Mike made it through the weekend and the event without too many issues. Exhaustion sapped him, and he dropped into Lane’s bed on Sunday morning, wiped out from almost no sleep and too much work.

He’d agreed to meet with Sharron the next Friday after his move. He wasn’t sure how long it would take him to get everything to New York, but he hoped he could make it in one trip.

Lane barely moved when he came home. He’d missed his lover while he’d been babysitting the overly pampered singer. It had taken all his discipline not to tell the diva to grow up.

When Lane’s alarm rang in the evening, he rolled over, barely even cracking open his eyes. Before Lane took off to the hospital, Mike climbed out of bed and gave him a kiss.

“I’ll be off for the next few nights, and we can pack your place.”

“Sure. My flight is tonight. I bought a ticket for you to fly out tomorrow afternoon.”

“Thank you.”

Lane kissed his cheek. “I can’t wait to see you. I’ll miss you.”

“And I’ll miss you.

“I’m glad you’re moving here with me.”

“Me too.”

Lane kissed him again before taking off. He gathered his things then headed to the airport. His place in Boston wasn’t too far from the airport, but traffic sucked. He certainly wouldn’t miss the packed streets. New York traffic was bad, but Boston was shitty as hell.

When he got to his place, he looked around his apartment and realized he lived a sad life. There wasn’t much other than a chair he wanted to keep. He had his clothes; his bed wasn’t great, and he’d never really decorated the place. He had money, but he’d lived like he was poor. The cool vases he’d seen in his travels, the art for his wall, the awesome designer touches he’d not bought because he thought he didn’t deserve them. Why had he thought he would need a storage place? His stuff was minimal, and he could have packed it up without having Lane fly up here.

After tossing his clothes in the one suitcase he owned that wasn’t full of his dirty clothes, he went to the laundry room and washed his stuff from the last week. After he finished, he ate some food and walked around his place. Though he wasn’t working much, he didn’t really have a life. He leaned against the wall and slumped to the floor, letting his head drop back. He closed his eyes

What was he doing with his life? He babysat selfish jerks for a living. Questions flew through his mind. Was this what he really wanted to do? What if he changed jobs? Could he change jobs?

It seemed like everyone from his unit had it all figured out, and he was struggling to stay afloat. Financially, he was set, but what good was money when he had no peace?

He sat there for an hour, maybe two then transitioned to his favorite chair. His phone rang, waking him from sleep. He answered, fumbling the phone then dropping it on the carpet before scooping it up.

“Hello?”

“It’s Lane. I was about to get on my plane. Thank you for doing this. Do you want me to catch a ride?”

“No, um, I’ll be there. I have the information. I’ll be at the baggage claim. Just come down, and I’ll pick you up.”

“Okay, I can’t wait to see you.”

“Yeah, same here.” He hung up and wiped his face. Had he really lost a day? He’d done laundry, packed, realized his life was shit, then sat on the floor and felt sorry for himself. He’d moved to his recliner and he guessed he’d slept an entire day away.

After taking a quick shower, he dressed, then headed down to his car. Had he lived in another place, somewhere that wasn’t so packed, he would own a truck. For now, his little sports car was just right.

The drive to the airport was murder, but he made it with plenty of time to hit the restroom before Lane’s plane landed. When he saw Lane, he moved in for a quick hug.

“Hey, how are you doing?” Lane asked.

“Good.” Mike worried Lane would figure out he’d sat around doing nothing all day. It wasn’t just that he’d lost a day to sleep, he’d lost hours sitting on the floor. He’d first thought it had been an hour, but now he thought he’d sat on the floor mulling over his circumstances for five or six hours. That couldn’t be good.

“I missed you,” Lane said.

“I missed you too.”

“I didn’t check a bag so we can go.”

“Okay.”

He led Lane to his car. Before he got in, Lane pulled him into a kiss that made him wonder if anything other than Lane mattered. He stepped back and stared at his friend who was now his lover, and possibly more.

“You know how we never actually picked up any lube?” Lane asked.

“Yeah?” His heart skipped a few beats as lust pumped through him.

“I’ve got some now.”

“Oh.”

“Oh yeah. I want to test it out with you.”

