Chapter Eleven
Quinn
“Alice!” I call as I step into the foyer and set my purse down on the little bench by the door. The scent of something delicious greets me and I sniff the air.
“Hey, we’re in here,” Alice calls from the living room and I kick off my heels before following her voice. She smiles at me from the piano as Brooklyn plays on her mini keyboard, smashing the keys more than playing and I laugh.
“I see the lessons are going well.”
Alice glances down at Brooklyn and nods. “I’m certain that she’s a musical prodigy.”
“Clearly.” I laugh, my gaze falling to Brooklyn, who has the corner of the keyboard in her mouth. “What’s that smell, by the way?”
“I’ve got Gram’s rib recipe in the crockpot and potatoes on the stove.”
My stomach growls and I let out an appreciative moan. “Oh, lord, that sounds so good.”
“Yeah, I woke up missing her this morning so I decided to do something in her memory.”
I smile but before I can answer her, my phone starts ringing in my purse and I whisper a curse. “Hold on. I gotta get that.”
Rushing back into the foyer, I grab my purse and dig my phone out of the side pocket, smiling when I glance down at the screen.
“Hey, you,” I answer, butterflies in my belly just from seeing his name.
“Hey, baby,” Lucas answers and his voice melts me on the spot. “What are y’all up to tonight?”
I spin and plop down on the bench next to the door before stretching my legs out in front of me. “Not much. Why?”
“Well, I have this problem…”
“Oh, yeah?” I ask. “What’s that?”
“I am just missing you like crazy.”
Giggling, I shake my head. “You’re so damn cheesy.”
“Should I stop?”
“No,” I answer as a blush creeps up my cheeks. “But I do have to point out that you just saw us last night when you brought dinner over, remember?”
“Oh, I remember, but I kind of thought that I’d do it again tonight.”
Glancing through the hallway to the dining room, I imagine all of us seated around the table and I can’t stop my smile. “Actually, how about I cook for you this time?”
“I think I could go for that. What time?”
“Mmm,” I hum. “Give me like twenty minutes. Okay?”
“Sounds good, babe. I’ll see you soon.”
We hang up and I set my phone down on the bench next to me as my cheeks ache from my smile. It’s been a few days since Lucas took Brooklyn and me over to Iris’s house for dinner and it feels like our relationship has changed somehow. I feel more settled, more secure in us and my feelings for him, and I know it’s time to tell him about my past. He needs to know the truth before we go any further but I have faith that I know him well enough to know that he’ll take it well. At least, I hope so…
“Quinn and Lucas sittin’ in a tree,” Alice sings and I glance up as she leans against the archway into the living room.
“You, shush.”
“Come on, Sis, admit it. You’re totally falling in love with this guy.”
I shake my head as I stand. “I just met him, Alice.”
“You keep saying that like it means anything. Time has absolutely nothing to do with the smile on your face or the sparkle in your eyes since you met him.”
“It’s just… he doesn’t know about my past yet… I was going to tell him tonight.”
She nods in understanding as she pushes off the archway and walks over to me, wrapping me up in a hug. “I know you’re scared but he’s a good man, Quinn. That isn’t going to phase him at all.”
“I’m just nervous.”
“Trust me, it will be okay,” she assures me as she grabs her backpack off the hook on the wall. “But I’ve got to get going now. Save me some ribs.”
After I promise to save her a plate, she leaves for class and I retreat into the kitchen to check on the food. I grab a fork and check to see how tender the potatoes are before slipping into the living room where Brooklyn is still playing with her keyboard. When she sees me, she starts crawling over to me and I smile.
“Hey, baby girl.”
She stops at my feet and I pick her up before tickling her belly. She giggles and my heart aches with love.
“Did you have fun with Auntie Alice today?” I ask.
“Babababa,” she babbles and I nod.
“Really?” I gasp as I turn back to the kitchen with her in my arms. “What else did you do today?”
I put her in her high chair, sprinkle some Cheerios on the tray, and work on finishing up dinner as she babbles on. When the potatoes are done, I drain the water and dump them into a bowl before adding a generous helping of butter and milk and mashing them. Once the potatoes are done, I throw a bag of vegetables into the microwave and turn to check the ribs. Before I can even take the lid off of the crockpot, the doorbell rings and Brooklyn’s head whips in the direction of the foyer.
