Chapter 11

Nox

I’m uploading some pictures of tattoos done over the past few days to the shop’s Facebook page when the bell over the door chimes. I look up and paste on a smile as a gorgeous woman with long, dark hair approaches the counter.

“Welcome to Heathens Ink, what can I help you with today?”

She looks me up and down, clearly sizing me up, before giving me a patronizing smile.

“Oh, sweetie, you must be new. I’m here for Adam.”

A twinge of jealousy hits me in the stomach. Adam clearly isn’t wanting for romantic company, not that I blame him, but it’s further proof I need to get over my stupid crush. I don’t have a snowball’s chance in hell with a guy like him.

“Kira?” Adam approaches from the back of the shop with a mixture of confusion and irritation on his face.

Kira runs toward him and launches herself into his sturdy arms. Meanwhile, I do my best to resist the urge to rip her hair out. He catches her easily, seeing as how she probably weighs about a hundred pounds soaking wet, but still doesn’t look entirely thrilled to see her. She whispers something in his ear and he sets her down and leads her back to his office.

I’m not sure how long I stare after them with a pit of dread in my stomach before Dani approaches the front desk humming the Wicked Witch’s theme song from the Wizard of Oz.

“Can I take that to  mean you’re not a fan of Kira?” I ask.

“God no, she’s a cunt.”

I sputter a laugh at Dani’s proclamation.

“Is she...Adam’s girlfriend?”

“More like fuck buddy. She’s got this on again, off again boyfriend and whenever they’re off again she comes crawling after Adam like a love sick puppy. Haven’t seen her in ages though. I thought they were finally over for good.”

Her explanation does little to ease the jealous rage boiling inside of me.

“She’s so pathetic, practically begging Adam to be her boyfriend. Plus, she’s a total bitch. Whenever they’re fooling around she comes in here and treats us all like shit. And on top of that she’s an unscrupulous psycho. She faked a pregnancy once when he was trying to break things off with her. Can you believe that?”

“Jesus, that’s insane.”

“Please tell me I didn’t just hear Kira’s voice out here?” Royal asks, peeking out of his workspace.

“Unfortunately, you did.”

“I don’t get what he sees in her,” Dani shakes her head looking back toward Adam’s office with a disgusted look on her face.

“Yeah, I thought he was…” Royal trails off, casting a quick glance in my direction.

Does he know about Adam’s sexuality?

 

 

Adam

As soon as we’re in my office I spin on Kira, my jaw clenched and muscles taut.

“What do you want, Kira?”

“You, obviously,” she answers, crowding into my personal space and running her hand along my chest. I grab Kira’s wrist in a harsh motion that makes her gasp.

“I told you a fucking year ago it was over. We don’t work on any level, go back to your boyfriend.” I let go of her wrist, and nod toward the door. “We’re done here.”

Kira’s pouty lips are parted in outrage. In the past it’s exactly the kind of expression that would’ve tempted me to bend her over my desk and fuck her until neither of us could walk right later. This time, though, my cock doesn’t so much as stir in interest.

“Is this because of the cute little twink you’ve got working up front now?” Kira asks with a knowing spark in her vicious eyes.

“What the fuck does that mean?”

“Come on, Adam. We’ve been fucking for years, you think I couldn’t figure out you swing both ways? You have your own dildo for god sake. You realize straight guys don’t usually like dildo’s up the ass, right?”

“First, that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Guys have prostates whether they’re gay or straight, so that shit feels awesome regardless. Secondly, I don’t get why you’re brandying this information around like it’s some sort of weapon.”

“Because, I also know you don’t want Gage to know.”

My breath catches and I’m certain the color is draining from my face if Kira’s triumphant smile is anything to go by.

“You don’t know shit. Get the fuck outta here and don’t come back,” I spit before opening the door and fixing her with a menacing glare.

Her scowl tells me this isn’t over, but she stomps out without any further argument.

I give myself a minute to tamper my anger down before I head back up front.

“Please tell me Kira isn’t back,” Dani says the second I reach the gaggle of my employees congregated around the front desk.

“I can assure you from the bottom of my heart that Kira is not back.”

“She was kind of hot,” Owen notes casually.

He’s only been at Heathens a few months and it’s been taking him longer than I’d hoped to settle in and make friends with everyone. I don’t know his whole story other than that he was in prison. He seems like a good person so I’m not worried about what he did to land himself there. I just hope he’s finding his way in life now that he’s out. I make a mental note to do a better job getting Owen involved with everyone here.

“She’s literally insane,” Dani argues.

“Crazy girls are the best in bed,” Owen points out. “Strangely, insane guys are not that great in bed. Weird dichotomy.”

A small spike of jealousy jolts through me. It must be nice for Owen to feel so comfortable with his bisexuality.

I notice Nox is quiet, still sitting in front of the computer.

“How’s it going with those pictures?” I check with him, noticing his pinched expression.

“It’s going great. Just about finished,” he glances over and forces a smile.

My hand twitches with the urge to reach over and touch him. Not in a sexual way, just to connect with him.

“Okay, cool. Do you want to come to Rainbow House with me tonight?”

Nox smiles and then frowns.

“Oh shoot, I told Madden I would tag along with him to his group thing tonight. Maybe I can come with you tonight and go with Madden another night.”

“No, go with Madden. We can go to R.H. another time, it’s not going anywhere.”

 

 

Nox

“Is this one of those things where I have to stand up and be like ‘My name is Nox and I’m a Heroin addict’?”

“No, it’s not Narcotics Anonymous. This is a support group. My therapist, Dr. Marvin, pretty much sits back and lets people share and talk amongst ourselves but he’s there to help if needed. Otherwise we are here for each other. Feel free to share if you want to, or offer insight or advice to anyone else who shares. It’s casual so don’t feel any pressure.”

