Chapter Eighteen
Lucas
My eyes burn as I lean back in my chair and lift my coffee mug to my lips. I’m on my fourth damn cup of this stuff but it’s still not helping. Of course, it would be best if I had gotten any sleep last night but between trying to check on Quinn and looking for my brother, that didn’t happen. I glance down at my phone on the table, irritated that she still hasn’t answered my last text. When I wasn’t driving around this whole damn city looking for Clay, who’s honestly probably so high he can’t see straight, I was texting her and her answers were always vague one or two word responses that tell me something is seriously wrong.
“You okay, bud?” Chance asks, sitting down across from me and I shake my head.
“Nope. Been a pretty shit night, actually.”
He nods. “Your brother?”
“And my woman.”
“What the hell is going on with Quinn?” he asks as he leans back in his chair and crosses his arms over his chest. I sigh.
“No fucking clue. She disappeared from the baby shower and now she’s saying that she’s sick and doesn’t want me to come around.”
“Maybe she’s just sick…”
I shake my head. “No. She’s not acting anything like herself, barely talking to me and when she does, it’s all vague and noncommittal.”
“Ah,” he whispers with a nod. “You remember when I first met Carly?”
“Barely.”
“Well, she was… difficult to say the least - constantly pushing me away and running from what she was feeling.”
I shake my head as I glance down at my phone again. “I don’t think that’s what Quinn is doing.”
“Maybe not but the point is, if you want a long term with her, you may have to chase her a little.”
I scoff. “I already have chased her. We were together and then this happens.”
“So, what? You’re going to give up? The good ones are never easy, dude. Trust me.”
He stands as I sigh as he walks away, my gaze falling to my phone again before I scoop it up and dial her number. Irritation eats away at me as it rings and when her voice mail picks up, I let out a growl.
Time to make a move.
If she’s truly sick, I should be there with her despite all her objections and if she’s not, I’m going to get some fucking answers as to why she’s avoiding me. It just doesn’t make any sense. We were having such a good time at the baby shower and then, just like that, she’s gone and I can’t get her to pick up the damn phone.
“Hey, you headed somewhere?” Blaze asks as I stand up and set my coffee cup on the bar. I nod and slip my phone into my pocket.
“Yeah, I was just leaving. Why?”
He looks down at the folder in his hand. “Just need someone to run down this lead on Laney.”
“Chance is upstairs, not doing anything,” I tell him, nodding to the stairs and he nods.
“I’ll put him on it. How’s your brother?”
I sigh. “Missing again. I brought up rehab and he flipped out.”
“Shit.”
“Yeah.” I nod. “I got other things to worry about right now, though.”
His eyebrows shoot up. “When has anything ever been more important than your brother?”
“Since someone made me realize there has to be more to my life than being his keeper.”
“Sounds like a smart woman,” he says with a smile and I nod.
“Yes, she is.”
He nods and turns toward the hallway to go find Chance. “Good luck.”
“Who says I need luck?”
“That determined look on your face says it all,” he answers with a laugh. “Stubborn ass women will do that to you every time.”
I shake my head as he disappears into the hallway and I turn toward the door, ready to bulldoze my way into her house if I have to. On my way out to the truck, I dial her number again one last time and her voice mail picks up almost immediately. I pull the phone away from my ear and hang up.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I whisper, staring down at the screen. “You’re screening my calls now, gorgeous?”
I climb in the truck and as she fires to life, Die a Happy Man by Thomas Rhett starts playing over the radio.
Shit.
She’s taken over my life in every single way and I have no clue what I’ll do if I lose her, which is the thought that’s been plaguing me since the baby shower. Maybe she got a taste of my world and decided that it wasn’t for her. I shake my head before backing out of the spot and driving out of the parking lot.
I know the club isn’t a traditional version of family but they’ll be there through thick and thin, they’ll always have my back, and they’ll welcome Quinn and Brooklyn in without hesitation. If that’s what is going on, if she’s having doubts about the club, I just have to make her see how great it could be to have people to call on for anything.
As I pull up in front of her house, I let out a breath and put the truck in park before climbing out. I don’t even make it to the first step before Alice steps out of the house and crosses her arms over her chest.