He bit his lower lip and nodded his head. “Fuck, you make me so hot.”

“Get in your car and drive.”

He followed Lane’s orders, trying to ignore the desire ripping through him. Traffic was nuts, like always, and it took about thirty minutes to get to his place. He parked then reached across the car and pulled Lane into a kiss. Lane angled so their chests were plastered together. Then he reached down and rubbed Mike’s cock.

“Fuck, Lane, I don’t want to have sex here, but I will.”

Lane chuckled then popped open his door. “Come on. Let’s head up to your place and get busy.”

“Sounds good.”

His mind swirled with lust and desire. He took Lane’s hand and stalked to the elevator, pressing the button a couple of times before the doors slid open. The dang thing was taking too long, and he almost got off and dragged Lane up the stairs. The elevator stopped on the second floor, and he huffed out a breath. Lane smiled and looked down at his shoes when a woman got on. Annoyance flashed through Mike when the woman's eyes roamed over Lane’s body. He wanted to pull Lane into his arms and beat his chest, warning off anyone who dared look at him.

He didn’t move a muscle. Lane was smiling at his shoes, and that made Mike even hotter. When the woman got off on the fifth floor, Lane shot him a saucy grin.

“What?” he spat out.

“You’re a bit possessive. I thought you were going to start growling and marking me or something.”

“You’re mine,” he grunted.

“I am. It’s just funny seeing you like this.”

He moaned and pushed Lane up against the side of the elevator. The bell dinged and the doors slid open. Lust had almost made him miss his floor. He grabbed Lane’s hand and tugged him out to the hall before the elevator doors shut on them. They were in his apartment in seconds, and though he knew he really should offer Lane a drink or a chance to freshen up, all he could think about was making love to the guy.

Lane tugged off his shirt and toed off his shoes. Mike watched in awe as Lane dropped his pants then pushed his underwear to the floor.

“You want this?” Lane asked.

“Fuck yes.” Mike tossed his shirt on the floor then went to work on his pants, fumbling with the button. Lane helped him with his pants, pushing them to the floor. They were both naked, and the bed seemed too far away.

Lane rubbed up against him, taking him even higher. His cock wanted in, and he was going to be greedy. A growl escaped his lips as he pushed Lane up against the door. They were breathing hard and rocked against each other.

“Lube, I need the lube,” Mike said.

Lane wiggled away from him and reached for his bag. He opened the top zipper and pulled out a bottle of lube and a condom. Lane looked up and lifted his brow.

“I haven’t—I know we both need to be tested before we go without a condom.”

“I’m fine with a condom.” He didn’t care as long as he was able to slide into Lane.

“Okay. Good.”

“Have you—this is probably going to hurt.” He stared down at the condom and lube.

“Yeah, I did a little research and stretched myself earlier.”

His heart stalled, and his gaze snapped to Lane’s. The pulse of lust was so strong he had to reach down and pinch his dick. “Really, how?”

“I bought a butt plug and used it before my flight.”

His vision blurred. The thought of Lane sliding a plug into his ass almost undid him. “Really?”

“Yeah. I’m all fresh and clean. I made sure I would smell nice for you.”

Lust roared like a lion, or maybe he roared out loud. “Fuck, I want that ass of yours now.” He ripped open the condom wrapper and rolled the rubber on. He poured lube onto his hands then smoothed it over his cock, loving the feeling. But he knew Lane would feel even better. He wanted Lane so much it hurt. “Turn around and hold on to the door because I’m going to fuck you hard.”

Lane turned slowly then bent over a little before wiggling his ass. “You want me?”

Heat and lust mixed and made him dizzy. “God, so much.” He slid his hand over Lane’s butt cheek before lining up. “So perfect.” His head was swimming, and he thought he was going to go crazy with need before he slid in. “Your ass is perfect. So smooth, so good.” The man’s butt was lean, muscular, unmarked other than a scar he’d gotten in basic training when he’d fallen on some barbed wire.

Mike pressed against Lane’s pucker but didn’t slip in. Then he grabbed Lane’s hips and pressed in a little harder, gasping when he popped in. Lane cried out and Mike stilled.

“You good?” Mike asked.

Lane panted, his fingernails digging into the door. “Yeah, just…fuck, the pain.”

