I’ve never liked Altitudes. From the slick modern interior to the overpriced drinks and the scantily clad bartenders and cocktail waitresses, everything about this place seems desperate, including the people who come here. Sure, if you’re young and hip and looking to score, this is probably more fruitful than The Bear Trap, but you aren’t going to find much charm or sincere smiles here. It’s all about posturing and narcissism, everything I hate combined in one room and fueled by alcohol.

Which is why I found it a bit odd that Julie would text me and ask me to meet her here.

Then again, things were kind of strange between us on the drive back from the ranch after dinner last night. I asked if she wanted to spend the night but she stiffly declined, saying she had to be up early to start on some stuff for her upcoming classes. And given that we haven’t yet slept together, I took that rejection rather personally.

So I decided to keep my distance for the day and it was almost dinner time when she texted and asked if I’d meet her for a drink here. You would have thought she would have chosen The Bear Trap, given how much she’d waxed on about the place and Del, but since she’s new in town I decided to give her a pass. She’ll figure out the good places and the bad places soon enough.

When I walk in, I’m immediately accosted by shitty music blaring far too loudly for it being only seven p.m. and the bar isn’t very busy. I spot Julie sitting at a table in the corner, sipping from what looks like a margarita.

I can’t help but smile to myself, thinking about how Del would take it if Julie had asked for that at The Bear Trap. Del prides herself on stocking as few extra ingredients and liqueurs as possible, saying that when it’s just her behind there, making a drink for someone is too time-consuming and pisses off everyone else just wanting a beer. Which is probably true, but I also think that Del just likes things as simple as possible.

“This seat taken?” I ask Julie as a joke, hand on the back of the empty chair across from her. Since we haven’t been dating all that long, things are still a bit fresh and awkward between us and when she looks up at me, a tight smile on her face, I’m thinking that maybe my lame jokes aren’t quite appreciated.

“Have a seat,” she says, and I do, just as the waitress comes by.

“Fox,” the waitress says, giving me a polite smile. “I never see you around here.”

The girl’s name is Pam, someone I went to school with who never ended up leaving the town, much like me.

“Hey Pam,” I tell her. “Wanted a change of scenery. Can I get a beer?”

“What kind?” she asks and then rattles off a ton of them before I stop her and ask for a pale ale.

“You know her?” Julie asks me after Pam goes.

I shrug. “I know everyone. Went to school with her.”

“Did you date her?”

I shake my head. “No. Pretty sure Maverick did for a bit. Then again, if I happen to know everyone, he’s happened to date them.”

“He’s a nice guy.”

“Mav? Yeah. He’s alright.”

“And Shane is nice, too. Very quiet though.”

“That would be Shane. Maverick’s the playboy, or at least he was before he met Riley. Shane’s the quiet, serious one.”

“And what are you?”

It’s an innocent question and one I’m sure all three of us have been asked more than once. But for some reason, I’m drawing a blank. What am I? I used to think maybe I was the brave one but with every day that passes I’m starting to think I might not be that brave at all.

I clear my throat, trying to dispel the sense of unease. “I don’t know. You tell me.”

“I don’t know you well enough,” Julie says before she has a small sip of her drink. She’s so dainty and delicate, every movement she makes reminds me of a baby bird. It makes me feel like I can protect her, like she needs protecting even though I’m sure she doesn’t.

“But,” she continues, “from what I do know, I would consider you brave. There’s not a lot of men out there who will head right into a fire to save land and lives. It’s selfless too. You’re definitely powerful and strong. You’re quite smart. Shane might be quiet, but you’re a lot like him in that way. You’re always thinking and feeling, I can see that, even if I don’t know what it is. You keep a lot of things close to your chest. You’re guarded and that’s okay. It’s natural, especially around people you don’t know that well yet.”

“I don’t know,” I tell her as Pam hands me my beer, “it seems you might know me quite well already.”

Julie leans forward on her elbows, face resting in her hands. She really is a pretty girl. “I’ll tell you one more thing, maybe it’s something that you don’t even know.” Her smile turns crooked, forlorn. “You’re in love with Delilah.”

I stare at her blankly, just blinking for a few moments as I try to process what the hell she just said.