“Okay.” I follow Madden into the nondescript brick building.

When we get inside it’s more or less what I expected. There are about a dozen people there, milling about and talking, chairs arranged in a circle at the center of the room, and a folding table with cookies and a carafe of coffee on it.

Madden takes me around and gives me a brief introduction to each person. Everyone seems friendly and welcoming which eases my nerves a bit.

After a few minutes of general socializing and drinking cheap coffee everyone starts to move to fill the chairs in the center of the room.

As Madden said, the doctor sits back from the group rather than actively participating. And in a seeming unspoken ritual they start to go around the circle, each person either sharing about their week, feelings, or simply waving their hand and passing to the next person.

When the progression reaches me I consider passing, and the look Madden gives me assures me it’s okay if I don’t want to speak up on my first night. But something in me wants to share.

“Hi everyone, thanks for letting me join you. I’m Nox, as Madden already told you, and I am a Heroin addict. I don’t remember much about the night I almost died. In some ways, calling it that feels a bit dishonest, because I easily could’ve died any night between the ages of fourteen, and the night my boyfriend set me on fire. The only thing I really remember was the feeling of not giving a shit. I didn’t care I was dying. I didn’t have anything to live for. No one would’ve missed me. The world would’ve been no different without me.

“When I woke up in the hospital two weeks later, I could still remember that feeling but I was determined to change everything. I didn’t want to be that person anymore with nothing to live for. I wanted to be someone who would impact the world, or at the very least someone with one person who would miss me. I haven’t touched drugs since that night and I’ve taken some very positive steps toward building a life. I’m hopeful and I’m grateful. And…that’s about it, so thanks for letting me ramble,” I conclude with an awkward laugh.

I feel Madden’s hand on my shoulder.

“Thank you for sharing that,” Madden says and a murmur of agreement goes through the group before the next person starts to share.

After the group session Madden offers to drive me home, but we’re only about a mile away and a walk sounds nice so I decline.

I breathe in the cool spring air, gazing up at the stars as I walk, and an unfamiliar sense of peace washes over me. It’s like for the first time in my life I’m on the path I’m meant to be on. Nothing else counts, I’ve left all that shit behind. This is my life and I finally have the chance to be happy.

Another more skeptical part of my brain argues that nothing is this easy. Any day now the rug will be pulled out from under me and I’ll be back on the street, with a needle in my arm. Or worse, I’ll wake up on my dirty, threadbare mattress and this will all have been a dream.

I shudder at the thought.

Then, that shudder becomes a more prominent sense of unease. I glance over my shoulder, having the distinct impression of being followed, but I don’t see anyone behind me. I laugh at myself even as my skin continues to prickle and the hair on my neck stands on end. I’m just freaking myself out, that’s the only logical explanation.

To my relief, my apartment building comes into view up ahead. I speed up my pace and laugh at myself once more when I reach the door completely out of breath.

“Hey,” I greet Gage awkwardly as I step into the apartment and see him sitting on the couch.

I get the feeling Gage doesn’t particularly want me here, in his apartment with him and Adam. Madden insisted there wasn’t romantic jealousy behind it, any maybe he’s right, but the hostility remains at a simmer between us.

“You can sit if you want,” Gage offers.

“Oh...um,” I look between the vacant spot on the couch and the hallway leading to my bedroom.              

“Sit, I owe you an apology.”

I slink onto the open seat, casting a sideways glance at Gage. It’s not that I’m afraid of him, more that I know if I fuck things up and Gage completely hates me that won’t endear me to Adam.

“Relax man, I don’t bite,” Gage assures me.

I take a breath and force myself to relax my posture.

“You don’t owe me an apology. I get why you wouldn’t want some random junkie rooming with you.”

“That’s not it,” Gage argues, turning to face me. “Not exactly anyway. It’s more that Adam has this fucking complex about saving drug addicts, like it’ll somehow bring back Johnny. But Johnny is gone and no matter how many poor souls Adam rescues, Johnny will always be gone.”

“I understand.” I put a comforting hand on Gage’s shoulder. “I’m not trying to replace Johnny in your and Adam’s life. If it wasn’t for Adam I’m not sure I’d still be alive right now, I owe him everything. I know it won’t bring Johnny back but the kindness all of you guys are showing me has changed my life.”

Gage pats my hand on his shoulder and gives me a tight smile.

“I’m glad to hear that. I’ll try to be less of an asshole from here on out, I promise.”

“I appreciate it.” I laugh and then settle back on the couch to watch whatever Gage has on.  “Can I ask you a question?”

Gage grunts what seems to be agreement.

“Do you have feelings for Adam?”

“What?” Gage pauses the show and turns to look at me like I’m wearing a tinfoil hat. “Like, feelings feelings?”

I shrug.

“You seem protective of him.”

“He’s my best friend and a brother to me. Feelings for Adam?” Gage wrinkles his nose at the idea and then shudders. Then he stills and his eyes go wide. “Wait, do you have a thing for him?”

“No, of course not,” I rush to lie.

“Sorry to break it to you, but you’re barking up the wrong tree. Adam is as straight as can be.”

“What if he wasn’t?”

Gage furrows his brows and then shrugs.

“I guess it would’ve been cool when we were teenagers if he was gay too, since we were best friends and all. But, he was never weird about me or Johnny being gay.”

I’m caught between relief that Gage didn’t understand my question, and irritation at myself for almost outing Adam unintentionally. I settle for a smile before turning to face the T.V. again. Gage follows suit and we fall into a comfortable silence.