Chapter Seven

 

 

 

 

Gabriella felt the bed shift behind her with a sense of relief. Kyle was home. She felt his hard arms slip around her and she couldn’t stop herself from rolling over to bury her face into his chest. Her nose rubbing against the bare skin of his hard pec, inhaling his scent. Her head filling with the scent of leather, coffee, and man. A smile tugged at her lips. Kyle was addicted to coffee. The man drank it at every meal and he typically didn’t just drink a cup, it was usually two or three cups.

Gabriella nuzzled him, loving the feeling of his arms around her. It didn’t frighten her that he slept in a pair of jogging pants and nothing else. Even in the beginning when she’d been almost destroyed by what those men had done to her, she’d never been scared he would push her beyond what she could handle. She had always known that Kyle would never ask her for more than she could give him. She knew the pants he wore to bed had likely been added for her benefit. She’d bet her last credits that he had slept naked until the night she’d walked into his cabin almost two years ago.

He always did things for her without her having to ask him to. He changed his habits so that she’d fit into his life. In the past two years, he’d stopped going on long trips for the club because of her freaking out one time when he’d been gone for a week. She still felt guilty about that, but she’d learned arguing with him about it didn’t do anything except leave her frustrated and him determined. After talking with her brother today she was sure that he’d refused the job going after the Jackals in Titus for her too. With a little sigh she inhaled deeply, feeling the comfort of him sink into her bones. It made her feel selfish, but she didn’t know how to force him to leave. She’d tried already and it had nearly ripped out her heart to do it once, trying it again just might kill her.

She felt even more guilty about him giving up other women to allow her to sleep in his bed every night. She knew that he wanted them to be a couple, but she wasn’t sure she could ever allow things between them to be sexual. She wanted that, she really did. She just wasn’t sure she could handle it. More than anything else she wanted to be able to give him everything he wanted. It would splinter her heart if they tried this and it didn’t work. She knew that he was everything she needed and it scared the hell out of her.

“You okay, firefly?” his husky voice asked as he held her to him by anchoring his hand in her hair and trapping her legs with his.

“I am now,” Gabi admitted, her breath sighing out as she relaxed fully for the first time since he’d left this morning. She felt him kiss the top of her head as his arms tightened around her and his hands slipped down her back to caress her ass.

“Good.” He grunted, his hands possessive.

Gabi didn’t mind his hard hands gripping her ass tightly as he pressed her closer to him. She could feel the hardness of his cock against her stomach, but she wasn’t filled with any fear. It wasn’t the first time she’d felt it pressed against her and she was quite sure it wouldn’t be the last. Kyle had wanted her for a long time. She wanted him too, she finally admitted to herself. It was odd to feel that desire pumping through her veins again. Fear arrowed through her and her heart began racing, but she shoved it down. She wouldn’t allow herself to think about those bastards. This was Kyle, and she could trust him. She did trust him.

“Kiss me.” Gabi demanded, needing to feel his lips on hers. Even if she was scared to death they’d never work because of her past, she had to try.

“You sure? I know we talked about moving this relationship forward, but we don’t have to start till you’re ready. I’m content with you being here in my bed every night so I can hold you.” Kyle said, his hands tightening gently on her flesh.

“I’m ready.” Was all she could manage to get out as he pulled away and watched her face carefully. His eyes narrowed and he looked thoughtful as he took in every little twist of her expression. She knew he was likely debating in his head about her sincerity. Reaching out she put her hand behind his head and tried, unsuccessfully, to guide his lips to her own.

“Kiss me.” Gabi repeated.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea, babe. I want to, don’t get me wrong, but—,” Kyle began, but she interrupted him.

“None of them ever kissed me, Kyle. They weren’t kind or gentle, they just took what they wanted and kissing wasn’t part of that.” Gabriella closed her eyes as she tried to force the memories of those words away. The wordless growl of anger that rumbled in his chest after she finished speaking helped. His hands were gentle as they moved up her back rubbing. She felt the soft touch of his lips on her nose, her cheeks, and finally her lips.

It was soft at first and she found herself smiling slightly as his mouth brushed hers, but it wasn’t more than a second before his tongue was sweeping along her closed lips asking for entry. She opened, allowing him inside. Her heart beating so fast that she was afraid she’d have a heart attack as his tongue speared into her opened mouth. Desires she hadn’t felt since forever blasted through her, making her moan a soft little sound that seemed to spur him on and his mouth became more aggressive, his hands more possessive as they pressed her against him on the bed. 