“Lalalala,” she sings and I can’t help but think she’s trying to say Lucas.
“Who’s here, pretty girl?” I ask as I wipe my hands on a towel and pass by her high chair.
“Lalalala.”
I laugh and snag one of her Cheerios. “You think so?”
I step into the foyer and my heart starts to race as butterflies flap around in my belly. A smile stretches across my face as I grab the doorknob and it doesn’t even matter that I haven’t even seen him yet because just knowing that he’s on the other side of that door is enough to reduce me to a grinning, bubbly mess. Sucking in a breath to calm the electricity zipping through my body, I open the door and my grin grows as he steps into the house and lifts me up into his arms despite my squeal.
“Lucas!” I gasp, slapping his shoulder and he laughs as he slides me down the front of his body, igniting every single nerve ending under my skin. My breath catches as our eyes meet and I can smell the spearmint gum in his mouth as he leans in. His arm slips around my waist and he pulls me so close that I’m not sure where I end and he begins but I can’t bring myself to pull away - not when being in his arms feels like the only place I’m meant to be. Ever so slowly, he closes the distance between us and the moment his lips touch mine, I sigh because kissing him is like coming home.
“Mmm,” he hums as he pulls back just enough to touch the tip of his nose to mine. “I can’t decide if I want to keep kissing you or find out what the hell smells so damn good.”
“You know, I think I would be offended if the best damn ribs you’ve ever had weren’t waiting for us in the kitchen.”
He pulls back and smiles as he laces our fingers together and shuts the front door. “Lead the way, then.”
Brooklyn’s eyes light up when we walk into the kitchen and she smiles, raising her arms above her head as Lucas chuckles.
“Hey, girlie. Did you miss me?”
“Dada,” she babbles and I suck in a breath, unsure how he’ll react but it doesn’t seem to faze him at all as he unbuckles her from the high chair and scoops her up into his arms before raising her above his head. She squeals and kicks her legs as she giggles and any qualms I have about telling Lucas about my past vanish. Despite the fact that we’ve only known each other for a short time, the truth is that I do know him and I know he’ll be just as amazing about everything I have to tell him today as he’s been all this time that I’ve been asking him to take things slow.
“You want to move her chair up to the table?” I ask as I turn to grab a couple plates.
“Sure.”
I start dishing food up onto plates and grabbing silverware when I feel his arms wrap around my waist. He pulls me into his body and presses his lips to my neck, sending a shiver down my spine.
“Anything you need help with?”
I hold up a plate. “You could help me carry plates over to the table.”
“You got it, baby.”
Between the two of us, we get the three plates, silverware, and glasses over to the table and as he gives Brooklyn a bite of mashed potatoes, I fill up her sippy cup with milk before joining them. I sigh as I sink into my chair.
“Long day?” he asks and I nod.
“I have a charity gala to put on in five days so every day is crazy this week.”
He nods as he picks up his fork. “Sounds stressful. Anything I can do to help?”
“You mean besides showing up every night to hang out with Brooklyn and me?” I ask since he has been doing that most nights anyway. He nods.
“Well, yeah, since that’s for me, not y’all.”
I bark out a laugh. “That’s not for us?”
“No,” he answers, shaking his head with a grin. “It is an entirely selfish move.”
“And here I thought you just liked me.”
He shakes his head again and my heart stalls in my chest. “Naw, baby. The word ‘like’ implies some middle school shit that doesn’t even come close to how I feel about you.”
“Oh, I see,” I whisper, a wide smile stretching across my face as my heart races in my chest. “Well, in that case, there is something you can do for me.”
“What’s that?”
“You can go rent a tux.”
His brows furrow as he studies me. “A tux?”
“Yeah. So you can be my date for the gala.”
“Done. Anything else?” he asks, his smile bright. I shake my head, surprised by how easily he agreed to be dragged along to my work function.
“Not at the moment.”
Our eyes meet across the table and he winks. “Well, you just let me know if there’s anything else.”
