Finn
My mind is blown. It was a tiny brush of lips, hardly even a kiss but it was like nothing I’ve ever experienced. How could one barely-there kiss have me feeling so jittery and unlike myself? Luckily the food arrived before she could see how unsettled I was. She seemed to enjoy my surprise. I ordered one of every dish on the menu. We were able to return to our flirty casual banter and things returned to normal. But now it’s getting late and I really should go home. This is not the sort of girl who casually invites you to stay over and I’m glad. The thought of her with another man makes me feel things, dark things best kept hidden.
I stand up from the table so full I can barely move. “I really should get going.”
“Of course.” Autumn stands and walks ahead of me to her door. As cute as she looks in her oversized clothes, I prefer the jeans she wore yesterday that showed off her curves. Autumn opens the door and I step out into the brisk night air. I didn’t even think to bring a jacket, I guess I wasn’t thinking at all when I came here. It’s gone so much better than I thought. I’m not sure how to leave things. Do I kiss her again or hug? Shake hands – yeah even I’m not that much of a douche.
“Goodnight Finn. Thanks for coming. It was fun.”
“Um, yeah it was. Do you want to do something tomorrow?”
“I have to work, but I guess I could spare a couple of hours. Um, what did you have in mind?”
Inappropriate thoughts flood my mind and I stamp them down. She deserves more than that. I want to be the sort of man she deserves.
“Do you want to go house hunting?” The thought comes unbidden to my mind, but the idea of looking for a house with Autumn is enough to make me want things I can never have.
“Don’t you already have an apartment?”
“Yeah, but I hate it there. I want a real house, a home I guess.”
Her eyelids flutter, so delicate, so perfect. “I know what you mean.”
“You have a lovely home.”
“Yeah, if you like living in a shoebox.”
“I can think of worse things.”
Her shoulders hunch forward. “Yes.”
Crap, I shouldn’t have gone there. Best to steer clear of anything to do with the past – for both of us. “So I’ll pick you up around two?”
“That should give me time to finish for the day.”
I grin like an idiot at the thought of seeing her tomorrow. “See you then.” Before I can change my mind, I sweep her up in my arms and cradle her against my body. Placing a gentle kiss on the top of her head, I’m surprised how soft her hair is. There are no tell-tale dark roots showing through either. Of course, it’s bound to be natural. She doesn’t seem like the type to spend hours getting stuff done. Why would she, when she looks like an angel already? How could I ever have thought otherwise?
Autumn
At five minutes to two, I’m standing in my driveway waiting for Finn to pick me up. I couldn’t stand to be inside a minute longer without going crazy. How is it possible that I’m actually going house hunting with the lead singer of Infusion Deep? And even better yet, even though I’m nervous, it feels like a regular ‘you’re getting picked up by a rock star’ sort of apprehension, rather than a panic attack anxiety-induced nervousness. Unfortunately, I have ugly grey smudges under my eyes because I couldn’t sleep last night. I smother a yawn as a black Jeep turns onto the street. Sadly I’m wearing the same blue shirt and jeans again as it’s the only appropriate outfit I own. As soon as I can get up the courage to go to the mall again, I need to buy more clothes. Even better still, now that I know my size, I can just order them online. Smacking my forehead, I silently berate myself for not thinking of doing that sooner. Although ordering online would be a step backwards according to my therapist. Well, she’d be impressed if she could see me now. That would have made me happy a while ago, but now it doesn’t seem so important.
As the car pulls up beside me, I jump in before Finn can even think about getting out to open my door.
“Hey, Goldilocks.”
“Hi, Poodle.”
Finn puts up his hands in mock surrender. “Okay, so that’s a no to Goldilocks, but I’ll keep trying.”
I can’t suppress my giddy grin as we tease each other. I’ve never experienced this sort of fun banter before, but I like it.
“So, where are we going to look at houses?”
“Back across to where Wes lives. There are a few properties I’ve arranged to view this afternoon.”
“Am I allowed to ask what your budget is?” I fiddle with the hem of my shirt.
“I should be able to get something nice for around three-to-five.”
My eyebrows lift. “Million?”
