“Well, well, well, look who it is. Mr. and Mrs. Nelson,” Riley says over her shoulder at Shane and Rachel who just walked in the bar holding hands.

They grin at each other, then at us. They just got back from their honeymoon in Maui and are looking more tanned and rested than I think I’ve ever seen them.

“Get a lot of baby-making done?” Riley adds with an exaggerated wink. “And by that I mean, fucking.”

Rachel rolls her eyes.

“We always know what you mean,” Shane says. “You never need to clarify. And yes. Lots of that.”

Rachel elbows him, blushing.

“I guess I should give you a welcome back beverage on the house,” I say with a sigh, though I’m glad to see them. It’s been a bit of a lonely three weeks, especially with both them and Fox being gone for most of them. I’ve been hanging out with Riley when I can, though she’s often busy with work and Maverick.

I get Rachel a glass of wine and Shane a cold beer, then I pick up the bottle of water I was drinking out of and raise it. “Here’s to the newlyweds. May there be plenty of babies in your future.”

We all cheers and Rachel smiles shyly. “Jeez, you’d think I wasn’t getting enough pressure already with my mother.”

“She’s really laying on the grandchild guilt, isn’t she?” Riley asks.

Rachel nods. “Yup. It’s a lot of ‘but I want to be a grandmother while I’m still young, don’t you want me to be able to babysit and run around with the kids?’”

I laugh. “Kids? You better turn into a baby-making machine, Rachel, stat.”

“Well at least making the babies is the fun part,” Riley says.

“You don’t want kids?” I ask her, though I won’t be surprised if she says no.

She shrugs. “Not really on my radar. I’ll adopt all the dogs in the world with Maverick but kids are something that I don’t think is in the cards for us. If we change our minds, great, but for now…nah.” She looks to me. “What about you, Del? Does your mom get on your case?”

“No, probably because I don’t have a guy in my life.” All three of them look at me expectantly. “What?” I go on. “I don’t.”

“Sure, and you and Fox were in that barn because you were bailing hay,” Riley says.

“Bailing hay, is that what we’re calling it now?” Shane says, grinning at me like a smug bastard.

“Whatever. I don’t have anyone.”

What I do have is a lot more complicated.

“So how is Fox?” Rachel asks.

“Still away,” I tell her. “I haven’t talked to him much, just a text here and there. He was supposed to maybe be home last night but it could be tonight. Could be tomorrow.”

“I heard about what happened to his teammate Roy,” Shane says in a low voice. “That’s got to be hard on him.”

I nod, not wanting to get into it. What Fox told me felt intensely private and I already fucked shit up by telling everyone we slept together in the first place. “He hasn’t been taking it that well. I wish his team had some sort of mourning period, you know, where they could just pay respect and deal with their feelings instead of being trucked off again to fight yet another fire.”

“It’s hard being here and worrying about him,” Rachel says quietly. “The not knowing.”

“Well I should be used to it, shouldn’t I? The only bright side to all of this is that the fire season should be ending soon. It’s already mid-September somehow, and by October first they should be going into off-season training which is a lot more manageable.”

“And so…” Rachel starts, pausing to take a sip of her wine and think before she continues. “Are you two…you know? Fuck buddies?”

“Ugh, please don’t use that term about my brother,” Shane grumbles.

“Don’t worry, I won’t use that term,” I tell him, then address Rachel. “And I don’t know what we are. All I know is…I’d be happier if he were here. That’s all.”

Rachel, Riley and Shane stay for a couple of hours and then head on home, leaving me alone in the bar. Now that September is half-way through, the town has become a lot quieter, and as a result, so has the bar. There are still some tourists around since the autumn foliage can look really photogenic against the brightly colored shops of the downtown area. There will be more tourists when the ski hills get snow, but for now, I should probably enjoy the downtime, even if it means less money.

I’ve just shut off the OPEN sign when I get a text from Fox.

Just one look at his name flashing on my phone and my heart does flips inside my chest. I feel giddy, an immature sort of happiness like I did when Fox was just a schoolgirl crush.

I just got back a few hours ago. Come over?

I grin. I know this is a booty call now but I don’t care.

Okay be right there

I close up the bar, get in my car and ten minutes later I’m parking outside the chalet. There’s a cold nip in the air as I walk to the front door, signaling that fall is truly on its way now.

The house is warm and cozy as I step inside. Even though I’ve been spending a lot of my days here while Fox has been gone, taking care of Conan, it already feels different now that he’s home. There’s a charge in the air wherever Fox is, something that reaches deep inside of me and rearranges the molecules, making me feel more vibrant and alive and electric.

I go up the steps and see Fox in the kitchen, the lights on low. He’s holding out a glass of a champagne in one hand, a rose in the other.

“Are we on The Bachelor?” I whisper as I stop in front of him.

He gives me the rose. “I’ll pretend I’ve seen that show.”

