Chapter Four
(Jaxson)
Trying to reason with that girl was like a series of heartbreaks.
My priority had been keeping Chloe safe. When she’d tried to leave, I instinctively knew I would have to do whatever it took to make sure she stayed with me and not Roy. At the same time, I could feel the pressure of the guilt for causing Jessie death, which had been on my mind for years, begging to be released at last. I hadn’t intended to be dishonest with Chloe, but after the emotional day she’d had, she wasn’t thinking straight.
The plan had been to tell Chloe the truth about how her father died. Chloe would have understood that I meant it when I told her in the past that I would always protect her, no matter what. I’d thought it would convince her that she would be safe to stay with me.
Instead, I felt like I’d just lied to her again. The fear of her hating the thought of me stopped me from admitting the full truth at the last moment. It wasn’t like it was all lies. Everything I’d told her was the truth… I would have looked out for Chloe and Sheila anyway, if I had known their situation – that sort of thing was what I’d joined my MC to do.
However, the reason I knew about Chloe and her mother’s situation was one critical detail that I had omitted from my explanation. The critical detail that would make Chloe hate me forever. I’d been economical with the most important truth of the story—why I had always felt passionately about protecting Chloe.
I heard the coffee gurgle, and as I poured the hot brew into our mugs, I thought back the years I had spent with Chloe when we were both younger…
For seven years, before Chloe went away to College, she was the only real friend I had outside of my MC. We’d gotten extremely close. I was really close to her mother too. I felt a sudden pang of guilt. I had only spoken briefly to Chloe on the phone at birthdays and Christmas while she’d been away. I hadn’t spoken to Sheila at all.
I couldn’t help but wonder when it was during those three years at College when she had turned into such a fucking-gorgeous woman. My jaw had nearly dropped to the floor when I’d seen Chloe standing in the entrance of the bar. She looked so desirable that every guy in the room noticed her. Every one of them noticed me too, as I approached her and held her in my arms.
I’d always known that Chloe would grow up to be a first-class girl. She was smart, funny and had become mind-bendingly sexy. She’d come back from College a decorated university graduate – making her officially, out of my league and totally unattainable. I’d been used to getting any girl I wanted, but Chloe was a in a class of her own that I could not touch. As I lifted our mugs of coffee to take them to Chloe in the bedroom, I told myself there was no point wasting time on fantasies when I knew they could never become a reality.
I came through the bedroom door with two mugs in hand.
“Okay. You win. But just one night,” Chloe said.
I breathed a sigh of relief. For now, she would be safe from Roy Harris.
She sat in front of the mirror at the foot of my bed. She looked forlorn, as though trying to get grasp on what felt like a hopeless situation.
Inside, I was felt the same about my issues with Antonio. I handed Chloe her coffee and sat down beside her.
As I looked at her body again in the mirror, my mind clung to the image of Roy beating Chloe down and trying to rip off her clothes. It was my responsibility to keep her safe and I had let her down, but I would be damned if I would ever let it happen again.
Chloe broke our thoughtful silence, “My father being who he was and you a member of the Black Devils. That alone would make us enemies, right?”
I nodded my head.
“That means it’s forbidden for us to be friends, doesn’t it?” Chloe asked.
“Yes, it’s against club law,” I answered, bluntly.
She looked down at her drink and didn’t respond.
“But I made a promise to myself and to you that I would do anything to make sure you had good life.”
Chloe looked up at me and her eyes registered fear. “And if we get caught. Will there be consequences?”
“Not that I’m aware of, no,” I lied through my teeth so that I could reassure her.
“You sure about that?”
I chewed on my bottom lip as I nodded my head. I despised myself for having just lied to Chloe, again. It was difficult to tell whether she bought my dishonesty, but as she stared at my eyes, I felt sure she hadn’t. There was a strange moment of unspoken understanding. We both knew that by protecting her I was risking both my patch in the Black Devils and possibly…my life.
Chloe looked down at her coffee again before she spoke, “You know, you could leave your MC, Jax…if you wanted to. It’s your life.”
I nearly choked on my drink. I’d thought she understood but with her statement, I knew she would never understand. “Never. No way. I pledged a solemn vow of loyalty to my club and I don’t think I could ever leave it now. Those guys are my partners. My brothers. That’s supposed to count for something. Besides, once you’re in the brotherhood you’re in it for life. That’s just the way an MC works. It’s who I am Chloe, and that will never change.” I turned my head away sharply.
“Are you ok?” Chloe asked, craning her head to see my face.
I pulled myself together and changed the subject, “You want a cigarette?” I asked as I reached into my jacket pocket and pulled out a pack.
“No, I don’t smoke. Clean body, clean soul,” she retorted, glaring at me with her arms crossed. “You sure you’re ok, Jax?” she persisted.
“Yeah, it’s just…what’s important is that you are safe now.” I pushed my bedroom window open just wide enough for a smoke, and lit up. I was still worried about my own problem in the club too. I took a long draw, and racked my brains as to how to move forward…Antonio wanted my blood. The vote for club president was in less than three days. And Roy would be pissed as hell if he knew I, a Black Devil, had Chloe. I knew that the Bloods used Roy’s repair shop when they busted up their bikes. Although Roy didn’t have a patch, he was effectively one of them.
The wind from outside blew in my direction, the biting, drizzly air hit my face and interrupted my thoughts. When I rested my elbows back down on the windowsill, I looked out at the clubhouse in the distance.
“What is it about guys and bikes?” Chloe asked from behind me.
I stubbed out my cigarette and shut the window. “Sorry?” I asked, moving back toward the bed to sit beside her.
“I mean I get it, the wind in your face and the absolute freedom of the road but is that all there is? Or am I missing something here? I guess I could never get my head around it. Why the MC means so much to some guys.”
I shrugged. “Like I told you before, the MC means something different to everyone. To me, it meant I had a family for the first time in my life. I had a purpose, a meaning I never had before. My mom, she always told me I would never amount to anything. She always said I had too much of my dad in me and he was a lousy old man. The MC gave me what I needed even when I didn’t know what that was.”
“And now?” she asked.
I shook my head. “Now, I can’t see a time when I don’t belong. This way of life isn’t for everyone, hell it fuckin scares the civilians but me…I’m hooked for life.”
“I think it’s time for me to go to bed,” Chloe admitted.
Yeah, I’d given her a lot to think about. “Okay.” I smiled and picked up my empty coffee cup. Leaning closer to Chloe, I brushed her forehead with my lips. “I’ll see you in the morning then.”
I closed the door behind me and went into the kitchen. Putting my cup in the sink, I glanced back at my closed bedroom door. I couldn’t help but worry about what the morning would bring. I hoped like hell that she would still be here when the sun came up.