work. I’ll see if what he can offer can satisfy our needs.”

“Oh, you will be surprised.”

“We will see.”

“Deal.”

I hung up the phone, still smiling like an idiot. That was Trevor Armstrong for you – a guy who could turn every screwed-up day into the best day of your life.

“My, my… Just look at you!” Liz said, entering my office. “I don’t think I remember a time I saw you smiling like this. No, wait! I do actually: fifth grade, David Bown, St. Valentine’s Day card with the most ridiculous bear I had ever seen. You almost had a heart attack when you got a card from every girl’s dream boy. Too bad, the kid who was to deliver the card, mixed up your name with Christa Ames. After she came to take her card from you, you spent the next week crying as if her boyfriend broke up with you. After receiving the most terrible card in the world, seriously, Crys?”

I giggled. “David was so cute and the bear was not as terrible as you are saying.”

“He looked like one of those toys from a horror movie. I would freak out if I got a card like that. But today, I guess it’s not just about another grizzly bear on a card. What did your sexy ex do this time?”

She sat down on a chair opposite from mine, and watched me, impatiently drumming the desk with her fingers.

“He sent me a funny text. Is that a problem?”

“No. Unless this problem brings more problems into your life.”

“Nah, he has changed. I told you – no more problems with the law, drinking or bike racing.”

“Uh-huh.” She gave me a doubtful look.

“Anyway, what are you still doing here? I thought you had a meeting with a reporter.”

“I rescheduled it for later.”

“Why?”

“I needed to ask you something first…”

“Judging by your hesitation it’s not about work or my sexy ex.”

Liz shook her head. “It’s about something personal.”

“Okay… Just spit it out.”

“What happened the night of your eighteenth birthday?”

I felt like I had been stabbed right into my heart.

“Did Stan tell you something?” My voice trembled on the last word; my palms started to sweat.

“No.”

“Then how do you know that something happened that night?”

“It doesn’t matter. What does matter though - is why you never told me anything?”

I rose to my feet and went to the coffee table to pour myself some water. All of a sudden, I felt too thirsty to say a word.

Liz patiently waited for me to take a breath and start talking again.

“What do you know?” I asked carefully.

“Not much actually.”

“What do you want to know?”

She stood up and came closer. Quietly she asked, “Did those guys force you to do something that you didn’t want to do?”

I shut my eyes and the images from that awful night started to fill my mind. The fear and pain returned. They were not as strong anymore, but still rained on my parade, regardless of how hard I tried to push the memories away and to the back of my mind.

“No,” I whispered. “But they wanted to.”

Liz covered her mouth with both hands and I saw tears glisten in her eyes.

I sat down on a couch standing nearby and took a deep breath. “They were very close to getting what they wanted. And they would get it, if it wasn’t for the blood dripping from the wound on my chest that stopped them.”

I reached for the edge of my blouse and pulled it up, for the first time in what felt like forever willingly revealing the scar that became my curse for a lifetime.

She gasped and took a seat next to me. “Did one of them do this to you?”

“No… I did it to myself… With a knife I saw hanging on one of the guys’ jeans pocket. If I hurt him instead, his buddies would no doubt finish me off right in the alley.”

“Oh, Crystal…” She wrapped both arms around me and hugged me tightly.

I felt sudden relief washing over me. For years, I wanted to tell Liz about the secret that changed me forever. For years, I had been dying to scream about the pain that still filled my heart. For years, I wanted someone to take my pain away.

“If it wasn’t Stan, then who told you?”

Judging by the look in Liz’s eyes, her words were about to shock me, and they did.

“Liam did.”

“What?”

“He asked Stanley about your scar and your brother told him what he knew.”

“I’m gonna kill Stan…”

“Don’t tell him anything, Crys. Don’t you understand? If he was the only person who knew the truth, don’t you think he needed to talk it out at some point?”

“But not to Liam!”

“Why? Because you blame him for what happened to you? And before you ask – yes, Liam also told me about what happened between you two.”

“Why would he come to talk to you?”

“Because he wanted to know the whole truth. Not only what Stan knew.”

Tears made it hard to speak. They got stuck in my throat like a bomb that was about to explode.

Liz was right – I kept blaming Liam for the hell that my life consisted of. But more than that – I blamed myself for it…

I leaned against the back of my couch and let the tears flow. “There was only one person who knew everything. And that was Trevor. He helped me out of the mess I turned into. He pulled me out of the shit that I thought I would never be able to get out of on my own.”

“Why Trevor? Why didn’t you come talk to me, Crys?”

“Your mom was sick and you had a lot of your own problems to deal with. I didn’t want to add another one to that list.”

