I text my dad to thank him for coming over for Christmas dinner. It means a lot to me that he’s finally starting to come around, and I hope this is the first step today getting my family life back together.

Some things can’t be fixed. Some bonds that are broken are broken for good. But now that I have Jess back in my life, there is no fucking way I’m letting her go again.

I glance over at her, falling asleep in the seat beside me. Her dark hair falls in a cascade over her chest, hiding her breasts away from me.

She wakes up slowly and her eyes flutter away hazily.

“Chris?”

“Yes, baby?” I lean over to stroke her hair away from her face. “It seems like I’m in the habit of making you fall asleep lately.”

“No,” she says, running her fingers along the bottoms of her eyes, blotting away some stray macara. “I’m up.”

My phone buzzes, and it’s Josh asking me to come over to his place for a little get-together. Jess leans over the seats to catch a look at my phone.

“Is that your friend from the tree place?”

“Yeah,” I reply, slipping the phone back into my front pocket. “It’s nothing.”

“No. What’s going on? Everything okay?”

I guess the look on my face betrays my concern. Josh might be a good guy, but the last thing I want right now is to go to some party at his place. Anything that’ll remind me of falling asleep under a porch with a tall boy of shitty domestic beer is not for me. Not anymore.

“Nothing,” I say. “It’s nothing. He’s having a little get-together at his house tonight and wants me to come out.”

“Oh?” she says, checking the time on the dashboard. “This late? It’s already almost midnight. This is the time I would usually be getting home from a party, not going out to one.”

I think back on all the stupid, wasted nights I’ve had over the past year. Her innocence is so sweet.

“We should go!” Jess brightens up and flips down the visor to check herself out in the mirror. “Do I look like I could go to a party right now? I know I’m just wearing a sweater and jeans, but why not?”

My eyes drag up and down her body. “You look like you just got fucked by a guy who really fucking loves you.” The words come out of my mouth before I can think about my answer.

I’ve never said that to anyone. She’s the only person I’ve even come close to saying it to. She’s the only person I’ve ever felt it for. And it’s not just a feeling. She fuels me. And every time I woke up alone over the course of the past year, I wanted her. I was grateful that I had the memory of her. It was easy for me to say no to any other girl. I didn’t want any of them.

I look her up and down again. Her breasts are straining against her grey sweater, and her chest is moving up and down steadily. In the whiteness of the moonlight and snow, she’s glowing. I want to keep her. Keep her here and keep her now and forever.

“What does someone who just got fucked look like?” she says, biting her lip. “What do you see when you look at me?”

I know it takes a lot of fucking courage for her to say these words to me. She always wanted everything to be perfect. She wanted her first time to be perfect. She didn’t want it to be on some dirty mattress in a spare room at a frat house where the pledges would take their girls to screw. Maybe she thought all that shit would rub off on her. But it never would. It never could.

“I see someone strong, Jess. Someone sexy and beautiful. And powerful. The way you beat that pancake batter into submission this morning was incredible.”

She laughs, leans over and steadies herself with one hand against the dashboard, brushing her lips against mine. Gliding a hand up her shirt, I catch one of her nipples between my fingers, causing it to get hard against my touch.

“Give me your tongue, baby,” I say to her, capturing her lips with mine and forcing myself into her, pulling her onto my lap. “This is starting to become my favorite position. I never knew you’d always want to be on top.”

“I guess it’s just logistics,” she breaths, pushing her pussy up against my cock. She quivers in my arms as I push my hand down into her panties and slip two fingers on either side of her clit, pinching it and pushing it side to side slowly.

“Fuck, Chris,” she moans into my ear. “If I’d known how good this was going to feel, I would have done it years ago.”

“What do you mean?” I ask, dragging my fingers along the sides of her clit. “I touched you like this back when we were together before.”

“I don’t mean the sex part, although that’s pretty awesome.” She looks up and into my eyes. “I mean letting you in here.” She puts a hand over her chest and presses herself against my chest. My heart is about to explode, and I need everything to always be just as it is right now. It’s not negotiable.