I smell the red rose and smile, though it never smells as strong as you think it would, and my eyes happily rest on Fox. He is looking insanely handsome tonight. Maybe it’s because I haven’t seen him in weeks, maybe because I’m so happy just to be here with him, maybe because I’m just so fucking in love with him, but he honestly makes my skin hot just looking at him.

He’s got a cut on his forehead, which is a bit concerning, but in a way, it adds to his rugged charm. He’s got a full-on beard going, his eyes are shining at me in an easy way. He’s wearing those deadly sweatpants of his again with a thin, worn white T-shirt with the North Ridge Hot Shots logo on it.

“What happened to your head?” I ask, as he gives me the glass of champagne. “Are you okay?”

“Oh, I’m great,” he says in such a way that makes me wonder how much champagne he’s already had. “Even better now that you’re here.”

I take a sip of the drink. “I have to say, the rose and the champagne are quite the surprise.” I pause. “A good surprise. So, what happened to your head?”

“A branch,” he says rather sheepishly. “Jumped out and got me as I was running.” He jerks his head toward the living room. “Come on, let’s sit down.”

Well I’ll be damned. I’m as nervous with him now as I was the day after the two of us got together. Nervous, anxious, excited. I feel like every time he comes back, we have to spend a bit of time together getting our groove back, finding out how we fit. The only problem with that is the fact that by the time we do find this new rhythm with each other, he’s gone again.

I settle down on the couch beside him and finish the rest of the glass in a few gulps.

“Maybe I should be asking if you’re okay?” he asks and I swear he slurs his words just a bit.

I frown. “I’m fine. Say, how hard was that hit on your head?”

“Not hard. They gave me pills, I’m fine.”

“The same pills you took in the barn at the wedding?”

He shrugs and seems to think about that for a moment, a flash of clarity coming across his eyes. “No, different. But I’m fine. Are you?”

I nod and sit back in the cushions and he puts his arm around me. “I’m good. Things have been good. I guess I’m just…can I ask you a question?”

“Always,” he says, peering down at me. “What is it?”

“Well, one is more of an observation than a question,” I say, twisting a little on the couch to see him better. “And that’s just…well, I’m fine and all, but if you’re ever wondering why I’m acting strange, it’s just that I’m, uh, nervous around you.”

“Nervous?” His dark brows knit together. “Why?”

“No real reason,” I tell him, my cheeks growing hot at the admission. “It’s just a change. We were a certain way before and now we’re this way. We’re…intimate. Physical. And it’s a whole new Fox and Delilah, you know? And every time I think I’m adapting and getting used to the new us, you leave and I feel like we’re starting all over again. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it’s just that it’s something I’m realizing. Perpetually catching up.”

He nods slowly, chewing on his lip for a few beats. “Okay. Well, I get that. I guess it’s different from me because the entire time I’m gone, all I can think about is seeing you, being with you. Like this. And by this, I mean sex.”

I laugh. “That was almost romantic, Fox. Almost.”

He reaches over and cups my cheek with his hand. “I’m new at this too, you know. With you. So things might sound more romantic in my head. But honestly Del, you’re the one thing that keeps me going through those hard days.”

I think I’m melting a little inside. Whether he means it or not, that was romantic.

But still I have to ruin it.

“And the other thing,” I go on, “the question I had for you, is…” I take in a deep breath, finding it easier to stare at his beautifully full lips instead of the quiet intensity of his eyes. “What are we doing? I mean, where is this going? Are we…friends with benefits? More? Is there even a potential for more? I hate to get all, I don’t know, clingy or pressure you for a commitment, because I’m not like that, but…”

But I’m in love with you.

And I have to know exactly how much this is going to hurt down the line.

He sighs and closes his eyes, leaning back against the couch.

“I’m sorry,” I tell him, “if I ruined this. I just want to talk about it, that’s all. And if you don’t know, then you don’t know and that’s fine.”

“But that’s the thing,” he says, eyes still closed. “I don’t know. I don’t know what I want in general or where my head is. I don’t know what the future holds. I’m too…I don’t know, scared, to even look. I’m just…” he opens his eyes and they focus on me, holding me in place. “I’m a mess, to be honest with you. And you’re the only thing that makes sense. That’s all I know. I need you right now. I want you right now. And I’m just playing it day by day by day.”

It stings, like tiny papercuts on my heart. To know that he’s not willing to commit yet. To know that I’m needed for now but maybe not for later.

And I know I should think about protecting my heart. I should probably take a step back and call all this off and try and salvage our friendship or what remains of it because I want him body and soul and I’ll never be happy until I have all of him. I mean, I love him.

I love him.

More and more.

Every day.

But that’s also the problem.

Love makes you foolish. Love makes you choose love.

This is the first chance that I’ve ever had to be with Fox and I’d rather have him like this than not have him at all.

“Then I’ll play it day by day with you,” I tell him.

I just want you right now, like you want me right now.

I’ll take whatever you can give me.

I’ll take every part of you for as long as I’m able to.

“You’re alright with that?” he whispers, his expression growing both soft and wanting all at once.

I nod. “More than okay.”

I wish I wasn’t lying.