“I’ll be sure to do that,” I answer, fighting back a grin. Brooklyn shrieks, pulling our attention to her as she slaps her hands down on her tray and reaches for the plate of mashed potatoes. Lucas laughs and grabs the spoon.
“I’m sorry, Darlin’. Did we forget about you for a minute?”
She squeals and opens her mouth as he holds the spoon in front of her. As he gives her the bite of potatoes, I sprinkle some green beans on her tray and she quickly scoops one up and bites it in half.
“So, how’s your brother?” I ask and Lucas shakes his head.
“Honestly, I don’t know. I’ve gone out to look for him a couple times and I’ve put the word out that I’m looking for him but what you said about figuring out what I wanted really resonated with me and I’ve been trying to do just that.”
I smile as a feeling of pride wells up inside me. “Any progress?”
“Maybe,” he teases, meeting my eyes but when he doesn’t say anymore, I lose my nerve and decide not to push him. I’m in way too deep now and no matter how much I tell myself that I don’t need him to decide that I’m something he wants in his life, I’m dying to hear those words. We fit so well together and he makes me happier than I can remember being in a long time so it’s not hard to imagine a future for us. But what if he does all this soul searching I sent him on and realizes that he needs something else?
We finish our meal, making comfortable chitchat in between Lucas playing with Brooklyn and each time he turns to give her equal attention, my heart feels like it might explode from happiness. And the closer we get to the end of our meal, and the information I vowed to reveal to him tonight, the more nervous I get. Aside from Gram, Alice, and my therapist, I’ve never told anyone else this and just the thought of forcing the words out of my mouth makes my heart race and my mouth go dry.
“Damn, babe. You were right. These were the best damn ribs I’ve ever had,” Lucas says as he finishes his meal and I smile.
“It was my grandma’s recipe.”
He nods thoughtfully before sitting forward. “I just figured out something that I want.”
“Yeah? What is it?”
“I want family recipes. I want that history to pass down to my kids… which I guess means that I want kids, too.”
I glance over at Brooklyn. “I think, based on how good you are with her, that it would be a damn shame if you didn’t have kids. You’re going to make an incredible dad.”
“You really think so?” he asks and the vulnerability that I don’t usually get to see from him makes my heart ache for a whole new reason. Most of the time, it’s so easy to forget the crap that he carries around with him on a daily basis because he’s spent his whole life learning how to act fine while he’s slowly dying on the inside. It’s a side of him that I’m certain most people don’t get to see and the fact that he so willingly shows it to me means the world. I nod.
“I’m certain of it.”
He reaches across the table with a shy smile on his face as he grabs my hand. “Thanks, gorgeous.”
Brooklyn lets out a big yawn and we both turn to look at her as Lucas chuckles.
“I think someone is tired.”
I nod. “I think you’re right.”
As Lucas begins clearing plates from the table, I stand and unbuckle Brooklyn from her high chair but when I try to lift her into my arms, she starts fussing and reaching for Lucas.
“Looks like I’m chopped liver tonight,” I tell him and he glances over his shoulder. Brooklyn strains as she reaches for him and he chuckles as he sets the plates down on the counter and walks over to us.
“Is that better?” he asks after he picks her up. She shoves her thumb into her mouth and lays her head down on his shoulder as she looks up at me, her eyelids growing heavy.
“She’s going to pass out any second. Do you mind putting her to bed?” I would do it myself but I’m pretty sure that she’d just start fussing again. A part of me loves how much she likes Lucas but there’s a tiny little part that’s heartbroken she wants someone other than me. For thirteen months, it’s just been the two of us and Alice and I wasn’t prepared for this.
Lucas grabs my hand, pulling my gaze up to his. “Come on.”
We walk up the stairs hand in hand as Brooklyn starts to drift off in Lucas’s arms and I stand back by the door to Brooklyn’s room as Lucas carries her over to her crib and lays her down in her bed.
“Blanket?” he whispers, turning back to look at me and I point to the dresser next to her crib. Grabbing the folded blanket off the top, he shakes it out and lays it gently over her before turning back to me and sneaking out of her room.
“Is she out already?”
He nods and my nerves kick in again as we walk back down the stairs. When we reach the bottom, I turn to him and suck in a breath.
“Do you want to go sit on the porch? There is something I want to talk to you about.”
