Chapter Nine
They mounted their horses with Deidre riding in front of Magnus. As they trotted towards the gate, Ceit prayed Tavish would look straight ahead, but when his horse sidestepped towards the left side of the bailey, she was aware he spotted the two dead guardsmen. Even with the shadows and the blood pooling around their heads, their means of death were obvious. Tavish’s eyes darted to Ceit as he moved back next to her. She saw his nostrils pinch closed as he sucked in air. She watched the vein pulsing in his neck and his temple once again.
“I amnae going to pull Whisky to a stop again, but dinna think for even a moment that this is over.” Tavish seethed and spoke through gritted teeth.
The small group rode for close to an hour before Tavish trusted it was safe for him to stop with Ceit. He was furious that she risked her life by sneaking away, and he was livid that she took on the two guards by herself. He was not even sure after an hour of riding if he had the calm to form a complete sentence. He looked down and saw his hands were still shaking.
“Magnus, we will catch up to ye in a little while. Listen for ma call.” Tavish looked over at Ceit after he saw his brother nod his head. Magnus was too intent on Deirdre to turn back and look. “Ye with me now.”
Ceit sighed and moved her horse to the side of the road.
This will be quite the dressing down. I dinna assume I will be getting any kisses this time though I wouldnae mind a repeat of earlier. That was the most amazing thing that has ever happened. Oh Lord, he’s walking over, and if I didna ken he wouldnae harm me, I’d be bluidy terrified. This is the warrior, and that’s it.
Tavish raised his arms and waited for Ceit to lean over. He pulled her from the saddle and pulled her tight against him.
“Ye are due for a reckoning. I dinna blame ye for getting trapped by the wolf. Ye hadnae gone that far, and it might have happened to me as easily as it happened to ye. But today. Today. I canna even put into words. If ye were ma wife, I’d turn ye over ma knee. I’ve half a mind to do just that. I have never, ever, considered spanking a woman before. Nae out of anger or even during love play, but ye, ye are pushing me past the brink.”
Tavish grasped her wrist and tugged her towards a fallen log. His grip tightened like a manacle, but Ceit sensed that if she tried to break loose, he would release her. She wondered if he would bend her over his knee when they arrived at the log. Instead, Tavish put light pressure on her shoulders and sat beside her.
“Explain.”
“Explain? Ye mean why I went to help Deirdre or why I protected the rest of ye?”
Tavish left forth a growl and a string of curses, some of which had never before reached Ceit’s ears.
“What in the name of all the angels and saints do ye mean ye were protecting us? Are ye that vain to presume ye would single-handedly save the four of us? Ye were more likely to get yerself killed.”
“But I didna.”
“Nae this time.” Tavish ground his teeth and tried not to spit out his words, but his terror and anger coagulated into a pool of fury. “Do ye ken why the Sinclairs are always victorious? Do ye ken why all four brothers and our da live despite the battles we’ve fought? We survive because we dinna go off on our own. We fight back to back, never alone. That is why I stayed with Magnus. It was his fight, but dinna suppose for a moment I wouldnae have jumped in if he was in danger of harm or death. But ye, ye decided to creep off without telling anyone. Ye decided to take on two grown, trained guardsmen with just yer three dirks without telling anyone and by yerself. Ye may have gone to help Deirdre, but ye came out of the shadows a goodly distance from where she encountered Mary. Ye didna stay with her. Ye went off alone. Do ye have any idea the fear that slammed through me when I couldnae see ye, when I couldnae find ye, when I didna ken where ye were? Do ye understand the panic I was in to find ye? Mayhap ye realized ma relief once I kenned ye were safe, but ye havenae any clue what those minutes were like. I had to choose between ye and ma brother. Do ye ken who I chose, dammit?” Tavish hung his head, and his shoulders shook. When he looked up, his eyes filled with sadness rather than anger.
Ceit listened to all Tavish said. It was all very reasonable, and it all made sense, but she was used to doing things on her own. She was not accustomed to being accountable to anyone except for a few. Tavish’s last words were the ones that forced a lump into her throat. She had no idea, and had not even considered, he might have to choose between her and his brother. This brought on waves of guilt she tried to swallow down. She blinked several times but refused to allow the tears to fall. It was not pride that made her struggle to control her emotions. She did not want Tavish to assume she cried to manipulate him. He was entitled to his anger.
“Ceit, I saw how those men died. There is nay way this is the first time ye’ve done this. Ye have some serious explaining to do. How did ye ken? How did ye have the strength?”
