Abstinence makes the heart grow stronger.
Nope. It makes the cock harder, the grip stronger, the nights longer, and you end up using your gym membership on a very regular basis.
Maybe it’s because my heart hasn’t found anyone worth skipping a beat for in my thirty-four years on this earth and I’ve purposefully avoided any situations where my past gregarious self could decide to come out and play.
My life is work, gym, home, sleep, wake up then repeat as per the day before.
As far as home is concerned, I now live by myself in the city. When Abi and Cade got married, and having already heard—and seen—far too much of those two in their newlywed bliss, I offered to move into Abi’s apartment. It was a win/win for all of us. Abi didn’t need to sell her former home and all the hard work it represents and I was able to escape their love—and sex—bubble.
Work has been a whole other challenge unto itself. It’s where my main focus has been. When the shit hit the fan with Cade’s father a few months ago, Cade, his brother Cam, and sister Callie decided they’d had enough and walked away from their parents. They haven’t had anything to do with them.
Since I worked for Cade Sr., I decided it was time to move on and take the big step of working for myself as a business consultant. Now, I’m hired to go into companies in trouble and restructure, refinance, and in some cases, close them down.
It’s refreshing, it’s definitely challenging, and more than anything else, rewarding.
So new work, new home, and a new appreciation for spending time in my own presence.
It’s probably made my whole vow of abstinence at least a little bit easier. It’s the last thing I ever thought I’d be doing, actually choosing to not have sex with any willing—and attractive—female that crosses my path, but getting chlamydia and then having to contact the last ten women I’d slept with to tell them that embarrassing fact was as fun as having a cotton swab stuck down my . . . yeah, I’d rather not remember that.
I’d almost go so far as to say abstinence has made my mind stronger, my focus sharper, and reinforced my determination to uphold my vow—and prove Cade wrong—that the next woman I sleep with will be the as yet elusive ‘one.’
I thank God that my self-imposed sex ban does not discount masturbation. Had I been stupid enough to go that far, I’d have given up long ago.
Tonight is the guys’ monthly poker night, and it’s my turn to play host.
With snacks, drinks, and the Bulls’ home game on the screen, I’m all set and ready to go when the intercom sounds and Cade’s voice fills the room. “Thomas, you sad sack, let me in.”
I walk over to the speaker by the front door and push the answer button. “I’m sorry, I’ve already got cable, hookers, and life insurance. I don’t need whatever you’re selling.”
I hear laughter in response. “At least take your hand off it long enough to unlock the lobby door,” our other friend Noah retorts.
“But I’m just getting to the good part,” I reply as I push 1 on the keypad to open the door as requested.
“Make sure you wash your hands then,” Noah’s brother Matt shouts and a loud click comes down the line letting me know they’ve gained access to my building.
I make my way to the kitchen and wet my hands then return to open the front door, making a point to reach out and shake Matt’s hand with a wicked grin on my face.
“Oh fuck, gross dude. I was just pulling your leg.”
“And I was just pulling something else,” I retort, stepping aside and sweeping my arm out to welcome them inside.
“Only you would make a vow of fucking abstinence with Cade and be determined to see it through. I don’t know how you’ve lasted ten months.”
“Self-control is a wondrous thing, young Matt,” Sean says, wrapping his arm around Matt’s shoulders and leading him to the table.
“Self-gratification is a hell of a lot better,” I retort.
Sean is the owner of Throb, the club where Amy works—now in the office rather than behind the bar—and the rest of us frequent. He’s married to Sam and together they have three children under seven. I bet he knows all about the important need for self-control, let alone the frustration of it.
“Are we playing poker or plaiting each other’s hair and talking about all the selfish men in our lives?” Zach jibes.
That gets everyone laughing and after grabbing drinks, we make our way to the table.
“You guys might as well empty your pockets now because I’m feeling lucky tonight and Daddy needs a new set of golf clubs,” Noah says with a shit-eating grin.