“But you do realize that the bastards deserve punishment, even though they didn’t get what they wanted.”

“I don’t want to see them, ever again. Let them live their lives.”

“What if they did get what you didn’t give them from someone else?”

I swallowed hard. I thought about it many times. They acted as if they knew exactly what they were doing: one catches a fish, the rest - enjoy it.

“Mom would have a heart attack if the police came to question me. Everyone would start feeling sorry for me. I didn’t want it.”

“Is that why you pushed Liam away you? Because you were afraid he would never want to be with you again, because you were not as perfect anymore?”

I wiped away my tears and looked at Liz. “He never wanted to be with me for real. Because if he did, he wouldn’t let his fear to tell Stanley about us ruin it all.”

“What if it wasn’t just about Stan? What if he simply wanted to do it in a different way?”

I laughed. “I can’t believe you are taking his side.”

“I’m not taking anyone’s side. I’m just trying to add a little common sense to what had happened between you two.”

“Common sense and Liam have never been friends.”

“Think about it, Crystal – if he still cares about you, don’t you think he deserves a chance to talk to you, with no accusations or hate from you? Just sit and talk, like grownups.”

“We’ve always sucked at talking.”

“It’s probably because you never tried talking. Who knows, maybe you will even like it.”

I chuckled. “I doubt that.”

“Anyway, will you promise me something?”

“I won’t. Because I know what you want me to promise you.”

“You don’t.” Liz smiled. “I’m not making you talk to him. I want you to talk to yourself. Maybe the Crystal I knew six years ago has something very important to tell the new Crystal.”

“Ugh, you know how much I ‘love’ your philosophical crap, right?”

She laughed. “This is exactly why I wanted you to make a promise. You will have plenty of time to talk to your old self during your vacation.”

“Okay. All right. I will talk to myself. Happy now?”

“Almost.”

I rolled my eyes. “What else do you want me to do?”

“Tell me what Trevor wrote in his text to make you smile?”

I laughed at the memory of our exchange of messages. “Sorry, sweetie. It’s too personal.”

Her eyes grew to the size of the moon each. “Just don’t tell me you were flirting with him…”

“What? Me? Flirting with Trevor? Never!”

I knew Liz changed the subject to distract me. She knew me too well to believe that a simple question about my ex would make me forget our previous conversation. I was thankful for her patience and understating. She had always been there for me, and this time was not an exception. She would listen to my teenage rumblings about another failed date, wipe away my tears and snot nose; then bring me another Margarita when we grew up, then wait for me to sleep it off and then drag me to another party to laugh and dance it off and then let me pass out on the couch in her living room. Uh, I wish everything was that simple again.

“Okay, I’d better get ready for the interview,” Liz said, walking to the door.

“Liz?” I called. “Thank you, for everything.”

“You are always welcome, doll.” She started to open the door and then stopped and looked at me again. “One more thing – be a good girl tonight, okay?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Going out with Trevor, again, recalling old times, sharing drinks, dancing, flirting, you know…?”

“I got your point. And I can assure you that nothing is going to happen between us.”

“That’s what you told me right before you sold your precious virginity to his sexiness.”

“Oh, shut up! It was worth it. He was really good in bed.”

“Spare me the details, and remember my words – common sense plus good behavior.”

“Yes, mommy!”

 

No common sense or good behavior was on the table that night. Trevor and I drank a lot, danced a lot and laughed like there was no tomorrow, and it felt so good and so easy.

Everything we did seemed so natural. And again, I caught myself thinking – why wasn’t I in love with him…

“What’s this lemon face about?” He asked, bringing two more drinks to our table. We were sitting in one of those street salsa cafes where people come to dance and relax. Most of them were strangers, but they still enjoyed their time together and nothing seemed to bother them.

I looked at Trevor and maybe it was just the tequila messing with my head, but I suddenly wanted to kiss him. Without giving my sudden desire a second thought, I pulled him by the shirt and crashed my lips into his.

The smartass didn’t hesitate even for a second. He cupped my face in his palms and responded to my kiss with the familiar passion that filled each and every night he and I spent together in the past. He played this game like a pro – both dominating and letting me set the pace, as if he was using my weakness against me, at the same time making me feel wanted and loved.

I was kind of surprised when he broke the kiss. “Despite how promising it feels, I don’t think we should rush things.”

“No way… Trevor Armstrong tells me to not rush things?”

“Uh, woman, you are going to be the death of me. You know how much I want this foreplay to continue in bed, but I also know that mixing tequila and sex never ends well.”