“I’m what?” I manage to say, my hand tightening around my beer.

She sighs softly and twists the margarita around and around, the ice clinking against the glass sides. “So maybe you don’t know it. Or you’re in denial. But I’ve seen the way you are around her Fox and it’s not the way you are with me.”

I open my mouth to say something that I know is going to sound harsh and then I say it anyway. “No offense, but I don’t love you. How could I? I barely know you. You barely know me. That’s apparent now.”

“Look, I know we’re not in love with each other. I’m just saying that you’re in love with her. And because of that, I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”

Fucking hell.

“Julie, you can’t…don’t do this.” I lick my lips, feeling panicked. “You have nothing to worry about with Delilah, she’s just a friend. She’s my oldest friend. She’s like my damn sister.”

She lets out a caustic laugh and leans back in her chair. “Fox, believe me, you can tell yourself this but you don’t look at her like a sister. When I see the two of you together, you’re staring at her practically the whole time like…I don’t know, like she fascinates you. Last night during dinner, you barely ate. You were just watching her as if you were daring her to look at you. She wouldn’t and I have my own theories about that.”

“What theories?”

“It doesn’t matter. The point is, that I can see it even if you can’t. I know she came to your house the other day.”

“Because I told you she did,” I say, not getting the problem. I’ve been nothing but honest with her.

“You wanted her to take care of your squirrel friend, not me. And not that I would because I despise rodents, but you didn’t know that.”

“I didn’t think you were the jealous type,” I grumble. I feel like everything I had is starting to slip through my fingers, the future, a world of what could have been. A way out. A chance at happiness, at peace.

I start massaging my temples, pain starting to spike inside my head. I’d left my pills at home.

“Fox,” she says, softly now. “You’re a good guy. I’m a pretty good and understanding girlfriend. I’m not jealous. I’m just telling you the truth. You and I, we aren’t going to go anywhere. You might think you can get over her by going out with me but I’m telling you, it’s not working. I was even willing to give you the benefit of the doubt until she ran off at dinner. You didn’t even hesitate. You let go of me like I was deadweight and went after her and then I knew for sure.”

I shake my head, running my hands down my face. There’s a ball of fire rising inside my stomach, growing hotter, blacker with frustration. I hate how everyone always says this. I hate how people allude to it. When the fuck did it change? When did my relationship with Del become something that our friends could speculate about? In the past, no one ever questioned the two of us and now…now I can’t even keep a fucking girlfriend because of Del.

“If you’re asking me to stop being friends with her…,” I start.

“I’m not,” she says quickly. “I’m not that type of person. I just don’t think you’ll ever find anyone or be truly happy until you face facts.”

“Julie, please, seriously.” I reach out and grab her hand across the table, squeezing it. “Just give me another chance. There isn’t much I can say to convince you but you just have to believe me.”

“No,” she says with a sad smile. “I don’t believe you. I only believe that you don’t know it yourself.” She brings her hands out of my grasp and gets to her feet. “I’m sorry Fox. But I deserve to be with someone who can give me a future and your future is wrapped up with her.”

“It isn’t,” I practically cry out, anger racing through me. My fists ball up and it takes everything inside me to keep from pounding them on the table or punching them through a wall. “It fucking isn’t.”

“I’ll see you around, okay?” Julie says and for a moment she looks not just relieved but actually wary of me.

Fuck it. Fine.

She leaves the bar and then it’s me, alone.

I don’t even want to think about what she said, it will only make me angrier and right now I’m so close to exploding. No wonder she looked a bit scared of me.

Pam chooses this moment to come by with a shot of whisky.

“Hey,” she says to me. “That was rough.”

“You heard all that?” I ask, slowly looking up at her though grateful for the whisky.

“No,” she says. “But I’ve seen enough breakups in here to know what it looks like. Though I did catch what she said about Del. You know, it’s totally none of my business, but I always thought the two of you would have ended up together.”

I stare at her for a moment and the words I told Del last night ring through my head. I assumed that we would end up together at some point.

I swallow hard. “Thanks for the drink.”

“Anytime, Fox,” she says and walks off. It’s then that I noticed her ring finger. She’s married. Of course she is, why wouldn’t she be? At my age everyone is either settling down or has already settled down a long time ago.