These were questions that Ceit had hoped to avoid. She would not share secrets that were not her own. She did not want to lie to Tavish, but she did not want to endanger him either.
“I grew up in the Highlands just as ye. I’ve been hunting plenty of times, so I ken where the weakest spots are to kill an animal. A man is nae different.”
Tavish looked at her as though she was a stranger.
“Ye are nae only selfish but ye are a liar too,” he whispered as he stood. “When we return to court, I will speak to the king. We will nae marry.”
Tavish moved toward his horse and was ready to mount when Ceit ran after him, grasping his arm.
“I amnae a liar. I didna say aught that was false.”
“Nay. It’s worse. Ye lied by omission. Ye must find me a stupid mon if ye assumed I wouldnae see past what ye said to what ye’re hiding. I dinna want a devious wife. I dinna trust ye anymore.”
Tavish put his foot in the stir up and pulled himself up until a solid weight pulled him backwards. The momentum of his large body changing planes was enough nearly to knock them both to the ground.
“Tavish, wait.” Ceit had no desire to share the information she held in secret or what she did, but the stakes were much higher than she expected. She was not willing to let Tavish walk away, and she was certain she did not want him to presume the worst of her. “Please come back and sit with me. I will tell ye all I can and answer all of yer questions that I can.”
Tavish’s heart constricted so tight he feared he was about to have apoplexy and breathe his last. His head pounded, and for the first time since his mother died, he worried he might cry. The disappointment of discovering Ceit was not as he perceived crushed him. He would not marry a woman he was unable to trust, not only for his sake but for his clan’s. He was the laird’s son. He did not have the luxury of making such a mistake. He wanted to shake his head and ride on to meet Magnus, but Ceit looked so forthright that he nodded. She was not begging, bribing, or bargaining with him. Her request was earnest.
They walked back to the log, and once they sat, Ceit reached for Tavish’s hand but snatched hers back when she realized what she was doing. Tavish wanted the contact. He wanted to tell himself this was not the end. He pulled her hand into his lap and entwined her fingers. Her hands had gone cold, and he brought her other hand in between his and rubbed them. The heat from his body warmed her, and she smiled tightly before speaking.
“Ye ken ma clan is persona non grata within most of Scotland. When ma father’s cousin died at Greyfriars, there was a division among the lairds. Most followed the king, but there were still a few that followed ma cousin once removed. It was a dangerous time to be related to him. Ma father made sure that ma sisters and I were all taught to defend ourselves. As the oldest of the girls, I took on a duty to protect ma sisters, and so I did everything to learn and practice. I got good at throwing dirks and handling them in a close fight. When ma uncle fled, the anger towards ma clan resurfaced. Ma father has done what he can to distance us and his earldom from his brother, but blood is thicker than water, and most see the Comyns as all of one kind. Ma father was doubly insistent that we be able to protect ourselves.
“When word reached ma uncle that I was to travel to court, he sent a messenger to tell ma father I must spy for him. We would have refused, but along with the messenger, he sent a mercenary to kidnap ma brother. It wasna until after I reached court that I received word that he released ma brother, but nae before he was beaten. The man in the passageway ye saw was one of ma uncle’s men. When the king and queen received me, they gave me the same task but for the opposite side. The king wanted to ken what I kenned aboot ma father’s loyalty and ma uncle’s activities. I told him that ma uncle kidnapped ma brother, and at the time, I didna yet ken if they would release him. I also kenned naught aboot ma uncle. I hadnae seen him in a long time. He and ma father werenae that close.
“The king kens he has spies in his midst, and he kens some come from the other side of the border. I am tasked to find these men and discover what I can. If I perceive them to be a threat, I am to report back to the king. However, once or twice, the men realized what I was doing. It was me or them. Ma uncle has sent men to intimidate me into cooperating. One tried to take liberties I didna plan to offer. He ended the same way as the men back at Crichton. I dinna like what I do. I dinna agree with it, but I have sisters and a brother to consider. I canna say nay to either side. I must balance their demands and keep ma family alive.”
Tavish attempted to absorb all she explained. His would-be betrothed was a spy and basically a mercenary. He watched her as she spoke, and he saw no prevarication or avoidance. She was truthful and explained far more than Tavish ever expected to be told. Part of him was fascinated by what she revealed, but it horrified an equal part. His horror came not from what she did but from the fact that any man, let alone three, would demand she spy for them, demand she risk her life for them.