“What are you doing here, Lucas?”
“I’m here to see Quinn.”
She shakes her head. “She’s still sick.”
“Okay, well, let me in to see her. I’ve been worried.”
“She doesn’t want you to come in,” she answers. A look of sympathy flashes across her face before she steps forward, further blocking my way.
“Alice, what the fuck is going on? I don’t believe that she’s sick.”
Alice shrugs. “Well, she is and she wants to be left alone.”
“Quinn!” I yell, stepping back to look up at the windows on the top floor. I swear the curtains move just a fraction of an inch in her bedroom. “Quinn!”
“Stop, Lucas,” Alice hisses. “I’m sorry but you need to leave.”
I shake my head as I meet her gaze. “I just want to talk to her.”
“She’ll talk to you when she’s ready.”
Fuck.
I knew there was more going on here.
“Will you please tell me what the fuck is going on?”
She shakes her head. “I can’t. She’ll contact you when she’s ready to talk.”
“What the hell do you mean…”
Alice marches down the step and gives me a little shove, pushing me away from the house. “You need to go, Lucas. Before I call the cops.”
“Call the cops. I don’t give a shit. Let me talk to her.”
“Fine.” She pulls her phone out of her pocket and begins dialing. I whisper a curse and back away from her, my gaze flicking to Quinn’s empty bedroom window again.
“Fuck! Hang up the phone. I’m leaving,” I snap, rounding the hood of the truck. She flashes me a sympathetic look as she shoves the phone back in her pocket.
“I’m sorry, Lucas. She just needs time.”
“Time for what?” I ask, my voice desperate as panic rips through me. My heart belongs to that woman upstairs and if she’s done with me, I’ll be fucking ruined.
“I’m sorry,” Alice answers again, turning back to the house and I glance up at the windows one last time, stalling when I meet a set of ice blue eyes that own me completely. Her eyes are red and tears steadily drip down her cheeks as she turns away from me. When the curtain falls back into place, my stomach rolls and I climb in my truck, vowing to be back tomorrow.
And the next day.
And the next
And the next.
Every day until she finally agrees to talk to me because there is no vision of my future that doesn’t have her in it.
* * * *
A car horn blares behind me and I jump, turning away from the EQA Events sign to glance over my shoulder as I blow out a breath. My eyes burn from another night of barely any sleep since I’ve spent the last twelve hours camped out here, waiting for a glimpse of her. I’m fucking frustrated, on edge, and more than ready to get some goddamn answers from the woman I love with everything I’ve got. Quinn’s assistant, Willa, arrived ten minutes ago and now I’m just waiting to see her. I’ve spent the last two days wondering why she won’t talk to me and if she’s even half as miserable as I am. I finally understand what Storm, Chance, and Kodiak went through with their own women now that the current pain in my ass and love of my goddamn life is avoiding me like the plague. This is probably some karmic retribution for giving them so much shit at the time.
A flash of blonde hair catches my attention and I watch as she climb out of her new car and rounds the hood. She’s just as gorgeous as always but the dark circles under her eyes give her away and as much as I hate to see her in pain, it makes me feel a little bit better that this isn’t easy for her. She glances out at the street and I duck down in my truck, whispering a curse, but she doesn’t see me or if she does, she doesn’t acknowledge my presence. Sadness is etched into every curve of her stunning face and my stomach rolls.
What the fuck happened to put that look in her eyes?
I watch her until she disappears into the office and run my hand through my hair as I suck in a breath. I’ll give her a few minutes and then, it’s showtime. I’m not leaving without some damn answers and if I have to beg her for another chance or forgiveness, I’ll do it. Not that I have any clue what I might be apologizing for. Pulling the engagement ring out of my pocket, I stare at it and wonder if I’m ever going to be able to slip it on her finger. When I saw it in the store, I knew it was fucking perfect for her and I imagined a whole life for us - all three of us since Brooklyn has stolen my heart just as much as her mama has. The thought of spending my life without the two of them…
No.
Fuck that mess.
I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life and if I’m going down, I’ll go down fighting.
