Chapter Twenty-Three
Quinn
Alice eyes me skeptically as I stand up from the couch and toss the blanket back down on the cushion. “Are you sure you want to go into work again?”
“Yeah,” I answer with a sigh. “I can’t keep sitting around here, thinking about everything that happened. It will drive me crazy. Besides, Willa said that we’ve had a lot of interest after the charity gala so I’ll have plenty of work to keep me busy.”
“You don’t have to act so strong, Quinn. I know this is killing you.”
I shrug, tears welling up in my eyes. Turning away from her, I fight them back, unwilling to cry over this any more. “What other choice do I have? My daughter needs me and I have a business to run. It’s time to get back to real life.”
“So that’s it? You’re just giving up?”
“It’s been a week since Clay died, Al. How long am I supposed to wait?”
She scowls. “Just because you’re going back to work and getting back to your life doesn’t mean you have to give up on him. Give him more time.”
“It hurts too much. Each morning, I hope that today will be the day he shows up and then each night, I feel heartbroken all over again when he doesn’t show.”
“Have you thought about going to see him?”
I nod. “I have.”
“Then why haven’t you? For all we know, he’s sitting at the clubhouse thinking that you don’t want anything to do with him.”
I press my lips into a thin line and shake my head. “He knows.”
“How?”
“I’ve sent him a few messages, letting him know I was here if he wanted to talk.”
She smiles, hope filling her eyes. “And? Did he ever text you back?”
“No. Like I said, it’s time to move on.”
“Quinn,” she calls as I walk out of the room and I shake my head.
“Enough, Alice.”
She steps into the foyer, calling my name but I ignore her as I start up the stairs to shower and get ready for work. God, I don’t want to do this but I’m just hoping that if I force myself to go, it will slowly start to get better.
“Quinn!” Alice yells and my gaze jerks to her in the middle of the foyer. She’s staring out of the front window and I turn, gasping at the sight of Lucas standing in front of the stairs, looking up at the house. There are dark circles under his eyes and his t-shirt is wrinkled like he’s spent the last couple days in it, at least, but even in his sadness, he looks so damn handsome I could cry.
“What do you think he wants?” I ask and Alice scoffs.
“Only one way to find out.”
My heart thunders in my chest as I stare out the window and shake my head. “No, I can’t.”
“You have to,” Alice hisses. “This is what you’ve been waiting for.”
She runs into the living room and I suck in a breath as I watch him. He hasn’t moved from his place at the base of the stairs and it scares me that he hasn’t moved. Shit, what if he’s here to end things? Alice walks back in with the blanket I discarded on the couch and tosses it to me. I catch it, glancing down at my tank top and sleep shorts.
“Go talk to him.”
My belly flips as I nod and walk back down the stairs before throwing the blanket around my body. My heart races and my palms sweat as I stop in front of the door and suck in a breath.
“Whatever happens, Sis, it’s going to be okay.”
I nod, despite the pit in my stomach. “Right.”
“You can do this,” she whispers and I nod again, gripping both edges of the blanket in one hand as I take a deep breath and open the door.
Lucas’s gaze flicks to mine and my knees almost buckle as I step out onto the porch, closing the door behind me.
“Hi, Lucas,” I whisper, my hands trembling violently.
“Hey, baby,” he answers, a hint of a smile teasing his lips and I swallow a little bit of my fear as I take another step toward him.
“What are you doing here?”
He drops his head. “I suppose I deserve that.”
“No, you don’t…I just… I don’t know what else to say…”
He nods in understanding as he slowly walks up the three steps between us. When he stops in front of me and meets my gaze, I gasp at the tears shining in his eyes. “This past week has been one of the absolute worst of my life. I’ve been drunk off my ass, fighting with anyone who tried to help me, and angry at the whole damn world. It wasn’t until last night that I realized the thing I needed the most to make me feel better was the one thing I was avoiding.”
“Which is?”
“You, sweetheart,” he whispers, reaching up and brushing his thumb over my cheek. His touch sends goose bumps racing across my skin and my eyes drift closed as I let it sink in. “It’s always been you.”
“I don’t know how you can even look at me.”
“Quinn,” he chastises. “I love you. Looking at you is one of my favorite damn things. Why would that be any different now?”
I grab his hand and press it against my cheek as I look up at him. “You know why.”
“Tate mentioned something about you thinking that I blamed you but I had hoped that she was wrong.”
“It’s just…” I start, my lip wobbling. “If I hadn’t confronted him about what he did to me… maybe he wouldn’t have…”
“Stop right now,” he snaps, his gaze hard as he stares down at me. “This is the very last time I want to hear you say anything like this. You had every right to confront him. Every. Fucking. Right. And what he did, the turmoil that drove him to end his life… that was there long before either one of us ever laid eyes on you. This is not your fault.”
“How are you so put together right now?” I ask, watching him in awe. Yes, he’s sad - that’s clear to anyone that looks at him but seeing him now, I have no doubt that he’s going to be okay. He smiles and pulls me closer, wrapping his arms around me.
“Well, for starters, I’m holding you and like I told you when we first met, you make everything else melt away. Also because I know he’s in a better place now. He’s free of the drugs and the pain that weighed him down his entire life and I have to believe that Mom was waiting for him with open arms.”
“I thought you would be…”
He lets out a humorless laugh. “Baby, there’s a reason you haven’t seen me all week. I’ve been to hell and back over everything that happened but I know I did everything I could for my brother. I have no regrets and like I said, he’s at peace now. And, for what it’s worth, so I am.”
“I’m so sorry, Lucas. I never wanted this for you.”
He smiles, pulling me closer and pressing a kiss against my forehead. “I know you didn’t, baby, but like I said, I really am okay.”
“I don’t see how…”
“Look, it’s sad and I’m going to miss him but I’ve been missing my brother for a very long time. The drugs ate away at so much of him that he hasn’t been my brother for years and the worry I always carried around with me is gone now. As shitty as it sounds, I’m free now, too, and I think Clay would want that for me. There will probably be a piece of me missing for the rest of my life but that’s been the case since the moment we met. I was just hanging on to the hope that I might get him back someday.”
“And where does that leave us?”
“In exactly the same spot we were in the morning we went to the police. I love you, Quinn Dawson, and I’ll tell you again, there is no future for me without you or Brooklyn.”
I shake my head and take a step back. “Everything is so complicated now.”
“Really? Because I’d say things are less complicated now than they were before. I’ve lost my brother and I’ve got to learn to live with that but I can’t lose you, too. You are everything to me, baby. You and that little girl inside.”
I shake my head. “You really don’t blame me?”
“The thought never even once crossed my mind, sweetheart.”
“And you love me?” I ask, my hands shaking and my heart racing for a whole new reason now. He smiles.
“With every broken, twisted piece of my heart and soul.”
I nod, studying him as I hold back a grin. “I guess there’s only one thing left to do then.”
“Yeah?” he asks, arching a brow. “What’s that?”
“Kiss me.”
He grins and pulls me closer. “Yes, ma’am.”