CHAPTER SIX

“You are going out with Trevor, as the Trevor?” Liz stared at me from across my desk.

“Yep.”

“You are kidding, right?”

“Nope.”

“Will I get anything but ‘yep’ and ‘nope’ from you today?”

“Maybe.”

Liz grrred at me, literally. “Wasn’t he the very guy who made you swear off dating for the rest of your life?”

“So? It doesn’t mean I can’t have dinner with him. It’s not like we are going on a romantic date. It’s just dinner with an old friend.”

“Aha.” She crossed her arms and kept drilling me with her studying eyes.

“Stop doing that. I know what you are thinking and you are wrong.”

“If you are thinking the same thing I am, I guess I’m not.”

I used to be kind of obsessed with Trevor and Liz knew it. I can’t say I loved him, but there was something about him that I couldn’t resist. Or maybe it was more about his lifestyle that was so different from mine that made me jump on his bike whenever he waved for me to do so. I was a good girl, well as good a devil in a skirt could be, and he was a typical bad boy whose body and bike make me swoon whenever he was around.

“Trevor and I, in a relationship – not gonna happen.”

“Okay.” Liz stood up and headed for the door. “Can I ask you something?”

“Even if I say ‘no’ you will still ask your question. So go ahead.”

“Have you and Liam ever done something that I missed?”

A wave of predatory fear rolled over me and then ended up burning my cheeks. “No. Why would you say that?” Could Liz see a you-are-a-major-liar blush on my cheeks? Because at that very moment I felt like my whole face was on fire.

She shrugged. “It was just a thought. Forget it.”

But I knew better. She would never ask me questions like that if there wasn’t a good reason to ask them. Did Liam tell her something? No, he would never do that. Besides, I doubted he cared about what happened between us the night that ruined me to the core. He never treated any of his dates seriously. They were more like bus stops that he passed by way too quickly. And I just happened to be one of them.

Liz left without saying another word and I breathed a sigh of relief. My story with Liam was better to be left in the past. No matter how much memories hurt…

***

6 years ago

I was as happy as one of those fireflies from Tinker Bell’s story who never stopped flying and glowing, irritating everyone with their non-stop buzzing.

“I take it you liked your graduation party,” Stanley said, pouring himself another cup of coffee. “What time did you come back home?”

“I don’t remember.” I was not lying. I was so damn happy about Liam showing up and taking me away from school, I couldn’t think straight. I talked nonstop and my mouth hurt from the amount of time I spent smiling like an idiot, because the guy of my dreams did something I knew I would remember for the rest of my life. He turned my graduation night into one of the best nights ever.

Of course, I didn’t tell anyone about our late-night trip to Storm. We talked and danced on the roof, we ate a chocolate pie that he bought especially for me, knowing how much I loved it. We watched the sunrise, which was the most romantic thing to ever happen to me. And even though we didn’t act like a couple, more like old friends who knew almost everything about each other, I could still feel something special building between us. He held my hand and I never once tried to pull it away. I don’t know if he realized that friends don’t hold hands like we did. But at that very moment, I preferred to not think about anything but the pleasure I got from being with him.

He drove me home and said he would come back later today to take me out for dinner. My universe started and ended with him. I could search forever, dream forever, but in the end, I would still see him as the only man I ever wanted to share my life with.

I couldn’t stop thinking about the upcoming dinner and even though I hadn’t slept for almost twenty-four hours, I was too excited to close my eyes even for a second. I felt so light, like there was no gravity able to pull me down, as if I had wings on my back. It was so strange, frightening even, to realize that the biggest of my dreams was about to come true. Naïve, yet so pure and boundless, my feelings became my traitors, never listening to my mind, but filling my heart with so much light; I felt like I was made of fire – too dangerous to trust its beautiful promises, yet too alluring to stay away from it

Liam texted me around noon and said he would pick me up in an hour – which turned out to be the longest hour of my life. The anticipation filled me like electrical sparks, lightening me from within. Dreaming with my eyes wide open, I could feel a smile twist my lips. I couldn’t help it and I had never wanted the time to go faster.

***

Present day

It was almost 5:00 PM when Liz pushed a rail full of her newly designed outfits into my office.

“I need to know what you think about them,” she said, breathing heavily. I had always been the first person to try her new designs.

I stood up from my chair and came to the rail. “You want me to try all of them? Right now?”

She smirked. “Afraid to be late for your date with Mr. Armstrong?”

I made a face. “Ha-ha. No, I am not. And like I said – it’s not a date.”

“Whatever.” She turned to the rail and pulled out a mini dress made of emerald velvet. “Try this one first. One of the clients saw my sketches of it and she wants the first dress to be hers. But I need to be sure it looks good.”

“Okay.”

Her phone buzzed in her hand, she looked at the screen and said, “I need to take this. Put the dress on and wait for me. I’ll be right back.”

I nodded and waited for her to leave the office. Then I turned to the floor-length mirror and started to take off my clothes.

