“Where the hell is Fox?” Rachel yells. “Where is he, where is he, where is he?”

We’re currently in the upstairs bathroom of the Nelson farmhouse and she’s seconds away from slipping into a panic attack. It might have something to do with the fact it’s her wedding day and there’s not only a thunderstorm approaching, but the bartender called in sick, her makeup artist got the dates wrong, and Fox is nowhere to be found. Also the fact that the wedding starts in about thirty minutes and Rachel just tore a hole in the bottom of her dress as she walked past some brush.

Suffice to say, she’s just in her strapless bra and underwear now, panicking, fluttering her hands around her and I’m doing my best to dab the tissues under her eyes and keep her mascara from running down her face. “Honey, I don’t know. Damn, I wish Riley had used waterproof mascara on you.”

“Oh my god, it’s being ruined isn’t it?” Rachel sobs, trying to turn to get a look at herself in the mirror.

I hold her tight in place. “No, I’m fixing it, you look beautiful and everything is going to be fine.”

“Okay,” she sniffs. “Wow, you have like kung-fu grip man hands.”

I narrow my eyes at her. “They are not man hands, they’re just strong from opening so many bottles and throwing losers out of the bar. Now hold still or I’ll poke your eye out.”

Because the makeup artist didn’t show, Riley had to do her makeup this morning instead. Honestly, she did an amazing job considering she doesn’t wear too much makeup herself and isn’t a pro.

But that’s not making Rachel feel any better.

“This is horrible,” she whines.

“Everything is going to be fine,” I reassure her just as there’s a knock at the bathroom door. “Come in.”

It’s Riley, also looking gorgeous in her bridesmaid dress, with a stain remover pen in hand. “I found one. Actually it’s your mom’s, Del.”

Oh yeah, the stain remover is for me. I was drinking red wine earlier, trying to calm my own maid-of-honor nerves and I spilled it on myself, which didn’t help Rachel’s stress level.

“How’s the dress?” Rachel asks her.

“She’s almost done.” My mother has Rachel’s dress and is in the living room downstairs trying to sew up the parts that ripped, meanwhile Vernalee is running around the Nelson property trying to keep the circus together. “It’s going to be fine, Rach,” Riley adds. “Dress looks perfect.” She hands me the stain remover pen and looks at me, impressed. “Your mom is all sorts of genius, Del.”

I take it from her and start dabbing the pen on the bodice of the dress, right over the red wine stain. I’ve already blotted out most of it with warm water and luckily Rachel put us in navy dresses so it’s not as bad as it could have been. “My mother was a professional nanny taking care of me and three rambunctious boys. She’s fucking Mary Poppins.”

“Wow,” she says softly.

It’s rare for Riley to say anything softly so I pause my pen in mid-dab and look at her. “What?”

“Nothing. It’s just…I know I haven’t been here all that long but being with Mav and you guys, it’s just sort of amazing that your mom was able to raise them and they all turned out to be such normal, good dudes.”

“To be fair, Hank raised them too. He did most of it. My mom was just there.”

She has this dreamy look in her eyes. “Still. To think of all three of those boys being here growing up, to see them get bigger, smarter, stronger. I envy you both, you know. You both got to grow up with them, see them how they were and how they are now.”

Rachel snorts. It’s the first time today she’s sounded remotely amused. “Riley, you’re seeing Maverick’s highlight reel. Believe me, you wouldn’t have wanted to be there through all of their awkward boners and voice changes and sibling dramatics.”

“I don’t know,” she says with a sigh. “You all have this history and it feels like I’m starting from square one.” She goes to the window and looks down at the fields as if she’s imagining our childhood. I glance over and see the crowd, hear their murmurs float up. All the chairs have been set up for the ceremony, the altar by a lone pine tree with the backdrop of the river and town behind it. Tents are currently being erected for the reception, which is adding to the chaos. They should have been set up before but, well, that was another thing that went wrong. Now people are hustling trying to beat the oncoming storm.

“But that’s just the way you and Mav found each other,” I tell her, grabbing a hand towel and blotting the rest of the stain remover from my dress. “You wouldn’t have worked if you had met him back then. I mean, the other day Fox told me that he had a crush on me in high school and that he thought we would end up together but in the end it just didn’t work out.”