“We don’t—”

Lane shook his head. “Don’t say it. I need to feel you inside of me. Just give me a second.”

Mike waited until he felt Lane relax, then he slid in deeper, his whole body tingling as the heat and pressure rose. He rocked out a little then slid in more, wondering how he would ever be with anyone else.

He reached around and grabbed Lane’s torso, pulling him to stand, plastering his chest against Lane’s back.

“My God, you are amazing. You feel so good, Lane.” He rocked against him, wishing he never had to leave this position.

Lane grunted and reached down, grabbing his dick and balls. “So good.”

Mike bit down on Lane’s shoulder, trying not to come so quickly. It was useless to hold off on this orgasm. He wanted to come so hard, wanted to never stop fucking his man, wanted to be the shirts he wore, the pants covering his ass so he never had to leave Lane’s side.

“Every second of this, fuck, every single move is so good.” He clutched Lane tighter and pumped in hard once before he pulled out a little then pushed in again, clawing at Lane’s body, trying to get in even deeper than he was. He wanted to be Lane, consumed by the man in fire and light, holding on to whatever connection they had that seemed too much and not enough.

Then he came, his mind blanking as he shot his cum into the condom deep inside his lover. Lane jerked in his arms, his body going slack. He held on as he pulled out, wincing when Lane gasped as he slid out.

Mike picked Lane up, carrying him to the bathroom to wash. He gently set Lane down next to the tub then turned on the water. Lane melted against him, and he helped him into the shower when the water was warm.

Lane held him, his hands gently brushing over his muscles, stroking over his back and arms. The sweet slide of Lane’s lips on his neck made him shiver. It was nice to have a man need him so much. Lane whimpered when Mike brushed his fingers over his pucker.

“Hurt too much?”

“No, just sore. I knew it would be.”

“Tell me, babe, was it too much?”

“I like it when you call me babe. Makes me feel like you really want me.”

“I do really want you. I want to spend the rest of my…maybe it’s too much to say this now.”

“I want you too. I can’t imagine being with anyone else. Maybe we won’t work out, but Mike, I’ve been your friend for so long. We can figure out how to make it work.”

“What if we’re fooling ourselves?”

“How do you mean?”

“What if we can’t make it work?” He shook his head then grabbed the soap. What if Lane didn’t really want him? He feared being left alone.

“Mike, I promise you this. I’ll take this one day at a time, and if you take it one day at a time we can figure it out.”

Mike ran the soap over Lane’s body, cleaning his nuts and his dick before smoothing his fingers gently over his ass.

“I’m messed up.” Revealing the truth hurt.

“So am I.”

“I lost a whole day. I don’t know where it went. I packed some stuff then I passed out in a chair. I lost time and didn’t even realize it.”

“That’s why you’re going to Sharron.”

His heart expanded, and worry filled him. “What if she can’t fix me?”

“You don’t need to be fixed. You just need to make a few adjustments.”

He slid his hands over Lane’s body as he rinsed. Then he washed his own body and hair before shutting off the water. He dried Lane before drying himself. They were out of the shower, and he moved to his bedroom, opening his closet before he realized he’d packed his clothes.

When he turned, he stared at Lane and a deep realization hit. Something he’d always known but ignored—he’d always found guys sexy. For years, he’d thought they were beautiful.

“What are you thinking?” Lane asked, his voice low.

“I’ve always thought guys were, you know, kind of sexy. I just never admitted it. You’re very good looking.”

“Thank you. I find you very sexy.”

“If I hadn’t kissed you, if I hadn’t taken the first step, would you have ever tried anything on me?” Mike knew the question was silly; he shouldn’t be begging for validation, but he needed to hear Lane wanted him.

Lane’s cheeks turned pink. “I wanted you. I really did. I wanted to touch you, but I pushed those desires away. I can tell you this much: I’m glad we’re together now. I don’t want you to leave me, and I certainly don’t want to leave you.”

He nodded and pulled Lane close. “I’m going to need a lot of support through this.”

Lane moved close and cupped his cheeks. “My dearest Mike, you’re so special and so strong.”

“I don’t feel strong.”

“I’m here for you. Whatever you need, I’m here to help.”