“Dream on, buddy,” I reply, dealing out the first hand and settling in for what will no doubt be another entertaining—and hopefully lucrative—night with the guys.
“So what was up with Amy at the baby shower?” I ask, collecting my winnings from the last pot in the center of the table.
“What do you mean?” Cade asks.
“She didn’t seem into it,” I reply. I probably watched her a little too closely but it’s true, Amy wasn’t fully engaged in the festivities. She was there, she laughed at the right times, joined in on the conversation but something about her seemed closed off. Her smiles seemed guarded, her body taut as if ready to escape at any moment. Having thought about it afterward, she didn’t seem completely comfortable with the occasion.
“She’s a single woman who’s about to become a single mom. Maybe it’s starting to dawn on her what she’s about to embark on,” Cade says.
I take another swig of my beer. “It’s a bit late for that though.”
“She’s a remarkable woman with more resilience than most women I know,our wives notwithstanding,” Sean says. “She’s got the girls though, and her dad and stepmother are very much a part of her life too.”
“What’s with the fascination with Amy, Thomas?” Daniel asks, leaning back in his chair and narrowing his eyes at me.
“Nothing,” I reply with a shrug. “She’s cool. I can’t believe that she’d ever hook up with the type of guy to love and leave her. I hate assholes who don’t face the consequences of their actions.” Considering I’m ten months into dealing with the aftermath of mine.
“Believe me, there was no love in that encounter,” Sean mutters under his breath.
“Who’s the father then? You obviously know him,” I continue. The room goes silent, and it’s like I’ve just put a proverbial foot in my mouth.
I look around the table. Noah and Cade are having some magical silent conversation through wide eyes, Matt and Zach look amused, Daniel concentrates on shuffling the cards in his hands and Sean is leaning forward with his elbows resting on the table.
“Uh, why do I feel like I’m the last to know this?” I ask the group at large. “What’s the big secret?”
“Out of respect for Amy,” Sean says, “it’s not really our place to tell you.” For a normally straight up guy, his answer puzzles me.
“Do I know the guy? And you all know? Why do I feel like I’m missing out on the worst kept secret on earth?”
An awkward silence clouds the room and I’m about to open my mouth when Cade steps in.
“Thomas, you’ve gotta understand. Sean is in a difficult position here. He’s her boss. There’s things he probably hasn’t told any of us about when it comes to Amy.”
“Are you just her boss?” I ask, getting a horrible feeling but knowing it couldn’t possibly be true.
“What does that mean?” Sean asks, his voice menacing.
I quickly put my hands up in surrender. “Whoa, dude. I just meant you seem rather involved.”
“Involved?” he growls.
“In her business . . .” I explain.
“She’s worked for me for over five years now. She’s the only employee that has been there that long. She’s been dealt an unexpected hand . . .” His lips twitch as Daniel deals us all new cards.
“What does that even mean?” I press.
“Amy has always kept things close to her chest. She’s not as loud and brash as the rest of the girls and in some ways is quite introverted, in others she’s rather in your face. If you annoy her or do any of her friends wrong, she’ll be on you like white on rice and not in a good way,” Matt explains, a wry smile playing on his lips. “It’s probably Mia’s influence.”
“She’s always been staunchly protective of those close to her,” Sean says.
“Hopefully she realizes she’s got a lot of people in her corner,” Noah adds and we all nod in agreement.
Something inside of me hates that such a nice, decent, loyal woman is going through this alone. We’re not close and we haven’t had another deep and meaningful conversation since that night months ago when she gave me a little light on what was not an easy night.
But nobody should be alone—or feel like they are—when they’re embarking on what should be one of the best experiences of their life, one that they’ll remember forever.
I do know one thing, when I find out who the asshole is who walked away from his child, I’ll be ready and waiting to make him understand just how epic his fuck up is. Because I’m one of the lucky kids that was walked away from as a toddler but was thankfully adopted by amazing parents when I was eight years old.
I’m determined. The next time I see Amy, I’m going to make more of an effort to be her friend.
In whatever capacity she needs.