Holy crap, I’ve just put my hand into a woman’s vagina and it had nothing to do with sex and everything to do with bringing a slimy, crying, amazing baby boy into the world.
And it was the most beautiful moment of my thirty-four-year life.
I helped bring new life into the world. No training and no fucking clue what the hell I was doing. I just held my hands there and guided him out while Amy did all the hard work.
Amy, she was fucking amazing. Awe-inspiring, strong, focused, steady as a fucking stone.
I’m totally and utterly lost for words. My eyes are wet with tears and I don’t give a fuck who sees.
I bundle the baby up in the last clean towel we have and when the other paramedic carefully lowers Amy’s legs from my chest, I walk forward on my knees and carefully place her son in her arms.
Heart—blown. Mind—blown. Any preconceptions I had about my life and my future—totally fucking blown.
One minute, you’re going about your life without a care in the world, shopping for Lucky Charms, the next you’re coming to the aid of a woman and sharing this profound, life-changing moment together.
I call Cade and Abi and then Mia from the ambulance as we make our way to the hospital, asking Cade to swing by the grocery store to grab my car as well as a change of clothes since I’m wearing a scrub top the paramedics sorted me out with.
An hour later, Amy and the baby are settled in a bed in the maternity ward and I’m sitting in the family room waiting for everyone to arrive.
Abi and Mia arrive first, Mia enveloping me in a hug when they reach my side.
“So glad you were there, Thomas. I can’t imagine what it would’ve been like for her if she was alone.”
“There was the friendly store manager who couldn’t disappear fast enough after he realized what was going on,” I reply with a chuckle, looking down the hall to see Cade coming our way.
“You look exhausted,” he says to me when he reaches us, holding my spare car key out for me.
“You get that when you go to the grocery store for a late night snack and end up delivering a baby.”
“It’s definitely going to be a story you tell your grandkids, that’s for sure,” he replies with a smile. “By the way, I parked your car in my staff parking space. Just use my name when you leave.”
“Thanks for that. My quiet night kind of got hijacked and my car was the least of my worries.”
“Did you at least get your snack?” Abi asks, wrapping her arm around my waist and hugging my side.
Looking down at her, I narrow my eyes. “In between catching Amy to stop her falling on the floor and getting to know her intimately in a very unexpected way? It kind of escaped my mind.”
“Lucky I bought you something to eat then, isn’t it,” she replies with a grin, stepping away and handing over a bag that smells divine.
“I love you. Leave your husband and run away with me,” I say, giving Abi my best puppy dog eyes.
“Oh shut it. You know I love you but I love my doctor more.” She looks over at Cade and winks at him, earning a chuckle from all of us.
A tall, surprisingly built and somewhat familiar mid-fifties man walks down the hall toward us, a huge grin on his face and a petite curvy blond woman who couldn’t be a day past forty on his arm.
“Gareth!” Abi cries, letting me go and tackling the couple before they can take the time to brace. Then I remember seeing them at the baby shower last week; Amy’s dad and stepmother.
“Whoa, Abi-Jane. Give a man a chance to prepare,” Gareth wheezes with a grin.
Abi moves her attention to Amy’s stepmother, Kristy, wrapping her arms around her shoulders and squeezing tight.
“Grandpa and Grandma,” she says, her voice uncharacteristically hoarse.
“Yeah, you can stop that talk right now. I’m going to be the cool grandma, one with a cool name like Gam Gam or Nana Kris,” Kristy replies.
Gareth steps forward and shakes Cade’s hand, moving on to give Mia a quick hug before turning his attention to me.
“You Thomas?” he asks, all eyes turning to the two of us.
“Yes, sir. Thomas Caldwell.” I offer my hand out but he doesn’t shake it like I expect, instead he grabs my hand and jerks me forward, wrapping an arm around my shoulders for a firm back slap.
“Call me Gareth. Thank you for being there for my girl and grandson.” My throat tightens and I quickly swallow down the startings of a lump as he lets me go and looks me straight in the eye.
Respect. Pride. Gratitude.
“I was glad she had someone there to help.”