A thick silence falls over the room, the only sound the dripping tap. I look up to see them staring at me.

“What?”

“Fox told you that?” Rachel asks in disbelief.

“I am so not surprised,” Riley says, folding her arms across her chest and making her boobs practically pop out of the V-neck halter of the dress. I definitely don’t fill it that well. “When?”

I tell them cautiously, not sure how much to share, “Here, the other night. When I acted like an idiot and ran to the barn because apparently I’m not very good at hiding my emotions.”

“What did you guys talk about?” Riley asks. “Like, how did it get on that topic?”

“And wait a minute,” Rachel says, holding up her hand. “Wait a minute. You just said you were hiding your emotions. What emotions, Del?”

Ah shit. I did just say that, didn’t I? Sometimes I forget what I’ve admitted to people other than myself. The list is very short.

I sigh and lean back against the wall, dabbing my dress out of habit now. “I, uh. I wasn’t a fan of Julie. Let’s put it that way.”

“Because…” Riley coaxes me.

“Because… I was jealous.”

“Because…” Rachel adds.

I take in a deep breath and exhale noisily. I look at the both of them and display my hands. “Because I like Fox and I want to be with him. I mean…I love him. I’m in love with him. I’m hopelessly, terribly in love with that man and I think I’m losing my mind every fucking day.”

In unison they both make this little squealing sound, stamping their shoes on the bathroom floor, big, smug smiles on their faces.

“You guys, this isn’t a good thing,” I tell them quickly. “This is in fact a very bad thing.”

“Love is never bad, Del,” Rachel says.

“Easy for you to say! You’re getting married in like, shit, ten minutes to the love of your life. Love is great for you.” I point at Riley before she can say anything. “And you, missy, you’re standing here complaining that you didn’t get to grow up with the love of your life. I mean, talk about looking for something to get upset about. You guys just bought a place together, it’s only a matter of time before you guys get married too, or whatever.”

“We’re not getting married,” Riley says and though she’s rolling her eyes, there’s a hint of tension in her voice. “Maverick isn’t that type.”

“Yeah right!” I exclaim. “He’s crazy for you and you know it. Whatever way Mav was before, he’s a different man with you.”

“But this isn’t about me,” she says.

“No, it’s about Rachel.”

“No, it’s about you and Fox,” Rachel says. “What the hell, Del? Do you know how long we’ve been waiting for you to finally admit that you like him? This is huge!”

“It’s not huge.” At least, that’s not the part that’s huge.

“So he’s now single…” Riley says innocently.

“So?”

“So go and make your move.”

“Riley, you don’t just make your move on a guy you’ve been friends with forever.”

No, in my case, they apparently make the move on you.

Then act like nothing happened.

Then disappear.

“You know Fox feels the same as you,” Rachel muses.

“Why? How?” I say, a little too quickly. “Did he say anything to you?”

She shrugs and pulls up her strapless bra a little higher. “No, he didn’t say anything to me. I doubt he’d say anything to anyone. I doubt he even knows it himself. But you know we’ve all thought you guys have had the biggest, maddest crushes on each other and if you’re finally admitting the way you feel, then you should maybe admit it to him.”

“Or at least tell him you want to jump him and get yourself laid,” Riley says.

“That’s a terrible idea,” Rachel chides her.

“Why?” I ask, my skin growing hot.

“Oh come on,” Rachel says. “You sleeping with Fox would be a major mistake.”

“Why, why, why would that be mistake?”

“You can’t just sleep with him, not when you’ve been in love with him your whole life.”

“But if he feels the same way…”

“Guys get confused when sex enters the picture. It makes them feels things in a different way. I just think you should sort your feelings out for each other first before you do that. Otherwise, you might be setting yourself up for heartache. I mean, can you imagine if you have a fling with him and it doesn’t go anywhere? How awkward that would be for you guys. And us.”

I press my lips together, feeling like she just dumped a whole vat of ice water on me. Thank god I didn’t discuss this with her earlier, before I had spoken to Fox and thank god Fox seemed to want our relationship to go back to the way it was. Okay, well maybe I’m not thanking god for that because I do want more but I guess it could have been worse.

“Del,” Riley says slowly as she peers at me. “Del, did you sleep with Fox?”