Feeling brave she allowed her tongue to follow the rhythm of his, drawing a groan from him as his body hardened more and he moved, tilting her head for better access. He devoured her lips, his hands rubbing against her skin as he slipped them underneath his shirt that she’d thrown on earlier before she’d climbed into the bed. She gasped as he released her lips and began kissing down her neck leaving hard little nips in his wake as he seemed to try to mark every part of her.

Maneuvering her to lie on her back, Kyle placed his hands on the hem of her shirt. His eyes burning as he watched her, waiting for permission. She nodded and his hands moved the shirt up slowly, only an inch at a time. His lips going to her stomach where he left soft gentle kisses on her exposed skin. Gabi didn’t feel any fear as he pulled the shirt up, his lips following. His caresses were gentle and soft, and she could feel her body responding. She was burning with need and her fingers clenched in his hair as she held him to her wanting to keep him close. She trembled as her breath escaped her in little pants and the wetness between her legs tingled, reminding her that she wasn’t dead below the waist like she’d thought she might be.

“You’re so fucking beautiful. I want to eat you alive.” Kyle grunted, his mouth sucking at a spot just beneath her breast leaving an angry red hickey behind. His hands moved to cup her breasts gently and his eyes raised to look at her. They were wild and his desire clamored for attention, but he waited, watching her.

“Please.” Gabi begged, needing him to caress her. She’d thought she would never feel this deep, almost achy desire again. Even though she’d felt hints of it over the past two years, she’d never wanted anyone to touch her sexually. She’d always felt dirty and used when she’d felt this desire slipping through her before, but tonight it was pure and almost the same as it had been before she’d been raped. Kyle slowly lowered his head, his lips wrapping around her nipple before a groan escaped him and his tongue curled around the tip. Gabi pressed his lips against her breast moaning in pleasure as he sucked her nipple roughly.

Her hands gripped his hair and her body filled with so much bliss that she almost felt whole again. He moved across her chest with nipping little kisses, his hands cupping her other breast as he pushed it up into his mouth. It felt good and she found herself grinding on his leg which had taken up residence at the center of her core, pressing softly against her pussy. Her fingers tightened, likely pulling his hair, but Kyle didn’t seem to mind as he continued to suck her breasts.

She was burning up and her body was literally trembling in need when she felt his teeth scrape against her nipple and suddenly she wasn’t with Kyle. Hard, evil hands were holding her down while taunting laughter and male voices were surrounding her. She could smell the sweat on their bodies and feel her skin crawl as they forced her down for their friend to violate her. She felt the man’s teeth biting into her flesh as she screamed for them to stop, for them to let her go. She was thrashing and her mind was shutting down as tears poured down her cheeks.

“Babe, shh. It’s okay. You’re safe.” Kyle’s voice broke through the harsher sounds of their pleasure. Gabi was suddenly aware that she wasn’t being held down by cruel punishing hands that left bruises on her skin. Instead Kyle’s hands were barely holding her to his side as he caressed her hair gently, running his hands from her forehead to the very tips of the strands.

“You’re safe.”

Gabi realized that she was sobbing and that she had her hands balled into fists pushing against his chest as if trying to shove him away. Damn it. She’d freaked out again. How could he want her? How could he even think that they could be together and be happy. She didn’t want to be this useless traumatized person anymore. She wanted to be with him, but she couldn’t even enjoy fifteen minutes of foreplay without losing her shit. Her tears fell harder and she wanted to drown in them because she didn’t see a way around this irrational fear she felt. It wouldn’t leave her be and let her live her life. It was always there, ruining things.

“I’m so-sorry. I’m-m so sorry.” Gabi sobbed, her hands clenching his shoulders as she buried her face into it. He let her sob for a few moments while rubbing her back and allowing her to calm down.

“Hey, look at me,” he murmured.

She didn’t want to look at him and she tried to sink into his chest. When she didn’t move her face from where it was pressed against his warm skin, Kyle cupped her chin forcing her to meet his eyes.

“There you are,” he whispered, a gentle smile tugging at his lips as he gazed at her. His hand caressed her face cupping her cheek as he watched her silently for a long moment before speaking. “Stop apologizing. You have nothing to be sorry about. I took things too fast. It’s normal for you to freak out. They hurt you badly and that leaves scars. Scars that take time to heal, and honestly this won’t be the last time this happens, Gabi. I’m truthfully surprised it hasn’t happened between us before. You shocked the hell out of me by not freaking out while you spent months in my bed. I wasn’t always as gentle as I should have been. I held on too tight and I sometimes touched you more than I should have considering what you’d been through. What we need to do is figure out what the triggers are and find a way to disarm them. I know it could take years to do and some things might always cause the panic attacks, but we will make this work.” 