Blowing out a breath, I turn off the car I borrowed from Blaze and open the door before stepping outside and squaring my shoulders. As I cross the street, all the questions that have been running through my head since I left her house yesterday return and I ball my fists at my sides. There is no scenario where I don’t get the answers I need today. It’s not an option. And then once I know what we’re dealing with, I can start to fix it.
The bell on the door jingles as I pull it open and step inside. Willa continues staring at something on her desk as she smiles.
“Hi. What can I help you with?” She glances up and her eyes widen. “What are you doing here, Lucas?”
“I need to see her,” I answer. She shakes her head.
“I can’t let you do that.”
I take a step forward and she stands. “I need to see her, Willa.”
She shakes her head again, her gaze hardening. “And I said no. You need to leave.”
“That’s not going to happen.”
“Lucas, don’t make me call security. She’ll talk to you when she’s ready.” She reaches for the phone and the last of my patience slips away. I don’t give a damn who she calls and I’m not leaving this damn building until I see Quinn. She grabs the receiver and I let out a grunt of frustration as I march toward Quinn’s office door. She steps in front of me.
“Lucas!” she yells as I dodge her and approach Quinn’s office door. “I’m calling security.”
I turn and shoot a glare over my shoulder. “So call them.”
“Willa,” Quinn’s voice crackles through the phone’s speaker. “Let him in.”
Fucking finally.
I open the door to the office and step inside before stopping dead in my tracks. Quinn is seated behind the desk and just like yesterday, she’s crying. It fucking rips through me like claws and I can’t fight the pulling sensation deep down in my gut, telling me to go to her and wrap my arms around her. Crossing the room in three quick strides, I stop next to her chair and do just that.
“God, I missed you, baby,” I whisper into her hair and a sob bubbles out of her but I ignore it. Whatever is going on is serious and I need just a few more seconds to hold her before I find out what it is.
“Lucas,” she gasps, clinging to my shirt so I hold her tighter, hoping to take just a little bit of her pain away as worry eats away at me. Pulling back, I meet her eyes and try to force a smile to my face.
“You wanna tell me what’s going on here, baby? Why I had to hunt you down at work just to get you to talk to me?”
Another sob spills out of her mouth and she nods as she presses the back of her fingers to her lips. “You should sit.”
“Think I’ll stand,” I growl. Her eyes beg me for compliance and I pull her back to me, pressing my lips against her forehead before releasing her and rounding the desk. We both sink into our chairs and she sucks in a breath.
“I don’t know where to start.”
I nod, running the tip of my finger along my bottom lip as I study her. “Why don’t you start with what happened at the baby shower?”
“We…uh, we have to start before that.”
“Meaning?” I ask, arching a brow.
“Do you remember when I told you about Brooklyn’s father?”
My stomach turns as I remember the night she told me about her past and I nod. “Yeah, I remember, babe.”
“The man who raped me… he was never found and I’ve never seen him again…” She sucks in a breath as more tears fall down her cheeks. “Until we were at the baby shower.”
I blink and stare at her, my mind stalling on her words. “Are you saying one of the guys raped you? Quinn, they would fucking never…”
“No, Lucas,” she whispers, her tears falling faster. “It wasn’t one of the guys.”
“There was no one else…”
My sluggish thoughts screech to a halt and I stare at her for a second, searching for any kind of clue that she’s not implying what I think she’s implying.
“No,” I whisper and she nods, staring down at her shaking hands as she presses them to the table and another sob rips through her.
“I’m so sorry, Lucas.”
I jerk out of my seat, knocking it backward as I stumble away from her. “No.” She meets my eyes and I can see the certainty in her gaze. I run my hand through my hair as I pace back and forth across her office. “No. It’s not possible.”
“You have no idea,” she says as she stands, “how much I wish it weren’t true but as soon as I saw him, I knew. Your brother is the man who raped me.”
“No!” I scream, shaking my head. My thoughts are heavy as I try to piece it all together, make it all make sense because she has to be mistaken. There is no way that Clay is her rapist. “You’re wrong. You didn’t get a good look at him.”
“Lucas,” she says, her tone grave. “For those two minutes, I stared your brother in the face as he violated me and I will never forget him. Not even when I’m old and gray. I know this is hard for you but don’t ever insinuate that I don’t know who the monster who raped me is.”