“Sure,” he answers as his gaze flicks across my face, studying me. I’m sure I look just as nervous as I feel right now.
He takes my hand again and we walk out onto the front porch before sitting on the swing. I curl my legs underneath me as he pulls me close and we just swing in silence for a few seconds before he nudges me.
“What did you want to talk about?”
I draw in a ragged breath and wring my hands together. “Um… I just… uh…”
“Hey, it’s okay,” he urges, rubbing his hand along my arm and a sense of calm washes over me as I glance over at him.
“The truth is, Lucas, I think I’m falling for you and you need to know what you’re getting into before that happens.”
He nods, understanding crossing his face. “The reason we’re taking things slow?”
“Yes. See… the thing is… I…” My hands tremble as I suck in another breath and focus on the feeling of his hand skating over my skin. “I don’t know who Brooklyn’s dad is…”
I bite my lip as I peek over at him and his shocked look makes my belly flip. Finally, he nods.
“Uh, okay… that’s not what I was expecting but I can’t say that I was a saint before I met you.”
Shit.
That’s not what I meant.
I shake my head, trying desperately to clear my thoughts and explain the situation to Lucas clearly. “No, you don’t understand. After I broke up with Danny, I was a little lost because all the plans I had for my life had just fallen down around me.”
“Hey, you don’t have to explain yourself to me, baby,” he interrupts me and I grab his hand, giving it a squeeze.
“No, I really do. It’s not what you think.”
He nods for me to continue.
“One night, about three months after we had broken up, I was feeling really down so my girlfriends talked me into going out. They said there was this new bar they wanted to try and it was supposed to be amazing. Well, when we got there, it was anything but amazing. It was run down and kind of sketchy but they were intent on trying to cheer me up so we started drinking and I got wasted. I honestly don’t remember a lot of the night but around one in the morning, I went outside to get some fresh air and that’s where he found me.”
“He who?” Lucas asks, his voice tight but I don’t have the strength to answer his questions right now. I only want to have to tell this story once.
“I was leaning up against the wall of the bar, looking up at the sky when he pulled me into the side alley. Everything from there happened so fast. One minute I was standing there and the next he was on top of me…” My voice cracks as tears well up in my eyes. “And he had shoved my dress up and cut my panties off. He was probably only on top of me for two minutes or less but it felt like an eternity and when he was finished, he stood up and smiled down at me before just leaving me there.”
“Quinn,” he whispers, pulling me into his arms as his body shakes with rage. I can feel his anger vibrating through every cell of his body but I’ve never felt safer and the tears start to flow as memories from that night come rushing back.
“My friends found me not long after that and they rushed me to the emergency room where they did a rape kit and called the police. Five weeks later, I found out I was pregnant with that sweet perfect little girl upstairs but they never found who did it.”
“I’m so sorry, baby,” he says, his hand threading through the hair at the back of my head as he presses his lips to my forehead.
“That’s why I needed to take things slow, Lucas. I’ve spent the last two years just trying to heal and focusing on Brooklyn because she was the best thing that ever happened to me even if her conception was the worst.”
He pulls back to lock eyes with me and wipes away my tears with his thumbs. “You don’t have to explain anything else to me, sweetheart. I understand completely and I feel like a giant ass for assuming that you slept with a lot of people.”
“It’s okay.” I laugh, gripping his t-shirt and pulling him closer to me. “I wasn’t explaining myself very well.”
“Listen, I won’t push you for anything, okay? You don’t have to talk about it and if I’ve been too aggressive at all, just tell me and I’ll back off. We’ll take this as slow as you want and I’m not going anywhere.”
“No, Lucas. The reason I told you everything is because I’m ready to move forward. I don’t want that moment to define the rest of my life and meeting you has been the biggest blessing. I’m happy again and it’s all because you came into my life so I’m ready to make this thing official if you are.”
His smile is blinding and I can’t help copying it. “Baby, I’ve been waiting weeks to hear you say that.”
“Then kiss me.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he murmurs, pulling me to his lips and when he kisses me this time, there’s no restraint. Knowing that he held back before out of respect for me and my needs makes giving him another piece of my heart the easiest decision I never had a choice in making.