“Yeah,” Finn chuckles. “Crazy huh?”
“Um, yeah. Did you ever think about living in L.A.?”
“Yeah, but Wes has Soph and we didn’t want to have to uproot her, you know. Wes doesn’t have custody either, so there wasn’t much choice in the end.”
“So, if you could live anywhere?”
“Ah, dunno. Maybe the French countryside? Renovate an old castle or something.”
“Really? Wouldn’t you miss the spotlight?”
“Nah, the paps can get crazy invasive. They aren’t usually too bad here though.”
Crap, I hadn’t even thought about that for some reason. What if someone photographs me while I’m with Finn? What if they come to my house? My breath comes in short sharp jags. I need to stop, I need to get out of the car. I struggle with the buckle of my seatbelt, but it won’t come free.
“Whoah, Autumn what are you doing? You need to stay buckled in. Just hang on for one sec, I’m going to find somewhere to pull over.”
Focus. I try to focus on my breathing. In and out. In and out. Nice and slow. The car comes to a stop and I’m out the door and running, heedless of my surroundings. Strong arms sweep around my waist and hold me still. Turning my body, I bury my face into Finn’s dark grey shirt. His woodsy scent calms me like nothing else ever had. My mind starts to clear and I realize what a crazy person I must look like. Finn’s hands are rubbing comforting circles on my back. I want to stay like this forever, hidden and safe from the world. Where things like paparazzi don’t exist. Minutes drift slowly by and if I wasn’t standing up, I’d probably be asleep by now.
“Autumn?”
“Finn.” Finally, I take a step back. Time to face reality.
“I can take you home if you want?”
“I…I think I’m alright now. I guess I just hadn’t thought about the fact of who you are. That you have crazy people who invade your life. I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. I’m the one who should be doing the apologizing.”
“It’s not your fault that people chase fame like it’s a prize.” I reach my hand towards Finn. Before I touch him, I let it drop back to my side.
“Well, it isn’t your fault either.” Finn looks me in the eyes until I drop my gaze.
“No, but you don’t need the hassle.”
“Oh babe, you are not a hassle. You are sweet and beautiful and I want you in my life. No, I need you in my life.”
“Then I guess you’re just as crazy as I am?”
Finn
Autumn lifts her gaze to look at me. She’s so brave it takes my breath away. Even though I can tell she’s terrified, she’s still willing to come with me despite her fears.
“You are so brave.”
Autumn lets out a shaky laugh. “I’m the last person deserving of that term.”
I gently place my fingers against her soft cheek. “A smarter man than me once said, ‘courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the ability to act in spite of it.’”
“Wow, that’s beautiful.”
“As are you.”
“Ha, you’re the beautiful one.”
“We’ll have to agree to disagree on that one Babe.”
“Isn’t Babe a movie about a pig?”
“Is it? Well that’s out too then. Don’t worry I won’t give up.” I’m not just talking about the nickname and I hope she knows it.
“I’m ready to go now. If we’re not too late?”
“Don’t worry Chickadee, rockstars are expected to be late.”
“No that’s not going to work either Pumpkin.”
I grin. “Glad you’re still playing, but I veto all vegetables here and now.”
“Darn, I was going to go for aubergine next.”
“What on earth? You just made that up.”
“Totally didn’t, it’s a fancy name for an eggplant.”
“Yeah, cos naming me after an egg-shaped vegetable definitely wouldn’t affect my street cred.”
“Come on, I feel bad just standing here while someone’s waiting for us.”
As she turns, I capture her hand with my own. She startles briefly, but doesn’t pull away. I can feel the fragile bones of her hand beneath the silky skin. A fierce desire to protect her from the world fills me and I fear I’m falling, and falling hard.
We pull up in front of a large stone house that sits just off the road. It lacks the homely private feel of the house Wes owns and I hate it on sight. An older woman in a red power suit is standing in the driveway.
“Just hang here a moment O’Neil, I won’t be long.”
“No problem Holloway.”
“No?”
“No, but keep trying.”
I walk over to the Realtor. I gesture towards the ugly house with my hands.