I take another step back and shake my head. “He’s not a monster. He’s my brother.”
“To you, he isn’t but to me…”
“No. He had to have been high at the time. He probably didn’t even know…”
“And that makes it any better?” she asks, interrupting me and I shake my head.
I don’t know what to do.
I don’t know what to think.
Blowing out a breath, I continue my pacing and pull at my hair, wishing there was someone I could punch nearby just to do something with the thunderstorm of emotions rocking through me.
“No,” I breathe, shaking my head. “Of course, it doesn’t make it better but…”
She steps forward and holds her hand up. “Please just stop. Nothing you could say is going to fix what he did.”
“Baby…” I whisper, meeting her gaze and it hits me as her pain rips through me again just like before. My baby brother raped her. All this time I’ve been killing myself to save him, to find him some piece of redemption but maybe he was too far gone all along. Staring at my girl, I imagine her that night, shoved into an alley while he had his way with her and tears burn my eyes as I shake my head. “I’m so sorry.”
She releases a stuttered breath as fresh tears drip down her face. “You have nothing to apologize for.”
“Are you going to go to the police?”
“That’s what I’ve been trying to figure out for the last three days. If he was anyone else, I would have already reported him but he’s not. He’s your brother and I don’t know how to do anything that wouldn’t hurt you.”
I open my mouth to answer her before realizing that I don’t know what to say. I’m being torn in half by my love for her and my love for my brother and she’s right. If he was anyone else, I would be right there beside her, turning him into the police. Taking a step toward the door, I grab the handle and shake my head. “I… I have to go.”
She meets my eyes, sobbing again as she nods and I turn toward the door as my stomach twists into knots. I hesitate only for a second before yanking it open and practically running out of the office and to my truck. I can’t deal with this now. I need time to think and sort this all out because either way, I fucking lose.
I mean, what the hell am I supposed to do?
Do I betray the woman I love or the only blood I have left?
* * * *
A clap of thunder rattles the walls as lightning streaks across the sky and a whimper greets me in the darkness from the other side of the room. Clay has always been scared of storms but I can’t be sure that’s the reason he’s uneasy tonight. I clutch my blanket tighter and stare up at the green glow in the dark stars Mom helped me put on the ceiling last Christmas, praying for daylight. Something about the darkness always makes the fighting seem worse.
“Luke?” Clay whispers, his voice wavering with unshed tears. I force down the fear creeping up the back of my spine and turn my head to look at him.
“It’s just thunder, Clay. Go back to sleep.”
His little lip wobbles as he meets my gaze. “Why are they fighting this time?”
The sound of breaking glass pierces the silence and echoes down the hallway, punctuating his question and I shake my head.
“I don’t know.”
Staring at the door, I strain my ears, trying to hear anything from the front of the house but it’s quiet. Too quiet. It’s almost as if the crickets and frogs that usually chirp outside our bedroom window can sense the approaching storm. Or maybe they can sense the same thing that’s been making my tummy feel funny all night long.
“Goddamn it, Amanda!” Dad’s voice booms, full of anger, and I shrink into myself, my heart pounding as I grip the blanket tighter. I wish I could say this was new but Mom and Dad have been fighting a lot lately and it scares me but I have to be tough for Clay. Dad wasn’t always like this – so grumpy and short-tempered – but when he lost his job a year ago, everything started to change. I think Mom hoped that when he found work again, things would get better but they’ve only gotten worse. He’s unpredictable and when he loses his temper, I’m terrified of him.
“Ray, please don’t do this!” Mom’s wail reverberates through the house and Clay lets out another whimper. With my heart pounding in my ears, I turn to him and bring my finger to my lips. He nods, tears welling up in his eyes. As scary as this is for me, I know it’s got to be worse for him. He’s only five and he looks at me as his protector so that’s what I have to be.
“No!”
