“Delilah, sweetheart, you need to give her gripe water.”

“Mom, we’ve been over this. I’m going to a lactation consultant on Thursday. We’ll figure it out.”

“It’s nothing to do with foremilk and hindmilk,” Jeanine says. “It’s just bad luck and Emily is a colicky baby. I’m telling you, you were colicky too and gripe water always worked. Plus, you could use more bone broth in your diet.”

“Miss Gordon,” I say as politely as possible. “I’m surprised that bone broth isn’t coming out of your ears. Now what the hell is gripe water?”

Honestly, I have no clue what these two are arguing about, all I know is that our daughter has colic and has been crying for two weeks straight, I swear, from three p.m. to three a.m. Everyone is on edge.

“Gripe water is what I used to give Del,” she explains, her voice loud in order to be heard over Emily who is screaming and crying in Del’s arms as she attempts to swaddle her. “Back in the day, it had alcohol and sugar, so I’m not sure how effective it is now but it’s worth a shot.”

“I’ve read that it doesn’t help,” Del says, her voice raised and frantic, “and it can cause vomiting. I’m not giving it to her. It’s got to be something in my body, what I’m eating but I’ve cut out dairy and gluten and sugar, what can it be?”

“I’m telling you, you need more bone broth.”

I look at Del and see she’s at the breaking point, her skin wane from lack of sleep, her eyes watering, lip trembling.

It hasn’t been easy since we got back from the hospital, not even a little bit. We’re both so grateful that the baby and Del are doing well that we’ve tried not to complain about it, but let’s be honest—it’s been hell.

Because I was out fighting the fires and Emily was born prematurely, our lives weren’t really ready for her. Del had a nursery all set to go in the house she shared with her mother but ever since we left the hospital together, ever since I proposed and she, thank the lord above, said yes, we decided that it made more sense for both Del and the baby, and her mother to move into my house.

No, having your future mother-in-law live with you isn’t ideal, but she still needs helps with some things and to be honest, we need help too.

Luckily, there’s a lot of room and Jeanine has moved into Maverick’s old bedroom, while we’ve turned his old office into the nursery.

Today we’re almost done with the nursery too, only a few more finishing touches that I’ll most likely be doing myself because Del just fed Emily which in turn spurned on the next twelve hours of colic-o-rama, the worst ride in town. There’s absolutely nothing worse than the way she cries. Her little body cramps up in obvious discomfort and there’s almost nothing either of us can do to soothe her. It’s painful to watch.

And hear.

Still, Del needs a break. I need a break.

We need a moment to be alone.

“Jeanine,” I tell her. “It would mean the world to us if you could put Emily in the stroller and take her outside. Just around the block a few times. It’s sunny, it’s a gorgeous spring day. The fresh air might help her.”

“Fox,” Del says. “She can’t do that. You’re asking too much of her.”

Jeanine gives her daughter a sharp look. “I’m not crippled,” she says. Then she seems to reconsider that. “Only sometimes. Not today. I could use the fresh air and exercise too, believe it or not.” She grabs her stomach and jiggles it. “I’m not the only one who gained weight with this pregnancy.”

I know Jeanine didn’t mean anything by that since she’s usually very supportive of Del but that was the absolute worst thing to say. Del’s been extremely self-conscious about her weight gain, even though it hasn’t been much and she’s even more gorgeous to me now with soft silky curves replacing all that muscle. She glows inside and out, even when she’s only getting three hours a sleep a night.

“Thanks a lot,” Del cries out. “I’m trying my best. Everyone always says that with breastfeeding you drop, like, fifty pounds at once, like splat, it goes out with the milk.” I wrinkle my nose at her analogy. “But it’s not working at all with me.”

“You look fine Del,” I try to reassure her. “You look better than fine. You look like a warrior, a powerful human being who brought a life into this world.”

She gives me the most unimpressed look. “Oh, cut the crap, Fox. I’m hideous.”