“Baby, I know this wasn’t the perfect way for this to happen,” I start, “but when I saw you run over to me in that blizzard and the way you wanted that tree so badly, I couldn’t help it. The ironic part of all of this is how we came together. The storm, and the tree, and the way all of it just came together. It was like all the bullshit in the world just pushed us back together again.”

“I know,” she says in a small voice. “I feel the same way. I couldn’t say no this time. I thought about you so many times over the past year. When I saw you again, I was relieved when we didn’t go all the way that first night. I was afraid it would just end badly. And I thought it did when I woke up and didn’t see you. But when I saw you again, I knew. When I saw you in my house,” she says, pushing the palms of her hands flat against my chest, “I knew that I couldn’t say no to you ever again. And for the record, this was perfect.”

My heart and cock flicker with life. “You’ll never say no to me again?” I ask, tucking her hair behind her ears.

“Never.”

“Okay, then I have to ask you something.” There’s fire inside her eyes as I cradle her face in my hands. A smile tugs at the corners of my mouth, and I can’t stop it. “Can I borrow a thousand bucks?”

She giggles and punches me in the arm playfully. “You were always the king of jokes. I thought you had a real question to ask me.” Jess flops off my lap and back into her seat. “Very funny.”

“Look,” I say. I kind of do feel like showing up to Josh’s party now, if just to show off my girl. He can keep all the girls at the naughty or nice party. I want the world to know that Jess is mine. “Let's go to the party, if you want. It’s totally up to you.”

“Ohh,” she says, “maybe I can drink a beer. Be one of the guys, you know?”

“That’s impossible. You’re my woman.” I’ve got a big, goofy smile plastered on my face as I shift into gear and back up out of the parking space and take off north up the freeway.

“And you’re sure I’m dressed okay for a holiday party?”

“Yeah. This isn’t that kind of party. Unless you really want me to bring you home so you can change into your ballgown.”

We sing along to our mix tape filled with songs that are much older than just the year we have been apart until we get to Josh’s house. I’ve been to his place before, but now that I’ve got Jess with me, I feel like I’m seeing it again for the first time. The narrow gravel driveway leads to a tight two-car garage, and a light-up plastic Santa stands crooked on the front lawn. The front door to the house is open, and the light on the porch is coming from a yellow-tinted old metal sconce affixed to the wall under a little tin awning.

“I guess he doesn’t have a wife or girlfriend?” Jess comments, then puts a hand over her mouth. “That came out wrong. I just mean it looks like a cute house and this is a nice area, but what’s with the lone Santa out there? And the dated paint job?”

“Yeah, Josh isn’t really one to settle down,” I reply, putting the truck in park and cutting the headlights off. “His grandparents left him the place and he’s just been kind of floating around town for a while like I have. Let’s just say he has a lot of parties. Doesn’t like responsibility. And I guess he doesn’t really feel the need to get a real job or start a family any time soon.”

We get out of the truck and slam the doors behind us, stepping around a few beer cans and innumerable cigarette butts on the way to the front door. “I see. I guess my invitation got lost in the mail.”

“Jealous?” I say, pushing my hair away from my face and looking up at the house. She’s right. This place is a fucking dump. But I look over at Jess and she looks excited to have a beer and do something a little different this Christmas. “We’ll just go in and say hi and be out fast,” I say, grabbing her hand.

We take the three stairs up to the front door and step inside.

“Um, ding dong?” Jess calls out, her words bouncing off the cold, dark walls. “Merry Christmas?” Loud music thumps from upstairs, and Josh appears in the hallway with a Santa hat on.

“Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!” he says, stumbling toward us, a lit cigarette in one hand and a bottle of beer in the other. “My man, I’m so glad you made it.”

“Okay man, thanks for having us,” I say. He’s giving Jess a funny look, the kind I know he wanted to give her earlier at the tree farm, but the difference was then he had only been working with a case of beers all day. Now, he had something stronger in him. He reeks of hard alcohol and looks like shit.

“Nice to see you again. Jess, was it?” Josh puts a hand on her shoulder and squeezes it. I know he’s just being friendly, but a fire revs up inside me at the fucking bullshit he’s pulling. I know it’s just a touch, but the irrational part of me wants to grab her and get the fuck out of here, even though we’ve just arrived.

