Chapter Twenty
Quinn
“Are you sure you don’t want me to go with you?” Alice asks, bouncing Brooklyn on her hip and I shake my head, forcing a smile to my face. My stomach feels uneasy but I know that this has to be done. Even if a part of me still doesn’t want to.
“No. I don’t know how long it will take and I don’t want her there.”
She sighs, glancing toward the front door. “I’m not happy that you’re going alone. You should have someone there with you.”
“I’ll be okay, Al,” I whisper, thinking back to the message I left for Lucas yesterday as I fight back tears. When I called him, I truly meant what I said. I had no expectations but I can’t deny that not hearing from him hurts. I guess it’s time to come to terms with the fact that things are truly over between us.
“Maybe Willa could go with you or something. Or I could ask her to babysit Brooklyn and I’ll go with you.”
I shake my head and force a smile to my face. “I need to do this alone, Sis, but I appreciate the thought.”
“Well… if you’re sure.”
“I am,” I answer, nodding as I grab my purse and turn toward the front door, sucking in a breath.
“You’ve got this,” Alice calls as I grab the doorknob. “And call me if you need anything.”
I nod in response as I pull the door open and step outside.
“Quinn.”
I gasp as his voice melts over me like chocolate and tingles race up my spine. I turn to the swing on the other end of the porch where he’s sitting with his elbows propped on his knees with a ball cap on his head. My stomach rolls. My heart skips a beat.
Oh, God, he’s here to end it.
“Lucas,” I breathe, blinking back tears. He looks up and as soon as our eyes meet, it punches me in the gut, stealing the air from my lungs as my heart thunders against my ribs. “What are you doing here?”
He stands. “I’m here for you.”
“I don’t understand,” I whisper, my mind completely blank as he walks toward me, looking just as fine as he did the first time I met him. Gripping the railing, I suck in a breath and fight the urge to close my eyes just to breathe in his familiar scent.
“I got your message last night and I’m going to the police station with you.”
“But what about your brother?”
He shakes his head. “What about him?”
“Are you really just going to turn your back on him? Just like that?”
“No,” he snaps, closing the distance between us and pulling me into his arms. “Not just like that. I’ve killed myself for years, trying to help him and now, to know that he was out there hurting people, hurting you.” He reaches up and brushes his thumb over my cheek. “The woman that I know with every ounce of my soul was made for me - it makes me sick to my stomach. I can’t protect him anymore.”
“Lucas,” I gasp, shaking my head. “I can’t ask you to do that to him. He’s your brother.”
“I’m not doing anything to him, Quinn. I’m just not cleaning up his messes anymore. This is one mistake that he’s going to have to own.”
I shake my head, staring down at the boards of the porch. “I don’t know what to say. Your support is exactly what I had hoped for but I can’t get rid of this guilt I feel for what I’m doing to you.”
“No,” he growls and my gaze flicks up to his. “I don’t ever want to hear you talk like that again. You’re not doing anything to me. You’re not doing anything to Clay. You are the victim here and you deserve to get justice for what was done to you.”
“I can’t ask you to do this to him. He’s your brother, Lucas.”
“Baby,” he urges, cupping both sides of my face in his hands as he forces my gaze to his. “Listen to me. You’re not asking anything of me. I’m choosing to do this. I love my brother but he needs to face the consequences this time and I would be turning him in whether we were together or not.”
My eyes widen. “You would?”
“Yes.”
“And where does that leave us?”
He pulls me closer and I melt into his body as the ache that’s been plaguing me for the past three days slips away. “I can’t lose you, Quinn. Or Brooklyn. I’ve spent the last three days drunk off my ass, trying to find a way around all of this but it just keeps coming back to one simple truth and that is - I’m not strong enough to walk away from you.”
“I love you,” I whisper. He smiles.
“I love you, baby.”
He dips down and seals his lips over mine. My eyes flutter closed and my heart pounds like crazy in my chest as I reach up and wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him even closer. A deep rumble sounds in his chest as he grips my hips and flicks his tongue against my lips. They part for him. Groaning, he pushes my back up against one of the columns and slips a hand into my hair.
Someone clears their throat and we break apart, turning toward the front door as we both gasp for air.
“Nice to see you again, Lucas,” Alice says with a shit eating grin on her face. Brooklyn squeals and reaches for Lucas from Alice’s arms.
“Dada!”
He beams, pressing a kiss against my forehead before he releases me and bounds toward the door. She squeals again as he scoops her out of Alice’s arms and tears well up in my eyes.