Tavish realized she shared all she intended to and was looking desperately from him to the ground. The defiance leached out of her and left her looking demoralized and worn down. Tavish lifted her off the log and placed her on his lap. He wrapped his arms around her, and she tucked her head under his chin.
What do I say to all of this? Do I want to bring a spy into ma clan? Even if she isnae spying any longer, can I trust her the way I once did? For the love of Christ, I ken what I want for maself, but this isnae aboot just me. Can I take her away from court and nae go back to Dunbeath? I dinna want to turn away from her. I would still find a way to marry her. Ma esteem for her grows as I learn more aboot her. Bluidy hell, this is hard. I admire her for what she can do and what she has done for her family. I am terrified of what may happen to her when one of these days an encounter goes vera wrong. But I canna risk ma clan. What the hell do I do?
Ceit wrapped her arms around Tavish’s waist and breathed in his scent. The tears she had fought so valiantly to keep at bay now slid down her cheek to her chin before dripping into her lap. She tried to calm her breathing, but the air caught in her throat as she struggled to keep from sobbing.
I dinna want to do this anymore. I didna ever want to do this, but I’m trapped. I just want to run away, far away, with Tavish and nae look back. I dinna want to go back to court. Holy Mary and Joseph, canna I just have ma life back? I accept I want a life with Tavish.
“We will work this out. I willna let anyone keep ye trapped. I would run away with ye too, but it willna keep ye safe. Someone, one of the king’s men or one of yer uncle’s, would find us. I willna risk ye.”
Ceit leaned back and searched Tavish’s face.
How did he ken what was in ma mind?
“Ye spoke aloud, lass. I dinna have a solution at hand, but I am glad that ye told me the truth. Is there aught more I should ken? What else do ye assume ye need to hide to protect me or yer family? I canna help ye if I dinna ken.”
At this, Ceit hesitated. Her brow wrinkled as she tried to decide what else to tell him.
“Ceit, it’s all and naught short of it. I canna have a wife who keeps secrets. It isnae just aboot me. I must remember ma clan. I’m the laird’s son. It isnae as simple as wanting ye and having ye. Ma father agreed to this betrothal because he was informed ye are a good match for me, and the king must have a reason for it. I would ken if he expects ye to spy on us. Does he suspect us of being disloyal?”
“I canna answer that last question as I didna even ken we were to be betrothed until ye told me. Nay one else has addressed the arrangement.” She pulled her arms back and unlatched his hands from her waist. She entwined her fingers with his. “I dinna ken if I can tell ye all yet. I dinna want to put ye in danger. Watching that wolf leap at ye was the most dreadful thing I have ever seen. I feared ye would die before ma eyes. I dinna want to do aught that risks yer life.”
“And ye would argue being kept in the dark is safe for me? How can I protect either of us, prepare for a threat, if I dinna ken where it might come from? Mo chridhe, I dinna want chattel as ye accused me of. I told ye I want a partner. I want someone who I can trust and rely on, but I also want ma wife to ken she can trust and rely on me. It has to go both ways.”
Ceit nodded and took a deep breath. Shame at what she was about to admit washed over her. She swallowed the nausea that rose with the bile in the back of her throat. She shut her eyes because she dared not look at Tavish when she admitted her last secret. A secret that only minutes ago she was determined not to share.
“Ma uncle would have me seduce the king. He would have me become his mistress or at least have him bed me often enough to learn more. If given the opportunity, he would have me kill the king but at the least try to get the king to share secrets with me.” Ceit’s throat was scratchy as she whispered the last part of her instructions. “If I canna do that, I am to seduce and kill his brother, Edward, when he arrives from Ireland.”
Tavish stared over Ceit’s shoulder because he was not sure he was ready to look at her. He did not want her to imagine his anger was once again directed at her. His anger stemmed from fear for her wellbeing. This time, however, there was raw fury directed to her uncle. He had no desire to forgive her father, or the king either, for putting her in this position.
“Tav, say something please.”
Tavish looked down to see Ceit chewing on her top lip and trying to hold back tears. He noticed his silence was making her worry he would turn against her.