“Yes, we met yesterday. Nice to see you again too,” Jess replies. She looks around the entryway to the small house like she’s trying to find something nice to say about it, but can’t find anything.

“Come, come,” Josh says, waving at me and Jess to follow him into the kitchen. There’s stacks of unopened mail piling up on the kitchen table, and a sink full of dishes. A TV in the corner of the living room is on mute and playing a football game from a week ago.

“What can I get for you?” Josh says, rooting around inside his fridge. “Beer? Wine? Soda?”

“I’ll have a beer,” Jess says, perking up.

Josh slides a few bottles around inside the fridge and I look over at Jess. She’s so interested in what Josh is doing and observes him like he’s a doctor performing surgery and she’s his student.

“Here we are,” Josh says, tossing a can of crap beer to her. She flicks the tab open and a little foam hisses out.

She raises it to her lips and winces as she takes a little sip. “Yum!” she says. I can see that she hates it, but she’s trying to be polite.

“Remind me to subscribe you to a beer of the month club,” I say, grabbing a beer for myself from the fridge as Josh steps aside. “You’re a real connoisseur now, right?”

Her lips purse together into a tight line and she nods sarcastically. “Yep!”

The three of us make our way upstairs, the stench of stale beer and cigarette butts filling my nostrils. I’ve been spoiled being with sweet Jess’ family for the past day and a half.

“Hey.” Josh hangs back as Jess makes her way excitedly up the stairs, each footstep bouncing faster than the last.

“What’s going on?” I ask, my chest and throat becoming tight as my eyes trail toward what he’s looking at. He’s staring at Jess’ ass like a drooling wolf.

He smacks his lips, Jess unaware that he’s leering at her like this. I can feel my nostrils flare with anger as I see her pretty face turn back to us, a naive smiling pulling at the corners of her lips.

“She with you?” Josh says, sticking me in the ribs with an elbow. My mind swims with what to say to him. “I might have a girl for you,” he adds with a whisper.

“Yeah. She’s with me.” The clenching in my jaw matches the clenching in my fists as I see Jess slip around a corner into a bedroom where there music is coming from. “What are you going to do about it?”

“Woah,” Josh says, stumbling up the last stair. “Are you going to knock me on my ass or something?” He laughs, but I don’t find this funny.

“I’m not interested in anything but her. Don’t you get that? You can have the girl with the skirt and no panties. I’m with her,” I hiss, pointing to the bedroom. “I don’t want to be an ungrateful guest, so let’s pretend this conversation never happened.”

“You’re right. I apologize. I just thought maybe you’d like to share. You know,” he adds, taking a swig of his skanky beer, “in the spirit of the holiday.”

When I remember how fucked up he is, my balled-up fists soften a little. I can feel where my fingernails dug into the palms of my hands. The only person leaving nail marks on me should be Jess. “Look, man. No judgement. But the girl in there is mine, and mine only. I know that might be hard for you to hear.”

“I have to say that it is. When I saw her yesterday coming over to us, the first thing I thought of was how she’d look with her lips wrapped around...a candy cane.”

Josh bursts out laughing and I’m about to pummel this fucker. I push past him and make my way through the hallway, turning right into the bedroom I saw Jess go into moments ago.

“Everything okay?” she asks, catching my eye from the corner of the room where she’s sitting on the corner of a low bed next to a couple of girls. “What was that out there?”

“It was nothing. Do you want to go?” I ask impatiently. I have half a mind to grab her and pull her out of here, but she looks like she wants to stay. Her eyes plead with me to calm the fuck down. I can’t help what Josh is making me feel.

He comes up behind me and slaps me on the back. “You just got here,” he says, clanking his beer into mine. The girls sitting with Jess and a few of the guys sitting on the other side of the room playing a first-person shooter video game from the comfort of beanbag chairs all holler out their wishes for us to stay.

Shrugging Josh off, I cross my arms and lean against the doorframe. “Okay,” I say. We’ll stay for one drink. But I’ve got a close eye on Jess. There’s no way I’m letting any of these people hurt her.