“There’s my girl. Did you miss me?” he asks, digging his fingers into her belly and she giggles before cuddling into his neck.
“Dada.”
A tear slips down my face and my cheeks ache from my smile as I wipe it away. There’s something so damn special about seeing Lucas and my daughter together. It hits me right in the chest every time.
“So I take it this means y’all are good?” Alice asks and I turn to Lucas with an expectant expression. He saunters back over to me with Brooklyn still in his arm and reaches into his pocket. I gasp as he pulls out a large diamond ring and holds it up in front of me.
“I’m not asking you right now because you deserve a whole hell of a lot better than this but I just need you to know how serious I am, Quinn. I love you and I love your daughter like she is my own. There’s no future for me that doesn’t involve the two of you. You feel me, baby?”
I nod, beaming up at him. “Yeah, I feel you.”
“Shit,” Alice hisses, turning away from us as she wipes at her eyes and I laugh.
“Got something in your eye, Sis?”
She nods. “Yeah, fucking bug, I think.”
Lucas and I laugh and Brooklyn joins in as we watch Alice flip us the bird and disappear into the house for a second. When she comes back out, any sign of her tears are gone and she reaches for Brooklyn.
“Let me take her. Y’all should probably get going.”
My stomach flips as I glance up at Lucas. His face falls and I grab his hand as Alice takes Brooklyn.
“You okay?”
He blows out a breath and nods. “Yeah. It’s not easy but I know it has to be done.”
“You don’t have to come with me, you know. I can do this alone if that would be easier for you.”
“Absolutely not,” he snaps with a scowl. “I’m not letting you go there without me by your side. I’m good with my decision.”
I nod. “Okay.”
“Good luck,” Alice calls as we walk down the stairs and I peek over my shoulder as she waves and disappears into the house. Lucas is jittery as we climb in the truck and I sigh, worry eating away at me as we pull onto the street. He said he was good with this but I know it has to be hard. This is his brother we’re turning in and despite what he said, I can see the hesitance in his eyes.
“Lucas.”
He glances over at me. “Yeah?”
“Thank you for doing this.”
“Of course, gorgeous,” he answers, reaching across the seat and grabbing my hand. I want to tell him that he doesn’t have to again but the closer we get to the police station, the more my nerves kick in and I’m thankful that he’s here with me.
I just hope he doesn’t come to regret it.
We park in front of the station and climb out of the truck before meeting on the sidewalk and he takes my hand, giving it a squeeze as we walk up the front steps. A young officer looks up from the front desk as we walk in.
“Can I help you?”
Lucas nods. “We need to speak to Detective Rodriguez.”
“Have a seat and I’ll let him know you’re here.”
He leads me over to the waiting area and I turn to him as he sits down next to me. “Who is Detective Rodriguez?”
“Someone the club works with. I called him earlier and he’ll take good care of you.”
“Okay,” I whisper, my heart pounding as memories of that night flick through my mind. Reaching over, I grab his hand and he slips his arm around my back.
“You okay?”
I nod. “Yeah. Just remembering that night a lot since the baby shower.”
“I’m so sorry, baby,” he says, kissing the side of my head and squeezing my hand. Just like the moment we first met, his touch sends a feeling of peace washing over me and I close my eyes to just soak it in.
“Smith,” a gruff voice calls. My eyes snap open and I turn to look at the man standing in a doorway off to the side of the front desk. Lucas stands up and pulls me with him as he flashes me a reassuring smile. We walk across the lobby and Lucas shakes the detective’s hand.
“Diego, this is my girl, Quinn. Quinn, this is Detective Diego Rodriguez.”
I smile and extend my hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”
“You, too,” he answers with a nod before gesturing for us to follow him. “Right this way.”
He leads us back to a large room filled with rows of desks and stops at the first desk in the first row, grabbing a file off the top.
“Let’s go talk in a private room.”
I nod and we follow him down a hallway lined with doors. He opens the last one on the left and holds it open for us as Lucas and I file into the small interview room. As Detective Rodriguez sits across from us and opens the file, I suck in a breath and Lucas squeezes my hand again.
“Okay, Miss Dawson, when Smith called, he told me there was an update to your case but why don’t you tell me what brings you in today?”
I nod. “The man who raped me… I know who he is now.”
“I see,” Rodriguez says, jotting down something on a notepad before glancing up at me. “And how did you find out who he is?”
I glance over at Lucas and he nods. “Lucas took me to a baby shower at the clubhouse and I saw him there.”