He grasps my hand and holds tight, his gaze boring into mine. “You made sure they were safe, that she was looked after, and you brought my grandson into the world. Apart from her stepmother, she’s my world, and now my grandson is too. I owe you everything, Thomas.”
“You’re welcome,” I reply, my voice gruff.
“Right,” Gareth announces, “time for me to meet the next Bears’ linebacker!”
“You look like you need a drink,” Cade says once everyone else has gone to see Amy.
I finally succumb to the exhaustion I’ve been holding back, everything I’m feeling—the exhilaration, the adrenaline high, the complete and utter mind fuck of the night’s activities—wash over me. “You got a secret stash of bourbon somewhere, Carsen?” I ask.
He chuckles and winks. “You’d be surprised at what you can find around here. Let’s go.”
Bumping my shoulder as he passes, he walks down the hall and I follow. A short detour to the ground floor and the doctor’s locker room, and a return ride up to the rooftop later, the two of us are sitting on the roof of the hospital looking out over the lights of the city we call home.
I take a swig from the hip flask Cade swiped and hand it back to him, wincing a little at the smooth welcome burn as I swallow. “That was kind of epic. Seeing her go through that, being there to help her, bringing a new life into the world.”
“I still remember every single birth I’ve been at. It puts everything into perspective.”
“You’re telling me.”
“Well I just did, but carry on,” he muses.
“She’s so strong. I can’t imagine what it would’ve been like to go through that alone.”
“Lucky you suck at adulting and needed to buy food late at night.”
“She shouldn’t have had to be there tonight. She was pregnant and grocery shopping at ten o’clock at night. She should’ve had someone looking out for her, protecting her, just being there . . .”
“She’s a good woman.”
“Then why the fuck is she doing this all alone?”
His head turns toward me, meeting my eyes. “She’s not. She’s got us, her father, her stepmom . . .”
“You know what I mean, Cade.” He sighs and looks back out to the view.
“Because given the choice of being a man and walking away, the baby’s father made the right choice for everybody.”
My head jerks back at his answer, which wasn’t really an answer at all. “How the fuck is walking away from your child, your own flesh and blood, the right choice? If you have sex and don’t use protection, everyone involved knows the consequences. He made that choice, she made that choice, why should Amy be the only one taking responsibility?”
“Believe me when I say that it was and—in his case—always will be, the best thing he ever did,” Cade says quizzically.
“Who is it, Carsen?”
“It’s not my place,” he says quickly.
“Maybe not, but somebody needs to hunt him down, kick his ass then sterilize him, just for good measure.”
“Remind me never to get on your bad side.”
I snort at that because in all of the fifteen years that I’ve known the guy, not once has Cade ever let me down, and vice versa.
Comfortable silence stretches between us and I welcome it, my mind still reeling from the events of the night.
“Is that why you’ve kept going with the abstinence thing?” he says. “Because you’re taking responsibility for your actions?”
I ponder his words, and he’s right, and he’s wrong. But I’m not sure exactly how to explain it.
“Yes and no. The STD was definitely a huge wake-up call for me, but now, it’s just hitting me that I could’ve been that guy, one who’s faced with the decision to stay or walk away.”
“You wouldn’t ever walk away from a child,” Cade says without hesitation.
“No, I couldn’t but . . .” I take a moment to gather my thoughts. “I want what you’ve got, what Dan and Noah have. A family, a partner, a wife, a fucking plan at least. By taking sex out of the equation, I’ve been able to focus on my business, building my brand and my reputation, and not once have I regretted my vow, but tonight something clicked. It’s not all about the physical stuff. There’s something deeper I want, maybe even need.”
Cade’s surprisingly quiet for a while, actually for-fucking-ever by his standards, before he stands up and holds his hand out to help me up. “Either Amy kicked you in the head during the birth, or you’ve had a profound, life-changing moment while guiding a seven-pound baby out of her—”
“Yeah, yeah. Feel free to stop giving me crap at any time now.”
“I’m not fucking with you. You deserve to have what we have. I want you to find that.”
