Six Weeks Later

 

 

Six weeks have passed since I first slept with Nico. Since then, we slowed things down a little but not too much. He’s been amazing. Life was running perfect, until today. Now, Jessie comes over and gives me bad news to add to my stack of horrible events in life.

“What do you mean you’re moving?” I cry out.

Tears are flowing down Jessie’s face. “Dad said his work has transferred him to Hawaii. It would be awesome if we went on a vacation there, but I don’t want to be isolated on that tiny island away from everything!”

I lean against the wall in the hallway, wanting to slap it with the palm of my hand. “You can’t move! You’re my best friend!”

“I know! I don’t want to start a new school during my junior year. And what about John?” She runs her hand through her blonde hair that she recently colored back from the orange and yellow.

“What about him?”

“He’s finally starting to notice me. He asked me to come watch his band!”

I was wrong about John. A tad bit. He’s lasted more than a week at the store.

I don’t want to burst Jessie’s bubble, but John asked everyone at work to watch his band.

We talk for a while longer about her moving and tell each other that we will talk every day. She hands me a bag out of her purse. It’s the reason she came over today.

I take the bag from her and pull out the box and stare at the pregnancy test.

I don’t know the exact day I was supposed to start my period, but it’s late, and I grew beyond worried. I talked to Jessie, and she told me she would bring a test over.

Nico and I were both so stupid and caught up at that moment. I didn’t think about condoms, and he didn’t either. Afterward, he did talk to me about it, and he would make sure he had one if we decided to do it again. I wasn’t worried since it only happened one time. Next time, we’d be prepared.

Now here I am, with the king of condoms laughing and shaking his finger at me for not using one. I walk into the bathroom and pee on the stick. I’m not going to wait for the results in the hallway. Instead, I stand in the bathroom holding the edge of the stick clenched in my fist, watching it like a hawk eyeballing its food with full-blown intensity.

I don’t know how much time has passed, but the result is there now. Pregnant. These are the sticks with no confusing lines. The results show up pregnant or not pregnant. I throw the stick on the floor so hard that the plastic cracks, and the sound echoes. I pick it up to hide in the trash, so Mom doesn’t see it.

There’s a light knock on the door. “Are you all right? It doesn’t sound so good in there.” Jessie’s voice is practically a whisper.

“That’s because it isn’t,” I yell.

I’m not even crying. I’m not upset. I don’t know what I am. I’m angry that out of my whole life I was only truly stupid this one time, and we planned to fix that for all the future times. I’m scared to tell Mom. I’m worried about the future now. What is Nico going to say? Is he going to be pissed? I need to stop. I’m going to puke everywhere.

I open the door a little too hard, and Jessie jumps back. “I have to talk to Nico.”

Stomping down the hall, I find my purse, keys and phone. I shoot Nico a text.

Me: I’m stopping by work. Save your break for me.

Nico: Anything for you.

I don’t reply with a smart aleck remark like I generally do. “Jessie, I’ll come by your house after I talk to Nico. Is that okay?”

She nods solemnly. “Anytime. I’m here, all right?”

Yeah, she’ll be here until she moves to Hawaii. I’ve been stabbed in the chest twice today. Am I being dramatic? I don’t think so.

Then I tell my car silently that I’m sorry. It isn’t its fault I’m an idiot.

I run through the parking lot like I’m trying to beat the sand pouring from the hourglass, as hair is flapping and slapping me in the face. I yank open the door and spot Nico. I must look like someone died because Nico stops what he’s doing and hurries to me. “What’s wrong?”

I tug on the sleeve of his shirt. “Can you come outside?”

Nico walks to John and asks him to take over counter duty. He moves an auburn piece of hair to the side of his forehead, and I wish I would have been the one to move it. Screw that. I’m pissed at him and pissed at me.

We hurry outside and sit on the bench that’s outside the store. “What’s goin—”

“I’m pregnant,” I blurt.

Nico stares at me. He looks like he’s confused about what I’m saying. “Sorry? I don’t understand.”

My eyes grow wide, and I slap my hands against my knees. “What do you mean you don’t understand? We slept together remember? It was my first time, and I didn’t even think about a condom. You didn’t say anything either!”

“It was my first time, too! I didn’t think to bring a whole roll of condoms to your house when I didn’t know it was going to happen!” he whisper-shouts.

“Well, you could have at least brought one!” I shoot him a glare.

He settles back against the bench. “Okay, so we both could have planned things differently. But are you sure? I mean are you sure here?” His face is full of hope like I’m going to tell him this is all a big joke. Well, I’m not.

The glare I’m giving him slides away. I lean against the bench, resting my arm against Nico’s and let out a sigh. “Yes. I just took a test.” Tears have gathered in my eyes.

Nico lets out a string of curses, and on any other day I would laugh, but this is no laughing matter.

“We’ll figure something out. If I have to work more than I already do, I will.” Nico looks pale, and his hands are fidgeting. He looks more worried than I do with his twitching hands, even though I’m the one that will have the growing stomach that everyone will be able to see. “I’m not going to lie, I’m freaking out inside.”