He worried what would happen once they really started being together so much. Would Lane think him weird or odd? Maybe everything would be okay, but he couldn’t get rid of the nagging feeling.

They went out to the den, and he pulled on his clothes while Lane dressed. It was weird having Lane here. He’d been okay with them being together when they were in New Jersey, and he guessed being here didn’t really change that. A small part of him worried what would happen if the people he said hi to in the elevator or the hall, saw them and said something. But what could they say. He was with a guy, and if that made people hate him, so what. He liked Lane, and other people’s opinions didn’t really matter.

“I don’t have much. I really didn’t think about what needed to be packed before you came up here. I want this chair,” he said as he patted the back of the recliner. “But there isn’t much else. I never got around to decorating, and I didn’t buy much furniture.”

“Okay, so we can get this chair shipped to my place.”

He shrugged. “We could rent a truck.”

“We could, but shipping this chair won’t be much, and then we could drive down together.”

“That would be nice.”

Lane stepped close and kissed the tip of his nose. “Let’s go find some food, then we can come back up here and find a company to ship your chair.”

“Sure. There’s this restaurant that serves some good comfort food, and it’s not far.”

“Sounds good.”

He made sure he had his phone and keys before heading out. He wasn’t going to grab Lane’s hand. Anger surfaced at how dumb he was being, and he reached out, weaving his fingers with Lane’s. It felt right holding onto Lane.

They walked the four blocks to the restaurant, which was more like a tavern. It was decorated with dark woods and low lighting. Part of the ambiance was that the patrons couldn’t really see much.

They both ordered a beer before they really looked at the menu. He sat back and watched the people around him. This life, where he was constantly taking care of other people’s safety and never really living, had to end.

“What’s good here?” Lane asked.

“The shepherd’s pie is good. The chicken pot pie is excellent.”

“I’ll have the chicken.”

“I’ll do the shepherd’s.”

“Do you mind sharing a little?”

He smiled to himself then met Lane’s gaze. “I like the idea of sharing our food. It’s like we’re a couple.”

Lane took his hand. “We are a couple.”

He nodded, warmth filling him. “We are.”

The food was great, and he pushed his worries away as they ate. They laughed as they talked. It felt good. After dinner, they walked around the city, taking time to just be together. When they made it back to his apartment, they stretched out on his bed, kissing and exploring each other’s bodies. Happiness was no longer something for other people. He could feel it seeping from him and into reality.

He’d fallen hard for Lane. Maybe it wouldn’t last, but he thought they had a chance. What if he and Lane really could make it. He wasn’t ready to tell the rest of the guys they were a couple, but maybe he would be ready in a few weeks.

They ended up jacking each other before they fell asleep. Since both of them were used to being awake during the night, they woke up after a few hours and watched a couple of movies. The next morning, he arranged for his chair to be shipped before he told his apartment manager he was leaving. He found a place that would take his mattress and come out the same day. The rest of this stuff he set out by the dumpster. Maybe someone would take it, or it would get thrown away.

“It looks like we’re ready to go,” Lane said.

“I can’t believe I’m leaving Boston.”

Lane’s gaze narrowed. “You really okay with it?”

“Yeah, I came here because high school friends were here. It was different though, and we didn’t really connect. Plus, I’m going to be with you, so yeah, I’m ready for the move.” They had a future together, one he could really get into.

His apartment manager had agreed to let the furniture shipper into the apartment to get his chair, and everything seemed to be tied up neatly. His clothes would fit in the back of his car, and he had a couple of boxes he was mailing to Lane’s apartment.

He and Lane swept and mopped, making sure the place was clean so he wouldn’t be charged an extra cleaning fee. As far as the move went, everything was under control. If only his brain would come under control and stop the runaway thoughts.

Worry about Lane, what he was doing with Sharron, how he would actually get his chair to Jersey, and what if Lane couldn’t stand him, filtered through his mind. Parking in the city was expensive, but his spot in Boston was expensive too. There were so many things that could go wrong.

“You ready?” Lane lifted his brows, looking so cute Mike wanted to pull him close and make love. But the apartment was cleaned out, all except his chair which would be shipping soon, and it would be awkward.

