Phoenix
It was one thing, promising to tell Ace about his reservations regarding the date. It was another thing entirely to actually do it. The last thing Phoenix wanted was to hurt Ace, or for Ace to think he was unreasonable or weird. Either or both of those options seemed likely, the more Phoenix thought about talking to him.
He’d been up since seven because of that worry, sleep evading him as he considered how he was going to confess to Ace that there were certain things he couldn’t do. Needing something to do with his hands, he started a batch of snickerdoodles. It helped him focus and calmed him, even if it was just temporary.
Two and a half hours later, he sat in his favorite living room chair, munching a cookie. Lucy was at his side, and every now and again, he broke off a tiny crumb and let her nibble at it.
When the doorbell rang, Phoenix jolted. Shit. Ace was here. Well, at least he’d gotten dressed this morning. Standing, he brushed the crumbs off his shirt, and offered the last bite to Lucy. He crossed the room and paused at the door, opening it a moment later.
“Hi,” he said.
“I tried the studio, but you weren’t there. Is everything okay?”
Phoenix wanted to tell him yes, everything was fine. Most people wanted to hear that. They didn’t really care how the other person was when they asked. It was something that had taken a while to learn. But Ace wasn’t most people. Ace didn’t think it was strange that he classified touches, or that he didn’t deal well with people. Maybe he actually wanted to know how Phoenix was.
“Not really, no. Come in.”
He opened the door wider, allowing Ace inside. Lucy greeted him immediately, her tail wagging. It was nice to see her being so friendly and accepting toward him. Supposedly, dogs could sense who was a friend and who wasn’t. Then again, she was a golden retriever, so her senses were a little skewed.
“Something smells good,” Ace said, shedding his jacket. “Have you been baking?”
Phoenix nodded. “Your mom’s snickerdoodles. They’re my favorite.”
“They were pretty good.” He went quiet for a moment, then said, “So, you want to tell me what’s bothering you?”
Even though he didn’t read people very well, he was almost sure that Ace was hesitant. Why, Phoenix had no idea. It wasn’t like he’d done anything wrong. Phoenix was the one who was about to ruin everything. But Ben and Joel, and even Sam and Faith had seemed to think it was a good idea. Since Phoenix didn’t exactly have a reference point for relationships, he was inclined to think they were correct.
“It isn’t… nothing’s wrong. Not really. It’s just—would you like to sit down?”
Ace blinked. “Um…sure.”
He took the chair opposite Phoenix’s, and Phoenix resumed his seat. He twisted his fingers together, staring at them so he wouldn’t have to look at Ace. Most people appreciated the eye contact, but he couldn’t do it. Not right now.
“You asked me out on Tuesday.”
It took Ace a moment to respond, and Phoenix realized he should have phrased it as a question. “Yes, I did,” he said.
“I don’t want to cancel it, because I do want to go out with you. In fact, it’s been my dream since high school. But I’m worried you’re going to want to do something that I just can’t do.”
Ace frowned and sat forward, his hands pressed together like he was praying. “Okay,” he said slowly. “Like what?”
“Well, we didn’t actually discuss what we were going to do. We just said we were going out on a date tomorrow,” Phoenix said. “I naturally assumed you would want to go out to a restaurant, and possibly a movie. That’s what most people want to do when they go on a first date.”
Phoenix didn’t really understand why they did that. No one ever ordered what they really wanted to at a restaurant—they were always conscious of how the other person would view them. And a movie just seemed impractical. There was no way you could get to know the other person by sitting quietly in a movie theater.
A bashful grin spread across Ace’s lips. “You caught me. I guess I’m unimaginative. You’re right, though. We should have talked about it on Tuesday.”
“I was still in shock that you’d asked me out.”
“Understandable. So let’s talk dates. What are some things you’d want to do?”
Phoenix’s heart beat just a little faster. He didn’t expect all the decision to be put on him. What if Ace didn’t want to do the things he wanted to do? And what did people even like to do on dates, anyway?
“Nothing with too many people,” he said. “Crowds really bother me.”
Ace tapped his finger against his chin. “Hm. Do you like being outdoors?”
“It isn’t so bad in this weather. Why?”
“I thought that since restaurants were out, you might be interested in going on a picnic. We could go to one of the parks and walk around afterward. It wouldn’t have to be anything super formal or stressful.”
That wasn’t a bad idea, but it still posed one problem: what if Ace packed something he didn’t like? He’d always been particular when it came to foods—especially textures.
“What kinds of things do you pack on a picnic?”
“It depends,” Ace said with a shrug. “What do you like to eat?”
“The sandwiches from Walker’s Deli are good. They have all different kinds.”
“They’re still around? I used to love them. Remember when we were given passes senior year to eat off campus?”
Phoenix shook his head. “They’d stopped doing that by the time I was a senior. Apparently too many people used it to skip their afternoon classes.”
Ace laughed. “Yeah, I did that once or twice. Not too often, though. So we can go grab sandwiches from Walker’s and then head to the park?”
It sounded like an ideal situation for Phoenix. The park wouldn’t be too crowded, and it was big enough that they could find their own secluded spot to have a picnic. Phoenix had never gone on a picnic before. It was a new experience entirely. Ordinarily, that would have worried him—at the very least, made him uncomfortable. But the thought of experiencing something new with Ace was oddly exciting.
“Much better than dinner and a movie,” he said with a small smile. “I’m looking forward to it.”
“As opposed to Tuesday?” Ace raised an eyebrow, and Phoenix realized he had made a mistake.
“It wasn’t that I wasn’t looking forward to it. I was just worrying about all the things that could go wrong. We didn’t have a plan, and I have to have a plan when I’m doing things like this,” he explained.
Ace nodded slowly, seeming to understand. “Okay. Well, next time, I’ll be sure to plan something. But don’t be afraid to tell me if you don’t want to do what I plan. I want to make it work for you.”
He was so sincere Phoenix could have cried. No one had ever fully taken into consideration his needs. His parents had tried, of course, but even then, they mistook Elijah’s likes for his own, and weren’t accommodating when he brought up the issue. School had been a bit better. He’d found solace in packed lunches and the routine of a class schedule. But this was the first time anyone had actually told him they wanted to make this work.
“Thank you,” he said, trying to convey as much of what he was feeling into those two words. “It… it means a great deal.”
“You’re welcome.”
Ace reached over and held his hand palm-up, and Phoenix took it. The few times he’d held hands with people—mostly during prayers before meals—their hands had been dry or sweaty or clammy. Ace’s hand was nice, though. Soft and smooth, though the skin was pulled around his thumbnail, as though he’d tried to get rid of a hang nail. Phoenix could definitely get used to touching like this. If only other people felt this good. But then he realized he didn’t want that. If other people felt like this, then Ace wouldn’t be special anymore.
“So you said you were making snickerdoodles,” Ace said, breaking through his thoughts. Phoenix nodded. “Any chance you’d be willing to share?”
He snorted. “Given that I made enough to feed three dozen people, and it’s your mom’s recipe, absolutely.”
He held on to Ace’s hand as he stood, then waited for him to do the same. Lucy led the way, and Phoenix walked into the kitchen feeling much lighter than he had before Ace showed up. He’d just been ridiculous. Everything was going to be fine.