Chapter Eighteen
DAY forty one of my captivity, Jane thought as she studied the picture of the house she’d picked to buy. The sweet turn of the century cottage only had two bedrooms. If she decided to keep the baby she would have to go bigger. There was a knock at Jane’s front door. She went to the peephole. It was Mick. With a scowl on his face. Well shit. She opened the door. “What’s up?”
“We need to talk.”
He wasn’t wearing his chatty friendly face. “Are you firing me?”
“I should.” He walked through the door and slammed it behind him.
“Okay.”
He headed straight to her wet bar grabbed a bottle of very expensive single malt and poured himself a drink. “When were you going to tell me?”
Help yourself she thought. “Tell you what exactly?”
Then he gulped down the entire glass and filled it up again. “That you’re pregnant.” .
Fuckity fuck fuck. The jig was up. “How did you find out?”
“Does it matter?”
“Who else knows?”
“Hoss, Malcolm.”
If Hoss knew everybody knew. That man could only keep a secret if the president told him to. “You gonna call my mom next?”
His eyes widened. “You haven’t told her?” Then gulped his drink.
“I haven’t made a decision yet.” Not that Addy would judge. She trusted Jane to make the best decision for herself.
“I think he’s not as freaked out as I assumed he’d be.” Mick poured himself another drink.
That was the news she didn’t want to hear. She figured he was being calm, hoping she take care of things. “Shit.”
Mick dropped onto her sofa. “Are you going to be okay to work?”
Jane couldn’t believe he was asking. “I’ve been knocked up for two minutes, I can do the job.”
“I don’t want you …”
She held up her hand. “Do not get emotional on me. Women have babies every day and then plow the back forty acres.”
“I told Paul about the baby.”
Whoa wait a minute. “Why did you tell your boyfriend I’m pregnant?”
“Because if you have the baby and decide you can’t do it, we’d like to talk to you about … you know … adopting.”
Shut the front door. “You and Doctor Sexy want a kid?”
“I gonna marry him and buy a house with a white picket fence and get a dog.”
She tried to picture Mick married. Nope not happening. “Seriously?”
“You don’t think I want those things because I’m gay?”
She mentally smacked him. “You spend your down time rafting the Amazon.”
“Kids can travel.”
“I know that, but shit adopting here is going to be a bitch.” Jane glanced at the bottle of single malt, calling her name. She could use a drink about now.
“We’re talking about it.”
She smiled. “Mick, you romantic.”
“What do you want Jane?”
She let out a long breath. Still not believing she hadn’t made a decision. “I don’t know.”
“That’s usually Jane--”
“For yes. I know, but for me having a child would mean a lot of life changes.”
“For anyone.”
“Not just the actual baby life changes. I mean my career. I can’t go to Pretoria at the drop of a hat anymore. Or what will happen if I don’t make it home from Columbia. I don’t know if I want to put my ass in the way of a bullet.”
“What about Declan? What does he say? He seems to want to be there.”
She rubbed the stitches on her upper arm. “Which surprises me to no end.”
“How do you feel about him?”
She could be honest with Mick, they’d gone through so much together. “I don’t want to like him, but I do.”
“Do you think you two could do this together?”
“I would have to come clean about Fox Elliot.”
“You still don’t want to.”
“Malcolm’s a nice guy. Wrapped a little tight, but he’s good people. Do I want to add to his shit?” She blew out a long breath. “I don’t want to go into detail about Declan’s piece of shit of a father, or how that is going to trickle down to his being a father.”
“Why not?”
“Because deep down I’m afraid he’ll rise to the occasion and somehow it will come and bite me in the ass.”
“You think it could get ugly?”
That would mean a lot of poking in her past and her past wasn’t pretty. Even worse there were things that needed to be kept a secret. “That man is relentless. I think he’d fight dirty to get his child if he doesn’t think I’m good enough.”
“You sound like you admire that.”
“I do. I think if he wants something he gets it.”
“What if he wants you?” Mick finally started sipping his single malt.
She didn’t have any illusions about how things would end between them. “I’m a convenient novelty.”
“You’re selling yourself short.”
She lived in the real world. “Rock stars don’t date women like me.” Jane put her bare feet on the round brass table.
“You forget who you are?”
“I know exactly who I am.”
He lifted his half empty glass to her. “You’re the daughter of a rock legend, the great great granddaughter of a king. You were raised by two of the finest people I know. That’s just where you came from. Look at what you’ve accomplished. You don’t think any guy would be impressed with that?”
“Are you?”
Mick snorted. “Fuck no, I’ve seen you shoot a snot rocket and gut a turkey vulture. All of which are impressive in my book. That guy looks at you like he just wants to bend you over a table all the time.”
Which she totally loved, but… “I’m a cop’s daughter, I’m a former soldier, trained killer and a body guard. He’d like to bend a lot of women over a table. So what do you think I should do?”
“You have never asked me this question before.”
She knew that, but she didn’t have a big pool of real friends she could go to for life advice. Right now she needed a tribe and Mick was part of her tribe. “What would you do?”
“If Declan Shaw wanted to play house with me, I’d put on frilly apron and pearls.”
Jane forced herself not to have that vision. Nope epic fail. Mick in nothing but a frilly pink apron and a single strand. Horrifying. She cringed. “You realize I’m never going to shake that image.”
“Chica enjoy him. I would.”
Slut. “I’ll think about it.”
Mick drained his scotch and stood. “If you decide to have the baby and give it up for adoption, Paul and I get first dibs.”
She held out her hand and he gave her his glass. “You’re a good friend and I think you would be a great dad.”
Jane was still thinking about what Mick said a couple hours later when there was knock at her door. She checked the peep hole to find Malcolm and Hoss standing outside. “Come in.”
