Chapter 33
Marc
Waking in strange surroundings can always be momentarily disorientating, but couple that to waking to a warm tongue giving my ear an enthusiastic wash I’m left completely flummoxed for a moment.
Then everything comes back to me in a flash, thoughts tumbling through my head one after the other. Losing my job, Heart’s unexpected visit, coming back to the compound, finding Grunt—the little devil who’s now moved on to licking my face. And then that final recollection, the one I’ve been trying to avoid. The fact that I seem to be pregnant.
Using both hands to push the boisterous pup away, I open my eyes in time to see Heart exit the bathroom, a towel slung low around his waist. Too low. It brings back memories of the way the previous night had ended. Inadvertently I lick my lips as I remember. Christ, that man knows how to fuck.
As soon as he sees I’m being attacked he comes and lifts Grunt away. He sits on the side of the bed and strokes him between his ears. “Who’s a good fella then?” Then, as he too gets Grunt’s morning ablations, puts him down on the floor with a laugh. “Better take him out for a quick walk.”
“I’ll do it. I insisted we bring him with us.” I go to get up, then realise I’ve slept naked. Although he’s already seen everything I’ve got to offer, I still don’t feel comfortable exposing myself. “Give me some space, Heart. And do you know where my clothes are? I’ll get dressed.”
“No need to get dressed on my account, babe.” Reaching across he first cups his hand behind my head, then pulls me in for a kiss. To my shame, I don’t even object. It’s nothing like the kiss that banished all my restraint last night, it’s gentle, almost loving. A kiss full of affection.
After a second I move his hand away and compose my features into a serious expression. “Heart, we need to talk.”
“Not sure we do, darlin’. Why not just take things as they come?”
I pull the sheet around me so I can sit up. “Heart, I’ve got to deal with the idea that I’m pregnant for one thing.” And suddenly I’m worried. “Last night, wasn’t it too rough?”
His hand moves toward me again. He touches my chin. “Hey, sex can’t hurt the babies, they’re well protected. Babe, hate to remind you, but I’ve been here before.”
Any concern he has on that front it might bother me, I can knock on the head. “I’m glad one of us knows what they’re doing.” I smile to show I mean it.
His fingers move slightly to cup my cheek, and something makes me lean into his touch. “I’m sorry, Marc. Can’t deny that I had an ol’ lady.”
Moving back, leaning against the pillows to put some distance between us, I reassure him. “Heart, even if this was going anywhere between us, it really wouldn’t matter. Crystal’s a big part of your life, and I wouldn’t ignore it or want to take her place. She’ll always be with you.” Stretching out my arm, I place my hand over his heart. “She’ll always be in here. It doesn’t matter that you’ve seen and done things before. We all come with baggage and things that will live with us forever.”
Heart’s shaking his head, but smiling. “Always with your compassion and understanding, babe. You know, that blows me away.”
I bite my lip. He’s taking things where I don’t want, can’t afford, them to go. “Heart. We’ll have to work something out about the babies. I’d never want to keep a child from its dad. But you and I, well, it just won’t work, you must see that.”
He rears back. “I see nothing of the fuckin’ sort.”
I’ve got a temper to match his, and right now it’s rising. Gripping the sheet tightly, I kneel up. “For fuck’s sake, you’re the last person I should need to explain this too. You know better than anyone. Let someone get close to you, depend on them for your happiness, and it destroys you when they leave.”
I’d misread the signs, he isn’t getting angry. Instead he says calmly, “Your family didn’t leave you, Marc. Same as Crystal didn’t leave me. They were torn away. And me? I’m not plannin’ on going anywhere. Not leavin’ my kids, or you.”
“You can’t say that. Anything could happen.”
“You were eighteen, darlin’. An adult, yes, but far too young to lose everyone you loved. Yeah, it fuckin’ hurt when I lost Crystal, still does. I’d give my right arm to have her walk through that door. But you know what? I loved her, and in here,” now it’s his hand that covers his heart, “I always will. But she made my life richer for being in it. She gave me Amy, and I truly believe she led me to you. I’ll never wipe her out of existence, or wish I’d never met her. Or fucked her and left her instead of makin’ her mine.”
I stare at him. Unable to move my eyes away from his face set so earnestly.
“Hey, tell me something about your brother. Bet he teased you mercilessly when you were growing up?”
My eyes widen.
“And yer mom and dad. Were they overprotective? If your dad was still around, would he be after me with a shotgun?”
Wherever he’s going with this, I’d prefer him to stop. I don’t want to think about them, it hurts too much. I shake my head. But he’s not going to be put off.
As I try to look away he grasps my chin and turns me toward him. “Tell me about them, Marc. Explain what amazin’ people they were. Give them a memorial in your memory, share what they brought to the world. Don’t lock them away lettin’ dust dull your recall. Keep them alive by lettin’ them live in your heart.”