“Oh come on,” Rachel says but her smile fades when I don’t immediately say anything. “Oh my god. Delilah Gordon, did you have sex with Fox Nelson?”

“It sounds extra weird when you use our full names,” I admit quietly.

“Oh my god!” Riley and Rachel exclaim in unison, their eyes bugging out of their heads, mouths dropped.

“Rachel!” a voice yells and the door to the bathroom starts shaking from someone pounding on it. “You have to go now! Wedding is starting, like, fucking now.”

It’s Maverick.

Riley flings the door open which causes Rachel to scream and grab a towel from the rack and attempt to cover her bra and underwear.

“Oh like I haven’t seen that before,” Maverick says as he steps in the bathroom. He looks handsome as hell, clean-shaven, wearing a well-fitted tuxedo.

“Rachel needs her dress before she can go out there,” I say, gesturing to her.

Riley grabs his arm. “Did you know that Fox and Del fucked?”

“What?!” Mav exclaims loudly, staring at me with the same expression Riley is. “When?”

“Is he here yet?” Rachel asks Mav, tugging on his other arm.

He shakes his head, blue eyes focused on me. “No, he’s not. Del where is he?”

“I don’t know!” I throw out my arms. “I haven’t talked to him at all since he’s been gone.”

“Did you guys fuck before he left?” Mav asks.

“Oh stop being so vulgar,” Rachel says, smacking him now. Then she looks to me. “But, did you? When did this happen?”

“Rachel, I’m done!” my mom yells, suddenly appearing in the doorway with the wedding dress in hand. “Are you guys having a party in here? I smell booze.”

“Delilah and Fox slept together,” Riley tells her.

“Riley!” I cry out.

Oh my god!

“Not cool, babe, not cool,” Mav mutters under his breath.

“What?” my mother asks, brows raised, as Rachel takes the dress from her. “Delilah?”

“Okay everyone out,” Rachel says, waving her hands around, “I have to put this on.”

“What in tarnation is going on up here?” Dick says, also appearing behind my mother. Rachel yelps again, this time covering herself with the dress.

He looks at all of us with utmost disapproval. “Enough with the lollygagging in the bathroom, get yourselves downstairs and out that door to the damn wedding!”

“Everybody out!” Rachel yells, grabbing the edge of the door. I’m about to leave the room too but she pulls me back by my elbow. “No, Del you stay. I need your help.”

“Is it true?” I hear my mother whisper to Mav on the other side of the door. “About Fox and Del?”

“Is what true?” Dick asks.

I groan and lean back against the sink, resting my head in my hands.

“Hey,” Rachel says softly, putting her hand on my arm. “It’s okay. But first, as maid of honor, you have to help me into this dress. Then, as my best friend, you have to tell me everything.”

My hands drop away and I look at her. “You just said it was a colossal mistake.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t know. Just talk to me. And help me get this damn dress on!”

She’s starting to go into panic mode again and it doesn’t help that I’m hearing the soft strains of the wedding march come through the window.

I quickly unzip the dress and help her get into it. My mother really did an amazing job with the hem, you can’t tell that it ripped at all.

“It happened the night of the breakup. He came to the bar like Riley said, all drunk and damaged and one thing led to another…”

She holds her boobs together so I can get the bodice on properly while I start to zip up the back. “What, you guys had sex at The Bear Trap?”

I can’t help but grin. “Yeah. On the pool table.”

“Oh my god.”

“I know.”

“So what…what does this mean? I mean, I want to hear the details and all but…”

“But we need to get you downstairs and to your wedding,” I fill in as I snag the hook and eye closure together. “There, you’re in. You’re done.” She slowly pirouettes around. “And you look beautiful.”

She smiles sweetly and then says, “But are you guys okay?”

I nod. “I think so. Next day I went over to talk about his squirrel—”

“His what?”

“Long story. Anyway, he acted like nothing had happened and when I wondered if things were weird now, he said nothing would ever change between us. That we’d always be friends. I never said otherwise but I guess…things are just back to normal. Like we both got it out of our system.”

She looks me closely in the eye. “Del, you just don’t get love out of your system. Not like that.”

I swallow, nod. “I know.”

“So you really haven’t talked to him? You don’t know where he is?”

“I wish I did, Rachel. You know how he is when he’s away. I’m sure he would have made it if he could have.”