Hoss lifted his hand unable to meet her gaze. “I’ll be downstairs in the bar.”
She was okay with that since she didn’t want to have this conversation in front of him. “What can I do for you?”
“Declan told me about your situation.”
“He did?” Playing dumb wasn’t working for her today.
“Why did you sleep with him?”
Again he just got right to it. Damn she liked that about him. “You sound disappointed.”
“Are you going to take him to the cleaners?”
This was crazy. Rock stars, their money, and their nuts. “I’m not that way. I don’t need his money, I don’t need his fame, I really don’t--”
“He’s not mad at you.”
“I know. He’s being very patient about the entire thing. Which surprised the hell out of me.” Jane went to the bar and poured a glass of single malt and then handed it to him. Malcolm stared at the glass for a second then took a sip.
“Do you think he can be a father?”
“I think he can be anything he wants to be, as long as it’s not forced on him.”
He laughed. “He does like things to be his own idea.”
“Does he want to be a father? I have no idea. I don’t know if I want to be a mother.”
“Really?”
Did she look like anyone’s mother? “I’m not sure I have a nurturing side.”
“You do.”
She sat on the sofa and inclined her head for him to sit. “You sound like you’ve known me half my life.”
“I’ve seen you with Gavin and your family. You’re very good.”
“Gavin is sweet. It’s impossible not to like him.”
He sat in a chair across from her. “You have the right amount of big sister, therapist, and drill sergeant. He responds to that.”
Jane leaned back in her chair. “That sounded strangely like a compliment.”
“I don’t dislike you.” Malcolm cringed.
“You always give me this vibe like I have an ulterior motive.” Because he was really smart but didn’t know it.
He seemed to picking his words. “What I think is inconsequential. I think you have an agenda. Not good or bad, but I don’t know who’s side you’re on.”
The one she was always on. “My side.”
“I think you’re wrong. You can be a mother.”
“I’m going to give my prediction of the future. We’re going to get his stalker and Declan and I are going to go our separate ways. If I have the baby, he's going show up a couple of times a year and play daddy. He’s going to pay his child support because he takes care of his responsibilities. He's going to bed hop until he finds an uncomplicated woman to marry. Which isn’t me. We’ll see each other at Declan junior’s life events and we’ll be polite, because that is what is going to be best for the child. End of story.”
Concern crossed his expression. “Are you going to be okay with that?”
If she kept the baby she’d preferred it. “I’ll make it work.”
“You make it sound so …”
“It is what it is.” She stood up. “You hungry?”
“I could eat.”
“You like pancakes and bacon?”
“It’s like eight at night. Do cravings start this early?”
“I have no idea.”
“You really are on the fence.”
“I am.” She led him into the kitchen and quickly made dinner. They didn’t do a lot of talking while she cooked.
“You know this is the kind of situation that wakes guys up in a cold sweat at night.”
“Knocking a girl up?”
“Yeah.”
She wondered if her sperm donor felt the same. Maybe that’s why it turned out the way it did. “You don’t want to be a father?”
“I don’t know if you heard I have a daddy issue.”
Didn’t they all. This was the moment she wanted to tell him the truth, but it wouldn’t come out of her mouth. “I’d heard that.”
“You always wonder if the apple will fall far enough from the tree or if you’re going to be the same lousy bastard.”
“I would say you have more than an issue.”
He shrugged. “You might be right.”
Jane set the plate of pancake covered bacon in front of Malcolm. “Eat.”
He took a tentative bite and then smiled. “Damn these are good.”
Never doubt me in the kitchen. “Why more people don’t put bacon in pancakes is beyond me.”
“Jane you’re really handy. Stop a stalker, knit a sweater, make a meal. I’m impressed.”
She took a bite of her food wondering why his compliment thrilled her. “There was a list of things one had to master before Addy let us loose on the world.”
“What?”
“You had to know how to cook, sew, basic car repair, how to handle money, and how to dance.”
He looked at her curiously. “Why you telling me all this?”
“I think you’re trying to find a nice way to ask me if I’m a gold digger.”
“I’m not.”
She lifted an eyebrow, this guy had no stealth. “Want me to whip out my portfolio?”
“Would you?” He leaned forward.
“No. That’s like you taking a gander at my girly parts.”
His face scrunched up. “Then why did you ask?”
‘Tell him’ her brain screamed, but she couldn’t. “Because messing with your head is fun.”
“How to dance really?”
Nice change of subject, she thought. “Yep the Cajun Waltz, Electric Slide, and the bunny hop.”
“You don’t twerk.”
“Not in public.”
He laughed.
She liked that she could make him laugh. “What is it that bothers you the most about Declan and me?”
Malcolm seemed embarrassed. “He’s hard on women.”
“I figured that out pretty early.”
“He seems different with you.”
That was circumstances nothing more. Or so she’d like to think. “I’m the only unattached girl guppy in the tank.”
“Doesn’t mean things are going to happen.”
“We are just having fun. We happened to get caught. Things will end and a couple of years from now, I’ll just be a blip on the radar of your lives.”
“Are you selling yourself short?”
She didn’t think so. “Just being real.”
“You confuse me Jane.”
She held up her hands. “I know. I’m only interested in having sex with him and not the trappings of his life. You guys should date more regular women. I think your perspective is warped.”
“Know any?” He pushed his empty plate away.
“I might, but you don’t need my help.”
He gave her a lopsided grin. “Okay. Listen I’m going to head out. Thanks for the pancakes. We’ll see you tomorrow.
‘Night Jane.”
“Night.” She listened to him walk out of her apartment and a tidal wave of guilt washed over her. She was going to turn his life inside out if she wasn’t careful. God knows she didn’t want to.