Jeanine gets to her feet and takes the baby from Del’s arms. “I’m going to take her out before you two start killing each other. Remember that you love each other and everything is going be okay.” She smiles at Emily and takes her down the stairs to where the stroller is by the front door. I can hear her saying, “Grandma is here to save the day again.”

We don’t breathe, we don’t look at each other until we hear the front door close and the crying starts to fade away as Jeanine and Emily head down the street.

“Thank you for that,” Del says quietly, leaning back against the couch. “I was starting to lose my mind.”

Her words are a trigger for me so I sit up straighter and take her hands in mine. “You are okay though, right? You just have the baby blues, it’s nothing more serious? You know you have to tell me if you’re having any bad thoughts, Del.”

She gives me a weak smile, her head lolling to the side. “I’m just tired. Don’t worry. I’m not thinking anything bad, I just want nothing more than to have a good night’s sleep. I want to be able to eat the things I had to cut out for Emily. Like a pizza. A big pizza with extra helpings of gluten. And cheese. So much cheese.”

“I promise you we have a whole future of extra glutton cheese pizzas ahead of us.”

“And beer. And wine.”

“And everything you want. And peace and quiet and long restful sleeps.”

She laughs, the most beautiful, joyous sound in the world. This is the best part of being engaged to her, knowing I’ll be spending the rest of my life trying to make this incredible woman laugh.

“You do know that we have to be parents beyond this colicky stage and I don’t think we’ll have peace and quiet or solid sleep until Emily is like eight years old, right?”

“I choose to be optimistic.”

She looks me up and down and grins. “Wow. You really have changed.”

“In some ways, yes,” I tell her, leaning over her until my nose brushes against hers. “In some ways I’m exactly the same.” I run my hands down the sides of her arms, wanting more but trying to be as respectful as possible.

Other than a few kisses and hugs, we haven’t been all that physical with each other. I’ve wanted to, of course. I’ve never not wanted to. Even when it’s four a.m. and I’ve fallen asleep in the recliner with Emily on my chest and a hairdryer in my hand (the sound stops her from crying), if I happen to see Del padding into the kitchen to get a glass of water, I want her. She’s just the sexiest thing on earth in every way shape or form, and that will never go away.

But I’m used to functioning on little to no sleep and in some ways, taking care of a newborn is a lot like fighting a forest fire, albeit an unpredictable one that rarely responds to any of your techniques. I also wasn’t the one who had to go through the physical transformation that Del did.

“Fox,” she whispers.

I glance up at her with my brows raised, my hands resting at her hips, ready to back off.

“I don’t think I’m ready for that,” she says like she’s embarrassed. “I’m not confident. I’m not ready for you to…touch me.”

It hurts to hear that but I’m learning not to take things so personally. “I totally understand,” I tell her, placing a soft kiss on her forehead. “Whenever you are ready, you know where I am. How about we take advantage of this quiet though and finish up with the nursery.”

She agrees to that and I help her to her feet.

The nursery is between our bedroom and her mother’s so it’s the perfect location for either one of us to be there in a moment’s notice. Del opted to paint it a soft yellow since she’s not really a fan of pink and the other day we stuck fluffy clouds on the ceiling. All that’s left is to pick which mobile we want and hang it up.

One of them has the sun and moon and stars.

The other one has squirrels.

Yeah.

The squirrels were Del’s idea.

“I miss Conan,” Del says with a sigh, picking up the squirrel mobile and gazing at it as she spins it around.

“But he’s only living with Shane and Rachel for a few more months until we get settled, and then he’ll be back here. So Emily won’t be missing out. Plus, Conan can live into his twenties. We’ll have that furry bastard for a long time.”

She laughs again. “I know. But I still miss him. I miss having something that doesn’t cry all the time.”

Even though she had literally just told me not to touch her, I grab her by the waist and pull her to me. “Are you talking about me or Emily?”

She grins at me. “I don’t know, you haven’t been whining that much lately.”

She’s right. Ever since Emily was born, ever since Del came out of the complications alive, I feel like everything for me has shifted, out of the black and into the blue. It’s hard to believe that I even had a life before Emily, like she hasn’t always existed in our lives, like I haven’t always been madly in love with Del.