“Yeah, I’m ready to go.” And he was. He could do this. Living with Lane would be good. But what if he attacked him again? He hadn’t had an issue in a little over a week, but he still didn’t have a handle on what had set him off.

The drive out of Boston was bad, as usual. Once they hit the Mass Pike, the traffic got better. He relaxed as they chatted and talked about the area. It was pretty, but in the winter, it got so cold. Lane agreed the cold was a major turn off, but New York was where his job happened to be.

They made the drive in a little over four hours and with only one stop. He parked down the street from Lane’s place and grabbed a couple of bags. Lane helped him carry the rest. There were two boxes left in his car, and he could come down and get them later.

“I have a parking space arranged for you, starting next Sunday; you’ll only have to put up with parking on the street for a little while.”

“That must have been freaking expensive.”

“Nope, not bad. I got a deal because I work with someone whose sister is with Union City government. The pass is only fifty a month.”

He shook his head and leaned in, wondering if he’d heard correctly. “Wait, how much is your rent?”

“Fifteen hundred. It’s a small place.”

“Fuck, I was paying thirty-five hundred.”

“Well, your expenses just went way down. My place isn’t in a nice building like yours. It’s old, but the location and price were perfect.”

Mike chuckled. “I like your place. It has character.”

“Thanks,” Lane said.

They entered the building and headed up the stairs. The building was only four stories tall so there wasn’t an elevator. It was nice but weird moving in with Lane. He’d lived alone, and obviously, he hadn’t really made the place his home, but now he would be sharing. This move had pointed out how fragile his life had become. It had been easy to lie to his friends, somehow make them think he was happy, but he hadn’t been happy in years.

Depression hit hard. He stood in Lane’s bedroom, staring at the wall. He’d fucked up so much in his life, and Benjamin was dead. Why hadn’t it been him? He’d become nothing, and he had nothing. His head ached, and he dropped to the bed, putting his head in his hands.

The door creaked open. “Hey, are you okay?”

He looked up, his brain hazed with pain. The past, the present, all the bad things swam through his thoughts. He shook his head, trying to force the worst of it away.

“I’m sorry. I just, I don’t know. I have these thoughts. I get so angry. I’ve accomplished nothing.”

Lane moved closer and his words were slow. “You have your own company.”

“I-I…” He couldn’t say it out loud. The urge to free the words filled him, but he couldn’t voice his thoughts. He bit his forefinger, using the pain to calm down.

Lane knelt in front of him. His eyes were wide, his smile loving. “You can tell me anything.”

“Anything?” Anger and pain swirled together. He felt like a time bomb about to go off. “Anything?” he said louder.

Lane lifted his brows and stood, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’m not leaving you. I’m not walking away. I’m here to stay. Yes, you can tell me anything.”

He put his head in his hands again and closed his eyes. “I feel like a monster is trying to claw its way out of my skull. I don’t know how to stop it.”

Lane placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. He said nothing, just sat on the bed and held him. It was sweet. His anger rose for a moment, then he pushed it away.

“What did Sharron tell you to do when you felt this way?”

“To focus on something good.”

“What is your good?”

“You.”

“What about me?” Lane asked quietly.

“When we were stateside we used to get ice cream. I remember this one time you had it all over your hands and chin. You were a mess, and I think I fell a little bit in love with you that day.”

Lane nodded and ran his hand over Mike’s chest. It felt good to have Lane touching him. Like soft rain on flowers, it soothed him.

“I remember the day. It was so hot.”

“We laughed, and I ended up spilling water down the front of your shirt. You were wearing shorts. They clung to you when you were wet.”

Lane chuckled. “I remember that.”

He blew out a breath, trying to get everything under control. “I had good days with you.”

“I want to have more good days.” Lane picked up his hand and kissed his knuckles.

He turned and ran his other hand through Lane’s hair, cupping the back of his neck.

“I don’t want to lose you.” Desperation filled Mike.

“I never want to lose you.” Lane leaned in and gently brushed their lips together.

He pushed Lane to the mattress and stretched out over him. They moved against each other, slowly grinding as they tugged off their clothes one article at a time. It was sweet like honey, and sultry as a hot day in the south. Lane was his happy place. He still needed help, but he had hope now. Their lust burned hot, but they moved at a slow pace, like a dull roar from a jet engine. It burned for a long time, leaving both of them dripping with sweat by the time they finished.

