Chapter 3 – Harriet
It was the last thing that I owned of real value. I had sold everything else throughout the week. But it wasn’t enough and finally I had to get rid of the necklace that Damien had given me the night I gave myself to him. It seemed like a century ago, but it was only mere months. How could so much go wrong in a short few months?
Looking down at my stomach and patting it with a hand, I smiled to myself. It had been longer than a few months. I knew that my time was drawing there soon and it was the last thought that I needed to make up my mind. It wasn’t that I wanted to get rid of the necklace that meant so much to me, but our child inside of me was worth more. I knew I had to do anything that I could to make sure that our child lived and had everything he needed. There was no way that I was going to let my aunt take the baby, even though I knew that was exactly what she planned to do. It was what my parents wanted, because it was what was best for me in their eyes.
It was all I ever heard and I knew that it had nothing to do with me, but their own objections to people taking about them. How could they have raised such a daughter with such low morals?
I laughed a little too bitterly to myself with the thought. I was not under a presumption. I knew exactly what they thought of me and in a way, I just really didn’t care. I cared enough to stay away from town of course, for their sakes though, more than my own. I was perfectly happy to just be away from everyone that I had known. I wish I could get away from the aunt as well and her nasty mouth, but I knew deep down that she was my saving grace.
Holding onto the necklace in a tight grip, I went down to the blacksmith. I had talked to him the day before when I was trying to get him to buy some other things that I had, but he was not interested. He was interested in a gift for his wife and I told him that I had just the thing he was looking for.
When I got there, he waved to me and gave me a motion that he would be there in a few minutes time. I waited and watched him work, feeling out of place in the dirty stand. There were bits of metal everywhere, so much so that it had piled up in some areas. I wasn’t sure what it was all from, but I got a sense that things were created there, magnificent things.
Some of the swords cooling and leaning against one wall were made of the best quality and even just a common woman like me knew that they were swords fit for the nobility. It reminded me of Damien. Everything seemed to do that lately as I found myself more emotional from the pregnancy. I imagined that one of them was for him, as he fought some war away from me. It made my eyes start to glisten a little and I wiped at the wetness before I was caught getting sentimental in the middle of a stranger’s shop.
The man finally gave me his attention and saw the redness of my eyes. He took it as I was upset about losing the necklace, but I assure him that it had nothing to do with that. “Those swords reminded me of a man I once knew that is fighting in the war.”
He shook his head. “He should be home now. Most of the men were sent home as a deal is being struck. I don’t think these swords will ever see a fight.”
His words were hard to believe because it went so far against what I had been thinking for so long. I had made up my mind that he just wasn’t coming back. But then I had to remind myself that it didn’t matter if he did or not. The truth of the matter was that whether he was alive or dead, back or gone, I would never see him again. I was sure that he wasn’t pining for me as I did for him. It was different with men.
“Well that is a good thing. We have lost too many to war as it is.”
He nodded and looked at the necklace that I handed him. Brutley just shook his head and wondered then why a woman was so captivated by pretty things to hang on themselves. It was so much smaller and flimsy feeling that anything that he was used to working with. That is why he thought to buy it, knowing that his clumsy hands would not be able to make something so delicate. An unhappy wife can bring misery to a man and his had been unhappy for some time. He was hoping a bauble would help smooth over the mess that he had gotten himself into.
“Aye we have. Are you sure you want to part with this? It must have been given to you by someone very important.”
I shook my head that it was, but then smiled. “It was, but now it is needed for something more important.”
He saw my hands on my stomach and nodded his head like he understood. I was sure that my pregnancy gave me a better price on the necklace and I knew then that I almost had enough to go. The only problem was I was still not sure where I was going. There was a thought that I needed to leave before the baby was born, but having him on my own seemed as dangerous as having him there in the house. I was torn between what to do and I didn’t even see her as I was walking passed her to the small room at the top.
“Come here girl. Where have you been? You shouldn’t be going out so much, as you get bigger. You might be recognized.”
I shook my head that it was impossible. “I don’t know anyone here and no one would recognize me. It is why I was sent so far away, was it not? So my parents would not have to feel the shame of my actions. Of this.” I moved my hand towards my stomach and sighed. I was feeling combative and there was nothing good that would come of it.
Her eyes darkened and I knew that I had gone too far. Again.
“Your parents and my sister feel the shame, no matter where you are girl.”
I sighed and tried not to flinch from her tone. She had a letter in her hand and I presumed it was from them. “Is that from mother and father?”
Her aunt nodded, but did not extend the letter for me to see. “No, it is not for your eyes, only mine.”
“Well did they at least ask how I was? Or ask how the baby was?” I was trying not to feel hopeful, but I did. All I ever wanted was for them to be happy for me, to accept the baby I carried, but my aunt’s harsh words reminded me that it would never happen.
“No dumb girl. They do not care how your bastard child is doing.”
I nodded my head, feeling defeated and no longer able to keep up the charade that her words didn’t matter to me. They did, how could they not? I was left walking a lot slower up the stairs to my small room and as soon as the door closed, I found myself in tears on my bed. I had to get out of there, but I couldn’t go home. Where was I supposed to go?
****
The older woman folded up the letter that she had just received from her sister and her husband.
“You would not guess who came to the house today sister! None other than Damien himself! Harriet never admitted that she was in love with him and he was the man that made her this way, but I know it was. Michael said he was rather forward in making sure he knew to never come back. Harriet can never know about this.
It would only just give her false hope…”