A loud bang rips through the house, making me jump out of my skin as Clay cries out. Without thinking, I throw the covers off of me and race to his bedside before placing my hand over his mouth. He stares up at me, his eyes full of terror, and I press my finger to my lips, desperate to shut him up before Dad hears. My heart hammers in my chest and tears well up in my eyes but I hand him a pillow to cry into before stepping away from his bed and moving toward the door, careful to avoid the floorboards that creak. I creep over to the door, careful not to make any noise as I crouch down behind it and pry it open before peeking down the hallway.
Mom is laying in a heap at the other end of the hallway and Dad is on his knees next to her, covered in blood, and holding a gun in his hand. Dark red blood pools under her and pain rips through my chest.
No.
No.
No.
Mom!
“Fuck,” Dad chokes out, his voice like nothing I’ve ever heard before and he grabs the gun again, staring down at it as his finger wraps around the trigger. I have no idea what he’s going to do next but I know Clay and I can’t be around to find out. When I try to move, my gaze drops back down to Mom and tears slip down my cheeks.
Mom…
A scream echoes through my head as more tears fall and I mash my lips together. Every part of my body wants to run to her, shake her, force her to wake up but the gun in Dad’s hand keeps me rooted to this spot. Taking a step back, I carefully shut the door and turn to Clay as silent tears fall down my face.
“Get dressed now and be quiet.”
He shakes his head. “What’s going on, Luke? Where’s Mom? I want Mom.”
I choke back a sob and shake my head, crossing the room to his bed. I grab his arms and hold them firmly. “This is important, Clay. You have to be quiet and we have to go, now. Get dressed.”
“What about Mom?” he asks again and I shake my head.
“We’ll come back for Mom tomorrow but for now, she’s safe.” I hate lying to him but I have to get him out of here. When he nods, I release him and go to the closet, grabbing my backpack before I start shoving clothes in it. When it’s full and I’m dressed, I zip it up and turn back to Clay as I throw it on my back.
He shifts on his feet, looking between me and the door and I shake my head, pointing to the window.
“This way.”
He glances at the door. “Are you sure, Luke?”
“Hey, I’m your big brother. Would I ever lie to you?”
He shakes his head. “No. Never.”
“Smith?” someone asks, jerking me awake, and I blink into the harsh overhead lights of the clubhouse as I open my eyes. Blaze arches a brow and glances down at the half empty bottle of whiskey on the table in front of me and I sigh as I lean forward, grab it, and raise the bottle to my lips. “What’s going on, brother?”
I shake my head, tears welling up in my eyes as I remember leaving Quinn in her office hours ago. “I…Fuck. It’s all fucked, Blaze.”
“What’s going on, Smith?” he asks, his voice taking on a serious tone as he sits down next to me and I take another swig of liquor.
“My brother….” It’s all I can choke out without a deluge of unbearable emotions drowning me.
“Did something happen? Is he okay?”
I shake my head. “Quinn was raped a couple years ago. That’s how she got pregnant with Brooklyn.”
“Okay…”
“They never caught her rapist.”
His brows furrow as he studies me. “Where the hell is this going, Luke?”
“Clay is the man who raped her. She saw him at the baby shower and recognized him instantly.”
“Oh, fuck,” he whispers, running a hand through his hair. “Jesus Christ.”
I nod, taking another swig of whiskey. This damn thing was full when I started drinking but it’s still not enough to dull the pain.
“What are you going to do?”
I let out a humorless laugh before pouring more alcohol down my throat. “I’ll let you know when I figure it out.”
Chapter Nineteen
Quinn
I stumble out of the bar and press my hand along the rough brick of the building as I stop and lean against it, sucking in a breath before I drop my head back and stare up at the few stars that I can see through the city lights. Music pumps from the bar as the door opens again and I fight back a smile. Despite my reluctance to come out tonight and the rough start to our evening, I’m glad my girls talked me into going out with them. It’s exactly what I needed after moping over my breakup with Danny for the past couple months - not that I regret it. Ending things was the right choice but I had our future mapped out in my mind and losing that has left me feeling a little lost. Tonight feels like the start of something really good though and for the first time in a while, I’m excited for what’s to come. Grams signed EQA Events over to me last week and officially retired. I’m scared to take the business she built from the ground up into my hands but I also haven’t felt this alive in a long time - before things ended with Danny - and it tells me I’m finally on the right track. Hell, I would even be open to dating again if the opportunity presented itself so I think that means I’m doing all right.
