By: Ashlee Price

 

Chapter 1 – Mariah

“I don’t want to hear that again, Mariah. We’ve been together long enough that you should know by now that I’m not going to leave you.”

I didn’t know that, but I wasn’t going to say it out loud. What had been a good night was now something more because Greg hadn’t gotten what he wanted. He was always like this when push came to shove and I didn’t give in to his demands.

“You get what you want and I’m left out in the cold.”

“That’s not true, Greg, and you know it. I’ll give you everything…”

“You’ll give me everything but what I truly want.”

I sighed to myself and got up from the edge of the bed. Too many of our nights were ending in this way. It was becoming hopeless. I didn’t want to live this way anymore, but my choices were few at the moment. Why couldn’t it go back to the way things were? Why did everything have to change?

“I’m sorry, Greg, I’m just not ready yet.”

“You’re nineteen.”

I shook my head. I knew how old I was, and it wasn’t like I hadn’t heard this all before. It was the same argument over and over again.

“I know, Greg. Just give me some more time. That’s all I’m asking for. Not forever, just a little more time is all. Why does it always have to be right now?”

I could tell that I was just making him madder, so I tried to get him off the subject he was on and back to something that I could handle.

“If you think I’ve been bad, Greg, you can always spank me.”

His eyes darkened, and I could tell that he wanted to. It was a way for him to get it out, and we would both find pleasure in it. It wasn’t what he wanted, but there was always more than one way to satisfy an itch. It didn’t always have to be his way or nothing at all. I was just asking for a little compromise.

“No, you’re not roping me into that again. Not until I get what I want.”

I knew he wasn’t going to budge. This wasn’t the first time Greg had been this way. Last time he’d finally given in, but this time he just seemed angrier than ever. His green eyes flashed at me, and I was left unsure what I was supposed to do and how I was supposed to act.

When Greg got mad, he started to slam everything, and although I wasn’t afraid he would hurt me, I still flinched a little anyways. I didn’t like all of the loud noises that made it hard to think.

“I’m going out, Mariah.”

“When are you going to be back?”

I wanted a break, but I worried that I wouldn’t see him again. It was always the same abandoned feeling that came back from the past.

“I don’t know if I’m coming back.”

He knew that I feared him leaving me, and I had a good idea that was why he said it. Every time he would get mad, it was the first thing out of his mouth. My savior had turned into something else, and life wasn’t the way it used to be. The relationship was more complicated than it was worth sometimes.

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean, Mariah. If you’re not going to give me what I want, then I’m just going to have to go get it somewhere else. Isn’t that the way it is? You aren’t willing, and I’m sick of waiting.”

It was like the last chance for me to finally give in. It wasn’t that big of a deal. That’s what I told myself, but I wasn’t ready, and I knew that no amount of bullying me was going to make me ready.

After I didn’t say anything for a while, he made one last huffing sound and then walked out the door. It was the last time I was going to see him, I knew that, but I wasn’t sure how upset I was going to be about it. Greg had been there for me long ago – that was why I was with him – but I’d put up with a lot since then. He’d changed, and I was no longer in love with the man that he’d become. I couldn’t be in love with him like this.

I cried for a little while, but it didn’t last long. Greg was going to be back, even if he said he wasn’t. And I wanted to be gone when he got there. It wasn’t going to change, even though he would try and I would try. Me not wanting to have sex was still going to be there, and it was only a matter of time before we were right back in the same situation we were now.

It was time to move on. That was what I’d done when I’d gotten with him. He was the cop on duty who’d answered the call. Now it was time for me to go. He was no longer able to help me, but I was always going to have love for Greg. As much as I’d had, anyway. I didn’t know if I’d ever really loved him. I didn’t know if he’d ever really loved me, either. If he had, why wouldn’t he give me some time? If I loved him, wouldn’t I have been ready by now? Either way I looked at it, it came down to the idea that it wasn’t supposed to be.

There wasn’t much to take with me, and I carried out only what I could fit into a duffel bag. It was what I’d brought when I came to live with him, and it seemed only fitting that this was what I would leave with. I still wasn’t sure of my destination, but I knew that I wanted to get out of here before he got back. Greg would be drunk and even harder to deal with than usual. I didn’t want to be around for that.

***

“Thanks for letting me stay with you, Kimmie. I know that this is an imposition.”

“No, girl it’s all good. I never get to see you anymore, so at least now we can hang out while you figure out your next move.”

