Phoenix
Phoenix sat on the edge of his seat, turning his phone over and over in his hands. He hadn’t heard anything from Ace in over a week. That wasn’t entirely abnormal. After all, they had gone their separate ways. But Phoenix had at least expected them to remain in contact with each other. It was probably naïve of him to think that way.
Looking down at the screen, he pulled up Ace’s number, his thumb hovering while he battled his indecision. Lucy let out a whine and pawed at Phoenix’s leg. Absently, he ran his fingers through her fur, then pressed the call button.
Ring.
Ring.
Ring.
Ring.
Hey, you’ve reached Ace. Sorry I missed your call, but if you leave your name and number, I’ll try to get back to you as soon as possible. Have a great day!
Phoenix disconnected before the beep. He didn’t know what message he would have left, anyway. I miss you? Come back? Neither of those things would fix his situation. Besides, likely Ace was out with his new friends.
Or in bed with another man.
The thought twisted his stomach, and he tried not to imagine Ace naked, thrusting into some nameless, faceless man. He rubbed his chest and hunched over himself as his eyes watered. His misery was his own fault.
If he were anyone else, it would be easy to forget Ace. Not to wonder every second of every day how he was doing. If he missed Wilmingson. If he missed Phoenix. For a moment, he thought about going to the Wechsler, but the possibility of seeing anyone other than Ben and Joel was one he couldn’t stand.
The chime of his phone made him jump, and he looked down to find Ace’s name on the screen. His heart beat faster. He hadn’t thought this through. Finding the words to leave on a voicemail had been impossible enough. Talking to Ace? That was even worse.
This is Ace, he reminded himself. Ace, who hadn’t judged him when he said he couldn’t eat at restaurants, or when he had special touch requirements. His thumb shaking, he answered the call.
“Hello?”
“Hey, I saw where you’d called. Is everything okay?”
Phoenix hated lying, but he couldn’t tell Ace the truth. It wouldn’t solve anything. So instead, he said, “Yeah, I’m fine.”
“Oh. That’s good. How have you been? Sorry I haven’t had a chance to call sooner. The job…”
“I get it.” He bit his lip, recalling the conversation he’d had with his brother. Elijah had been trying to help, but it had only made Phoenix question his decision to stay in Wilmingson. “Can I ask you a question—other than this one, I mean.”
“Of course. What’s up?”
“Am I a bad person because I didn’t go with you to New York?”
“What?” The word was sharp. “No, you’re not. Why did you ask? Did someone tell you that?”
“No,” Phoenix said quickly. “Well, not exactly. I was talking with Elijah about you leaving, and he said that he would have followed Maya into hell to be with her, and I don’t know if that means I’m a bad person because I didn’t follow you to New York.”
On the other end, Ace sighed. “That situation’s a little different, Phoenix. They’re married.”
Phoenix didn’t understand how that made any difference. Surely people could have those feelings toward one another without being married, right?
“But Ben and Sam would be the same way. They would go wherever the other one went.”
“Yeah, but they’ve been together longer than we were.”
“Not much longer. Only a month.”
Ace was silent for a long time. “I don’t think you’re a bad person for not coming with me. We always knew it was going to be temporary, what we had. You knew I wanted to leave, and I knew you couldn’t. You have a home in Wilmingson. You have friends who love you. A studio you couldn’t have here. You wouldn’t be happy in New York, and I couldn’t ask you to come with me if I knew you were going to be unhappy.”
The words were something of a balm. They didn’t take away the pain, but they lessened it significantly. That was as good as he was going to get.
“I miss you.” The words slipped out before he could stop them.
“I miss you, too. I think about you every day.”
Phoenix blinked. “You do?”
“Yeah. I’ve been busy, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to keep in touch. You’re important to me, and I don’t want to lose touch.”
His throat constricted. “You’re important to me, too.”
Those three little words lingered on his tongue, but he swallowed them down. He didn’t need to make more of a fool out of himself than he already had.
Silence fell again, and Phoenix wondered what to say now. He wasn’t quite ready to hang up on Ace, but he didn’t know where to go with the conversation. Fortunately, Ace spoke first.
“How’s Lucy?”
“She’s fine,” Phoenix answered. “She knows something’s different. I think she misses you as much as I do.”
Over the past few days, she had become increasingly clingy, refusing to leave Phoenix’s side, even for a moment. While he knew part of it was because she could sense his distress, he was fairly sure she was grieving as well. He’d caught her sniffing around the door, and out where Ace had normally parked his truck.
“I miss her, too. It’s been weird, not knowing anyone with a dog.”
“I’m sure you can go to the dog park and find someone.”
“Most people don’t actually go to the dog park unless they have a dog to take,” Ace said with a laugh. “I don’t think I would be very welcome there.”
“Do none of your coworkers have dogs?”
“Not that I know, anyway. But I haven’t gotten a chance to know very many of them that well. We’re always busy, and then when we aren’t, well… they already have their friendships.”
Phoenix frowned. Ace didn’t sound too happy. In fact, he sounded just the opposite. This was supposed to be the dream job that would launch Ace’s career. Why wouldn’t he be happy? He had everything he wanted.
“I’m sorry,” he said, and meant it. “Maybe you can find someone outside of work. You could um…”
His mind drew a blank. How did people meet each other if not through work? Phoenix wasn’t religious, and he didn’t think Ace was, either, so church was out of the question. Were there clubs that people could join? Or was that just something that existed in high school? Maybe Ben or Sam—Sam!
“You could try going to a coffee shop,” he finished.
“The closest thing is a Starbucks. Not the best, but it does the trick.”
He wrinkled his nose at Ace’s mention of Starbucks. He’d only ever gone once, and that was enough to ensure he would never be back again. The atmosphere was so much different than the Press Room.
“Don’t let Sam know you went to Starbucks,” he said with a smile, before remembering Ace probably wouldn’t ever talk to Sam again. His smile fell immediately.
“I won’t if you won’t,” Ace said gently. “You’re right, though. I should be going out and meeting people. Then again, I said the same thing in Boston.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean I holed up in my apartment when I wasn’t at work.”
That didn’t make sense. Ace was handsome, funny, smart. He could have any friend he wanted. Why had he secluded himself away like that?
“You said you had friends in Boston. When we first met. You said you went out with them.”
“Yeah, I had work friends, but not friends I was ever really close to. Not like you have.”
“Oh.” Phoenix didn’t know what to say to that. He didn’t feel guilty, not exactly, but he felt… something. Sad for Ace, but deeper than that. He couldn’t put his finger on what the feeling was, though. “Well. I hope you do find friends. I don’t want you to be lonely.”
“I know. I hope you take advantage of the friends you have. My moving hasn’t been easy for you, and I know that. I’m sorry about it. Let them in. They’re only trying to help.”
Phoenix’s vision went blurry again. Damn him for knowing his emotions, all the way from New York.
“I have to go,” he said, his voice thick.
“Okay. Take care, Phoenix. I’ll talk to you soon.”
“Bye.”
Ending the call, Phoenix closed his eyes and took a deep breath. As he let it out, he bent over and buried his face in Lucy’s fur, holding her close as he tried to make the pain go away.