“I can’t,” I protest, as I feel my eyes leaking.
“You can. Lovin’ someone, missin’ them when they’re gone, is all part of being alive. Yeah, it hurts, but never lettin’ anyone in, in case you lose them again, means you’re not alive, you’re just existin’. Take some of that advice you offered to me.”
“If I don’t let you in, you can’t hurt me.”
As if sensing I’m weakening, he moves a little closer. “If we don’t try, we’ll never know what we could have. And while it hurts like a bitch to think about Crystal, I’d never wish a moment of what we had together away.” He pauses, then laughs. “You and Crystal couldn’t be more different, you know? The way you look, your mannerisms, fuck, the way you’re so aggressive in bed. You’re not a replacement, in any shape or form.”
Me? Aggressive?
“You’re asking too much Heart.” My voice comes out as a whisper.
“I wasn’t a man who believed in a God and a hereafter, Marc. I never thought there was life after death. But when I was on my road trip little things would happen, and I’d swear Crystal was with me. Maybe it was just a memory of things she would do or say, but I heard her voice in my ear, and her touch on my arm.” As I’m wondering where he’s going with this, he continues, “Hadn’t felt that since I came back to the compound. But yesterday, I sensed something when we found out about the babies. I think she’s happy for me to have found you, and if there is something that happens after we’re dead, that she had a hand in this miracle.” His hand touches my stomach and his eyes meet mine. “Wouldn’t your family be disappointed if you didn’t grab something like what’s between us in both hands? Would they really want you to go through life alone?”
One tear escapes from my eye, followed soon by another. And then a torrent begins. Heart closes the distance between us, taking me into his arms, and lets me cry like a child. And as my sobs come, some of what he’s said starts to sink in. My mom, dad, brother, and all of my lost family would be devastated to know I was only going through the motions in life. I do owe it to them to live the life they couldn’t, and that means taking hold of some happiness for myself.
But with Heart? As my tears dry, I pull away from him. “Yesterday, Heart, I hated you. The things that you said…”
He lets me go and sits with his legs apart, his hands clasped between his knees. “I was in shock when Hyde suggested you were pregnant. It’s no excuse for the cruel words I threw at you, I know that. I felt if you were, and the baby was mine, you’d tricked me into betrayin’ Crystal.”
A glance my way, and then he continues. “When I saw how upset you were, I know there was no trickery involved. And your reaction to being told you were pregnant—it was as if veils had been removed from my eyes. Suddenly I fuckin’ knew Crystal wouldn’t want me to mourn her forever. And if I’m going to move on, it has to be to the women who’s somehow taken up residence,” again he places a hand over his heart, “alongside Crystal in my heart.”
I swallow, realising how significant what he’s saying is. “It’s me, not just the babies?”
A serious look, and then a dip of his head. “You, Marc. And I know there’s a long way to go before the babies are delivered safely. But whatever happens, I’ll be here by your side. Whether our family grows or it doesn’t. Now, you gonna pick up what I’m offerin’?”
He’s offering himself. A man with flaws, but for whom my attraction has been slowly growing over the past months. A man who’s been there for me as much as I’ve been there for him. Tentatively I reach out my hand and touch his face. “I don’t know how good I’ll be at having a relationship, Heart. This is new ground for me.”
A smile plays at his lips. “We’ll take it one day at a time. You and me, together.” A scratching at the door has both our heads turning, and reminding us both we’ve got a new responsibility. Heart chuckles, then stands and picks up the leash. “I’ll take Grunt out, give you some space to get ready. Then we’ll go down and introduce Amy to the mutt.”
Yes. “She’s gonna be so excited. What little girl doesn’t want a pup?”
He grins, then takes Grunt out to do the necessary. When he returns I’m dressed in jeans and a tee and ready to do the pleasurable chore of seeing Amy’s reaction to the dog. And, wrapping a mantle of confidence around myself, ready to face reaction I’ll get from his brothers.
Predictably, Amy squeals when she’s sees the pup, and her joy when she realises it’s her dog can’t be described. Soon the three of us are rolling around with Grunt on the floor. Until I come to my senses and suggest we should be careful until we get him checked to make sure he hasn’t got fleas or worms, and make sure he has all his shots.
“You know, that fuckin’ pooch,” a gravelly voice comes from behind me, “he’s found the right place. Looks like a fuckin’ misfit like the rest of us.”
And Peg’s right.
I’m just about to tell him that I agree, wondering whether the word misfit works for me too, when my phone rings. Curious to see who might be calling, I’ve no friends or people who would check up on me, I take it out, and am not surprised when I don’t recognise the number. I stand, ready to take it outside.