I thanked her again for letting me stay. I wasn’t sure what my next move was going to be, but I was already feeling better now that I was here. Kimmie was one of my old friends from high school, and she was also one of the few who still lived in Coloma. Everyone else had taken off to do bigger and better things. Me and her were still here, but that was something that I was about to change.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“It’s okay, Mariah. I know that you don’t want to go back to your folks’ house. No one would blame you for not wanting to go. You always have a place here with me.”

“I’m lucky to have you as a friend.”

She waved me off. We’d been through a lot together, and she knew that I would be there for her if she ever needed it. But it was me that needed a friend at the moment, and I was happy that Kimmie was still around.

Kimmie asked if I was hungry, and I told her that I wasn’t. I was still upset about the argument with Greg, and the last thing on my mind was food. I didn’t want to do anything but sleep and cry at this point. She was right, though. I had to figure something out. The problem wasn’t going to solve itself, after all.

I told her my plans and she shook her head. “You’re not going to go to bed and be sad. I won’t allow it. The only choice that you really have, Mariah, is wine or liquor.”

It was the best choice that I could think of. I didn’t want to think about anything else. Leaving Greg had been harder than I would have imagined.

“I don’t think wine is going to do it.”

She brightened up, and the dark hair on her head shifted with her expression. The pixie cut was throwing me off, since it was the first time I’d seen it, but I was already getting used to it. It suited her for some reason, matching the tattoos that she’d started to collect. I liked to collect little glass eggs, but Kimmie collected tattoos that were slowly covering every empty spot of skin that she had left.

When she came back with a couple of shot glasses and a fifth of vodka, I was happier than ever that Kimmie was still here. “I don’t know what I’m doing, Kimmie.”

“Don’t worry about it. Really. You’ve been there for me more times than I can count, so let’s drink and think about it.”

“That’s the way it’s supposed to be, us here for each other. At least you didn’t take off like Sasha and Kallie did.”

Kimmie looked away for a minute, and I had a feeling it was because she didn’t want me to see that maybe that was about to change.

“What, you’re leaving Coloma too?”

She still couldn’t look at me, and now I really felt like drinking. If my best friend was leaving, I had to ask myself what was still here for me.

“When?”

“In a couple of weeks, maybe sooner.”

“Why?”

“I got a job offer, and since I can’t really find anything around here, I need to take it. I can’t live on the wages that I’m making at the diner, and if I move, I’ll be able to get into some digital editing. It’s what I want to do, and I can’t do it here.”

Sighing to myself, I was feeling the anxiety of the unknown coming back. “Where?”

“New Orleans.”

“Isn’t that where Sasha is?”

Kimmie nodded absently and made a face when she shot the drink in her hand. The vodka was warm, but the burn was already sidetracking me from everything.

“What is she doing down there?”

She made a giggling sound and told me that I didn’t want to know.

“Why not?”

“Because you’re the sensitive one and I don’t want to shock you.”

“Come on, Kimmie, it can’t be that bad.” Just because I’d never done it didn’t mean that I didn’t know all about it. I did freakier things than most people would ever guess. I wasn’t exactly straight and narrow, I just had limits.

“She’s working for some kind of kink club. Like fetishes and stuff.”

Many things came to mind when she told me that, but I could have almost guessed that I was wrong on all counts. There were so many things that could have been put into the kink category, and although I was trying to not seem like such a baby about it, I really didn’t want to know what all Sasha was doing. I loved my friend, and I didn’t like the idea of her doing something like that, even if she wanted to. She’d always been a little out there, but we all were in a way. That was why we were such good friends. We’d been through a lot together.

“As long as she’s happy.”

“She is. From the sound of it, I don’t think she’s ever been happier. She keeps inviting me down there, and then I started looking into jobs and it just all fell into place.”

“What are you going to do about, Charles?”

Kimmie took another shot, making less of a face this time. If they were anything like mine, her taste buds were long since gone.

“I don’t know. He can come or he can stay. I haven’t told him yet, but I’m going one way or another. I just can’t stay around here anymore, Mariah. It’s just a dead end. You should come with me. Then I wouldn’t have to go alone and you don’t have to be here without Sasha and me. Wouldn’t it be good if we could get the gang back together?”

“What about Kallie?”

“Kallie is in the wind right now. When I hear from her again, I’ll try to talk her into coming down. Come with me, Mariah, come on.”

It was tempting, and after a couple more shots and a little more talk, I felt like I had my next move made. I was going to New Orleans. It sounded like a good place to start over again. I knew that my mind might change when I sobered back up, but it really felt like it was the right thing to do. Nothing was ever going to happen in the small town of Coloma.