Obviously, not me though. Obviously, because the entire world thinks something that isn’t even remotely true.

I finish the whisky in one gulp and don’t even feel the burn.

Then I get Pam to bring me another.

And another.

Until I look and see Maverick standing over me, Riley at his side.

“You okay, brother?” Mav asks, looking me over.

I blink at him. Everything has slowed but at least the anger is buried somewhere under layers of alcohol. “What are you doing here?”

“Pam called me,” Mav says. “Says you needed a ride home.”

I look back at the bar where Pam turns her back to me.

I sigh. “Yeah I guess I shouldn’t drive.” I get to my feet unsteadily and Mav puts his hand out to help but I shove him back. “I’m fine. Fuck.”

“I don’t know,” Riley says. “Seems you’ve really cranked that asshole dial tonight.”

I glare at her. “You’re lucky you’re cute.” I look at Mav. “I’ll leave this godawful place with you but I’m not going home.”

“Okay,” he says uncertainly. “Where are we going?”

“To The Bear Trap. I need to talk to Del.”

He and Riley raise their brows in unison and exchange a glance.

“I need to figure something out,” I go on. “I’ll pick up my Jeep from here tomorrow.”

To their credit, they don’t ask me what I want to talk to Del about. Maybe they’re already assuming.

“So what happened in there?” Riley asks as we get in Maverick’s truck. “With Julie. Pam said she had been in there and now there’s all this drunken drowning of the sorrows and shit.”

“Anyone ever tell you how eloquent you are?” I ask.

“Shut up.”

“Fox,” Mav warns. “Be nice to the lady.”

Riley laughs. We all know she’s proud to not be a lady.

I grind my teeth together, not wanting to say another word about all this. But, eventually, just as we pull into The Bear Trap parking lot, it comes out. “Julie broke up with me.”

“Oh no,” Riley says softly. “I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah, bro,” Maverick says, putting the truck into park. “That’s a fucking shitty deal. What happened?”

I open the door and get out. “She just didn’t see a future with me, that’s all.”

As we walk toward the bar, Johnny Cash booming through the walls, Mav jokes, “Was it because you equated your dick to a firehose?”

“What?” Riley asks, wide-eyed.

“Nothing,” I tell her. “Just that Mav thinks all firefighters have a fascination with hoses.”

“When you were young you’d piss on any fire you saw,” he points out.

He’s got me there. “Not that it’s any of your business, but I didn’t even fuck her.”

“What?” Riley says again, even louder than before as we pause outside the front door to the bar.

“Don’t look so surprised,” I tell her. “I’m not like Maverick.”

“Hey,” he whines. “That was a low-blow.”

“Whatever, man-whore,” she says jokingly, then wraps her hands around the back of his neck and gives him a kiss.

“Fuck this,” I say, pulling open the door and stepping into the bar, leaving the happy couple to their face-sucking on the front steps.

Then I see her. Del, in her usual place, on the other side of the bar. She’s talking to some guy I don’t know, smiling at him and it’s hard to tell if that’s the smile she gives to be nice or the smile she gives when she likes you. With Del you see what you want to see.

And that’s when I feel it.

I actually feel it.

A pang of jealousy. Hot, like a poker into my chest, causing my heart to pick up the pace. Maybe that feeling has always been there when I’ve seen Del talk to another guy but now I think I’m recognizing it for what it is.

But so what? Why does that have to mean anything?

And then she sees me staring at her. Our eyes lock and I feel something else between us, a current of fire that flickers and then wanes and then dissolves into ash.

Maybe coming here was a bad idea. Maybe I’m seeing things that aren’t really there as a way to make sense of everything that just happened with Julie.

Del mouths, “hi” to me and I’m suddenly hit with the realization that things between us are changing and more than that, they’ve been changing for some time. In the past I would normally head right into the bar, pull up a stool and start talking to her about who knows what, while she’d hand me a beer and tell me about her day.

Now it feels like that version of us is something I’m not sure will ever come back.

I jump, startled, when Maverick claps a hand down on my shoulder. “Come on,” he says to me. “Let’s get you a drink.”

We head over to Del.