After cleaning up, they dropped into bed and slept the rest of the night away. It was after eleven in the morning before they both woke. He had a few calls to make for work. It would be helpful if he could get a handle on his company and really drill down into what he wanted in life. Lane was a given, but everything else could change, and he would still be happy.

After having sex again and taking a short nap, they went out, dancing at a club until the wee hours of the morning. It wasn’t as good as the first night, but they had fun.

The next day, they woke after two, and he called Sharron to make sure his appointment was still on. He was dealing with his anger, but it had a way of exploding, and he’d almost lashed out at Lane more than once.

Two singers wanted him to do security in DC in a month, and he agreed to the contracts. He wasn’t looking forward to working again. It was thoughts like this that made him want to change professions. Initially, he had enjoyed his job, but now, it was too much.

He was looking forward to their Skype call with the guys, but he really didn’t want to reveal he and Lane were a couple. It was too fresh, and he worried he would screw things up. All of the guys knew what a fucking jerk he’d been to the women he dated. He felt differently about Lane, but his dating history was bad.

Lane was excited to hear what was going on with everyone and talked about it while they ate. Though he’d wanted to talk to the guys earlier, dread filled Mike as the call approached. He knew Lane wanted to tell everyone, and he understood, but he couldn’t take the pressure.

“So while we’re on this call, can we really not tell anyone about us?” Mike bit his lower lip, worried Lane wouldn’t agree.

Lane’s gaze flashed away before returning to him. He looked sad. “Are you sure?”

He nodded, wishing he could reveal the truth, but fear held him back. “Yeah.”

Hurt shown in Lane’s eyes. He wanted to tell Lane it was okay to tell their friends, but he couldn’t face the questions or the ribbing—not yet.

He went into the bedroom and Lane did the call from the den. He was distracted when the call started. Everyone was there and Lane said something. He should be in the den with his lover. Guilt filled him.

“Hey, it’s good to see you all,” Mike said.

“We’re going up to Virginia in the next week or so to bring my stuff here.” Clay looked so happy, and jealousy filled Mike.

He was happy for Clay and Thomas. The pressure to go in and sit by Lane built. A part of him wanted to tell the guys the truth about where he was living. His palms started to sweat. No way he was ready to tell them everything. Maybe in a few weeks he could reveal the truth about his PTSD and where he was living.

“You decided to move in permanently?” Jake asked.

“Yeah. So about that. The guys at the department where I worked decided to try and kill me the other day,” Clay said.

“What?” Mike shouted. Anger filled him and blood roared in his ears. He forced a calm he didn’t feel so he could hear what Clay had to say.

When Clay leaned in and kissed Thomas’s cheek, Mike felt even more guilty. He should tell everyone about him and Lane, but right now, Clay and Thomas needed their support.

“Thomas saved me,” Clay said.

“What happened?” Mike needed to know more.

Clay leaned closer to Thomas as he began speaking. The story was wild and involved them running through the brush on an island, barely escaping by getting into the water and swimming to the boat. He was holding his breath, listening to Clay as he revealed how he and Thomas had almost died. Thomas kissed the side of Clay’s head and sighed.

After Clay finished his story, Mike shook his head, wishing he had Lane by his side. He should tell them what was going on. He needed to let them know the truth. As the conversation began to wind down, Mike cleared his throat.

“Um, I’m moving to Jersey.”

“Wait, doesn’t Lane live there?” Jake asked.

“Yeah, he does,” Mike said.

“Cool,” Brent said. “By the way, we’re looking at houses in Florida.”

“You’re coming back? That’s awesome,” Thomas said.

They talked about Jake and Brent’s possible move. Everyone seemed happy. Lane looked a little sad, and he knew he’d disappointed his man. The guys asked him a few questions about his move, but he gave short answers, trying not to reveal where he would really be living.

The call ended, and he sat back, guilt filling him. He should go out and talk to Lane, but he wasn't sure what to say. After a few minutes, he heard Lane in the kitchen. A pan clanged then a cabinet door slammed. What had he done? He was falling in love with Lane, but he wasn't allowing Lane to share their happiness.