“What a shame…” I sighed. Though deep down inside I knew that he was right. I would regret sleeping with him, and he would feel guilty for not stopping me from making another mistake.

“But…” He said, watching me closely. “If you agree to marry me, forget about long nights with a silicone boyfriend under your blanket.”

“How do you know I have one?”

“I don’t, but I always wanted to know that – do you have one?”

I laughed. “You are impossible.”

“Said a girl who tried to seduce me with a kiss, just a few minutes ago.”

I gave him another ‘I-am-such-an-idiot-for-not-loving-you’ look and threw another shot into my mouth, followed by salt and a piece of lemon that burned my tongue.

“Okay, time to call it a night. Liz will kill me if I don’t show up at work tomorrow.”

“We should probably think about a more…civilized way to spend another date. How about going to the theatre?”

“Hmm… Sounds interesting. But no opera please. Ballet will do, though.”

“Good.”

He paid for the drinks and called a taxi to take me home.

 

“Crystal, is that you?” Mom asked. There was no light in the living room, but I could see the shadows from the TV dancing on the floor.

“Yes, it’s me!” I took off my shoes and went to the living room. “Hey, why are you still awake?” The clock on the wall showed midnight.

“Your father couldn’t fall asleep and I asked Stanley to give him a sleeping pill. But now it looks like I might need one too. Where have you been, by the way?”

“Just hanging out with an old friend of mine.”

“Oh… Was it a date?”

“No. Just a meeting with a friend.” No matter how date-like it felt, I didn’t want to give my time with Trevor names, no matter how many times he called our meeting ‘a date’. “Is Stan still awake? I wanna talk to him.”

“He’s in your father’s office. Reading some papers.”

“Okay. I’m gonna make myself a cup of hot chocolate. Do you want one?”

“No, thanks. I’d better go and give much-needed sleep another try.”

“Night, Mom. Love you.”

“Love you too, darling.” She kissed my forehead and left.

I went to the kitchen, poured some water into the electric kettle and waited for the water to boil.

Only now, that I was back in the safety of my house, I realized that spending the night somewhere else, in Trevor’s bed for example, would be a mistake. Not because I doubted his bed play talents, more like I doubted I would be able to give him as much as he was ready to give me. Using him simply to satisfy my physical needs was not an option. He deserved so much more than that. Besides, there was another man I couldn’t take out of my head. Would I agree to spend a night with him if offered? A part of me would probably say no to this, when the other part would be all for it.

After my hot chocolate was ready, I took a cup and went to my dad’s office. The door was half-open, but I knocked anyway.

“May I come in?” I asked.

Stanley smiled tiredly. “Sure.” He stood up to greet me. “Coming home late, huh? Should I be worried?”

“I’m not sixteen anymore, remember?”

“It doesn’t change the fact that I’m your older brother and that I’m worried about you.”

“Speaking of which… Have you decided about moving to Washington?”

He went around the desk and sat down. “Looks like I will need to postpone my departure.”

“Why?” I sat down in a leather chair facing him.

“Dad asked me to go through his property documents, and there are a few things that I will need to deal with before I leave.”

“Anything serious?”

“No. But the lake house needs remodeling. And it needs it now.”

“What can I do to help you?”

“Well, first of all, we need to repaint the walls and change the floors. You can go there when you have time and cover up the furniture so it doesn’t get ruined.”

“Sure. I can do that. I’ll go there tomorrow, after work. Anything else?”

Stan gave me a thoughtful look. “Are you happy, sis?”

I knew what made him ask that question. Though I thought it would be better to listen to Liz and not to mention his conversation with Liam that I now knew about.

“I am happy,” I lied. Hell, I wish I knew what being truly happy was. But at this point, saying that I was not happy was not quite true either.

“Good. I’m glad to hear that.”

“What about you?” I asked.

But Stan just joked it off. “My happiness will have to wait until I’m done with the lake house remodeling and off to Washington.”

“Have you talked to mom and dad about it?”

“I have. And they both said I need to accept the offer.”

“See? I told you. They love you too much to stand in the way of your bright and happy future.”

“I know. That’s why I want to remodel the lake house first. Dad said he wants to spend Christmas there.”

“Looks like you and I gonna have a lot of work to do.”

“Liz promised to help with the new decorations for the library and the living room.”

“Don’t worry, Big Brother, we will make it.”

“We’ve always been a great team, right?” Another thoughtful look followed and I wondered if Liz was right and Stan did need to talk to someone about what he had to go through because of me.

“Stanley, you know you can always talk to me, about anything, right?”

“I know, sis. Just like I’m always here if you need me.”

“I never doubted that.”