The dress Liz wanted me try was a little too tight for me. I put it on through my head and of course it had to get stuck right when I was about to pull it down my chest. My head stayed hidden under the fabric.

“Damn it.” I tried to pull it a little more, but the fabric refused to cooperate.

I heard the door behind me open.

“Seriously, Liz, if you wanted to kill me with this dress, consider your mission accomplished.”

She stayed quiet.

“Will you help me out of it, please?”

I heard the footsteps and a few moments later, she pulled the edges of the damn dress up and finally released me. Only when I turned around to tell her what I thought about the outfit, it was not my best friend whom I saw standing behind me.

“Liam? What the hell?” I looked frantically around, looking for something to cover myself with. “Have you ever heard of knocking?”

“Sorry.” His eyes slipped down my body, stopping at every small part I wanted so badly to hide. When his gaze moved up to my belly again, I panicked. Just like the other night, at the lake house.

“What do you want?” I turned away from him and grabbed another dress from the rail to put on.

“I needed to talk to Liz, and then I heard voices coming from here. I thought she was with you.”

I swallowed my nervousness and turned around. His eyes immediately found mine and no matter how much I tried to persuade myself that their look didn’t affect me anymore, I couldn’t make the damn butterflies in my belly stop dancing. Whatever distraction I used, my thoughts kept flying back to the things that were not supposed to cross my mind.

“She should be in the showroom,” I said, walking around him. Being so close to him never did my sanity any good.

To my great relief, Liz returned a few moments later.

“Why are you wearing this dress? I thought I told you to try the other one.”

“Yes, but it was too tight for me.” Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Liam watching me.

Why the hell couldn’t he leave me alone? Months without him felt so much easier to live through than five minutes of his presence. Even if that was just another lie I preferred to believe in instead of facing the truth.

“Too tight? Oh, no… I will need to redo it from the very beginning. Liam, come with me, your order is in my office.” She took the emerald dress and then added. “Could you try at least a few more before you go on your date?”

At the mention of ‘your date’ Liam stopped walking and turned to look at me. An unspoken question froze in his dark-blue eyes.

I put my best smile on and said, “Sure. Will see how many I have time to try before Trevor comes to pick me up.”

Liam’s brows snapped together, his lips pursed.

What? You think you are the only person in the room who has the right to have a personal life? Well, sorry to disappoint you dude, but you are wrong.

He gave me a pissed-to-the-core look and then followed Liz out of my office.

Seriously, the man had nerve. Who the hell did he think he was to feel territorial about me? The kiss we shared a few months back didn’t give him any right to judge me or what I did in my free time. After all, nothing had ever stopped him from dragging another curvy chick into his bed.

 

About half an hour later, someone knocked at the door.

“Come in!” I said, zipping my bag.

“Ready to have fun with me?” Trevor stood in the doorway, smiling as brightly as ever. They should have used him as a model for a toothbrush commercial.

“Have fun with you?” I snorted. “It doesn’t promise anything good. Besides, I thought we were going to eat.”

“We will eat and talk and have fun. Does that sound better?”

“A lot.”

“Good, let’s go then.”

I locked my office, said goodbye to Liz and then Trevor and I left the studio.

The evening was a bit windy, so he took off his jacket and wrapped it around my shoulders, while we walked to his car.

“Where are we going?” I asked out of curiosity.

“I’m not telling you anything. This is going to be a surprise.”

I stopped at the passenger door and frowned. “Hope it won’t make me regret going out with you.”

He bent down and said in a low voice, “Not that you ever regretted going out with me.”

“Shut up. I was young and stupid and the two things have an unhealthy tendency to see everything through rose-colored glasses.”

“Then let’s pretend we are young and stupid again. I don’t want to adult tonight.”

I laughed. “I don’t like the sound of that.”

“You will like my surprise, I promise you that.”

I gave him back his jacket and got into the car.

‘Promises are only as strong as the person who gives them,’ I remembered my mom saying. I looked at the man sitting by my side and thought that he was the strongest man I had ever met in my life. And by strong I didn’t mean his physical state. The outer surface is not always true, and in Trevor’s case, it was followed by a boundless inner world, full of things I admired in him. He was one of a few people I could always rely on, no matter how little I trusted him after what he did, years ago. But now that I knew it was nothing but a mistake, I admired him even more, for everything he had managed to get from his life despite the obstacles standing in the way.

A movement on my right caught my attention. I turned my head and looked out of the window just in time to see Liam’s car speed by.

I thought he left a long time ago. Did he stay to see who I was going on a date with?

“What is it, Crys?” Trevor asked.

“I thought I saw someone familiar, but I was wrong. Shall we go?”

He nodded and started the engine.

 

“So, tell me why are you still single?” I asked, poking my fork into another piece of the most delicious steak I had ever tasted.

“I’m waiting for you,” he said with a barely visible smile curving his lips.

“Which means you are going to die a sworn bachelor.”