“Shane is going to be so upset.”

I put my hand on her cheek. “He’ll get over it. Right now, all he cares about is you. Now come on, let’s go make you his wife.”

We head out of the bathroom and down the stairs, and then go around the corner of the house to wait for our cues. Maverick is already here, as is Vernalee, Hank and Dick. I peek around the corner and already see Shane standing at the altar with the minister.

“Rachel,” I say in awe. “Shane looks so handsome.”

She grins at me. “I’m so nervous!” she whispers harshly.

“You’re going to be fine,” Hank says, holding out his arm. Since Rachel’s father is thankfully absent and tucked away in prison somewhere, both Hank and Dick agreed to walk Rachel down the aisle together. Vernalee is here to walk Riley down the aisle in the case that Fox doesn’t show up, and so far that seems to be what’s happening.

“That’s our cue,” Vernalee says, putting her arm out for Riley. I know that traditionally, if there’s an uneven number, then the person walks alone, but I have a feeling this is more for Vernalee than it is for Riley.

She and Riley walk down the aisle between the rows of chairs, Vernalee’s grey dress and fancy hat a nice compliment to the navy blue of Riley’s dress. In the background that thunderstorm keeps churning closer and closer and just as Riley takes her place at the altar and Vernalee sits down in the front row, the sky flashes with fork lightning.

Everyone goes “ooooh” and Mav takes my arm. “Talk about a dramatic entrance, huh Del?” he says to me as we start heading down the aisle toward them, the thunder now rumbling through us, a hot, electrically charged breeze ruffling my up-do. “I can’t believe you slept with Fox,” he adds.

I keep the smile pasted on my face for the guests and talk to him out of the corner of my mouth. “I can’t believe it either.”

I take my place at the altar beside Riley and give her hand an excited squeeze for a moment, then look at Shane and grin, mouthing “yay!”

He’s looking handsome, he’s also looking wired. Not scared exactly, but anxious, nervous, a whole mess of things. I know the spot beside Maverick burns with Fox’s absence but so far Shane seems to be keeping it together.

Then Maverick leans into Shane and whispers something in his ear.

Shane’s eyes widen and he looks right at me. “You and Fox did what?” he cries out softly.

Oh my god.

Fucking Maverick!

I’m glaring at him for telling Shane now of all times, but then Riley is poking me in the side. “Hey, it’s Fox.”

I glance at her and see where she’s staring. Fox is coming out from around one of the tents, straightening his bow-tie.

I can barely believe that he’s here, he made it.

Like the rest of his brother’s, he looks devastatingly handsome, if not a little out of place, in a tux.

“He’s looking rough,” she whispers to me. “Did he just jump out of a plane to get here or what?”

He is looking a little rough, she’s right. His face is pale and ashen, eyes are hard and intense and accented by dark circles. He walks right over to the altar and takes his place beside Maverick, giving him and Shane nothing more than a nod.

He doesn’t look at me or Riley, or anyone else in the crowd, just kind of pretends that he’s always been standing at the altar like he’s supposed to.

He’s here.

And yet, I can tell in his head, he is so far away.

The music grows louder and I tear my eyes off of Fox to look at the end of the aisle where Rachel appears, Hank and Dick on either side of her as the three of them proudly walk down the aisle.

I can’t help it, I’m tearing up already from the sight of them. Dick won’t stop grinning, wearing a black cowboy hat and shiny black boots to go along with his suit.

Even though I had just helped Rachel into her dress moments ago, it’s like I’m now seeing her through new eyes. Seeing her through Shane’s eyes.

I steal a glance at him and see his eyes watering with love as he gazes at her, unable to keep the smile off his face.

Rachel, too, is having a hard time keeping it together as Dick and Hank drop her off in front of Shane and go back to their seats. Riley is sniffing from beside me and muttering something about waterproof mascara.

Shane takes Rachel’s hands in his, squeezes them and they gaze into each other’s eyes and I’m seeing a love that I can only dream about having for myself.

I can’t help it. I look past Shane to Fox and for a moment, just a moment, I meet his eyes. It’s like looking at a lover, looking at a stranger, looking at a friend.

Then he looks away.

I look back at the couple.

The minister says, “Shall we begin?”