Rodriguez’s gaze flicks to Lucas before turning back to me.
“Who was it?”
I open my mouth to tell him but no words come out so I snap it shut again as I suck in a breath.
“It’s my brother, Diego,” Lucas tells him and both of the detective’s eyebrows shoot up toward his hairline.
“Come again.”
“Clay is the man who raped her.”
“Is this true?” Rodriguez asks, turning to me and I nod with tears in my eyes as images of that night flick through my mind.
“Yes.”
Rodriguez drops his pen on the table and blows out a breath. “Shit… I’m, uh…” he sighs. “I’m going to need you to go over the statement you gave two years ago again and then we’ll get him in here for a formal line-up.”
I nod. “Okay.”
“You can take my DNA, too. For a familial match,” Lucas adds and I gasp as my gaze flicks between the detective and the man I love. Rodriguez stares at him for a second before shaking his head.
“Are you sure about that, man? Are you sure about all of this?”
He nods. “Yeah, I am. All this time, I’ve been trying to save my brother and turns out, I’ve just been enabling him. And now he’s not just hurting himself but hurting other people as well. This is what has to be done. Who the hell knows, maybe going to jail will be just the thing he needs to turn his life around.”
A feeling of unease settles over me as Rodriguez nods but I push it down, focused on finally getting justice after all this time. Rodriguez nods.
“All right, then. Let’s do this.”
* * * *
“You okay?” Lucas asks as we pull into the driveway and I nod, avoiding his gaze. I’ve been quiet ever since we left the station because I know as soon as I open my mouth, the floodgates are going to burst free. All through the interview, as I told my story again and answered all the detective’s questions, my heart felt heavy for reasons that I couldn’t understand and as Lucas offered up his DNA to match the sample in my rape kit, my stomach was uneasy but it wasn’t until we were leaving and Lucas told Rodriguez that he hoped his brother would get the help he needed that I realized why. Lucas may have decided to turn his brother in and accompany me to the police station but our problems are far from solved and it hit me that, as much as I wish it wasn’t, this relationship may be past saving. Which is especially hard since neither one of us did anything to deserve this.
Things would be so much easier if either one of us was to blame for our demise.
“Where’s Alice and Brooklyn?” Lucas asks as we climb out of the truck and he scans the driveway.
“Alice took her to the park.”
On our way home, I texted Alice and told her I needed the house to myself for a little while. She was all too eager to comply. No doubt, her mind went right to the gutter. God, I wish that were the case instead of the conversation I have to initiate right now.
“What’s going on with you, Quinn? You’ve been weird since we left the station.”
I glance up at him. “We should talk inside.”
“Hey,” he urges, pulling me into his body at the base of the stairs. Just like every other time, his touch makes me melt but I have to fight it. “Just tell me what’s going on? Is it just going over everything again that’s got you so upset?”
Tears fill my eyes as I look up at him and shake my head. “Can we please go inside?”
He nods and wraps his arm around my shoulders as we walk up the steps. I soak up his touch. I wish I could bottle the feeling so that, after today, when he’s gone and the nights feel impossibly long, I can open it up and let my heart not feel so damn broken for a moment.
“All right, we’re inside now. Tell me what’s going on,” he says as he closes the door behind us and I shake my head, butterflies flapping around in my belly.
“We should go sit down.”
He pulls me into his arms, a scowl twisting his handsome face. “I don’t want to sit down, Quinn. I want to know what’s going on with you.”
“Please,” I plead, barely holding the tears at bay. He searches my eyes for a second before he sighs and nods. Releasing me, he follows me as I walk into the kitchen. Glancing at the barstools, I know I’m too antsy to sit so I position myself on one side of the island and suck in a breath.
“I… don’t think this is going to work,” I whisper, my chest aching like nothing I’ve ever felt before and my eyes burn with tears. He stops in his tracks, studying my face.
“What the hell are you talking about?”
A tear falls down my cheek and I quickly wipe it away. “I think the…issues with your brother are too big for us to overcome.”
“No, they’re fucking not. Do you not remember me standing out on that porch only a few hours ago and telling you that I have no future without you?”
“I wish that was enough, Lucas.”
His brows furrow. “What do you mean it’s not enough? It’s everything.”
“How do you see this working out?” I ask and he shakes his head.
“What do you mean?”
My throat burns and my chest aches as my entire body screams for him to charge across the room and wrap his arms around me but if he did that, I know I would crumble.