“I’m bluidy angry that the men in yer life would so manipulate ye. I would kill yer uncle for even suggesting let alone expecting ye to whore yerself to the king and his brother. I would rail against yer father for ever letting ye out of his sight. And I would take issue with the king for using a woman in such a callous manner after all that has happened to the women of his family. I direct none of ma anger at ye. It was earlier because I couldnae control ma fear. Now,” he shrugged, “I would do aught to protect ye, Ceit. Nae only because someone arranged for us to wed. I would do aught I can because I want to. I want ye as ma wife. I understand now why ye hid what ye did. But I warn ye of two things, so hear me well, lass. Dinna lie again. Even if yer heart argues it is protecting me or anyone ye care aboot. Lie to others if ye must, but never me. I will always be on yer side. And dinna put yerself in danger. I am getting used to bickering with ye, and I would miss it if aught happened to ye. With God’s blessings, one day ye will be the mother of our children. I canna change ma duties as a warrior to ma clan. I dinna want our children to be orphans.”
“Children?” Ceit had not planned that far ahead.
“Aye. If the Lord blesses us that’s what happens when a couple marries. Do ye ken how that happens?” Tavish was uneasy. He did not want to give her an anatomy lesson when they were sitting by the road with their horses chomping in sight. It had been different earlier when their passions were alive. It seemed natural then.
“Dinna fash, Tavish. I ken how it happens. I simply hadnae considered it.” Ceit tilted her head to the side and wrapped a lock of his hair around her finger. “All of ye brothers look alike. I hope that our sons would look like ye. There seems a good chance they would. I would have our daughters have yer smoky brown eyes too.”
Tavish threaded his fingers into her hair and cradled her nape as he brought his mouth to hers.
“Nay. I would have our children get yer eyes with the sparks of gold and green that dance in them when ye are being fierce.”
The kiss started with a small spark as they seemed to investigate and learn each other all over again. By mutual silent agreement, it grew into a raging inferno. Their hands roamed over one another, and Tavish lifted Ceit to straddle him. He pushed her skirts up and slid his fingers along the apex of her thighs.
“I would have ye come apart in ma arms again. I would claim ye as mine, but I will wait for that until we are wed. In the meantime, I want to pleasure ye. Ye willna be anyone’s mistress. Ye willna warm any bed other than ours. Ye are mine, Ceit. Only mine. Just as I am only yers.”
A concern rattled at the back of his mind as he sunk his fingers into her slick sheath.
I pray she remembers that when we return to court. There is bound to be someone other than Lady MacAdams I ken. I pray whomever it is doesnae ruin things between us.
Her fingers wrap around the bare skin of his cock. She hesitated, and Tavish ended their scorching kiss.
“Stroke me, mo sheillean beag. Up and down. Aye, that’s it. Dear God and all the angels yer touch is divine.”
“I’m doing it right?” Her voice wavered with uncertainty.
“Ye couldnae do it better. If ye keep it up, I will be the one coming apart in yer arms.”
“I would like that vera much.”
Their kiss resumed with muted moans and groans as they worked one another to release. Ceit rocked her hips as the deep ache from before crawled up from her core. Tavish’s bollocks tightened, and he leaked onto her fingertips. She tightened her grip slightly and increased her speed. Intuition told her to add a twist to her wrist. Tavish’s responding growl reassured her she had been right. His fingers worked hard and faster, and before she stopped herself, she was screaming out his name.
“Tavish!”
Tavish followed her over the edge with her name on his lips.
“Ceit!”
Once they untangled themselves, they remounted and rode hard to catch up to Deidre and Magnus. The other couple were already setting up camp when Tavish and Ceit arrived. Tavish unsaddled their horses as Ceit moved to help Deirdre cook. With the food ready, they ate mostly in silence. Both Magnus and Deirdre looked exhausted but for different reasons. Ceit looked at Magnus’s wounds, satisfied they were healing. Deidre had been hungry and tired after days of being locked away. They settled down together and were oblivious to the other couple.
“Tavish, what are ye doing with ma bedroll? We arenae going through this again.”
“Ye’re right aboot that. I amnae in the mood to wait until ye’re asleep to put ye where ye belong.”
“Och, and where is that?”
“Ma arms,” Tavish stood with his feet apart and crossed his arms.
“Dinna bother with that. Ye dinna intimidate me,” she stepped up to his toes and crossed her own arms, “Nae when I ken how tender ye can be when ye bring ma body alive and when ye find release in ma hand.”
Tavish growled and wrapped one arm around her waist.
“Ye play with fire, mo sheillean beag. Ye are more like a moth right now, and ye are aboot to get burned. Have it yer way, but dinna be surprised when ye wake somewhere ye werenae when ye fell asleep.”
Tavish used his other hand to capture her chin and pressed a hard kiss on her mouth before unceremoniously dumping her on her bedroll.
“I’ll take the first watch,” Tavish announced to no one and everyone.