Chapter Twenty-Seven
Axel’s mother didn’t seem to want to let him out of her sight. Which would have been easier if she had been happy to see Joe, too. But every time the beta was with him, she looked past him, acted like he wasn’t there. He could see how it hurt Joe and how the beta tried to hide it. Joe’s unwavering support was what was kept him going. Without him, Axel didn’t think he’d be able to get out of the bed in the morning.
As the days passed, the talk turned slowly to the future. There seemed to be an assumption that Axel was back for good and was to be the next alpha of the Weir. But whenever Axel heard someone talk about it, they never mentioned Joe. His mother gradually started to talk about grandchildren both with sad glances at Kelly and hopeful looks at Axel.
“Mom, Joe and I…”
She turned cold, pulling her hand from his. “You have a duty, Axel. You have a pack to think of now. You’re not the second eldest anymore, you can’t sit back and coast through life.”
Her sharp words cut at him and, unable to sit there and take it any longer, he got up and went to find Joe. The beta had been his rock that past week though he was a little quieter than normal. To be expected given Axel’s pack weren’t exactly being very friendly.
Joe was sitting by the orchard gate as if waiting for him.
“We should talk,” the beta said.
Axel held out a hand to him, Joe taking it and letting Axel tug him to his feet. “Let’s walk and talk. I need to stretch my legs.”
He had a good idea what Joe wanted to talk about; going home, getting back to life in the den.
They started talking at the same time.
“So I was thinking…” Axel started to say.
“Things have changed…”
Axel paused. “Wait. What?”
“I know you said nothing had but it has. Your pack needs you, Axel. You’re the next alpha. They need you to be their alpha and to give them an alpha heir.”
“It’s possible one of my sisters…”
“Alpha genes pass through the male line, you know that.”
“What are you saying, Joe?”
“We both know what you need to do, who you need to be. Your future looks very different now. And it doesn’t include me.”
Axel caught Joe by the shoulders, trying to get his head around the beta’s words. “What? Joe, no.”
“We can’t be selfish. We have to think of your pack. Who they need you to be. And it isn’t mated to a beta.”
“What about me? What about what I need. I love you. I need you.”
“You have to be the alpha they need you to be. And not the alpha you and I want you to be. I… I’m sorry, Axel. I think I should go now.”
Axel tried to catch him, tried to stop him, but Joe stepped out of reach.
“Joe, please. You can’t tell me this is it. I don’t want to lose you.”
There was a pain in his chest that felt like his heart was being wrenched in two.
He watched Joe brush the tears from his eyes. “I’m sorry, Axel. I can’t see another way around this.”
“Stay, please.”
“I can’t.”
Axel stepped toward him but Joe turned and ran. He didn’t give chase, watching the beta, his love, his mate, disappear through the trees.
Seth drove Joe back to the den. He didn’t say much. Didn’t comment on the tears Joe couldn’t hold back, just handed over a packet of tissues.
“I love him,” he choked out.
“I know,” Seth said evenly. “But it begs the question why you’re here with me and not back there with him.”
“The pack has to come first. Shane said-”
“Shane’s always been stuck in his ways. And Dex’s death has only made that worse.”
“But it doesn’t mean he’s wrong. The basic biological facts kind of spell it out for us. He’s the next alpha. And from his children, the alpha heir will be born. I can’t give him that.”
Seth snorted. “Hasn’t living in the den taught you anything?”
“You mean another mate? We talked about that. We even visited Hilltop together in case there was someone there who’d make a good third. But there wasn’t. Even if there was, his pack wouldn’t accept that. They’re so… old-fashioned.”
“The adults, maybe. But things are changing, times are changing. But they’ll never change if people aren’t willing to take risks, to stick to their beliefs. You know you and Axel have something special. Hell, Dara, Cade, and Ollie will all swear to that. Even Liam. Who are you to try to outrun destiny?”
“A fool,” Joe said tearfully.
“But you mean well,” Seth soothed.
“Axel needs space to think. How can he decide if he needs to make a different choice when I’m right there in front of him.”
“Then give him space. But when he follows you, see sense.”
“If he follows. I just… I just broke things off and walked away.”
Seth grinned. “If he’s half as smart as he pretends to be, he won’t let that stop him.”
“No. But I know what will stop him. Or who.”
“Shane.”
They both sighed.
“Have you told Jensen yet?” Joe asked, changing the subject.
“That it was lion shifters who killed Dex and the others? I chickened out and told Hunter. He told Jensen. They haven’t told Liam, they don’t want him worrying so close to his due date.”
“Why do you think they did it?”
Seth made a face. “It’s hard to be sure. The lions have been acting erratically for a while now. In some places, pack structure has broken down completely, in others, they’re like the wolves, struggling to keep control.”
“But the Weir are your closest allies.”
“They are. And we haven’t discounted the possibility that it was an attack on the Cove as much as on the Weir.”
“Are there plans to retaliate?”
Shifters didn’t let the murder of pack or family go.
“If we knew who we were looking for, yeah. But it seems like whoever did this isn’t boasting about it. We’ll have to bide our time, wait for them to resurface. But they will and we’ll be ready.”
Joe had never seen such a serious expression on Seth’s face, the alpha grimly determined. He must have known how Axel felt, having had the responsibility of his pack thrust upon him before he was ready for it.