“Obviously, your brother is going to jail for a while but what do you see for us after that? Do I have to endure family dinners with my rapist? Are you going to sneak around to see him and lie to me about it? Or will you resent me for taking him away from you?”
He shakes his head, dropping his gaze to the floor for a second. “I hadn’t thought about it all that much.”
“Well, I have.”
“What are you saying?” he asks, meeting my gaze again, and I wipe away a few more tears as they streak down my face.
“I’m saying that as much as we want this to work, I don’t see how it can.” The words taste like vinegar on my tongue and my body feels cold as I think about the obstacles in front of us. There are no good choices here. Every road I gaze down just leads to more heartbreak and it kills me. He shakes his head and rounds the island, pulling me into his arms.
“Don’t talk like that, baby. We’ll figure something out. I love you.”
Yanking myself out of his grip, I back up and shake my head. Why does he have to keep saying the things that will make this hurt more? The tears are falling faster now but I don’t care. “No, we won’t just figure it out, Lucas. You came here this morning and said you couldn’t walk away from me but I don’t think you can walk away from your brother either and I can’t live my life knowing the monster who tore my whole world apart could pop up at any moment. It would be hell.”
“He’s not a monster, baby. I know what he did to you was disgusting and horrific but that’s not who he is.”
A sob slips past my lips and I cover my mouth, trying desperately to regain some control over my emotions. I meet his eyes. “To me, he is always going to be a monster.”
“Stop calling him that,” he growls, shaking his head as he backs away from me.
“I can’t!” I yell through my tears. “He’s a monster in my eyes and I’m the bitch tearing two brothers apart. Those are our roles. Why can’t you see that?”
He blows out a breath and begins pacing back and forth across the floor, running his hand through his hair. “What the hell do you want me to do?”
“Nothing,” I whisper, my heart shattering into a million pieces. “There’s nothing you can do.”
His blue gaze snaps to mine and he shakes his head. “No, don’t you dare say that. I love you, Quinn.”
Goddamn it.
“And I love you,” I mumble, fighting back another sob. “But it’s not enough.”
“Shut up!” he shouts, crossing his arms over his chest as he resumes his pacing. “Don’t say that. I’ve never fucking felt this way about anyone before so it means everything. We’ll figure this out. Just don’t give up on us, baby.”
“Nobody wins here, Lucas. No matter what we do, we all lose.”
“Okay,” he breathes, stopping next to the island and bracing his hands on the top. I can see the indecision tearing him apart. “I’ll cut him out of my life. For good.”
Tears pour down my face and I shake my head. “I can’t let you do that. He’s your brother and the only family you have left. What kind of person would I be to claim to love you one moment and then demand you kick your only brother to the curb in the next?”
“What the fuck do you want me to do then?” he yells, his eyes locking with mine, desperate. It breaks another piece of me. “Just tell me what to do, Quinn, and I’ll fucking do it. But don’t tell me that I have to lose you because I can’t fucking do that!”
“I’m so sorry, Lucas.”
Fire lights up his gaze and he shakes his head as he closes the distance between us and grabs my arms, pulling me into his body. “No! This is not over.”
“I don’t see any other way,” I whisper, my body feeling weak as my chin trembles. I don’t have much strength left. He shakes his head again. “Please don’t make this harder than it has to be.”
“Are you insane? I’m being fucking ripped in half by my love for you and my loyalty to my brother,” he seethes, taking a step back as he grips his t-shirt and pulls it away from his body like he might rip it off. “It literally feels like the two of you are tearing me apart and I don’t know what to do. If I choose you, I lose the only family I have left and if I choose him, I lose the only woman I’ve ever loved.”
I nod, another sob slipping past my lips. “Which is why I’m choosing for you. I love you enough to let you go and I meant everything I said in that message yesterday. I don’t blame you for any of this. I’m so grateful that I met you.”
“Don’t you dare say good-bye to me,” he growls, yanking me back into his body. “I told you, I can’t walk away from you. I don’t know how.”
“You are the most incredible man I’ve ever met,” I continue, brushing my fingers over his cheek and his eyes plead with me to stop. “And I am always going to love you but there is no future for us.”
He stares at me for a second before releasing me and taking a step back. It feels like the world just dropped out from underneath me and even though I’m the one ending things, it still kills me. His eyes narrow into a glare and he opens his mouth like he might say something else before turning and storming out of the house. As the front door slams shut, I collapse into a heap on the kitchen floor and sob, my whole body shuddering as my cries echo through the empty house - reminding me of how alone I truly am.
Guess I’d better get used to it.