“This won’t do, it won’t do at all I’m afraid. I need privacy, Peg. Somewhere I can escape from the world, not be a tourist attraction for people to drive by and ogle.”
“Of course, Mr. Holloway. I have a few others that might fit your requirements.”
“Lead the way then.” I leave her standing in the driveway and head back to the car.
“Sorry about that Winter. That was a total disaster, I’ve just told Peg we don’t want to waste our afternoon looking at any more hideous houses.”
“So where to next…Max?”
“Uh no, that doesn’t work for me either.”
“I never knew you were so fussy.”
“Well a good name is important. It conveys meaning and intention.”
“Right…Drive on McDuff.”
“What the heck is that supposed to say about me Little One?”
“Um…I’m new to the whole ‘nicknames are important’ game. Just be patient with me. And that one was actually a misquote from Shakespeare.”
"Lord, what fools these mortals be!”
“Um, a Midsummer Night’s Dream?”
“You are indeed correct, Horatio.”
Autumn just gives me a dirty look at that one. Okay so I knew I was pushing it with Horatio.
She speaks in a quiet melodic voice. “There is a willow grows aslant a brook, that shows his hoar leaves in the glassy stream; There with fantastic garlands did she come. Of crow-flowers, nettles, daisies, and long purples. That liberal shepherds give a grosser name, but our cold maids do dead men's fingers call them: There, on the pendent boughs her coronet weeds clambering to hang, an envious sliver broke; When down her weedy trophies and herself fell in the weeping brook. Her clothes spread wide; And, mermaid-like, awhile they bore her up: Which time she chanted snatches of old tunes; As one incapable of her own distress, or like a creature native and induced unto that element: but long it could not be till that her garments, heavy with their drink, pull'd the poor wretch from her melodious lay to muddy death.” She finishes with a sly smile, and it’s a beautiful thing.
“Wow, you definitely win the Shakespeare competition. Did you study that play at school?” I’m embarrassed to admit I don’t even know which play it’s from.
“I um, have a lot of time on my hands. I read a lot.” She looks away as if she’s just admitted to something terrible. “That scene is so sad. Poor Ophelia.”
“That’s perfect, Ophelia. It suits you.”
“Um, you know she went crazy right and killed herself?”
“Oh, sorry. I almost thought I was onto something there.”
“Well, I will admit it was a step up from Horatio.”
The agent backs her Mercedes out of the driveway and I follow her along a quiet road to the next house. This one sits well back from the road and has a large fence in the front with an automatic gate. As we drive up to the house I’m blown away by the peaceful tranquility that descends. We get out of the car and it’s like another world. Tall trees surround a circular driveway. The house is two story and made of stone. It’s beautiful and perfect for us. As we walk in through the front doors, I feel immediately at home. Autumn has a dreamy smile on her face as she gazes around the beautiful interior. I’ve seen enough.
“It’s perfect, I’ll take it, Peggy.”
She looks flustered for a moment before her mask is back in place. “Really, Mr. Holloway, you should see the whole place first.”
“Oh believe me, I intend to. I’m just letting you know that I want to buy this house, so there’s no need to show us around. We can do that alone.”
“Well…that really is most unusual.”
“Do you have the contract?”
“Well it doesn’t quite work like that–“
“Do you have a contract or not?”
She pulls a sheaf of papers from her bag and hands me the contract. I take the pen she offers and scrawl my signature at the bottom. “Better? How soon can I move in?”
“I’ll have to make a call or two. The owners are away on an extended trip overseas, I’m sure they’ll be amenable to a quick settlement.”
“Off you go then,” I shoo her along with my hands. She walks out the front door, her phone glued to her head, talking rapidly.
Autumn squeals. “I can’t believe you did that. You just bought a house without even seeing it first.” Her eyes are wide open, one hand raised to her pretty mouth.
“Doesn’t it feel like home?”
“Yes, it’s incredible. I would have bought it on the spot, too… Well if I had a few million in my bank account anyway.”
Filled with joy, I wrap my arms around Autumn and swing her around in a circle. This is the best freaking day in so long, I can’t even remember. And it’s all to do with her. Somehow, since she came into my life, things have been better. It’s like she’s the opposite of kryptonite.