Wrapping my hands around his waist, I try and give him a little comfort, but how can I offer that when my whole life is going to be ruined. “I’m beyond freaked out, Nico. And now Jessie is moving, too. I won’t have anyone.”

“What? Jessie is moving?”

“Yes, to Hawaii,” I sob.

Pulling me close, he lifts my chin to look at my face. “Look, I’m not angry at you. I’m pissed at myself for not having a condom, but I’m not the type that walks away from something because the circumstances have taken the worst turn possible. I’m not going to leave you alone in this. Ever. All right?” I don’t want to think about him not being with me through this, and I hope he isn’t one that will leave me hanging through this situation by myself.

“I’m going to let Mom know first,” I mumble into his shirt. She’s going to be pissed beyond recognition. We sit on the bench outside until he walks back into work silently. We’re both struggling with our thoughts.

After I leave Nico at the bookstore, I stop by Jessie’s house. She’s still a loaded mess with tears flying everywhere and shouting at nothing. I try and calm her down, and she tries to give me advice about how to tell Mom, but we are both stuck in our heads. The pregnancy should be a bigger issue for me, but I feel like if she’s here with me instead of Hawaii, it will make the process somewhat more bearable. Even though it isn’t.

I head back home, knowing Mom will be back from the grocery store where she was when Jessie came over earlier. Some teenagers hide their pregnancies for months, holding that burden in. I can’t do that to myself or my mom. I’m going to be honest with her, as scared shitless as I am.

“What do you mean you’re pregnant?” She screeches so loud the walls must have cracked.

I now wish I could take the whole honesty is the best policy thing back at this moment and crawl into a hole and hibernate.

“How could you do this? Did you even use protection?” she groans. “You better tell me you used protection.” Her teeth grind back and forth.

Shame fills my entire skeletal system. No matter how awkward “the talks” were, she always told me to make sure the guy wrapped it up.

“I-I didn’t think about it.”

She slams her hands against the old, laminate countertop. “You didn’t think about it? Well, you’re thinking about it now, aren’t you?”

Pressing my hands against my forehead, I drag them so slowly down my face that skin must be coming away with them. “Yes, Mom. I was an idiot, and Nico was an idiot. We both know.” A few tears stream down my face, and I quickly wipe them away.

Mom straightens up. “Oh, you bet your butt I’m going to have a sit down with Nico followed by his parents. That boy isn’t going to be one of those morons like on those teenage shows on TV that think it’s fine and dandy and then leaves the girl in the dust. He’s going to step up the game here.” She flings her arms wildly all over the place.

She points her finger at me. “And, don’t you think for a second I’m going to raise this baby, you’re going to have to step up your game, too. This baby is all on you, whatever you decide.”

I feel defeated. “I know.”

She sighs in frustration with anger continuing to roll off in waves. “I’m not going to let you give up on college either. If you have to do night school or online courses, whatever it takes. You will amount to something. Do you hear me?”

I don’t normally hug my mom, but I walk to her and wrap my arms around her and begin sobbing. Right when she has finally started to become Mom again, I go and pull this stunt. The past month she has improved so much because of the counselor’s help. “I love you, and I’m so sorry.”

“I love you, too, May. But I’m extremely pissed, and things are going to be different around here.” Her face is pulled into the hardest frown I have ever seen in my life.

I may not know a lot about babies, but from the few I have been around, I know they are a lot of work. They are always needy, little creatures. My life is officially over.

Mom has me text Nico to come over as soon as he gets off work. When she found out that we were together, she was the happiest person in the universe. If anyone is Nico’s biggest fan, it’s her. I guess not anymore.

I type Nico a quick text.

Me: Can you come over after work? Mom wants to talk to you.

Nico: Uh-oh

Yes. Big uh-oh.

Nico arrives at the house after work. He rings the doorbell, and I start to rise off the couch to answer, but Mom stops me when I’m halfway off the seat. “Don’t even think about it. You stay there.” She points at me, and I feel like I’m seven years old again.

Opening the door, Mom smiles a huge fake smile. “Nico, why don’t you have a seat on the couch next to May,” she spats.

Nico looks from my mom to me. He looks unsure what to do, even though she told him to come sit down on the couch. Then he finally makes a move, walking to sit beside me but not too close.

Nico’s mouth starts to open, and Mom puts up the alligator hand and chomps it shut. “I’m not going to yell anymore. I already did that with May. I know how relationships work, especially young relationships. If this doesn’t last in the long run, which I’m going to be honest here, most high school relationships don’t. I need to make sure you’re going to be here for this baby.”

Nico’s throat bobs. “Yes ma’am. I would never abandon May or this baby.”

Mom sighs. “You don’t know the future, Nico, but for today I have had enough of this already, we’re going to talk about what’s going to happen next.”

Mom explains to Nico the proper use of a condom, and it’s embarrassing. She’s still angry and upset and probably will be forever. Then she goes in her room, slamming the door and gives us time to ourselves to sort things out.

Nico pulls my hand into his. “This situation is a mess, but I wouldn’t just get up and walk away.”

Thinking about what my mom said, I hope he wouldn’t. Even if something happened to us, I hope he would help raise the baby. The Nico that I have come to know would always be there in some way.