Peg’s hand stops me, his eyes, which had softened while watching the dog and child interact, now glare with suspicion.
I stay where I am, but answer the call. The room’s suddenly gone quiet around me.
“Hi.”
“Reed? Why are you…”
I listen carefully as my ex-colleague explains exactly why he’s calling me.
“I don’t think that would help”
“You did?”
“Oh my God. Really?”
“Now?”
“What’s the charge?” I grow cold.
“I’ll tell them. And you’ll be behind? How long?”
“Got it. Okay.”
While I’ve been talking, Drummer, Peg, Wraith, and Blade have come to surround me. Knowing there’s no time to waste, I turn to Drummer. “You need to hear this.” I place my phone on a table and hover my finger over a key. “As soon as I knew who it was, I recorded the conversation.”
“Who were you speakin’ to?”
“Detective Reed. I work, worked, with him. Not as a partner, but he’s been around a long time. He’s sort of a fixture in the department.”
Drummer’s eyes narrow at my answer. “Better hear what he has to say.”
The whole phone call’s repeated.
“Hi.”
“Hey, Hannah. It’s Reed.”
“Reed? Why are you…”
“Look, there’s a few of us not comfortable about what went down yesterday. Might not have worked close with you, but I could see you did good work. You’ll get support here if you want to take it further. Up to the lieutenant or even higher…”
“I don’t think that would help.”
“Park that for now, there’s something I need to tell you. I overheard Garza and Reynolds talking together.”
“You did?”
“Fucking morons were plotting in the men’s bathroom. I was in a stall and they didn’t even check. I’m pretty certain it won’t come as news to you that they’re dirty—hell, everyone here suspected it, but no one could prove anything. But what they let drop was very interesting. They talked about you, and how they needed to shut you down for good. Kicking you out wasn’t enough. And they mentioned getting their instructions from one Alonso Herrera. He’s paying good money to see you dead.”
“Oh my God. Really?”
“They know where you are. Had you followed when you left yesterday, they know you went to the hospital with the bikers, and where you went after. They’re on their way to the compound with a warrant for your arrest.”
“Now?”
“I’ve rounded up a few cops I can trust, and I’m taking this to Diaz as soon as he comes in. I recorded the conversation as soon as I got the gist of what they were plotting. The lieutenant can’t fail to act on this now, so hopefully we’ll be right behind them.
“I know you’re with Drummer, and I reckon you can trust him. We might be on different sides of the law, but as far as I’m concerned, nowadays he runs a clean club. You need him to stop Reynolds coming on to the compound, and for Christ’s sake, don’t give yourself up when you see that warrant.”
“What’s the charge?”
“That you’re an informer working for an OMG. But Hannah, Diaz is coming in now. I’ll go straight to him. Finch, is rounding up a posse. Hopefully I’ll get the go ahead to arrest Reynolds and Garza, or at least, bring them in for questioning.”
“I’ll tell them. And you’ll be behind? How long?”
“As soon as I can make it. Reynolds and Garza haven’t left yet. They’re still fluffing about in the office, maybe having delays getting the warrant. If I can convince Diaz before they leave, I’ll stop them here. But, Hannah, if they get there, it could get bloody. They get paid when you’re dead. Let Drummer know you’ll need the protection of his boys. Keep out of the line of fire, won’t you? Hey, I like you, girl, wouldn’t want to next see you in the morgue. Don’t give yourself up, and don’t give them a chance to say you were resisting arrest.”
“Got it. Okay.”
The whole room is silent. Drummer’s staring at the phone. “You record all your calls, or just ones meant to put you in the clear?”
“I am, was, a cop, Drummer. When I get a call I usually record it so I can reference exactly what witnesses have said. It’s a natural action for me.”
“Whether or not it’s a set-up, Prez, sounds like we’ve got a fuck load of police headin’ for the compound. How do you want to play it?” Blade’s glaring at me, but he doesn’t have to say anything. It’s my fault.
If Reed hadn’t warned me they’d kill me on sight, I’d give myself up and try and get it sorted from a cell. But clearly their end game isn’t to take me in.
“Hyde. You keep Marcia here and out of sight. Tie her up if you fuckin’ have to, but she ain’t coming anywhere near the gate. Blade, Peg, Wraith, Heart, you come with me, and we’ll make sure they don’t come onto the compound.”
“Drummer…”
“I’m in charge here, Marcia. Don’t want no heroics about you giving yourself up. If,” he points to the phone, “this Detective Reed was tellin’ the truth, the fact that you’re here with us could be enough evidence that you’ve been playin’ both sides. I don’t fancy your chances if you go with them.”
My thoughts exactly, but, “I don’t want anyone hurt.”
“Ain’t our first rodeo, darlin’.”