A scraping sound draws my attention back to the door. There’s a man by the door but he’s completely oblivious to me, staring at the sidewalk and smoking a cigarette so I turn back to the sky as a warm breeze brushes over my skin. I should get back inside before the girls come out looking for me. My head is still spinning though and I think I’m about ready to call it a night. I push off the wall and turn toward the door but before I can take a step, two large arms wrap around me and I scream.
“Shut up,” his voice hisses in my ear as a hand clamps down on my mouth and he starts pulling me away from the door. I search for the man that was smoking a cigarette, hoping he can help me, but the sidewalk is empty. I scream against the hand on my lips and kick my legs, trying desperately to escape. He’s too strong. My heart thunders against my rip cage as he pulls me into the alley on the side of the bar and tears sting my eyes.
“No!” I scream as soon as he uncovers my mouth. He lets out a grunt as I continue jerking against his hold. Pain explodes in my chest and my vision blurs as we fall to the ground. He pins me to the concrete with one hand around each of my wrists and my chest feels tight. “Help!”
“Shh,” he whispers, leaning down over me and taking a deep breath. “Mm, you smell so good.”
I buck my hips, trying to throw him off me. “Help!”
He shoves my dress up to my belly and a sob tears through me as I thrash and kick, my stomach rolling. No, this can’t be happening to me right now. As I stare up into his dull blue eyes, and the vacant expression on his face, a wave of icy coldness hits me right in my chest.
“Please don’t do this,” I beg, tears flowing freely down my cheeks. He smiles.
“Don’t worry. I’ll make it good for you.”
He moves my hands together and uses one hand to press them back against the concrete as he reaches behind him and pulls out a pocket knife. My stomach drops and my chest feels heavy as my pleas turns to sobs and I jerk against his hold. His gaze falls to my panties and the cold feeling that started in my chest is seeping into the rest of my body. I shake my head back and forth, silently begging for help. When he slices through one side of my panties with the knife, I sob again and my body stills as he slices the other side. He meets my eyes and smiles as he pulls the panties away from my body. His hand starts creeping down my stomach and I gag.
“No!” I scream, jerking forward in bed. Gasping for air, I grip the blanket as tears pour down my cheeks and images from that night continue playing in my mind.
“Breathe, Quinn. Just breathe,” I whisper to myself, focusing on each breath I draw into my lungs as my heart rate slowly returns to normal. Once my breathing returns to normal, I fall back to the pillow and release a breath, tears welling up in my eyes. It’s been three days since I told Lucas the truth and I haven’t heard from him once since. Not that I can blame him. I knew as soon as I found out who Clay was that we were in trouble but I guess I stupidly hoped that maybe he would choose me. God, how selfish is that though? Lucas and his brother have been all each other had for so long and then I just wanted him to choose me? I never stood a chance.
Brooklyn lets out a cry from her room and I sigh as I turn to the baby monitor and watch her stand up, bracing her hands on the edge of the crib. Sighing, I fling the covers off my legs and glance out of the window as I stand. Sunlight streaks across the floor and I wipe away my tears, shoving my emotions into a box so I can be bright and cheery for my little girl. Fake it ’til you make it and all that. Brooklyn yells from her room and I grab my silk robe off the end of the bed and pull it on as I leave my bedroom and walk down the hallway to Brooklyn’s room.
“Good morning, gorgeous girl,” I sing as I step into her room, trying desperately to hang on to my smile for Brooklyn. She lets out another yell when she sees me and rattles the side of her crib. “Well, you’re feisty this morning, aren’t you?”
She pushes her bottom lip out in a pout and rubs at her eyes with a closed fist as big, crocodile tears well up in her eyes. They slide slowly down her chubby little cheeks and my heart breaks. Picking her up out of her crib, I cuddle her in my arms as I turn toward the rocking chair in the corner of the room. As I rock her back and forth, I hum a song and she lays her head on my shoulder, letting out a heavy, tearful sigh. I rub my hand across her back.
“What’s wrong, sweet baby?”