“You’re a good alpha, Seth. You’ll help Axel, won’t you? Being alpha isn’t something he ever aspired to and he doesn’t exactly see Shane as a role model.”
Seth grinned. “No worries there, Joe. I’m way ahead of you.”
Being back at home in the den did nothing to soothe Joe’s distress. Everywhere reminded him of Axel. Especially the house they shared and their bedroom with the mural the alpha had painted, a copy of what he’d painted on Joe’s back, reminding them both of their first night together. Now all it did was remind Joe of what he’d given up.
Everyone else seemed certain Axel would come back but Joe knew it wasn’t so easy. He knew the kind of pressure family could exert. And for Axel, it wasn’t just family, it was their whole pack and the weight of their expectations. What was their love squashed beneath that?
The days dragged and he took to sleeping in the spare bedroom, struggling to get out of bed in the morning. Liam going into labor meant he didn’t have a choice and he was never more glad of his decision to pursue midwifery.
But seeing Liam and Jensen playing happy families hurt and he didn’t want to put a dampener on their joy, choosing instead to keep to himself. Well, as much as anyone would allow that. Not a day went by when he didn’t have someone knocking on his door, bringing him food, encouraging him to eat. But it was like someone had turned all his senses down. The world seemed dull, everything he ate tasted of nothing, and he couldn’t muster up the enthusiasm for anything. Even a visit from Cade and his toddlers failed to bring a smile to his face.
When the walls got too oppressive, he took to shifting into a wolf every day, circling the den over and over until he was tired enough to sleep. He was on his second circuit around one day when he heard someone making their way toward him. Hunter’s bear walked right up to him and switched back to human form. Joe didn’t bother shifting, waiting to hear what the alpha had to say.
“You should head home, there’s someone to see you.”
Joe barked his agreement and turned to head back. At a guess, it was his brother, Andy. His litter mate had probably heard about what happened from Seth, if not from someone in the Weir. Joe didn’t feel up to entertaining or putting on a brave face. He just wanted to bury his head under the covers and forget the world. As he got to the door, he shifted back. Being a wolf was soothing for the emotions but not great for communication.
Steeling himself, he tried to put a smile on his face as he walked through the door. Andy had his back to him and Joe’s heart stopped. Because it wasn’t Andy. It was Axel.
He stood frozen in the doorway, unable to move or speak or tear his eyes away from the alpha. He must have made some sound because Axel turned around to face him.
“Um. Hi.”
Joe just drank in the sight of Axel’s face, not a word passing his lips.
“I’m sorry, maybe I should have called.” Axel tried to smile at him, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Look, I’m not here to cause trouble, I just… I need you to hear me out, okay? That’s all. Five minutes and I’ll be out of your hair.”
He managed a nod; a short, sharp jerk of his head.
“Should we sit down?”
Joe couldn’t seem to move his lips, let alone his legs.
“Okay, we can do this standing, sure.”
Axel ran a hand through his hair and Joe was shocked to see he was shaking.
“I know my dad talked to you. He didn’t tell me but I worked it out. And I can guess what he said because I’m pretty sure it was exactly what you said to me the day you left.”
The alpha looked away, taking a shaky breath before fixing his gaze on Joe.
“It’s not perfect. I get that. I’m an alpha, you’re a beta. We can’t have kids, we can’t restore the pack's ability to shift.”
Joe almost found his voice but Axel held a hand up.
“Just hear me out, okay? The alpha and their mate is more than that. Their function isn’t just to lead and provide the next generation of leaders. A pack needs more. Look how the Cove is thriving. It’s not just because Seth and Dara have kids. It’s not just because they’ve found their wolves. It’s because they’re happy. They’re in love. And their pack and every other pack can see it.”
He took a step toward Joe, beseeching him. “I don’t care if it’s not perfect, Joe. I don’t care if I can’t give my pack a new alpha generation, if we don’t regain the ability to shift. I love you and I need you. I would rather leave the pack than let you go. Part of me wishes it wasn’t this way. It would be easier, for both of us. Between my parents and the pack, there are a lot of people who won’t be happy for us. But we’ll be happy. We’ll be happy.”
Axel held his arms open. “Joe, please. I love you. I can’t walk away from this.”
Joe took a deep, shuddering breath.
“I’m sorry.”
Axel looked crestfallen and Joe rushed through the next few words.
“I’m sorry I walked away from you. I thought it was the right decision, giving you the space you needed to come to your senses. These past few weeks have been hell. All I want is you. Your scent is all I search for, your face is the one my eyes constantly seek, when I dream I hear the beat of your heart. Then I wake up alone. I don’t want to wake up alone ever again.”
The alpha closed the distance between them, pulling Joe into his arms and kissing him. It took Joe’s breath away, his tears mingling with hiccuping laughter.
Axel pulled away to whisper in his ear. “Promise me. This is it, no more back and forth. We are mates, for life. You and me.” He intertwined his fingers with Joe’s, their palms touching. Joe leaned forward to touch his forehead to Axel’s.
“I promise. Mates for life.”
Axel picked him up and carried him to the bedroom, setting him down on the bed.
“I’ve missed you,” Joe said, pulling the alpha down next to him, tracing his fingers along the alpha’s face.
“I’m here now and I’m not going anywhere, not without you by my side.”
And Joe vowed he’d be there, for as long as his alpha needed him.