I meet his eyes and all I see is truth and now it’s my turn to be quiet as the warring emotions in my head fight for supremacy.
The most overwhelming one, the one I can’t ignore even if I wanted to, is the instinctive desire to be there for Amy. To help her in any way I can. To be that man at her back, the one looking out for her—and now Brody—protecting her, just being there for her.
Tonight we had a moment and she may not realize the significance of that yet, but I’m damn well going to make sure that she does.
My father always told me that good things take time, effort, and a hell of a lot of trouble.
Somehow in this case it’s going to take all of that and then some to get to the good stuff.
And for some insane reason—maybe it’s the whiskey, the lack of sleep, or the adrenaline high—but I’m suddenly really looking forward to giving it a try.
It was after everyone else had gone that I knocked gently on the door to Amy’s hospital room, easing it open slowly to see her sitting up in the bed, Brody bundled up in a blue blanket, safely cradled in her arms.
“Come in,” she whispers, just loud enough for me to hear.
I step inside and close the door behind me before making my way over to her side.
“Hey,” I say, my eyes locked with her soft ones, a lazy smile gracing her lips as I stop beside her, reaching out to run my index finger down the side of Brody’s head.
“Thank you for staying with me, for helping me.”
“It was amazing and scary, and I was freaking out, but it all worked out in the end, didn’t it, little man?”
“He looks good on you.”
My eyes meet hers and I have to admit, I like the way she’s watching me, the way her words make me feel.
“He’s definitely an attention getter. Look at the way he came into the world,” I say with a grin.
“It’s surreal. A few hours ago I was craving peanut butter cups and Lucky Charms, and instead of getting either, I gave birth in the cereal aisle.”
“Just think, you could’ve called him Lucky.”
“Oh God,” she says with a laugh. “That would be horrific.”
“What about Cheerio?”
“No, stop!” She’s giggling now, her face radiant. Fuck, Caldwell. Calm down already.
“What’s wrong?” she asks, tilting her head to the side and studying me. “Your expression changed all of a sudden.”
“This night has just been a bit of a mind fuck.” I wince, looking down at the baby in my arms. “Sorry, little man.”
Amy snorts and shakes her head, a smile playing on her lips. “I think you’re fine considering he’s not even a day old and he can’t cogitate or even understand anything we say.”
“Duly noted,” I reply, her happiness contagious.
“I get what you mean though,” she says quietly.
Out of unspoken need—maybe even instinct—I sit down on the side of the bed, reaching out and rubbing my fingers over hers before entwining them. I don’t know why I do it, or what it even means, but it centers me in what has been a crazy wild night, one that I’m sure to remember for a long time.
“You doing okay?” I ask, squeezing her hand gently.
Her gaze lifts from our joined hands to my face, big glassy blue eyes meeting mine as she bites her lip. “I’m a mom.”
My mouth tips up. “You definitely are, sweetness.”
“When did that happen?”
Lifting my other hand up, I check my watch. “About four hours ago.”
“He’s here . . .” she says, her voice full of wonder.
“And both of you are amazing,” I say, my attention flicking between Amy and her peacefully sleeping son.
“Am I gonna be able to do this?” Her eyes meet mine and I see the warring emotions hidden behind them.
And just like that, she’s got me hooked. With those eight words, there’s no way in hell I’d ever want to—let alone be able to—walk away now. Because I know what it’s like to have no father and I know what it’s like to have the best dad in the world.
If Amy lets me, I’m giving myself the job of being there for Brody and his mother. I’m going to do what the poor-excuse-for-a-man sperm donor was too gutless to do. I’ll be their rock, I’ll be their anchor, and I’m going to be the man who’ll always put her first . . . them first.
I flex my fingers in hers and squeeze her hand, leaning down to first kiss Brody’s forehead then lifting my head to do the same to his mother. “You already are, and whenever you think you’re not, I’m going to be right there beside you making sure you know you can.”
A lone tear falls down Amy’s cheek and with my thumb, I brush it away, not once breaking eye contact. “I’m glad you’re here,” she whispers.
“There isn’t anywhere else I’d rather be.”