“Dada,” she mumbles before shoving her thumb in her mouth and I suck in a breath, tears stinging my eyes. Lord, how did we end up here? Only last week, I was blissfully in love and planning such a grand future for Brooklyn, Lucas, and me. Now, I don’t even know if we’re together, let alone if we have a future. I mean, how the hell could we?
“I know, sweetie,” I whisper, pressing my lips to her soft blonde hair. “What do you say we change your diaper and go find Auntie Alice for breakfast, huh?”
She lets out another sigh and I fight back tears as I stand and carry her over to her changing table. The cute little dress I laid out for her last night is laying on top of her dresser and I grab it before peeling her out of her pajamas and changing her diaper.
“Dada,” she says again, reaching toward the door and I spin around, my heart jumping into my throat only to fall when I see the empty doorway. Sucking in a breath as I turn back to Brooklyn, I shake my head and wipe a tear from her cheek.
“You got my hopes up, little girl.”
She reaches toward the door again. “Dada.”
“I miss him, too, Brookie.”
“Seems he’s missing you, too, if the truck parked across the street everyday for the last few days is any indication,” Alice says, stepping into the room and leaning against the doorframe. “You’ve seen it, right?”
I glance over at her and nod. “I’ve seen it.”
For the past few days, I’ve noticed Lucas’s truck periodically parked outside the house but he hasn’t gotten out and I haven’t worked up the nerve to go talk to him.
“Have you tried to talk to him?”
“No,” I scoff, my lip wobbling as I look away from her. “Too afraid that I’ll go out there and he’ll tell me that we’re done.”
“I don’t think he’ll do that, Quinn,” she whispers and I shake my head as I meet her eyes.
“You didn’t see his face, Al. I don’t know how we get past this.”
She nods. “Time will tell. Are you ready to go to the police?”
“I don’t know,” I mutter. Ever since seeing Clay’s face in the clubhouse, I’ve been trying to force myself to go down to the police station and pass the information along to a detective but I can’t seem to do it even though I know it has to be done. If it were any other man, he’d already be behind bars but it’s not any other man and it kills me to think about Lucas’s heartbreak over this whole thing.
“You need to do it. Just get it over with.”
I shake my head with a sigh. “You don’t understand.”
“I understand perfectly but your love for Lucas doesn’t change the fact that his brother attacked you!”
“It changes everything, Alice.”
She sighs, shaking her head in disgust. “So, what? You’re just going to let him get away with what he did because you fell in love with his brother? I was here with you the whole time, Quinn, and I know how much this stuff still affects you. Don’t think I didn’t hear you yelling in your sleep just twenty minutes ago.”
“Just give me a little more time.”
“And what if he’s out there hurting some other poor girl?” she asks and I turn to glare at her.
“Don’t you think I’ve already thought of that? I know what’s at stake here, Alice, but it’s not as easy as you’re making it out to be.”
She throws her hands up with a sigh. “But it is, Quinn. And I’m almost certain that with a little time, Lucas will understand why you had to do it.”
Brooklyn lets out a cry and I sigh as I finish buttoning her dress and pull her into my arms. Maybe she’s right. Maybe he would understand but if he doesn’t, if I lose him in this process, then turning my rapist over to the cops doesn’t feel like the victory that it should.
“I can’t talk about this any more right now.”
“Okay,” Alice sighs, holding her hands out for Brooklyn. “Pass her to me and I’ll get her some breakfast while you get ready for work but just know, that this conversation is not over.”
“I expected nothing less.”
She takes Brooklyn downstairs. I sigh as I go back to my room and rush through my morning routine all while trying to keep my mind off of Lucas and his brother. It’s not an easy task but I manage to shower and do my hair and makeup without tears welling up in my eyes. By the time I get dressed and walk downstairs, Brooklyn is playing in the living room with Alice watching over her.
“I’m sorry,” she says as I step into the room and I nod.
“I know.”
She wraps her arms around herself. “I just want justice for you, Sis. What happened to you… it can’t go unpunished.”
“I know that, too. None of this is as simple as it should be.”
“Yeah, I get that,” she sighs. “I left some eggs and hash browns on a plate for you in the kitchen if you’re hungry.”
I shake my head, grabbing my bag. “No. I’ll just grab something on my way.”