And I guess I have. I know I have. It took time for my fathead to get around it but once I did it was like being shot with an arrow, only not Cupid’s variety but something big and sharp with a firecracker at the end. I fell in love with her slowly throughout the years, at such a low level that I couldn’t even detect it. Then, when I realized the truth, it hit me all at once. Loving Del started as a spark that needed just the right amount of time and heat for it to flame.

I know I lucked out. Emily is the best thing that ever happened to us and Del is the best thing that ever happened to me. Every day I count my blessings that this is the route my life decided to take though it hasn’t been without it’s struggles. You don’t learn to love yourself overnight and being sober doesn’t become easier either. But with weekly counselling sessions, I’ve managed to control my addictions and rediscover who I really am. I’ve learned to let go of the shame over my mother and that has been more freeing than anything.

“If I haven’t been whining,” I tell her, running my hand up to her face and cupping her cheek, “it’s because you’ve been so incredible. Every day you impress me more and more. I’m starting to think you might not be human.”

“Oh, I’m human,” she says. “A very tired human who is just trying her best.”

“And your best is a ray of sunshine, darling.”

She closes her eyes and leans in, giving me a soft smile and a kiss on the lips. “Are you trying to butter me up for something?”

“Just being honest. I love you to the moon and back.”

She pulls back and bites her lip and a flash of something carnal, something I haven’t seen for a very long time, comes over her. “You’re too good to me. Best father in town.”

“Am I?” I ask curiously.

She nods and her hands slip down to my pants, undoing the button and pulling down the fly.

My brows raise.

I wasn’t expecting this.

Not at all.

“I know I’m in a weird place now,” she says, her voice becoming low and throaty. “And my body doesn’t feel like my own anymore. But until it does, I can do something for you.”

Jesus.

“Are you sure?” I ask. “You don’t have to…”

But fuck, please, please do.

She drops down to her knees, pulling down my jeans and then my boxer briefs.

I can’t think. I know we probably shouldn’t do this in the nursery and I know that Jeanine and Emily could be back at any minute but…

She takes my cock in her hands, and I’m so warm, so fucking stiff, raring to go.

I’d barely been masturbating since Emily was born, there’s just been no fucking time for it. I know I’m not going to last long.

“Del,” I croak, my hands sinking into my hair. “You…”

She slides her tongue up and down my shaft expertly, taking her time around my balls, over the hardened ridge, the swollen tip before putting me in her mouth.

“God, your gorgeous mouth,” I whisper and already I’m feeling everything inside me tighten, pressure winding around and around, building up the energy that’s begging to unleash.

She murmurs something back and the vibrations make my eyes roll back in my head. Every hair on my body is alive, every inch of my skin hums from the sweet sucking of her mouth around my cock.

“Darling, don’t stop,” I manage to say, choking on my words. “Suck more. Harder.”

She does, her mouth getting sloppy, more wet, her teeth razing my skin just the way I like it. I hold her head just right, thrusting up into her mouth.

“Suck, suck…more.”

She groans again, getting into it and that’s all I need to unleash myself.

“Fuck,” I cry out hoarsely. “I’m coming, I’m…”

She gives me one last, long hard suck and I’m gone.

I grunt loudly like an animal, my hands tugging at her hair, my hips jerking as the orgasm tears through me and my cum shoots hard into the back of her throat. It doesn’t end there, it just keeps coming and coming, my groans bouncing off the walls.

I’m seeing stars.

Galaxies.

Black spots that come into focus and fade.

“Fuck me,” I say helplessly. “That was…”

I let go of her hair even though it makes me a little unstable and she gets to her feet, swallowing proudly. She smiles, a big infectious smile that makes this blow job that much better. “I think you needed that.”

“I did. And I need you. I love you,” I tell her, pulling her to me, wrapping my arms around her while my spent cock presses against her thigh. “You know it’s for a lot more than spectacular blow jobs but I love you Del. I love you.”

“I love you too,” she says to me, curling up into my arms. “I love you, the baby, this life. This everything.”