Phoenix
As Ace loaded the last of their dishes in the dishwasher, Phoenix watched, hovering near the sink. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to help. He just didn’t want to be in the way. Finishing his task, Ace looked over at him and smiled.
“I made dessert, too, but I figured we might want to take a minute,” he said.
“What’d you make?”
When it came to desserts, Phoenix was less picky. As long as it didn’t have any berries in it, it would be just fine.
“A chocolate torte. I figure you can’t really go wrong with chocolate.”
That sounded perfect to Phoenix. His mouth watered. “It’s kind of hard to mess it up, unless you add something like orange or raspberry to it.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” Ace said with a nod.
He walked over to Phoenix, who let himself be pulled into an embrace. It felt wonderful, being held like this—as though he were being enveloped in a warm blanket, but better. A warm blanket didn’t look as hot as Ace did. Resting his chin on Ace’s shoulder, Phoenix closed his eyes. There was nothing more comfortable than this.
“Thank you for coming over.” Ace’s words rumbled through his body and sent a shiver through Phoenix.
“I told you. I missed you.” I love you.
It was too soon to say that, though. Most people didn’t feel this strongly this fast. He had to keep that in mind, so he wouldn’t make a fool of himself.
“I missed you too,” Ace said. “You don’t have anywhere to be tomorrow, do you?”
Phoenix shook his head. “I’m free.”
Ben and Sam had invited him over to their new place, but that wasn’t until later in the evening. Whatever Ace had planned, he was fairly sure that it wouldn’t take the entire day.
“Stay over.”
A million variables ran through Phoenix’s mind at once. What was Ace’s bed like? Was it hard enough? Soft enough? What if the sheets were too scratchy? Where would Lucy sleep?
Ace must have seen his distress, because he placed his hands on Phoenix’s shoulders. “Slow breaths. Tell me what’s going through your head. I don’t care what you think it sounds like, I want to know what’s bothering you.”
Phoenix took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. Ace wasn’t going to judge him for his fears. He understood better than anyone, except Ben and Elijah, and maybe Joel. Regardless, though, he wouldn’t be put off by whatever Phoenix said.
“It’s a new surrounding,” he said, still focusing on his breathing. “I don’t know if it’s going to be compatible. Your bed… I would assume we’re going to be sleeping in the same bed—”
“Hang on.”
Phoenix snapped his mouth shut.
“Let’s address things one at a time. Yes, the plan is to sleep in the same bed. If you’re worried about the size, it’s a queen, so it’ll be larger than yours.”
“That wasn’t really what I was worried about.”
“Okay, what’s the problem, then?” Ace asked
“I don’t know if it’ll be comfortable.”
“We could test it out first.”
Phoenix blinked, unsure whether that was supposed to be innuendo. That was one thing he hadn’t really been able to learn.
“Are you suggesting we have sex?”
Ace laughed, and Phoenix bristled. Shaking his head, Ace held up a hand. “I’m not laughing at you. Really I’m not. You just sounded very matter-of-fact there. No, I wasn’t suggesting we have sex yet, but I did sort of hope that it might happen sometime tonight. I just meant we could try out the bed. See if it was comfortable.”
“Oh. I think that would be acceptable,” Phoenix said.
“Which part?”
“All of it.”
He wasn’t opposed to having sex, but right now, just testing the bed out sounded much better. Ace led him out of the kitchen and up the stairs, into his bedroom. The walls were nearly the same color as the exterior, only a few shades lighter. His bed was decorated in shades of blue, and a number of trophies lined the floating shelves on the walls. It looked like the room hadn’t been changed the entire time Ace had been gone.
“I keep telling myself I’m going to update it, but I can’t bring myself to do it,” Ace said quietly, as though he had read Phoenix’s thoughts.
His tone was subdued, and Phoenix realized that he was thinking about his father.
“You still have those memories,” he said, trying to be helpful.
“I know. It isn’t logical, I get it, but I feel like there’s still a part of him here, and if I change things… then he won’t be here anymore.”
Ace’s voice was thick. Phoenix gripped his wrist and pulled him in for a hug. He might not know the right words to say, but comfort was always appreciated. Ace buried his nose in Phoenix’s neck, and sighed. In any other situation, it would have been amusing to see Ace—a hulk of a guy—being held by someone much smaller. But right now, all Phoenix wanted to do was help. Ace’s breath came raggedly, as though he were trying not to cry. There was no sense in holding it back, Phoenix thought, but he wasn’t going to push.
Phoenix wasn’t sure how much time had passed when Ace cleared his throat and pulled away, wiping his eyes on the back of his hand.
“I was able to come for the funeral, but as soon as it was all over, I had to go back to Boston. That first week, everyone wanted to know how I was. If I was okay, how I was doing. But after that… no one asked. It was like I had to grieve on their time.”
That angered Phoenix for Ace’s sake. Even though he had never lost a parent, he still remembered the pain of losing his great-aunt. She’d been his favorite family member; the one who had always slipped ten bucks into his hand when no one was looking, or bought him a new sketch book. If anyone had forced him to contain his grief, he didn’t think he would have handled it well.
“They should have known better. He was your dad. He was the only parent you had left!” Ace’s jaw twitched, and Phoenix realized that might not have been the most sensitive thing to say. “I just mean they should have been nicer. More understanding.”
“They had deadlines.”
“Fuck their deadlines. I know you loved your job. It was a cool job. You got to go do cool things and interview cool people. We don’t have that here. But you know damn well Bud would have given you the time off.”
Phoenix’s breathing came quick and hard, but he didn’t care. No, it wasn’t sensitive. But the way Ace acted, it was like there was nothing good in this town. And while Phoenix couldn’t handle living directly in the center of it, he knew that if he needed anything, he had people he could count on. It didn’t sound as though Ace did.
Ace stared at him, open-mouthed, as though Phoenix had three heads. More than likely, that would have been less surprising to him. It wasn’t like Phoenix to get angry about something like this, but he cared enough about Ace to want the best for him. He waited, tense, ready for Ace to shout back at him. Instead, he just sighed.
“You’re right. He would have,” Ace said.
Sitting on the bed, Ace looked down at his lap, his brow furrowed as though he were trying to piece together a puzzle. Phoenix sat down beside him and threaded their fingers together. The bed wasn’t too hard underneath him, but it didn’t give completely the way his parents’ did. It would do just fine if he stayed over.
“I didn’t mean to shout,” he said quietly. “I know you enjoyed your job, and I know you’re looking for another one. But I like the thought of you staying around.”
Ace ran his thumb across Phoenix’s hand, but he stopped when Phoenix tensed. “You’re right. I loved my job, and I’m looking for another one. The thought of staying scares me. When I think of leaving you, though…” He shook his head. “It makes me want to abandon everything I’ve ever wanted. Everything I’ve worked for.”
Phoenix tried to imagine himself doing that. Leaving his art behind to follow Ace to whatever city he found a job in. It felt wrong.
“There’s no sense in me thinking about it too much, though,” Ace said. “It isn’t like I have a job yet. And until I do, I’m all yours.”
Although he wasn’t great at double meanings, Phoenix was fairly sure there was something sexual in the statement. He forced himself to look up at Ace. “All mine?”
The next moment, he found himself in Ace’s lap. Ace kissed him soundly.
“Completely.”