“You don’t have to leave so early on my account. I’ll shut up about this for now.”
Sighing, I glance toward the front door. “I just need some fresh air to clear my head.”
“Are you okay? I mean, obviously, this whole situation is fucked up on every level but are you really okay?”
“I don’t know how to answer that question, Alice. I was so happy, you know. So damn happy and I thought I had found the one person I could spend the rest of my life with and then we went to that baby shower. Now, I haven’t heard from him in days and I have to go down to the police station and send his brother to jail.” I let out a breath and brace my hands on the back of a chair as tears well up in my eyes. “This was supposed to be easy. I find the man who raped me and I go to the police so this all could finally be over. I just never expected the end of one nightmare to be the beginning of another.”
A tear slips down her cheek. She stands and wipes it away as she crosses the room and wraps her arms around me. A sob racks my body and I cling to her as the tears fall from both of our eyes.
“Have I told you lately how proud I am to be your sister?” she whispers. I shake my head.
“N-No, I don’t think you have.”
She pulls back and meets my eyes. “You’ve handled everything that’s been thrown at you with grace and so much strength. If it had been me, I think I would have just fallen apart but not you. You persevered when you had every reason to not to and I know you can do this, too, even though it feels impossible right now.”
“I don’t want to lose him,” I tell her, more tears falling as pain radiates from my chest and she nods.
“I know.”
My phone buzzes in my purse and I pull away from her as I suck in a breath and wipe the tears from my cheeks, clenching my teeth in an attempt to stop new ones from falling. “Ugh, God, I don’t have time for this right now. I have to get going.”
“Maybe you should take the day off. I’m sure Willa can handle everything for one day.”
“No,” I answer, shaking my head. “I can’t just sit here moping all day. I need a distraction. I’ll be home before you have to leave for class, though.”
She nods and I peek down at Brooklyn, who’s staring up at me with concerned eyes and I suck in a breath, forcing a smile to my face.
“Have a good day with Auntie Alice, baby.” I blow her a kiss but the scowl doesn’t leave her face as she watches me. My smart girl knows something serious is going on. Even at only fourteen months old, we can’t slip anything past her.
“I’ll put Beauty and the Beast on to try and cheer her up a little,” Alice assures me and I nod, hoping that her favorite movie will be able to distract her from the fact that Lucas is this giant gaping hole in our lives right now.
“Okay, I’m leaving, then.” I turn toward the door and pull my phone out of my purse. There’s a text from Willa and I read it as I open the door and step outside.
Willa:
Coming into work today, boss lady?
Me:
On my way now.
I sigh as I put my phone back in my purse and instead of walking down the steps to my car, I turn toward the swing on the far end of the porch. As I sink into the seat and sway back and forth, a few tears slip down my cheeks. Alice is right - I need to go to the police and finally put an end to this two year long nightmare. I’m just terrified that it’s going to cost me everything that I’ve been building for my life.
My mind drifts to the morning after being raped. Grams was by my side through the night as they administered the rape kit and she held me as I cried. I can still hear her telling me that I was too strong to let this beat me. As I suck in a breath, I feel a little bit of that strength returning and I know it’s time to handle this. Despite what happens between Lucas and me, I do deserve justice.
I pull my phone out of my purse and hesitate for a second before dialing Lucas’s number. His voice mail picks up and I close my eyes, summoning the courage I need to leave this message. When the beep sounds, I take a deep breath and open my eyes.
“Hi. It’s me. I just… I wanted to call you and let you know that I’ll be going to the police station tomorrow to give them the information on your brother.” My lip wobbles as tears form in my eyes again. “This is so hard for me and I know how hard it must be for you. Just know that whatever you decide, I don’t blame you for anything. I could never ask you to choose between the two of us and I understand your loyalty to him. If I don’t hear from you again, I want you to know that I love you and I’m so grateful for the time we had together. You taught me to trust and love again and you’re always going to hold a special place in my heart. I hope, one day, you can find happiness because that’s what I truly want for you, Lucas. I just want you to be happy and get the life you deserve.” I bite my lip to hold back the sob that desperately wants to break free. “Good-bye.”