“How can you be okay with that, Pretty Boy?” She asked, using his road name to try and create distance between them.

“Nope, no calling me that in bed. You know the rules.” He grunted, his glower dark as he gazed at her. She should have known he would never allow her to use his name to push him away.

“I’ll ask again, how can you be okay with waiting years for me to get over this shit?” Gabriella tried to push back away from him, but he just grunted and refused to allow her to move. The hard hold he had on her didn’t frighten her and she found herself curling into his arms with her chin resting on her hands which were folded on his chest.

“Babe I know you don’t understand, but you’re mine. Of course I will wait. For the rest of my life if I have to. We will make this work. Neither of us will ever be happy if we don’t.” His voice was husky and she could almost hear the weariness he felt.

“I don’t want to hold you back or make you hate me if I can’t be what you need Kyle. I couldn’t bear it.” Gabi confessed, her heart aching at the thought of him hating her. Kyle gently wiped away the tears that still leaked from her eyes.

“Sweetheart, I could never hate you. Even if we can’t work this sex thing out, I will always be right where I belong, as long as I have you with me. I—fuck I’m just gonna say it, you matter more than anything else ever has in my life. Nothing has ever meant more. Do you understand what I’m saying?” Kyle asked, his eyes darkening with his intensity.

“I do, but I think you are sure you can get me past this fear I have, but I’m not so sure,” she whispered, her heart clenching.

“Gabi, we can get past this, I know we can. You’ve already proven that. We were fine until something triggered your nightmares. What was it sweetheart? What caused you to freak out? Really think about it.”  His hand was now threaded through her hair as he gazed up at her, his chest rising and falling in a soothing rhythm that calmed her raging emotions. Gabi closed her eyes and tried to think back to the moment when she’d felt that panic rising. She’d been okay with the kissing and her shirt coming off. Then he’d touched her breasts and sucked on her nipples, but she’d been fine then too. That was when it hit her.

“They bit my breasts.” She finally whispered, her voice barely audible. She felt Kyles hand tighten in her hair as the words flowed out of her.

“Good, that’s good, firefly. So now we know, no scraping my teeth against your pretty nipples. Let’s try to get some sleep now. I’m tired and I know you are too.” He was already shifting her over to lie on the bed beside him, his arms curling around her. Gabi could see the angry set of his jaw and the tight clench of his muscles.

“I’m sorry I can’t give you what you want. I’ll try not to freak out next time.” Gabi mumbled, her heart aching because he was angry at her.

“Uh-uh no, I am not mad at you, baby. I’m mad at them. Furious really. I want to revive every last one of those bastards and then eviscerate them before murdering them all over again. They got off too easy for what they did to you. Way too fucking easy.” His voice was a little more than a growl by the time he’d stopped speaking.

“You’re not mad because I panicked?” Gabriella asked, her uncertainty gripping her tightly.

“No, and I never will be. Sometimes when you tell me about the things they did to you it will seem like I’m mad, but it’s not ever going to be directed at you Gabi. It’s always going to be at them. They never should have touched you and the fact that they were more than rough with you makes me a little crazy at times. I won’t always be able to be calm about it because it makes me so livid.”

His hands rubbed against her back as he watched her with sincerity shining in his eyes as he stared at her. She felt her heart turn over in her chest as she realized that despite what had happened a short time ago, Kyle wanted them to continue building a relationship.

“Okay.” She finally squeaked, her eyes still watching him as he closed his eyes and buried his hand into her hair.

“Let’s get some sleep, babe. I need to be up fairly early.”

She’d been half afraid he’d run at the first hurdle they encountered. Not that she should have been fearful of that. After all, he’d been there for her every step of the way for the last few years. She was almost convinced that he might actually be okay with them never having a sexual relationship. Not that she’d allow that to happen. She couldn’t do that to him. She would try this and if they couldn’t get past it she would do the right thing and let him go. Even if it would kill her to walk away from him, she would do it if she had to. Her heart clenched and she felt her pulse racing as fear roared through her at the thought of Kyle being gone. Trying to push away the panic, she laid her head on his chest listening to his deep even breathing as he brushed his hand through her hair. It wasn’t long before she was falling into a deep sleep that wasn’t tortured by nightmares.