We were sitting on a terrace of a place I couldn’t pronounce the name correctly, but it was something Asian and the food there was to die for.

“I think it’s too early to give up hoping.” He winked at me. “Better tell me, do you still have a crush on that guy, Liam, right?”

I sighed. “I honestly don’t know how to answer your question. One second I think I have ‘healed’ and that I don’t care about him anymore. And then I see him, and everything I used to believe in turns upside down.”

“So, you are still in love with him…”

“I wouldn’t give it any names. I just feel that there’s something between us that won’t let me move on. That’s it.”

“He doesn’t know about what happened on the night of your eighteenth birthday, does he?”

“I will never tell him a word.”

“Maybe that’s your problem with him – you feel like you are not being honest with him and it’s eating you from the inside. What if you try to talk it out? Tell him everything I mean.”

I shook my head. “I can’t. I feel so embarrassed about that night. I would never gather enough courage to tell anyone about it. Not even my brother knows the whole truth.”

“But you told me, remember?”

“It’s different. You were there when I needed someone to hear me out. But now, after so many years have passed, I have even less desire to talk about it than the day I told you the truth.”

He hesitated for a few moments before he asked his next question. “Do you still have nightmares about that night?”

I nodded slowly. “Sometimes.”

“Why haven’t you reported those guys? Was what they did to you not worth making them pay for it?”

A shudder went through me. I put my fork down and wrapped both arms around myself, as if it would help me shield myself from the painful memories. The familiar fear traveled in my veins. I had been trying to suppress it for years. I would no doubt win a Casual Indifference Face Award.

“What would I tell the police? I didn’t even know their names.” I brought a glass of water to my lips and took a few sips.

“But you saw their faces. You could have described how they looked like.”

“Police wouldn’t have found them anyway.”

Trevor stayed quiet for a long five minutes, no less. I pretended I was too busy eating my salad. I put on a mask of defiance and never let if fall from my face, unless I was alone, and no one could see the traces of weakness breaking out from the inside of me.

“Okay, why don’t we talk about something else?” He finally said.

“I’m all for it.”

He wrapped one arm around my shoulders and pulled me to his chest. He kissed my head and said, “If you agreed to marry me, you would never have nightmares again. And you know why?”

“Why?” I moved a little so I could see his face.

“Because I wouldn’t let you sleep.”

I laughed under my breath. “Like ever?”

“Well, considering your desire to have at least three kids, I guess we would have a lot of work to do.”

“Dirty you. You never stopped thinking about sleeping with me again, did you?”

“Hmm… Let me think.” He rubbed his chin, pretending he was thinking too much about my question. “It was kind of hard to stop thinking about it. I have a very good memory, which in this particular case, was not helping.” His quiet laughter vibrated beneath my palm, resting on his chest. “We had a lot of fun together. Sometimes I really miss that time…” He rubbed my back gently and then added, “Not that we can’t repeat a few things from back then.”

I punched his chest playfully. “Not gonna happen.”

“Too bad. I’ve learned a few things since then.”

Giggling, I said, “No doubt.”

“What about your passion for kids? You are planning on having kids, aren’t you?”

“Of course I want to have kids.”

“But you do realize that for that, you will need to get married first.”

“Marriage is not the only way to have kids.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I have a plan… But promise, you won’t laugh.”

“If you think it will make me laugh, I can’t promise you anything.”

I rolled my eyes. “Fine. Here’s my plan: I want to find a man willing to donate his sperm. I will have his baby, but I will raise him or her on my own. That’s it.”

I don’t think Trevor’s eyes had ever been bigger than now. First, he stared at me, without saying a word, then he frowned and asked, “Is this some kind of a joke?”

“Nope. That’s what I want.”

“A test-tube baby?’”

“Yes. That way, I will save my baby’s father from obligations. Isn’t it what you - men - want most of all?”

“Definitely not me. I want to be a part of my babies’ lives, if I ever have babies of course.”

“What about marriage?”

“What about it? Have I ever told you that I don’t want to get married?”

“No.”

“I’m not afraid of obligations. Even if I can’t imagine going to the altar first thing in the morning, I do want to have a family: a wife to bring me coffee in bed and then stay there for a completely different reason, and a couple of little troublemakers to complicate my existence.”

I watched him with the only thought in my head – Why have I never fallen in love with him?

“I’m sure one day, you will find a woman to complete this picture of a perfect future.”

“Don’t you want your future to be perfect?”

“I do. But with my past, there will be no perfect future for me.”

He took another sip of his wine and said, “If you change your mind, you know where to find me.”

“Change my mind about what exactly – sleeping with you for fun or having kids with you?”

“Both.”

“What if I snore at night, and wake up grumpy, and refuse to bring you coffee in bed? Are you sure you can handle a wife like that?”

“You don’t snore. I have spent enough nights with you to know it for sure. You never once woke up grumpy. As for the coffee part, I don’t mind making it for you.”